Hello Sup Forums. Welcome to the Anonymous Tavern;

Hello Sup Forums. Welcome to the Anonymous Tavern;
pull up a stool.
I'm Arthur. Can I get you something? A drink? Some advice? I'm at your service.

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Got any cheese pizza?

I have this, sir.
It's freshly baked, and quite delicious.

youtu.be/u4Ub2em4cgI

How about a blowjob

maker's. neat.

Gimme a Nicaraguain Jagerdiarrhea puke nuke on the rocks please

Can i get a black tooth grin? It's kinda a shit night.

How does a person like me get a woman?

Ever fucked a transexual, Arthur?

Let me tell you the best place to find that would be down the block. There's a green door next to the bakery. Ring the intercom, and ask for Molly. Tell them Arthur sent you, and they will take exquisite care of you. At a very reasonable price.
Would you like a drink before hand to strengthen your stamina?

With or without the plantains?

Hello Arthur, i'd enjoy a fellatio quite a lot

>black tooth grin
Of course sir. Here you go. Why are you having such a bad night if I may ask?

You go to any desired cis biological female and follow this course of action
>OOGABOOGA WERE DEH WHITE WYMEN AT
>grab her by the pussy and lift her on your shoulder
>walk away in the sunset with semen dripping from your peepee

Can i substitute it for oven roasted jew chunks instead?

Well first off, what are you looking for in a woman? Second, what can you offer?

Also, here. This is a very fine sherry. It's smooth, and on the house.

A gentleman never tells secrets out of school Sir.
Would you like a drink?

Please seeHere. Take this ale. Guaranteed to relax you and get you ready.

But that would make it a Auschwitz Slinger instead of a Nicaraguain Jagerdiarrhea puke nuke.
I can make it if you like, but it will take a minute to find the crushed pine nuts.

No biggie, i have all night

Btw, make two

Here you are Sir. Sorry about the delay.
Would you like some pretzels?

Yes Sir.

i'll have a pepsi please Arthur, thank you so much for the exceptional service, such a great lad

Here you are. Would you like a twist of lime?
And my pleasure Sir.

yo Arthur! The shitter is full. you got another bathroom I can use?

yes, please! and would you be kind enough to bring me the ashtray? if im allowed to smoke here ofcourse

I could use some advice. My dad is 66 and is now "dating" a 20 y/o single mother. He's been giving her money, letting her borrow his car, etc. Recently, a friend was over at his house fixing his door, and my dad told him he wants to fix up the house and leave it to this girl in his will, instead of my sister and I. I'm 100% sure this chick is a gold digger, and idk what to do about it. I told him she's bad news and is out for his money, and like a dumbass he told her what I said. She got all upset and got him to sign a paper stating that he's giving her money of his own free will without any promises of sexual favors or anything. Wtf can I do to make sure this chick doesn't take him for everything he has?

But of course!
By the way, these were just delivered an hour ago, straight from Havana. Would you care for one?

Let's play 'Guess Who's In My Mouth.'

A pizza or some money would be nice. Tired of being poor and eating ramen.

One moment Sir and I'll have a crew take care of it for you.
If this is an emergency situation, please use the Ladies room. I'll alert the attendant to keep watch for you.

That IS a sticky wicket.
Unfortunately, there's not much you can do at this point. My advice is to seek counsel on the matter to see what legal options you have.
Personally I think you're right, but...

Here. Have this brandy. It will help you relax.

Arthur, my good man, Tom Collins please

Perhaps one of these for you as well. The Alfredo sauce is wonderful.
As far as the money situation, Perhaps a part time job? I know things are rough everywhere, and it's tough to make ends meet.
You could donate plasma, or possible sell a few items you no longer need. I will keep an ear out for opportunities if you like.

Of course. There you are. Bottoms up eh?

Wait, where the hell am I? Why am I on this ship? Who are all these retards around me?

What's the best bourbon you got Arthur?

uh there is a hair in my drink Arthur....

Fuck you Arthur, you snitching bitch

Ship Sir?
Whatever do you mean? I'm afraid you may have had a bit too much. Drink this to get your electrolytes back up, and feel free to lie down on the sofa in the back lounge until you feel better.

gimmie a mary pickford
and do go easy on the rum

I'm terribly sorry Sir. Let me fix you another. Gratis of course.

*dont'
its been a long week

Do I know you Sir?
I don't believe we've met.

How do you make you old fashions?

You know what you did. "I can keep a secret" my ass.

never been to a bar before...um, give me a craft IPA

Arthur i think we MAY live in a blackhole after all and the whole universe we experience and watch already happened, over and over.

Inflation, and then deflation.

The usual earl grey will do i'm afraid.

Here you go Sir. With a treble shot of rum, just for you.
Might I ask, is everything OK?

fine
just lemmie drink in peace, and keep my tab open will yah?
thanks

Arthur, you have the fanciest bar in user city... and you do not suck eggs. I must tell you, what really wins me over is your brilliant service. It's as if all you know is fine dining... and breathing.

2 oz. Buchanan’s Master Blended Scotch Whisky

2 dashes Angostura Bitters

1 tsp sugar

1 splash of water

1 orange peel twist

Mixed slowly and served up in an ice cold glass.
I guarantee you haven't had one until you've tried one of mine.

Barkeep?!? How do you make your old fashions?

Of course Sir.

hey barkeep! Where is the Mandingo fighting I heard about? in the basement?

My pleasure sir.

oh Arthur, you never cease to amaze me old man, always have the most splendid ideas.
Pass me one of those fine havana cigars Arthur! At what time does the poker game beguin?

Is there any reason you don't use single malt?

Hey Arthur hey! what a wonderful kind of day!
do you ...work and play?

Certainly Sir. Cream and sugar?

Arthur,
I see the 'human' lower half of you is....how shall i put this... "missing".
This simply will not do for me...
Arthur... how servicable is your mouth??

Why thank you.

irish mule,
moscow mule but instead of vodka put jameson.
I want one every 10 minutes, if I havent finished the last one threaten to charge me 5x unless i chug my current one.

Sir, please. If I can help you I will, but please, the other guests aren't here to listen to you yell. Would you like something?

I am sitting in my bedroom at 11:13 PM, on Sup Forums, drinking a Mountain Dew Grape. Please recommend me a better drink for such an occasion.

(Pic not related.)

pour me a shot, something strong

Non here I'm afraid Sir. Perhaps at the Candyland plantation.
Yes. I do believe that's the place.

(I must know your name)

Here you go Sir.
I must apologize. Poker is not until tomorrow night. Shall I reserve a spot for you?

Lagavulin on the rocks.

I actually kek'ed

No bourbon's I guess then?

Certainly so!

Me love me some kweem.

Ach mein leben. Ruining lagavulin with ice.

Quite servicable sir. I am a cunning linguist if you are to believe the ladies.

I want a shot at that redhead yonder lookin at me

No reason. A lot of customers prefer it that way. I can make your next drink with it if you like.

Call me John Wick

Yes.

(Cough)

haha nice. *raises glass*

>?
Of course Sir. Have these 2 to start out.

My girlfriend likes snorting my ground up pubic hair. How can I stop her from doing it?

Good evening, Arthur. I'll have a Roy Rogers. Any news on the lass working at the Apotchecary? Some say she's quite the promiscuous young lady.

(COUGH)

AKA she likes dick

Hrumpf, please make on with 12 year glen please.

We heard you cough the first time. Instead of being a passive-aggressive bitch about it, why don't you try asking again?

Certainly. Perhaps a shot or two of this lovely homemade Louisiana moonshine.
Made yesterday from an old family recipe, mixed in the basin my grandfather used to scrape his foot sores in.
This will, as they say, knock you on your ass, if you'll excuse the language.

How do you feel?
Are you down?
Are you up?
Are you indifferent?

Arthur just one more drink bro, don't cut me off yet man i thought you was cool

Good evening Arthur.

Could I get a vodka soda with a generous twist of lime please?

I've had an absolutely dreadful week my dear. Oh, the one I love, I can't decipher his true feelings for me. Tell me... how do you know if a man truly loves a woman?

Alright, thanks

>Lagavulin
Just for you Sir.

A man must ruin his drink as he ruins his life. I´ll drink it neat when I´m content with life sir.

Thanks, leave the bottle my friend.

I do apologize Sir.
Yes. Here. This is very good. You'll like it.
Gratis of course because I kept you waiting.

Well, I was going to ask you why you're in a homosexual relationship, since your masculine features quite threw me.
And now, I ask you, why are you not scrubbing the washboards with the other women at the creek? A woman's place is not at a tavern, but at a stovetop.

Good evening arthur, im here to celebrate! whats your recomendation?