Be me

>Be me
>17yo edgelord
>Mom always trying to catch me smoking weed
>Avoid detection with a bluff everytime
>Every once in a while she will say "You smell like weed, user"
>Always respond with bullshit like "I don't do that stuff. Test me if you don't believe me"
>This strategy works for a solid year and a half
>Get cocky with my bamboozling
>Grow less and less cautious

>Hot boxing in my friend's shitty Honda Civic after running practice
>Let's call him Dan
>Dan just got a new bubbler and a quarter of Moby Dick
>Absolutely euphoric
>Dan forgot to bring the eye drops
>Say fuck it because I strongly believe in my bluffing strategy
>Come home for dinner chromed as fuck
>I try my usual "test me" bullshit
>She says "Okay user, I will"

>Wut

>Try to play it off and act indifferent
>Say some edgelord shit like "Ok whatever"
>She says she's getting a test from Walgreens tomorrow on the way home from work
>Sit down and eat mom's shitty chicken. I need to think of a plan

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A plan? Stop smoking weed and being a bitch?

will she watch you piss?

Why dont you just tell her you smoke? Thats what I did when I got caught at 15 or 16

>Call Dan later that night
>Dan's been a smoking the Devil's Lettuce for much longer than I have
>Dan will know what to do
>Dan will save me
>Dan says I just need clean piss

>Only one problem with that plan
>I'm a beta edgelord fuckstick
>Dan is my only friend
>Dan has a solution

>His parents tried to test him a while back but he had a secret weapon
>He has a little sister
>Let's call her Laura
>Laura is a 15yr old 7/10 sophomore
>Piss cleaner than Mr. Clean's sparking bleached butthole after an Oxiclean enema
>Dan gives me her snapchat
>I'd lie about getting nudes, but I'm too beta to even make up a story about that

>Hit her up and tell her what's going on
>Laura agrees to help if I pay for her lunch tomorrow and give some extra cash
>Laura is Piss Jesus
>Feel relieved
>Go blaze in the shower with my shitty little pipe
>Go to bed right after
>Tomorrow is the big day

> 2017
> Not keeping clean bottles of piss for emergency situations
Why even live

>Wake up and go to school
>Day goes slow as fuck, but it's finally lunch time
>Everybody goes to McDonald's for lunch
>Dan and I meet Laura at McD's
>Give her extra empty bottle I brought to piss in
>She goes to the ladies room and comes back with a full bottle in hand
>Tuck warm urine receptacle into my backpack and step into line to get food
>Me and Dan both get Big Mac meals and Laura gets the 10pc chicken nugget meal
>Total is $16.50, so I just pay for everybody with a 20
>Give Laura the chage and she says we're even
>Eat, finish school, skip practice, and head home
>It's showtime fuckers

>Stash Laura's piss in the bathroom cabinet
>Smug bitch mom gets home an hour later with multidrug piss test
>We'll see who gets the last laugh
>She hands me a cup and I head to the bathroom
>Piss loudly into toilet
>Quietly pour some of Laura's piss into the cup
>Pour rest into toilet then hide the bottle
>Take cup to mom
>She puts the test stick into the piss

>5 minutes pass
>It's negative for marijuana
>But it's positive for cocaine
>WHAT THE FLIPPITY FLAM JIM JAM IS GOING ON

>Mom goes full ape mode. Takes my phone and says I'm grounded for half a year
>Searches my dresser and finds my weed
>I'm doubled fucked
>I'm in shock
>How could this happen?
>I, the Bamboozler, was bamboozled by some 15 year old bitch

>Can't sleep
>Stay up all night thinking of how I'm going to kick Laura's ass tomorrow

Shit in the cup instead, say you didn't understand the instructions, that'll buy you another day

Because he's never clean, the dipshit.

but toilet water in it

> be you
> be an absolute fag
> pathetic.jpg

ftfy

>Next morning I'm in hulk mode
>It's time for revenge
>Barely even notice bitch mom
>Can only think about revenge on Laura
>Get to school early
>Go to side door where she and her friends always hang out before class starts
>Walk up to the bitch and suckerpunch her in the kidney
>My fist bounces off of her scaley hide and she barely realizes
>At that moment I realize...
>Laura is actually an eight story tall aquatic monster from the paleozoic era
>The god damn Loch Ness Monster gave me her cocaine piss
>I yelled "WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?!" up to the towering beast
>Before Laura, or Nessie as I then knew her to be, responded, I remembered...

>The McDonald's cost $16.50 and I paid with a 20
>20 - 16.50 = 3.50
>The god damn Loch Ness Monster made me fail a drug test just so it could have about tree fiddy

you should not smoke weed before having your own flat

fag
go back to imgur

>it finally got that tree-fiddy

copypasta faggot OP

>>But it's positive for cocaine
i was wavering with the length. this is obvious nope.

was not expecting

>be you
>underage and b&

>dan will save me
Kek'd you faglord

if this ain't pasta, i need mods on the double
>17

youtu.be/h7OyzcdvEyY

One day she gonna call your bluff...or you wont get that dream job at Wally World...then she will know...

MODS

Weakkk