ITT: Stories about stupid shit you did whilst in various stages of intoxication

ITT: Stories about stupid shit you did whilst in various stages of intoxication

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I didn't pull the trigger

[Selfish bump] My drink of choice tonight.
Did anyone else buy a fuel cell breathalyzer just for experimenting? 0.165 checking in.

Hang on man. You got something you want to talk about?

started to wrestle my friends and it just devolved into me throwing people and ripping a gate off the hinges.

I caught my son jerking off the dog again today.. I just cant deal with his autism anymore.

try shooting the kid and not yourself. or you could just leave to another state.

I wrestled my friend on coke and 4 hits of acid, almost smashed his head into a glass table. Proceeded to then watch Bob Ross for two hours.

So, you have two choices. You can try to fix the liability you created, or you can just quit. I know it might feel like it's not worth it right now, but you know that tomorrow may be another story. Don't let your future self down. Your journey doesn't have to end so fucking sad. You've put yourself through too many goddman years on this planet to just throw all that work away. Fix this little shit. I know if you're anything like me you've been through way worse.

>was at the club with friends, about 3 am fairly smashed.
>stomach pains all night, trying to ignore cause potential pussy incoming
>gets to boiling point, toilets at this club are fucking gross and i live about 2km away
>take my leave and start power walking home
>get half way and know its coming out whether i like it or not
>spot a house with a huge hedge around the perimeter. Decide to shit behind it
>their front door is directly behind the fucking hedge, are you serious cunt??
>shit all over their door mat, violent brown puddle
>wipe with hedge leaves and drop those on their doormat as well.
>jog home smelling like ass

>me, this morning drunk af
>footfag
>at some hot girls house partying
>start taking a vid of her feet
>10 hours later im finally awake
>see vid in pc
>girls was literally making eye contact with the camera for 20 seconds
>she even close her legs and cover her chest
>mfw i was super obvious

Wat? Nigga, you still drunk.

>nobody posting the wemb/gif of the guy fucking a big fish while another holds it
>i miss the old Sup Forums

liveleak.com/view?i=321_1452989262&comments=1

>the old Sup Forums.
>not even know the real name of the fish meme

nothing doesnt say they are drunk

altho yeah, that is one of the weirdest shit ive saw here. who tf does that? and why the fuck is friend helping him?

I was drinking many beers.

I walked to a gas station two blocks from my house, Bought what I needed, and then the urge hit...I had to piss bad! I wasn't visibly drunk (I never am) and I asked to use the restroom. She said no, it's for employees only. I stressed the fact that I would keep it clean. Still a no.

I asked politely one more and she got rude.

I knew then what I had to do...just to be a dick.

I was wearing shorts and slip on shoes. I slipped my feet out of my shoes, stared her in the face and pissed my pants. I left a huge piss puddle on her check other carpet and she stared at my crotch the whole time with the most wtf look on her face.

I said ahhhh, and walked out the door.

Can't, his bitch of a mother would have me hung. and I kind of love him so..
If I could fix him I would've already, It's so devastating to see the little boy you used to take to the park turn into a furry loving NEET.. I just want to end it all man.

Why would that webm be even related with this thread? Go cry about your golden years somewhere else, faggot.

Jokes on you. At least she getted paid for cleaning your mess.you just woke up pissed and drunk

>get outta basic
>tolerance shot due to year of losing weight before entry and no booze during basic
>get to tech school, shepherd AFB
>finally phase 3
>go out drinking with bros from my class
>drink like im still 220lbs and decently tolerate
>stumble back to dorm check in area
>eruption.exe
>run away from check in, straight into bathroom
>cone vomit all over / around toilet
>leave stall to get paper towels to fix mess
>wheretheurinals.html
>i am in female restroom, leave immediately without cleaning my sin
>tomorrow saturday, day off
>hungover as fuck
>order pizza hut
>walking down to pick it up see all females in dress blues in CQ getting yelled at for barfing all over bathroom stalls and not cleaning
>laugh to myself as i walk back with pizza

the perks of having no conscience

No I went home and took a shower, drank some more, smoked a bowl, and had sex.

I slept in the next day and felt fine. It did take a few hours to remember what I did. Then I told my girl the story and we laughed like hell.

i mean its not like he seen the OPs picture
golden years are 65 and older. i didn't know 4 chan has been around longer than the interweb
OR maybe youre just the autistic faggot that is wrong on everything you typed.

Got my cock out and did the Batman dance up and down a bar. Got thrown out. Go buy cigarettes and sit out front. Call bouncer a faggot cause he touched my cock by accident when throwing me out.

It's been 11 years. Bouncer still bouncing in our cities party district.

>mfw I've called him a faggot twice a week for 11 years and he gets just as angry every time.

I have more.

Climbing a church in town drunk af with a few mates.

S makes it up. No issue.
M makes it up. No issue.
A makes it up. No issue.

I climb up. We all chilling appreciating the view. Out of nowhere a fucking huge bat shit snaps m in the face. He grabs s, who grabs a.

Humpty had a great fall. All three fractured wrists, 2 collarbone a and a leg.

Meanwhile im chilling. On the roof.

I had the presence of mind to sit when I first got up there.

Sucks to be them.

Took LSD while withdrawing from heroin, took a nap and saw some weird shit that was basically like those pods in The Matrix, with a prettier aesthetic.

Everything was glowing and shimmering with gold lights and radiating warmth, and the 'pods' were more like an endless hall of offices all containing light-emitting energy.

In the center of the room were these gigantic gears that kept turning second by second, as if we were inside a giant clock.

The problem is when you're up and doing things, opioids sort of damper the trip, particularly the visuals.