Lawfag here, attorney at lawfag. ask me anything

lawfag here, attorney at lawfag. ask me anything

shitty things i've done, crazy cases, legal advice whatever floats your boat

Is photoshopping a 13yr old head on a 18yr old naked body illegal?

is stealing old af pictures and then using them in a completely unrelated post illegal?

that's actually a fucking amazing question

If i get caught at. A toll booth and owe a fine will i go to jail

ive done a number of cp cases (ill green text a story or 2 in a second.

i think this one would come down to a jury. im gonna abbreviate the test but it basically comes down to whether a prurient person would deem the material to be offensive and have no artistic value. it could go both ways. but id say more likely itd be an offense because your taking an image (albeit partial) of a child and placing them in a sexually explicit position

probably one of the best legal questions ive ever been asked honestly

Is loli illegal

no. youre not profiting from it. repost at will

is killing jews legal if they step on my property?

I'm thinking about going to Law school. What would you tell me about the experience I'm about to have, and any other things you wish you would've known before starting? Also, after Law school, how do you exactly go about becoming a practicing lawyer?

what was your lsat score?

sadly no. you cannot use violence to stop a trespass unless you are threatened with equal force

if i was gonna do something violent against a trespasser tho theyd be fucking dune coons. say what you will about the jews, but the dune coons are the worst. coons period

Thanks for the reply! Ofc i was not asking out of personal reasons!

I'm doing PolSci undergrad currently. Law school after.

gonna just start every post with lawfag, attorney at lawfag so every1 knows its me

how the fuck would you get caught at a toll booth? like you stop to pay the toll. god damn you're retarded. get out of my office

165

Have you ever provided your legal services to female clients in exchange for sexual favors? I'm genuinely curious bout whether this is commonplace or not.
Also, whenever I've had to put up with jury duty, I've noticed lawyers/attorneys always seem to have the sexiest, cutest assistants. Do you basically pick the attractive, younger female applicants over all others? I'm not judging, because I'd totally do it.

This guy is lawyer confirmed

fuck man, lawfag is being a good op that's like the fucking first time ever

lawfag, attorney at lawfag here

thats cool, i always try to dissuade ppl from going to lawschool but go for it, we need more lawfags on Sup Forums

that's solid.

If you were stranded on a desert island and could only bring one supreme court case with you, which case would it be and why?

ok no, BUT

i represent a ton of pimps, madames and prostitutes. just ended a 5 year relationship (and i did love my ex and not cheat for once) so didnt fuck around

but i sure as fuck was offered many many times and proably will take up the next good offer (or hit up an old one)

wouldnt do it in exchange for services tho. lawyer in my office once did that and the client walked into our office and said pay me 10k (twice the retainer) or shed notify the bar. he had no choice sadly

Plessy v. Ferguson

If I'm drunk on my personal property. Like outside smoking a cigarette and my crackhead neighbors come on my property start some shit and I have to shoot them will I be prosecuted for murder because I had been drinking. Also in live in Kentucky if that means anything.

what is the legal stance on traps, are they gay or not, if so was the case a federal one or a state one?

lawfag, attorney at lawfag here

green text time
and since Sup Forums loves cp

>represent a dude accused of fondling 13 yr old sons ass.
>case is kinda bullshit, going thru divorce mom manipulating the kid blah blah blah
>anyway, doing great killin the DA (he was a faggot)
>BUT, in ca you can bring in witnesses to testify abt uncharged and unreported sexual molestation
>boys older sister (not related to client) gets on stand
>crying profusely, "he asked me to come in the bathroom, i walk in and he pulls his pants down and starts asking me to touch his penis and kept asking me what i wanna do to him"
>me: client wtf are you doing
>listen to me OP, i never asked her to touch my penis
>me:ok what happened
>client: i was in tijuana, i had some bad tacos. they caused my balls to swell to the size of melons. i was scared, she was home, i just asked her to take a look

tfw sister is 15 and he blames exposing himself to her bc some bad tijuana tacos caused his balls to swell up to the size of grapefruits

Who is your favorite professional wrestler?

lawfag, attorney at lawfag here

as a persian man once said on a jury i had,
>there is man's law, nature's law, and god's law and god's law is first

court of god determined traps are gay

What a waste of a perfectly functional loli

and the trip seal too, fucking case closed i guess

cant tell you for sure abt ky (i know if its florida oyu have the right to go on his property and just preemptively kill him)

but what i can tell you (and this is actually pretty universal) is that you can only use equal or necessary force. if hes got a fork, grab you knife, if hes got a knife, shoot him in the leg (just kidding, shoot him in the throat and say you had no choice)

just dont shoot em in the back

yeah, but the god of persia said that... what does the white man's god say?

lawfag, attorney at lawfag here

honestly someone should screencap that just so we can stop having those god damn threads abt traps being girls posted every day

you asked for caselaw, i provided. precedent rules

If black magick was proven to be real and I hypothetically killed a couple million people in a divine rage, is there any chance that I'll get 90 days of prison for it?

Do you think Trump firing Comey is a blatant admission of guilt?

I don't think that's true in stand your ground states. In Dawkins vs State (OK) the court wrote:
>"[T]he 'stand your ground' law... provide[s] that a person has a right to expect absolute safety in a place they have a right to be, and may use deadly force to repel an intruder... for a person to be justified in using deadly force, the person must not be 'engaged in unlawful activity".

lawfag, attorney at lawfag here

ok next story, this one i call nigga kryptonite

client is 45 yr old black pimp. real niggardly. REAL NIGGARDLY

on backpages or some prostitute website, white attractive blonde messages him
toogoodtobetrue.jpg
she wants the D
really an undercover cop who does this shit for fun (hes a patrol officer, nothing to do with sex crimes)
anyway they start texting everything cool and she goes wait mr pimp man, im 17
hes like ur a cop
but they keep talking
and she sends him pictures of stacks of money on her bed
come get me mr nig pimp man i want the d
he say i know your a cop again, but that hes willing to talk

drives out 2 hours to see her

turns out shes a cop. but in fairness to my client, taking a black pimp, offering him a 17 yr old blonde qt 3.14 and stacks of money...
how can someone like that resist

he can't, it's nigger kryptonite

Jury nullification, go....

yea sure whatever floats your boat

lawfag, attorney at lawfag here

honest answer is i dont think anything will happen. i do think it shows something funky, but the state of our political system is the equivalent of a literal retard

>Not OP
Just read about that, but guilty of what?

If I live in a highrise apartment in a big city like New York or wherever, and I masturbate in my apartment, but shoot my load out a window and it lands on someone. Is there anything they can do to catch me? Presume I'm on like the 20th floor so they certainly couldn't see me doing this

What do you mean in Florida you can go into his property and preemptively shoot him.

how the fuck do tacos make only your balls swell? we need some webmd on this shit

lawfag, attorney at lawfag here

most likely the emoluments clause

collaborating with the Roooskies

Comey was fired days after beginning an investigation into Trump's ties to Russia

>pic
>>she found out she was dora

ok is it illega? yes
will tehy catch you? probably not unless spiderman catches you, but everyone gets one

i went to school in ny, ppl do that shit all the time btw

they dont. my colleague and i argued with him for like 10 minutes but eventually we just gave up. every client lies, you jsut get used to it

Are you a public defender? If so, why do you help people you know are guilty.

What would you change from the judicial system process wise?

Has being a lawfag made you racist?

Have you ever fucked a DA or assistant DA?

nope, hate the pd

i do it because i dont have a heart (ill represent anyone, just love what i do adn the worse the better)

but the other reason is that its never about innocent or guilt. there have been plenty of cases where ppl are celarly guilty but WAIT, DNA. dude died in prison and was innocent

so its never about innocent or guilt, its about the evidence and in our system of justice evveryone is entitled to a defense. also keep in mind the da could want 10 years on a bullshit charge, its my job to make it fair

if i could change anything abt the legal system it would be no more state bar. id like attorneys to have the same freedom as doctors (you have no idea the shit i sue doctors on that they get away with and theyre never punisehd by the medical board)

i had one doctor who was stoned (probably opiates) and he left fucking 2 syringes in my clients chest poking his heart after major surgery. for 2 years this poor guy had this feeling of his insides being shredded but no idea until they did a random mri

Kek if actally true

lawfag, attorney at lawfag here

sadly... i used to be SUPER liberal

but im now VERY hesistant to take on blacks, theyre difficult to work with, always try to cheat you and no matter what the deal (even an acquittal) they never appreciate it UNLESS you get them off of murder

no, most arent attractive. im sure itll happen tho

my turning point was when I accidentally went to a popeyes in the black part of baton rouge. the customers were screaming at the staff about how they should be given free chicken. if you can't even be civil to your own people, why should I think you're worth the time of day?

Depends on the state nigger

I guess that's also why there are interns and clerks. fuck em while they're young

lawfag, attorney at lawfag here

another story

this is the story of the shitty killer

>early 90s. dude is high on meth and is told by his buddy house on Y street has tons of drugs TONS
>get high on meth
>break into house, but nothing there
>dude takes the biggest shit youve ever seen (we had 2 days of expert testimony on his pile by the way, freshness, moisture, when it was deposited)
>stupidgross.html
anyway, takes his dump goes into young boys room
>honey were home. mom and young son walk in
>son walks into bedroom
>stabs son over a dozen times

didnt need to kill the kid, didnt need to take the shit (which is actually how they caught him) but he did

lawfag, what are my chances? good if you hadnt taken that ridiculously large shit in the closet as a fuck you bro

hes a fucking faggot playing pretend on the internet and doesnt know shit. just ignore thread

dude it used to be different. most have died off now but my dads old clients (the black ones) used to be great, paid, appreciative

the new generations jsut get more and more niggardly

i try to be careful. outside of court and work im a monster (say horrible things, dont give a shit im a lawfag)

but on the clock i tend to be professional

do you think patents should be based on first discovery or first to file? and why is the patent office issuing so many bullshit patents where companies are just blanket covering an IP space without any real technology or science to back it up?

it was a joke in which i was implying bc of ppl like george zimmerman and casey anthony that you can get away with whatever you want

stop being a faggot because i actually did something with my life (also im charging you $15,000 for being a cuck and wasting my time)

How can I legally bang hookers off of Backpage? What should I look or for if it's a sting?

lawfag, attorney at lawfag here
i do a fair amount with copyright and tm, but patent you have to do the patent bar

my answer is it should be first file (sometimes ppl will discover X and hold onto it so the 14 year clock doesnt run) and we should reward innovation

>wine 'em
>dine 'em
>69 'em

this is a message not sponsored by lawfag

why are u such a faggot, law is for cucks

>Not doing a standing 69

Embarrassing tbh

Why is family law so ridiculously expensive and biased against dudes?

mah bad

lawfag, attorney at lawfag here

ok you ready to have your mind blown

go online find contracts for pornography. contact female, say you want to know her rates and that you are a pornographer and would like to take some photos. everything will be done contractually and if she'd like, you will delete the photos or video once youre done with the shoot. when they get there have em sign contract, take photo of their ID and ask to do a naked test shot (real cop wont do it)

they cant bust you bc pron is legal and youre doing it by the book (contract is everything)

genius? fuck yes it is

to asnwer the second question usually its a sting if theres long drawn out messages over weeks or months (dunno why, just a pattern ive noticed) beyond that tehy will get female officers to pretend to be hos and they bust so many of these whores and find all the texts and shit they know what to say. see my last post where i explain how to legally fuck a hooker

law is great dude. i get to do horrible things for horrible ppl. it's like Sup Forums in real life except theyre not pussy edgelords

Fucking hell yeah thanks law fag. Take my dubs

If you're visiting a country with a much younger age of consent, like Germany, and you hook up with a 14 year old. can you be charged with a sex crime when you get back to the US?

Whats your favorite movie about lawyers?

history. dudes had all the leverage and for some reason gave it up (we've been working for years to change the laws back)

but it used to be once married ur fucking married no matter how drunk he gets or badly he beats u. cpl cases were so beyond extreme the court and politicians finally gave some leverage. and you know once you give the pinky they go for the entire fucking wallet

Last* learn to spell faggot

I will take your dubs as payment. seriously tho, that is fucking the most legit way to get around this shit

do you have to incorporate as a porn company for this to be a legit defense?

the verdict, most realistic movie about law imo

yes you can. Merican laws follow you everywhere. EVERYWHERE

lawfag, attorney at lawfag here

i hope ur kidding, its lsatw

Lol I figured there was some crazy legit loophole on Florida. But every time I ask that question it always seems to be a grey area. I really just want them to give me an excuse to shoot them. They're a drain on society. Sell drugs and fight in front yard at 3 am.

nope

Have you ever received sexual favors or drugs for legal services?

what was your worst case?

not lawfag, but i think you have to make sure its understood you went to the country for other actual purposes like work and whatnot. otherwise its sex tourism, which is a felony i think

lawfag, attorney at lawfag here

so incorporation offers certain protections, none of em apply to what you want tho (mostly financial protections). yes a corporation cant be sued, but if there was something to be sued on it would pierce the corporate veil

sex favors was answered already

lawfag, attorney at lawfag here

the shit you get away with in florida is amazing. we hear verdicts all the time that blow my mind. one of my favorites is the lawyer representing his client on an arson charge and in the middle of closing his phone lights on fire in his pocket

What can I do to cover my own ass, if I live with a drug dealer and know about it

what's the law that most people break that they're most likely to get caught and fucked over for?

see my answer above

Actually no. Technically porn I'd obscenity and unless you have the paperwork filed you can't film a porn.

not lawfag
>call the cops

put a sign on your door that says your name and no entry without permission. its a sticky situation to be in but that will offer you protection after your charged (if you are charged). may not be much (depends on circumstances and state) but itll do more than you think