So here I am Sup Forums...

So here I am Sup Forums. 8 years of daily thoughts of suicide and a handful of pretty poor attempts at killing myself later it's finally come to this. Only problem is that I can't seem to go through with it because for some fucked reason I actually want to live and I can't seem to understand why. Perhaps I just don't have the balls to do it. I've also considered going to a hospital for help but I just think about how people will see me.

>My fat ass waddles into ER at 1am
>Person at desk asks why I'm here
>"Well I've been trying to kill myself all day but I just can't seem to go through with it."

I mean what the fuck am I supposed to say? And even if that wasn't a problem I have no insurance and definitely have no money to pay for anything because I don't work and I won't be able to pay rent next month.

TL;DR I am trying to kill myself but it turns out I actually want to live for some reason. Wat do?

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what happens when you put on the mask? I need details.

>What do I do
Drugs.

He breaths in the fresh gases of freedom and dies

Basically you seal the hole in the mask then put it on while having the tube connected to helium. Then you die.

Why does he wear the mask? If you put that on, will you die?

I wouldn't be very painful.

Stop crying and start living. Life is easier when you stop bitching and go persue something. Also, stay off of Sup Forums. It's just a bunch of worthless people trying to keep eachother down.

Being homeless isn't so bad if you're willing to work. If you work hard enough you can stop being homeless.

I've been contemplating the same. My girlfriend of 10 years decided to leave me out of the blue a month ago because she wasnt happy anymore but the only thing stopping me is the fact I have a 19 month old daughter.

get a job

work out

everything else will follow naturally

Faggot quiter, not killing ppl, not being able to kill yourself kys

You're a big boy

for you

You have a daughter now, it's not about you anymore. There is a person in this world that needs you, you can't do that to her right? you can't take your life anymore.

Everything that is holding you back, let it go. and start thinking how you can get yourself straight and give the best possible life to your daughter as you can.

Stop being a bitch and start being the man that you are supposed to be.

Ez user, if you got your exit bag ready, you should be able to buy cuffs or ziplocks
Put the mask on, tie your hands and wait for deliverance

captcha : exit commercial

This is the only worthwhile response.

Well, if you won't kill yourself, the only other choice is to live. So embrace that fully.

Call the county health department and ask if they about any free counseling options. Apply for SNAP (food stamps) benefits immediately.

Work on cultivating mindfulness and staying in the present and it will reduce your anxiety and fear of the future and regrets of the past. And help you find joy in the smallest of things in the present, like feeling the wind blow or just seeing the stars in the sky. But it requires WORK and dedication. Spending an hour of meditating and reading about mindfulness every single day for 8 weeks. If you can really commit to that, you will start feeling better.

Here is a FREE online program for mindfulness that is very simple. Folow it completely.
palousemindfulness.com/

I'd also pirate Jon Kabat-Zinn's audiobook of guided meditations for extra choices:
amazon.com/Guided-Mindfulness-Meditation-Complete-Kabat-Zinn/dp/1591793599

And read his book "Full Catastrophe Living" as well.

And lastly, go get a job. It doesn't have to be McDonalds. Go to a PetsMart or PetCo, for example.

the trick is to get addicted to life and shit and being obsessed about death and suicide and negative thoughts, even doing drugs and fucking other people up is BETTER FOR YOU than being miserable loner shit, I've been there man and still winter gets me the fuck down, in the summer it's easy to go outside and forget

>turns out I actually want to live
this also happens when you do something crazy, extreme or just something you really like, even if it's something fucked up

depression has led to me be unstable unpredictable madman right now, but it works, cos i finally do shit, i realised im a freak, not normal, something else and im supposed to either embrace it and have fun with it or die, so I will choose that freak flag and wave the fuck out of it, I don't care, I might die tomorrow, why not live fully? or at least fully as you can

>and NOT being obsessed about death and suicide and negative thoughts
this is what i meant to say, now this seems very dangerous without the fix

if you want to die, make every second last while youre still here. if you have enough free will to touch the end game button, you have the free will to do things that you will be glad of.

also if you have negative people in your life, especially those who want to control you: CUT EM OFF

what really sucks is that depression has taken my away half my skills and energy so making money is hard and only things bought with money matter

>nobody cared about me until i put on the mask

fuck you

2 types of people

In hobnesty, I don't know how to tell you to go on living. Depression sucks, and it sucks harder if your country doesn't give you the care you need to face it.

But, my advice, would bve to try finding a hobby that is easy to do and gives you a measure of satisfaction., Then, start planning things around that hobby. Maybe add some exercise in to increase seratonin levels.

And, if all esle fails, try smoking p[ot. Maybe vape if you're not healthy. It helps when my anxiety and whatever else gets too much for me.

well if you want to kill yourself, but cant, and cant for 8 years, then most likely you don't actually want to. there's something else here your missing, that's keeping you down. I'm gonna go ahead and guess its your weight.