Greentext thread? Greentext thread. Ill start out with some OC. bare with me its my first greentext story

Greentext thread? Greentext thread. Ill start out with some OC. bare with me its my first greentext story

>be me
>Attending a catholic high school
>From Delaware. It was the day after the Delaware state trooper was killed at a Wawa (Chain convenience store in the Philly-Delaware area)
>Beginning of the day, in homeroom
>Morning prayer
>"May our thoughts go out to the people affected by the police officer that was shot and killed yesterday" said homeroom teacher
>autism_A C T I V A T E D.jpg
>"Its all over national news right now. Im lowkey happy this happened because our state never gets recognition" I said.
>whatthefuck.PNG
>Embarrassment kicked in realizing what I just said.
>Everyone's fw they stare at me
>My face is redder than the USSR flag
>I sit down and bury my face in my desk

Ive been on this site for about 5-6 months. Is the autism spreading to me?

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bump

>be me
>no skills
>attending a catholic primary school
>every time we fucked up we had to recite chunks of the bible
>able to quote anything in the bible
>but hate Christianity
>no job options, I'm a dumb fuck
>train to become a priest, memorising the bible is my only skill
>becomes a catholic priest in a large church
>not a pedo

I might tell some stories of my time as a priest

bomp

1111bump1111

may as well

doing them live tho

bomp bah bomp bah bomp

Bump for moar

dip da dip da dip

>new guy comes into town, really religious
>his child is an absolute little shit, plays games during sermon, damaging the pews, that sort of shit
>I got into gardening and planted some orchids outside the church, took fucking ages to get them flower, but it was worth
>wake up one thursday, go to check on church (am now emotionally attached to church) and the orchids have been torn up
>pretty pissed off but assume that it is some wild animal so I continue my week
>sunday
>catholic churches have confession booths, where you confess to your sins in secret and God is supposed to forgive you
>well, the new guy in the town comes in and starts confessing the usual "I didn't donate to charity" "I was a meanie to my sister" "I spanked my son" "I swore" "I touched a small child", when all of a sudden he says "and I apologise on behalf of my sudden, who vandalised a garden this week"
>was half asleep until this point
>"is there any advice you have to help him repay his sins"
>evil thoughts whizz through my mind, but all I can say is "make him volunteer to restore this person's garden and refund the damage"
>new guy says "that sounds good" and leaves
>next monday I hear a knock on my door
>>its the shitlet
>he gives me £40 and offers to do some gardening
>fuckthatnigga.jpg hes doing more than that

cont.

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your story fucking sucks

adding .jpg and calling yourself autistic doesn't make your shitty story funny

pls fuck off back to plebbit and/or hang yourself you stupid newfag

cont.
>so I have this kid who's dad is forcing him to do gardening for the church
>he turns up every saturday at 9:00 and does 2 hours work, says good bye and leaves
>and even though the shitlet has so much practice he is still shit at gardening
>summer fete
>dress as hulk for everyone's entertainment
>8:45 and I'm getting the church ready for the day
>9:00 the kid turns up to do some work
>shrug and say its a day off for summer fete
>kid shits himself and says if he doesnt do it his dad will kill him
>I sigh and let him in to do some work

cont.

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cont

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bump

cont.
>so I leave this kid doing some jobs around the church as I go to the shop to buy some shit
>"I'll be gone for an hour"

Now, it's time for a little character profile on this kid. He's 14, white, brown hair, brown eyes, and fairly strong. He is the sorta kid that you expect to be pimpin' hoes all the time. Only thing is, is he's never had one, I've always thought it's cause he's scared his dad will bollock him if he does, but now I know otherwise.

>walking home from the local green grocer's with some fruit and veg to throw at the local teachers who get put into stocks for the day, kids get to do it too, if they pay.
>see that church door is shut
>I thought I had left it open to let some air in
>open the doors thinking nothing of it and I hear a strange noise coming from the confessions cabinet
>whatthefuck.dds
>walk over quietly
>listen through the door
>"oh yes I've been so naughty daddy"
>inch open the door
>*quiet sex noises*
>I haven't opened it enough to see in yet
>*audible climax*
>I quickly open the door to see the shitlet with a wooden cross up his ass, with cum dripping everywhere

now, this is the point where I say "and then I fisted the kid in the asshole" with my hulk gloves. But I didn't

I'm a good priest

>be me
>one time I lived with like 10 other people in a three bedroom house
>this chick came over purely to fuck any of the dudes there
>I walked into the main bedroom where there was 4 mattresses set up
>my friend was getting a blowjob from the girl
> and I was like "oops sorry" but then the girl was like "no take me from behind"
>coz I'm a gentleman I did so
>me and my mate were double teaming this chick
>then my b(u can never be too careful)lack friend came in and was like
>"hey can I join?"
>the girl was like "there's not enough holes"
>he was like "oh no no no that's okay I meant can I be in the room?"
>we're all like ummmm yeah ok sure
>he just sat in the corner and was just jacking off like as hard as he could fuckin go
>it was intense it Musta been like full irl 3d pornography or some shit
>but every time id look over to where he was
>it was just pitch black in the room
>except for this Cheshire cat smile in the corner
>it took forever to cum which was good for the girl and also for my dignity
>well for everyone except my mate who was Coppin a gobby coz he finished hell quick and couldn't get up for round two
>but I will never forget that scary white teeth smile lurking in the background of my threesome

bemp

>be me
>have hot hardly legal(I must say this to avoid liability)sister
>she is also hard of hearing
>sneak up behind her all the time
>she gets used to being grabbed after a while
>start grabbing tits and shit
>one day I sneak my cock upside the side of her face while she's watching Telemundo in her wheelchair
>boy howdy did I get laid
>