Cheking myself for Rehab tomorrow

Cheking myself for Rehab tomorrow,

>First joint at when I was 15 years old, 17 years my first line of coke and first Lsd trip
>Done weed everyday since starting with coke.
>Got a job at Drugstore as a delivery boy in the nightshift (coke and weed usage augmented), owner would accept to give me pills and take it out of the paycheck.
>addictedtodownersanduppers.gif
>Got a time when I would work nightshift and at the end of would pop some diazepam a litre of beer in order to sleep.
> Parents see me in zombie state almost everyday and start to get worried. I quit the job and stop doing pills until now
>Had to battle withdrawals and speech impediment problems for a while. Always kept weed usage to daily 5 joints and some coke during the weekends.
>Fast forward to my 20s Im working in a call center doing 1 gram a day just to able to do my job (nightshift)
>Parents notice my way of life, continue for 2 more years and then I leave to travel overseas.
>Battle coke withdrawals but haven’t touched it since then (3 years now).
>Fast forward to now I’m consuming as much as 10 joints a day, not being able to find the strength to leave the house to find a job and when I do leave the house is to get Mcdonalds (been eating it everyday since 2 weeks now), getting more weed and that’s it. I spend my time lurking /b and fapping to every thread I see some skin.
>Yesterday I reached my lowest point, I got some Mcdonalds and after my feast I got a KIK account and sexted guys that I found on Cl all night, cumming, smoking a joint then cumming again, smoking and so on until I passed out. Tried to stop multiple times but I always got weed and always end up toking with my dick in my hands.

> Smoking my last batch now and fapping for the last time. Anyone with similar stories?

Goodluck to you mate, you have really fucked up, but it's really good that you are trying to fix yourself.
One tip I would give is to distract yourself- get friends, do as much excessive as possible and look after your parents. Well done on quitting the coke btw

Thanks Man, Will be in confinement with no computer access for a month except on my visits home, which are gonna be the test.

And It so hard man to know you are fucking up big time but not being able to make yourself change.

The hardest part was to accept i need somebody else to help me cause i cant on my own

I wish the best to you man, arrange shit to do when you head home so you don't find yourself in a situation with nothing to do except relapse.

smear shit on a wall and blame it on someone you dislike while there

I was able to kick my daily Xanax addiction about 4 mg or more. I tried tapering for 3 weeks still had horrible withdrawals. I only went to detox though because rehab is fucked and most of the time they try to get you into some kind of program they claim has nothing to do with religion but it does. I just smoke weed now and if I do any other drugs it's like once a month. It was so hard and painful if I'm going to be honest with you. I withdrew for 2 months it was non stop hell. Everyone handles it differently just don't give up and know life is so much better not being dependent on any drug. Also these places there are a fuck load of heroin junkies and others that don't care about treatment just a break to get their tolerance down. Stay away from them they will make you miserable. It's also one huge dick measuring contest to see who was the most hardcore. Good luck bro

Thanks Man, I am preparing a little pack for when im feeling the cravings, a hobbie box...
haha will keep it mind.

Anyone knows what i should expect?

Thanks very much man, I want to stay away from the religious stuff as much as i can, especially when vulnerable. i will follow the advice on the junkies and other no positive relations. Withdrawals are the worst, what really got me was not being able to sleep at all, like i was on crack with racing thoughts but from being "too sober", didnt sleep more than 1 hour everyday for 2 weeks. would you care to elaborate on your detox?

Good therapy. I would definitely do that.

>as much as 10 joints, eating McDonalds everyday for 2 weeks
bitch I was going through 150 dollars of heroin a day and was lucky to be able to keep food down once every two weeks and pop pills all day.
But for real good luck man the worst thing by far about rehab is listening to people like what I just said for weeks upon weeks and weird war story like masturbatory sessions of addicts convincing each other who was the bigger addict. If you think outside the box and try to not join their weird cult they won't sign off on you rrelease

Thanks man i need comments like yours. Hope you are all good now.

very good advice indeed

4 years clean as of like two weeks ago, but yeah that's the worst part and also the aspect that unless you accept their exact definition of addiction and how to solve it (to them you can't) that it's a disease and bla bla you have to suck Jesus' dick for acceptance and help and is impossible without god and what not.

I do dn't go to rehab but I still know detox is the hardest part because Everyone is on edge and the fact that the first week is the hardest. The second I got it in there I was given a hard time about not getting as loaded as possible. I took about 1 mg of Xanax ( to keep me from withdrawling)and smoked a joint . I couldn't believe it considering I was there to get off the shit. A lot of the workers at my place were ex junkies themselves (I think most operate like this) some were assholes but others gave me some solid advice. Like I said my place was mostly heroin addicts and alchohllics. The Heroin addicts were the absolute worst don't get caught up in their negativity. If you have voluntary meetings are voluntary you should go to as many as you can. It gives you something to do and you can learn from the veterans who made mistakes their first few times trying to get off whatever their drug of choice was. Cigs in these places are like gold. At my place they would give you some for free but if you have a few packs you will be really popular. There is nothing wrong with socialising just don't do it with the wrong people who will bring you down with
them do it with someone who genuinely wants to be there. I can't give advice on rehab but if you can get through detox you should be good bro.

This is the dick measuring contest I talked about right fucking here. Give no fucks what these people think OP you are there for your own reasons if it's bad enough you need help then good for you for taking action. Do not get caught up in this shit on the inside.

I would honestly prefer to be alone during detox but i know that would only make it worst and they will not allow that. I tried detoxing at home but i get to 2 days and then i look like a lost soul finding excuses everywhere to have a toke and go on /b. I wish there was a detox program that not included all the religious BS like some other user said.
To me the worst is that when i start feeling the good effects of detox i immediately feed worthy of getting high again.
I would sometimes find myself braggin about how much drugs i consumed when i was told my stoylife. in my teens it was all fun and games but no that im 26 i just feel lame and a failure, that the only thing i have is drug related stories.

I wish you the best of luck. Various weaknesses throughout my life created massive dependencies. Whether it was heroin , oxy's, alcohol, weed, sex, masterbation, my heart goes out to you. Willpower and self confidence is something that you build overtime so be patient in the healing process and trust/respect yourself. Let your past failures become springboards for your future success. Do not substitute one addiction for another. Repeat, do not substitute one addiction for another(running/gym with weed/masturbation). Give it your all end don't let your self become discouraged

i hope things work out for you user

I couldnt have said it better, going from one addiction to another but always the ones that bring instant pleasure cause i cannot handle the waits or failures and always need to go directy to the reward.
When you mean running/gym treated as an addiction?

thanks for your kind words
hope you are doing good and healthy.

thanks user, i hope the best for you too

There are outside programs out there that are non religious based make sure you request those places from the counselers if you want a place to go when you get out . Where I went the actual counselers that worked for the detox didn't really mention religion that much besides suggesting AA.Though if they have a program visit they will most likely be the religous type. They had an AA leader come into my place and say it's not necessarily religious based yet you have to " give into a higher power" or some bullshit which made it impossible for me to get into. Just find what works for you and stick to it.

To be honest i would not discard the possibility of a buddhist approach, doubt there are places like that tho,

Thanks for the comment bro

how did you get into it as a teen and how did it really start to blow up with the coke and lsd?

parents never paid much mind to keeping me away from drugs and i was surrounded by it both at home and at school, but everyone i knew involved with it all seemed like such total fuckups that i never bothered. got high a few times in my twenties but didnt feel it was anything special.

I used to hang around pubs from Thursday night to sunday night (musician) and there were tons of drugs everywhere.

I always wanted to be a cool rockstar when i was a teen and i thought drugs were the ticket.
Always readying stories of road trips and such and always felt curious about effects.

Used to spend hours researching about a drug before triying it.