Ask a depressed Schizophrenic anything

Ask a depressed Schizophrenic anything.

I may take a while to reply sometimes, be patient. Free (you)s for all posters.

how often do u watch terry a davis

What's it like to pretend to have an illness for attention?

>how often do u watch terry a davis
Only when user asks me if I've finished TempleOS yet.
What's it like to post in a thread just to get attention?

It's okay.

>It's okay.
Ye same.

...

Yeah okay I'll bite, where do you fall on the symptoms range? Mild or sever? How much of an 'inconvenience' does it present to your day to day life. Mine are generally very mild. I mean, I've learned to recognize them for what they are, but sometimes it can get intense. High stress levels usually make things more jarring

>Yeah okay I'll bite
haha, you fell for my trap card!
>where do you fall on the symptoms range? Mild or sever?
They're usually on the more mild side, but they can get pretty severe when I have an episode.
>server
kek
>How much of an 'inconvenience' does it present to your day to day life
On an average day, it isn't too much of an inconvenience. I just don't talk to, or interact with people at all anymore.
>High stress levels usually make things more jarring
This is very true. If I'm not under much stress, I'm generally alright. But if something starts to bother me everything falls apart.
The worst part is when my symptoms cause stress which causes me to have a break and lose myself.

>On an average day, it isn't too much of an inconvenience. I just don't talk to, or interact with people at all anymore.

Is it by choice or circumstance?

>The worst part is when my symptoms cause stress which causes me to have a break and lose myself.
Its a really shitty loop, that usually ends in an existential crisis, which eventually bottoms out into nihilistic arguments with myself

>Is it by choice or circumstance?
It's a bit of both. I've never liked being around people, even as a child I chose to be by myself. But, it's gotten "worse", and now I don't really have a choice most of the time.

>Its a really shitty loop, that usually ends in an existential crisis
Very much so, I can't say I've ever really had an existential crisis because of it though. I quite enjoy thinking about stuff like that.
Mine usually just lead to some paranoid thought that loops and I can't really get out of.

My psychiatrist told me I was a manic schizophrenic, but I told him I wasn't gonna believe his bullshit because I know he's a fucking spy sent by the Flereries, that shit just proved it too me. It's time to save the world. Only I can see the truth.

Who is dat anime girl u keep posting?
She your waifu?

>Flereries
What the hell is that user?
>It's time to save the world.
Good luck with that
>Who is dat anime girl u keep posting?
Oshino Shinobu
>She your waifu?
I guess so

>be patient

No, you are the patient.

No, you are the patient.
Patients are a virtue, as they say.

OP, please ring my telephone I need you to help enlighten the world about the oppression of everyone's psychotelepathic field through the excessive consumption of drugs, and preservative infested food. Some of us are immune, and when it comes to a BS diagnosis of the fake made up disease, schizophrenia, we have to come together in order to enlighten the people about the massive oppression of the worlds greatest power, a power that could change the world, and overthrow every government, and lead to a more peaceful world of content individuals organized by a collective conscious of love. Ring my psychotelephone my lines are open, I'll keep my head clear.

>
>It's a bit of both. I've never liked being around people, even as a child I chose to be by myself. But, it's gotten "worse", and now I don't really have a choice most of the time.

Do you have any hobbies outside of the house? Learning to skateboard even at 24 and finding out it was something I could be involved in actually helped lessen that. People at the park are always cool, its people to talk to for the night. Maybe theres a way to make life give you some new options?

>Very much so, I can't say I've ever really had an existential crisis because of it though. I quite enjoy thinking about stuff like that.

Ehh, its maybe 2 to 3 times a year that I really get sucked in. And when you hear screaming from your pillow, which is completely illogical and you know that but you also KNOW you heard screaming from the pillow. Then you start to question whether logic and reasoning are merely the rules for the construct that is clearly framing your consciousness into a reality. Which stimuli can even be said to be 'real' after a point

It's spelled patience not patient

tits

>please ring my telephone
I don't do telephones.
>and preservative infested food
Not sure what that has to do with psychotelepathic fields.
>lead to a more peaceful world
What makes you think that I want that?
>conscious of love.
What are you, a faggot?
>Ring my psychotelephone
I don't have that ability anymore, I gave it up for something better. I also can't into phones.
>It's spelled patience not patient
That's the fucking joke.

Hey user, how did you start having visions.... were they peripheral? I sometimes have peripheral hallucinations dont know if I should be worried or get some sleep

He's one of them don't believe a word he says. He's going to try to brainwash you into believing schizophrenia's a real thing.

There's one way to find out, OP have you been prescribed lithium? what were your side effects?

>Do you have any hobbies outside of the house?
No, I don't do much of anything outside anymore.
I live in the middle of nowhere with no car, so going places is somewhat out of the option.

>And when you hear screaming from your pillow
I don't hear screams per se, but I do get this really high pitched noise that comes from it every so often.
So I know where you're coming from on that one.
>rules for the construct that is clearly framing your consciousness into a reality
I have a similar thought-line to this when I get really psychotic. I can't recall the exact details of it though.
>Hey user, how did you start having visions.
At first, they were extremely intense. I often hallucinated things like snakes, and spiders crawling on me.
>were they peripheral?
At first, no. But they are now.
>Lithium
Hell no, I'd never touch that.

>Hell no, I'd never touch that.
More BS from a fake schizophrenic. Probably took enough lithium to tranquilize a demi-god.

Denial is a common symptom with bipolar and schizophrenics; the patients I worked with would never accept lithium, and if they did, they'd just toss it as soon as they'd get home.

>Probably took enough lithium to tranquilize a demi-god.
Maybe that's how I wound up here. But, this version of me has never had Lithium.
>would never accept lithium
fucking good. That shit is literally poison. If you prescribed it you should feel bad for yourself.

Isn't it like 1:30am for you? What time have you been going to sleep?

>Isn't it like 1:30am for you?
Yup
>What time have you been going to sleep?
around 5-6am

Why haven't you killed yoursef? I can't imagine being a depressed schizoid for an entirety of my life, having to take medicine to suppress the hell that one goes through on a daily basis. All of this while also being depressed. Lmao your life sucks, do you have any thing that you are eager to wake up for? I can tell you this, think of the future. Do you like it, do you envision yourself in something good and happy for yourself? Hint, if the answer is no, then you might as well fade the fuck out right now, because the future is going to be the present, and your present is not optimal.

Living the dream huh? I used to be like that, I'd go to bed later and later every night until I was nocturnal and then it'd keep going around until I was normal again. It had its good and bad points, sometimes I would get a sort of tiredness euphoria which I felt pretty good, and it also seemed to increase my libido for some reason. That being said, it made me feel crappy most of the time, especially when waking up. It also made me even lazier than usual, usually I just didn't have the fucks to do even the most basic things. I try to keep myself in check these days.

I kinda miss it though.

>Why haven't you killed yoursef?
I don't have any desire to die.
>having to take medicine
I don't take any medication, so I don't have that issue.
>Lmao your life sucks
Lmao, everyones life sucks.
>do you have any thing that you are eager to wake up for?
I guess you could say that.
>do you envision yourself in something good
I do.

...

>Living the dream huh?
Not really, I don't do it by choice.

>it made me feel crappy most of the time
That's basically how I feel all the time because of it. I'm tired all day (or night) and I never get the right amount of sleep.

>I kinda miss it though.
I wouldn't if I were you. It fuckin sucks. I've tried to break it so many times but it just never works.

Bumping

>Not really, I don't do it by choice.
Yeah I did it out of sheer hedonism so for me it was a bit different. Also I was living with my parents at the time and I vastly preferred being awake at night time so I could avoid them. I also went for a lot of walks in the early morning cause the atmosphere was way better with no cars or people around.

>I wouldn't if I were you. It fuckin sucks.
Don't get me wrong I felt like shit too, but I try to make the best of things. I might be looking back on it with rose-tinted glasses. What keeps you up specifically?

>Bumping
Obligatory (you)

>Also I was living with my parents at the time and I vastly preferred being awake at night time so I could avoid them
That I can relate too, I enjoyed it when I was younger and lived with my mom and her bf. Having the house to myself, and it being quiet at night was so nice.

>What keeps you up specifically?
Usually just the inability to sleep. Sometimes anxiety, sometimes paranoia. Sometimes just the lack of being tired.

>Usually just the inability to sleep. Sometimes anxiety, sometimes paranoia. Sometimes just the lack of being tired.
Yeah, I mean I know how you can fix that, but it'll be a pain in the ass. just set an alarm that goes off every day at the exact same time, and force yourself to always wake up with it no matter what time you went to bed. You'll feel even worse to begin with so it'll take a lot of willpower and caffeine. Even if you do manage to get into a habit like this, anxiety/paranoia will still keep you up some nights, but you should feel better overall compared to how you do now.

Do you exercise much/at all?

>just set an alarm that goes off every day at the exact same time
I have tried that numerous times. half the time it won't even wake me up. The other half of the time I'll wake up and instantly pass back out
>Do you exercise much/at all?
No. I used to a while back, but as always I wasn't able to keep that habit.

You don't live in Peru, do you?

>You don't live in Peru, do you?
No, I live in Florida.

>half the time it won't even wake me up.
It's probably not loud and annoying enough then.

>The other half of the time I'll wake up and instantly pass back out
By that do you mean, you wake up turn off the alarm and go back to sleep, or do you mean you just wake up and fall asleep with the alarm still going?

>I used to a while back, but as always I wasn't able to keep that habit.
That's something you should think about doing as well. Not just for being able to sleep but the depression as well. You don't need to go too crazy about it, just take a walk every now and then. Listen to some music or something.

...

What part of Florida OP? Pensacola?

>It's probably not loud and annoying enough then.
I've literally slept through those old ass alarm clocks that are literally a metal thing smashing against two metal bells less than 5 feet away from me.

>you wake up turn off the alarm and go back to sleep, or do you mean you just wake up and fall asleep with the alarm still going?
Both, sometimes I'll wake up to the alarm, then the next thing I know I'm waking up again and it's 6 hours later or whatever. I can't function without enough sleep.

>just take a walk every now and then
Not really possible. There's nowhere to walk I live in a literal ghetto I'll get attacked by stray dogs. (it's happened multiple times)
Listening to music while doing stuff outside definitely isn't something I'd do, gotta stay aware out there.
Zephyrhills.

Good night, sleep tight don't let the bed bugs bite! Too bad you're not in Peru. I'm pretty shy and wanted to be close with someone.

Remind me of my old gf, same problems as you did. Was a shut in though, and never like to interact with others she didn't know. She left me cause she wanted to.Funny thing she lives in Florida as well.

>Good night, sleep tight don't let the bed bugs bite!
Wat? Are you going to sleep or something?

>Too bad you're not in Peru. I'm pretty shy and wanted to be close with someone.
I'm not sure exactly what you're getting at with that, but I am taken.
>Was a shut in though
I am a shut in as well.
>same problems as you did
She was schizo?
>Funny thing she lives in Florida as well.
Maybe I am her :^)

>I've literally slept through those old ass alarm clocks that are literally a metal thing smashing against two metal bells less than 5 feet away from me.
>Both, sometimes I'll wake up to the alarm, then the next thing I know I'm waking up again and it's 6 hours later or whatever. I can't function without enough sleep.
In that case it's just a matter of consistency. if you put yourself through that bullshit EVENTUALLY you'll adapt, but yeah it may just be easier to accept being an insomniac for now.

>Not really possible. There's nowhere to walk I live in a literal ghetto I'll get attacked by stray dogs.
Jesus christ what are your living circumstances right now? Are you with your parents or what? If I lived in an area like that you can bet I'd be making an effort to move.

Ah. Yes. I am going to sleep. Sucks for me. Looks like I'll be lonely for a longer period than expected. Good night again

Yeah but you don't live in Pensacola

I have had severe psychosis ever since I was 15. Ready to end it what do you do to get through this hell user

>EVENTUALLY you'll adapt
Yea, I'll adapt to not waking up to the alarm. kek
>Jesus christ what are your living circumstances right now?
I live with my brother (my mom pays his side of the bills)
>If I lived in an area like that you can bet I'd be making an effort to move.
I'd love to move, but that requires money, which I have none of.
I'd be glad to be your friend if you want, you can add me on kik: SchziOP
Good night
Maybe I moved from there

You stop that, it bring backs bad memories.

brings back **

Well user I have to say that you have delt with Schizophrenia better than I have to ask do you see a doctor about this?

>I'd love to move, but that requires money, which I have none of.
How have you been paying for the place you're at now?

>I have had severe psychosis ever since I was 15.
That rough user, sorry to hear that
>Ready to end it
Don't do that.
>what do you do to get through this hell user
Just live one day at a time.
You're the one who brought it up user. I can't refuse something so tempting and easy.
>do you see a doctor about this?
I am not currently seeing a doctor, no.
>How have you been paying for the place you're at now?
SSI. 100% of my money is put into living here.

I just added you. Nighty night

Catch you around

Peacing aswell, good lukc with your endeavors OP.

>SSI. 100% of my money is put into living here.
I'm living on government benefits as well and I can walk around without fear of being attacked by wild dogs. Then again I'm not from 'Murica so yeah, you're probably just lucky not to be homeless. Do you expect your circumstances will improve in the future?

Have a good one matey.

>and I can walk around without fear of being attacked by wild dogs
What about dingos tho?
>Do you expect your circumstances will improve in the future?
Expect is a strong word. I hope that they will improve though. If everything works out it should.

>What about dingos tho?
Dingos are fine, they usually just run away. Drop bears on the other hand can be a nuisance, but that's why I always carry a pocket knife. I might get a bit scratched but its usually pretty easy to just stab 'em in the throat.

>If everything works out it should.
Did you mean that generally, or do you have actual plans in motion?

>easy to just stab 'em in the throat.
10/10

>or do you have actual plans in motion?
I do have some "plans" in motion, but there's no telling how long they'll take, or if it will even happen.

>I do have some "plans" in motion, but there's no telling how long they'll take, or if it will even happen.
What are those plans? Are you gonna move in with your gf?

>What are those plans? Are you gonna move in with your gf?
The plan so far is, either I'll move in with her, or she'll move in with me at some point.

Where did you meet her? Is she an internet gf?

>Where did you meet her? Is she an internet gf?
Right here on Sup Forums, last august, in one of these threads actually.

So that's a yes to her being an internet girlfriend. I take it you haven't met in person yet?

>So that's a yes to her being an internet girlfriend.
Yup
>I take it you haven't met in person yet?
Not as of yet, I'm trying to scrounge up some money to go visit her

I used to think online relationships were retarded but it seems to be working pretty well for a friend of mine. Too well, to be honest. Whenever I go to his house he's just non-stop talking to the girl and it's annoying af. Are you scared that if/when you move in she'll realize she doesn't like you? Only so much you can learn about a person online, even including video chatting.

>I used to think online relationships were retarded
I used to think that too. I've never really had one apart from this one for that reason.
>he's just non-stop talking to the girl
Did they just get into the relationship? That's how we were at first as well. We'd talk for literally 10+ hours a day. Nonstop.
>Are you scared that if/when you move in she'll realize she doesn't like you?
Of course, she has the same fears too. It's more of the insecurities about ourselves. Since it is online we can't see how the other would react to the little(or major) flaws in our personalities.
>Only so much you can learn about a person online, even including video chatting.
You would be surprised how much you can learn about someone online.

HEYYYYYYYYYYYY ITS KIO GUY!!!!!
BEEN LOOKING FOR U

I need to make some food, I'll try to be quick.
Hey, it's been a while. How's it been?

its been good.
been staying up for awhile.
hbu?

What do you think about penises which have hair on the shaft, quite close to the glans?

>Did they just get into the relationship?
Nah, they've been at it for a year or two now. she's just really clingy and he's heavily emotionally invested. She's like 15 and he's 21. I'm the only one in our friendship group he's told about his online relationship for that reason. He never talks to her when our other friends are around, only when it's just me and him. idk how to say just cause I know they're in a relationship and I'm cool with it doesn't mean I wanna put up with her whenever we're hanging out.

>You would be surprised how much you can learn about someone online.
There's always a certain amount of disconnect until you meet them in person, though. If there wasn't then you wouldn't be insecure about whether or not you'll like each other when you move in.

>its been good.
That's good to hear
>been staying up for awhile.
Yea me too, sleeping schedule is completely flipped from when I first started making these threads.
>hbu?
Can't complain.
>penises which have hair on the shaft
Nothing wrong with a hairy penis
>quite close to the glans?
That's a little odd, but okay, i guess?

kio guy, i really really think you are a great person.
get a job, please. just work at your local mcds, once you paycheck get some meds. work out a little.
i know you are a great person, and i do not want a perfect personality go to waste.
your life ISNT ruined, your what, 24? you still have a chance.
do me a FUCKING FAVOR. i know once you work your way up to get a better job, get a girlfriend, live in house/apartment you will thank me.
i know that sounded soo fucking cheesy but its true.
i barely know you but i know you can do something with your life, and you will like it.

>Nah, they've been at it for a year or two now
Damn, that's some commitment.
>She's like 15 and he's 21
Is that even legal?
>I'm the only one in our friendship group he's told
That makes sense.
>idk how to say just cause I know they're in a relationship and I'm cool with it doesn't mean I wanna put up with her whenever we're hanging out.
Just say it like it is, you're friends with the guy.
"Hey man when it's just us hanging out, can you put a little more effort into it? I know she's your girlfriend and all, but it's annoying when you spend more time talking to her when we're hanging out"
It's pretty straightforward but not brutish, you're not saying to stop talking to her, just do it less and put in a little more effort to your friendship.
Obviously, the guy trusts you, so you must be pretty close. I'm sure he can handle a simple request like that.

>There's always a certain amount of disconnect until you meet them in person
Well, obviously. It's mostly physical though.

>If there wasn't then you wouldn't be insecure about whether or not you'll like each other when you move in
That's just the way she and I are. I'm almost 100% sure we'll still be insecure about ourselves when(if) we do move in.

>i really really think you are a great person.
You aren't the only one who thinks that.
>get a job, please.
I can't hold down a job.
>just work at your local mcds
I'd kill someone. I can't stand customer service.
>meds
fuck that.
>your life ISNT ruined
It kind of is.
>and i do not want a perfect personality go to waste
>perfect personality
No offense, but you don't really know me. My personality is far from perfect. I'm actually extremely fucked up, and I am not a nice person.
There's a really good quote that goes along with that (it's from League of Legends, kill me) "We all wear a mask, I just chose to create my own." I choose to appear friendly because I am not.
>know once you work your way up to get a better job, get a girlfriend, live in house/apartment you will thank me.
I live in a fairly new house, actually. It's just in a shitty area. I've got a girlfriend (long distance), and I have no desire to "climb the social ladder".
>you can do something with your life, and you will like it.
I find that hard to believe.


I hate to shit on your kindness, but it's kind of what I do.

>Damn, that's some commitment.
Yeah, he went to see her a little while ago. He wants to move in with her at some point, which is good. Before he was in a relationship he was talking like he was never planning on moving out of his mum's house.

>Is that even legal?
No. He justifies it by saying she was the one who made her move on him, not the other way around. He doesn't like young girls in particular, it just kind of worked out like that. That, combined with the fact that he has a muscle condition that will likely degenerate over the course of his life, and he'll take any chance he can get.

>"Hey man when it's just us hanging out, can you put a little more effort into it? I know she's your girlfriend and all, but it's annoying when you spend more time talking to her when we're hanging out"
Eh, he pays more attention to me than her, she's always kinda just there in the background, quietly complaining about the fact that he isn't paying as much attention to her by making cute growling noises. They have a petplay / daddydaughter thing going on, idk.

>the guy trusts you, so you must be pretty close. I'm sure he can handle a simple request like that.
Probably but eh. I don't wanna shake the boat.

also
>I'm actually extremely fucked up, and I am not a nice person.
Please provide examples. Also I'll be afk for a bit, housemate made food and we're gonna watch something.

Danke for best girl dump user, good luck with your issues

FUCK that was a mistake

...

>No. He justifies it by saying she was the one who made her move on him
Even them just dating is illegal? (minus any sexual acts). I really hope that relationship doesn't end on a bad note, that could be REALLY bad for him.

>Eh, he pays more attention to me than her
That isn't too bad, I can see how it would get annoying
>making cute growling noises
they video call while you two are hanging out?
That's a little strange.

>I don't wanna shake the boat.
That's understandable.

>Please provide examples
I have a really bad habit of manipulating people, a lot of the time it's completely by accident. It's like it's hardwired into me to do.
I used to be extremely violent, tortured animals extensively, got in fights at school, and at home, tried to kill my brother more than once. I really want to do bad things to people.
really, really bad things.

>Also I'll be afk for a bit
catch you around
you dun goof'd
Stop what?

Great stuff. An honest reply to a well-meaning post.

real schizophrenics dont talk about being schizophrenic. stop looking for attention, stupid cunt

Pipe down, dickhead.

stop doing fucking drugs and you'll be normal again. attention whore scum kekekekek

kio again, i really really really hope that you wake up sometime, and decide, "hey! i actually want to do something to do with my life, instead of giving out free (yous) on Sup Forums like the degenerate i am."
you can change your personality.
i used to be a shitty kid, i went to juvy when i was a teenager.
i changed. i really did.
im going to pray for you each night.

I wouldn't go that far. It was honest, but not much else than that. I was obviously trying not to be an asshole.
Have you ever met a real Schizophrenic?
That's like saying real gay guys don't talk about being gay.
ur dum.
>stop looking for attention
Said the user who posted in the thread promising free (you)s to all posters. Here's your attention, user.
>stop doing fucking drugs and you'll be normal
I only smoke weed on occasion, and I can assure you that even when I'm sober I'm far from normal. I feel far more normal when I'm high.
>attention whore scum kekekekek
So is everyone on Sup Forums kekeke

Giving free (you)s out on Sup Forums is fun though.

>you can change your personality.
You can pretend to change your personality, you can hide what it "was" and suppress it. But you cannot change it, it will always be a part of who you are. It's like someone who has a drug addiction and they break it, they're still an addict. Even after they quit for 10, 15 or even 20 years, and they always will be an addict.
No matter how much we hide who are to those around us, we can never escape it. But, merely lie to ourselves that we are no longer that person anymore. Just for the semblance that we have made a change, so we can be accepted by those we envy.

>im going to pray for you each night.
I don't personally believe in god, but thanks.

what do you plan to do with your life? do you plan to remain contempt with your madness in solace? What gives you life to keep on going and to what end

>Even them just dating is illegal? (minus any sexual acts)
I don't think them dating is illegal, I could be wrong.

>I really hope that relationship doesn't end on a bad note, that could be REALLY bad for him.
Yeah and he knows that. He got it into his head that she's the only chance he'll get.

>they video call while you two are hanging out?
Yes and I hate being on the screen.

>I have a really bad habit of manipulating people, a lot of the time it's completely by accident.
I used to be like that. Took me awhile for my empathy to develop. Sometimes I wish it never did, things would have been easier.

>I used to be extremely violent, tortured animals extensively, got in fights at school, and at home, tried to kill my brother more than once.
>used to
So I take it you've calmed down now?

>I really want to do bad things to people.
really, really bad things.
Such as? Sometimes I masturbate about horribly torturing people, but I wouldn't say it's something I actually want to do irl. I did some pretty nasty shit though just for shits and gigs when I was a teenager, like sticking my parents tooth brushes up my ass and pissing in the orange juice. I regret nothing.

>what do you plan to do with your life?
Nothing.
>do you plan to remain contempt with your madness in solace?
That sentence doesn't make a lot of sense. I don't know what you're asking me.
>What gives you life to keep on going and to what end
I just like being alive, even if it does suck. Everyone's life sucks, but doing stuff can be pretty entertaining. I've got an eternity to be dead, literally. I've only got a little bit of time to be alive.

>He got it into his head that she's the only chance he'll get.
That's not uncommon for those with some sort of chronic illness.
>Yes and I hate being on the screen.
That would be slightly annoying. I can't stand being on cameras either.

>Took me awhile for my empathy to develop.
I have empathy for people, I am able to feel their emotions. I just don't care.
The empathetic response is what made hurting people and things so enjoyable. Being able to see the fear in their eyes, and feel it myself through them, as they struggle to get away. It was a rush, it was amazing.

>So I take it you've calmed down now?
I don't hurt things anymore if that's what you mean, though I still want to. I don't get into fights because I'm not around people.

>Such as?
Abducting small girls, torturing (blunt force, strangling), raping them and just holding them hostage until they succumb.
To be specific.

Forgot this part
>I did some pretty nasty shit though just for shits and gigs when I was a teenager, like sticking my parents tooth brushes up my ass and pissing in the orange juice
I gotta admit, that's pretty fucking funny.
One of my favorite things to do was strangling animals, like small dogs, terriers and the likes. Could just hold them up with one hand and squeeze as hard as I could. They would try to yelp, the most pathetic yelps you could imagine. They would scratch at my arms and that only made me want to squeeze even harder.
The other thing I loved to do was blunt force trauma (Sorta like shovel dog, but not with a shovel). My intent was not to kill, just to hit them hard enough that they would get dazed and confused.