>be me >be 17 >be living abroad with extended family studying in private school >no friends since i go to class alone >10am to 3pm >feelsfuggingudmane.exe >but get bored as fuck in my room a lot >stroke the dik a lot >like a lot like 2+ times a day average >tissues fill up garbage bin >at least 1L of semenoids absorbed by tissues filling up my literal cum dumpster >one day start to notice bin has less tissues than usual >has my fucking aunt been cleaning my bin?? that means she's seen the excessive amounts of tissues?? does she know?? >butwait.kek >if she were to clean it, it would be completely empty >days go on and as i keep filling, it is less the next day when i come back from classes >wtfmansomethingisup.jpg >atleastimnotblack.mp3 >iwontdiethenwewlad.flv >one night in bed, can't sleep >hear a rustling near my desk >plsdontrustlemyjimmies.gif >quickly turn on bedside lamp >motherfuckingjesus.bat >its a fucking faggot rat next to my bin >scared the shit out of me >it runs from my dried jism château and retreats to back of room where a pile of boxes and golf clubs and teddies are piled into a mess >i chase it and rip up the mess behind the pile of junk >befuckinghold.dlohgnikcufeb >a FUCKING PILE OF MY SEED RIDDEN TISSUES HAVE ACCUMULATED BEHIND THE PILE >at LEAST 1 FOOT TALL >WTF >mfw rat has been making a barricade out of my dried spunkies >mfw i almost thought it was my family >mfw rat is an actual faggot
Nicholas Rodriguez
bump for anons typing theirs up
Christian Ortiz
10/10 good greentext, would kek again, thanks op
Owen Foster
got a story to share?
Camden Rogers
>jism château >spunkies kek
Christian Adams
I'm rhuminating about it some, but you set the bar pretty high
Jason Jones
bumperoo this could be a good thread
Aaron Miller
bump again
Angel Peterson
bump
Mason Rodriguez
>be me >in kindergarten >back then the 3rd graders were like gods >would do anything to be like them >one day I find myself in the prescence of holiness >peerpressure.wav >gotta show them I'm cool to >frick >don't know what the 3rd graders act like (school was divided by grade) >6 year old autism kicks into maximum overdrive >I know what I must do >one of the third graders is looking at me >in one fluid motion I pull my pants down revealing my 2cms of glory then pull them back up as though nothing ever happened >that kid's face when >he just says: "why did you do that?" >I had no answer >I still have no answer
Liam Nguyen
Kek You simply cannot be making this shit up
Zachary Morales
>be me in middle school, 6th grade I think >chilling out max with homie after school >gym teacher walks up to us and starts chatting us up >hey anons wanna see a magic trick? >being in middle school we of course say yes >teacher pulls out a quarter >does some fancy sleight of hand bullshit and closes his hand >he opens it and ta-da the quarter is gone >now this is when it gets wild >gym teacher tells my mate, let's call him Brian, to open up his lunch box >starts listing off items in lunch box >"okay Brian you got some chips, a half eaten sandwich, and some muffins" >"go ahead and open up that ziploc with the muffins" >Brian opens the ziplock and checks the muffins out >blueberry mini muffins, nuthin special >gym teacher said go ahead and split open the muffins >Brian splits one muffin >it crumbles and make a mess on the table we're sitting at >Brian looks at teacher confuses >teacher calmly says, "keep going, open the other one" >Brian hesitates but slowly picks up the remaining mini muffin >Brian takes his thumbs and splits the muffin right down the middle >and I swear to fucking god that motherfucking quarter was inside that god damn muffin
craziest thing I've ever witnessed with my own two eyes, I still have no idea how he did it.
Adam Adams
>be me >be in the not particularly sunny, but usually rather grimy, city of philadelphia >smoking a cigarette on the back balcony late nite as fuck >red gaurd wearing all white strolls by >I mean fucking all white goddamn >white shoes all the way the white hat >stark fucking wealth white >walks into the middle of a grassy and somewhat concealed area and LAYS DOWN ON THE GODDAMN GROUND >IN HIS FRESH ASS WHITE SUIT >w0t is my mans doin? >observe for some time >figure he's on drugs >eventually notice another vague figure >a woman in all black >succin' his dick for all she's worth and then some >mfw I've been staring dead at this situation for almost an entire cigarette >and he probably saw me
Luke Morales
KEK WTF >in one fluid motion >2cms of glory
shit probably got his lunch box earlier in the day saw all the stuff inside stuffed the muffin with the coin then put it back and did the trick. pretty creepy if you really think about it he could get arrested
kek this is the most random wtf
Lincoln Taylor
>>gym teacher walks up to us and starts chatting us up >>hey anons wanna see a magic trick? KEK i was expecting a totally different outcome >"sure mr. graham!" >"its in the back kidos, follow me.." >;)
Charles Perez
...
Dominic Taylor
Been a long time since OC made me laugh so much
Nicholas Fisher
bumpin
David James
I left out a key part of the story. Before Brian opened up the muffins gym teacher had him "inspect" them. Brian turned them around in his hand and made sure they were disturbed or altered in any way.
The thing is, there were originally more than two muffins, Brian are the others. Teacher would have no way of knowing what muffins to put the quarter in. On top of that lunchbox was zipped shut when he showed us the quarter and made it vanish. My original theory after It first happened was our teacher somehow got Brian's mom to bake the quarter into the muffin but that doesn't add up because: 1) the muffins were the pre made, store brought kind and 2) how would Brian's mom know what muffin to put the quarter in. Oh and another thing, he had us check the quarter out before to validate its authenticity and check out the details of it so we could confirm the quarter than was in the muffin was the same quarter he made disappear
It was just so fucking surreal man. I promise you he took a fucking quarter and made that shit appear in a fucking muffin
Gavin Kelly
audiblelaugh/10
Thomas Perry
im fucking possible im pretty skeptical but there HAS to be an explanation there HAS to be I WANT TO BELIEVE
Eli Bell
Coach was fucking Brian's mom It is the only explanation.
Leo Jenkins
>that must have smelled fuckin rancid op wtf
>unprecedented levels of autism their friendo
>what the fuck is a redguard
Chase Murphy
>be 24 >surfing Sup Forums's Sup Forums >see this wtf thread >faggot rat >WTF
Jeremiah Turner
so true
Luke Rogers
could it be that there are hormones or pheromones in OPs "semenoids" that attracted it?
Isaiah Scott
semen doesn't have pheromones? its just semen
Easton Hernandez
This is good quality "old Sup Forums" stuff. A tolerable amount of autism that's funny rather than complete full blown fucktardedness.
Luke Parker
what's in semen? is has a chloriney smell maybe that attracted the rat
David Lee
it didn't smell maybe cuz it wasn't a humid country
Wyatt Campbell
user you are unholily disgusting And fucking autistic But laffs topkeek
Christian Taylor
>posting on Sup Forums about local comic shops >some user chimes in about how his has a weekly Magic the Gathering night like mine does >not into MTG, but I go back and forth with the user because bored >his comic shop sounds exactly like the one I go to >eventually he mentions the manager is named Chris >... As is the manager at mine >ask him "... user, what is your comic shop called?" >it's the same one I go to >fucking shit small world >he says something like "Yea I love it because it's like two minutes from my apartment." >... As is my apartment... >mfw it turned out we live about 50ft away from each other I've actually met up with the dude a few times. Cool guy.
Luke Cox
>be me >7 years old, first grade >friend is over at my house >idea pops into his head >tells me to jump on the bed >i start jumping >tells me to take my shirt off >i comply >tells me to take off my pants >i comply again >tells me to take off my UNDERWEAR >being the stupid fuck I was, I comply >now im jumping on the bed in front of my male friend with no clothes on, my weiner is dangling and balls swinging with pride >mom walks in to check on the racket >sees me naked >ohshit.jpg >sends the kid home >starts screaming at me >begins to call every single kid in the class's parents telling them i like to get naked in front of their kids
My mom basically fucked my social life in elementary school.
Luis Thompson
>be 28 >surfing Sup Forums's Sup Forums >see andy sixx's log thread >WTF >hail logs now
Colton Garcia
>implying thats how it happened
Anthony Young
Too lazy to type my own, but here's a few old ones
Jeremiah Rogers
...
Luke Powell
this NEVER happeend to me i have yet to meet someone that uses Sup Forums
Leo Morris
>BLAMES AUTISM ON MUM RUINING HIS LIFE kek still funny >youspinmerightroundbabyrightround.mp3
Daniel Hill
...
Brody Carter
KEK THE SHENANIGANS THAT Sup Forums BRINGS
Joseph Gonzalez
What was the kids name?
Jack Brown
gym teacher fucked your friends mom
Kevin Jackson
Is it that weird? Everyone at my highschool talked about it, even chicks(less than guys of course but, we all knew about it since it was one of the few websites not block by the district. Seniors would roast any freshmen or sophomores they saw using their McDistrict laptops for it. )
Lucas Lopez
tactician in the making
Dylan Jones
That's hard to believe. You probably have, it's just never come up in conversation.
Nicholas Bailey
I think I fell in love with an imaginary girl
Christopher Kelly
2+ is a lot? Those are rookie numbers, you got to pick it up.
Jackson Hernandez
bumpin again
Parker Barnes
>waiting at bus stop >sitting on the bench, just dicking around with my phone >1,000 year old black dude sits next to me >put my phone away so I don't seem rude >we're just sitting quietly >then we see a bird land about 5ft away from the bus stop >ancient nignog looks at me >"Ey... Peep this out." >goes over to the bird >just fucking picks it up >puts it in his jacket >and walks away >never saw him again >mfw
Cooper Torres
Dude what part of the city did that happen in
Jaxson Bailey
bump
David Reyes
>be me 9 >be big brother, little bro neighbor fag playing together >both like 6 years old >play smash bros on gamecube in basement >bro and fag upstairs watching tv >thud.exe >get rekt by lvl 8 cpu >go upstairs bro and fag wrestling >get pissed cos they made me lose >go back downstairs >20 mins later hear them wrestling again >back upstairs both ripping each other's clothes off like rabid dogs >both see me and start ripping my pants off >fag boi touches my weewee >says it's just like the games he plays with his daddy >mom walks in
It's been 10 years. Still never explained what was happening to her. I don't think I ever can.
Eli White
>Trying to post autistic story of me "Connection error every time" >Bump thread okay.jpg >Try to post story again "connection error"
Henry Russell
>Peep this out KEKE PEEP WHAT OUT what did he even mean
Cameron Diaz
Reddit.
Luis Harris
New friend! Welcome!
Jaxon Jones
>overuse of greentext for no reason at all whatsoever
Mason Gonzalez
>be me >12 years old >beta fag >no girls will talk to me >but then >out of darkness, a sun flower >let's call her Jasmine >we start talking and flirting >can'tkeeppretendingimnotautistic.jpeg >like it's literally hard for me to act normal everyday >get sick of it >the next day she starts hugging/wrestling me >commence operation >align my kinetic energy >supreme equilibrium >let out the loudest, longest fart I've ever conceived >harp, me thinks me hears a canons roar >she immediately gets off and runs away with a disgusted look >operation was a success >mfw And that's how I ruined my chances of ever losing my virginity
Luis Garcia
>jism château
Daniel Cruz
Oh, the irony.
Ian Scott
WHY DID YOU DO THAT YOU FUCKING FAG AUTIST?!?!
Charles Clark
F
Robert Davis
>Be me back in high school. 15 or 16 >In my Canadian History class >Small class (Small town high school, like 900 kids) >It's international women's day >Almost march break, class is taking it easy >Doing work and talking with friends >Friend asks: "Is there an international men's day" >Teacher confirms then says: "I wonder if there's an international transgender day?" >Fucking libcuck Canadian school "I hope not" >Look up from work realizing what I said alleyesonme.jpeg >Muster out: "I was joking" pressurizedspahgetti.gif >Laid back teacher sit's up in his chair and looks me dead in the eye "Y'oughtta be careful, user. You could get in a lot of trouble saying that" >Face is hot as hell and the room stinks of spaghetti
I managed to end world hunger with the copious amount of spaghetti flying from my pockets