Just got home from a long day of work. Story time Sup Forums? I got one for you

Just got home from a long day of work. Story time Sup Forums? I got one for you.

>Be me
>21
>Work at warehouse
>Drive pallet jack and pick cases
>Minding my own business
>One day fat mexican dude comes up to me while hes on his forklift (we will call him Stone Guy)
>By fat I mean landwhale to the power of 5
>Has slight lisp
>"Hey user.... do tu care about you job"
>Being in a warehouse full of mexicans, I partially know spanish.
>Reply "Uh... yeah dude. i need the money"
>Stone guy looks left
>Stone guy looks right
>Stone guy looks to me
>wtf.jpg
>"...user. I got joo. There are people here... who want you gone... but I can help you nigga"
>This fucking sic say nigger?
>Respond "Uh.... okay?"
>Stone guy rolls up his sleeves to reveal many bracelets, each filled with tiny stones
>Each stone different color
>Stone guy says "You know what these are homes? These are gemstones. I got ju. This one right here? Sapphire. This one, will help you. This is for your protection"
>At this point I realize stone guy is trying to scam me
>Also know Stone guy believes in absolutely nothing, thanks to being close with a friend of him
>Makes the decision to troll
>Also know Stone guy is lying, that was not a Saphire. That was a fucking aquarium rock
>"Holy shit yeah Stone guy... I've heard about that shit..."

Continue?

why not?

as long as my dinosaur gets walked OP go ahead

Bump bc I want more

yeah

>Stone guy rubs his hands together and starts nodding
>Looks around
>"Okay I got joo. Remember, for ju protection, user"
>I nod "Okay, my protection. Like... how do I get it to work, bro?"
>Stone guy looks puzzled
>As if he diddnt think this far
>But he quickly changes that.
>"Oh yu wanna learn now? I gotchu nigga"
>"Yeah Stone guy, tell me everything I have to do. Then maybe, Il buy one off of you"
>Stone guy nods
>"Okay, first... you have to get the sacred water, esse."
>"What next stone guy?"
>"Then you put your Saphire in it, over night. When you wake up in the morning, you pour it all over you, then keep the rock in your pocket after you shower"
>smallchuckle.png
>"Oh thanks Stone guy. Now... what exactly does this Saphire do?"
>Stone guy looks puzzled again
>He makes up more shit
>"Oh you see, it gives you protection. Good protection. Very protection."
>Hes on the ropes
>"Protection from what?"
>"Everything, user"
>Begin to half ass my responses
>"Even bullets?"
>"YES user!"
>fucking what?
>"Wat about knives, Stone guy?"
>"THAT TOO user! IT PROTECT YOU FROM EVERYTHING HOMES!"
>Start to act hyped up to get him to think hes sold.
>"Oh shit really dude? Thanks Stone guy. Look, i have to go back to working before the boss yells at me again"
>Stone guy nods and smiles, as if he just took candy from a baby
>In retrospect that fucker probably steals candy from everyone
>"Hasta luego nigga"
>He did it again
>"Later rock guy"

About 1 week passed, and he diddnt talk to me. However, there is still much more. Going to keep typing.

Bumpin

Stoney Mahoney is an interesting fellow

More.

bump

>Week passes
>Two twins (guys) come up to me
>We will call them orange hat, and no hat
>One always wears an orange hat
>The other doesnt
>Twins and I are pretty fucking cool
>When suddenly Stone Guy is brought up
>I say "You guys know that real fat mexican dude that drives the orange forklift?"
>Orange hat nods. "Yeah why?"
>I explain everything that Stone Guy said to me the previous week
>No hat and Orange hat both shit brix
>"No fucking way he said that to me too!" the twins said at once
>They looked at each other and said "You too?"
>It was at this moment that all 3 of us knew
>Stone guy wasnt passionate about this spiritual stone shit that people actually believe in
>This guy is trying to scam
>"I got a plan"
>"Kay sup user?"
>"We lead Stone Guy on as long as possible"
>"And then?"
>"Then we absolutely shit on him"
>"Like literal shit, user?"
>"No. He would like that way too much."
>"Alright, lets fucking do this shit"

This is where shit gets a bit more interesting Sup Forumsros. I sadly dont know too much from the view of the twins, so 99% of the rest of this will be from my point of view. Sorry for being an fag and letting some of you down. I shall continue

Don't apologize fag. Keep going

You definitely have autism OP.

But keep going.

bump

Hurry the fuck up, OP, I'm so close to cumming

...

bamp

>Another half week passes by
>No Hat comes up to me
>"Yo user, bro oh my god dude"
>His sides are in fucking orbit
>"Stone guy just came up to me man, hes trying to push the sales of his stones on me dude!"
>I feel bad for No Hat
>Troll mode activate
>"I got this NoHat Im going to try to lure that land whale over here an--"
>"LAND WHALE WHAT?!"
>No hat's sides were now in another dimension
>No hat laughed at the term land whale
>I continue
>"Im going to lure him over here. Try to be near by so when I start exposing him for the con artist he is, you can roll up and start dropping some bombs too"
>"ALRIGHT user! GOT IT UNDER CONTROL!"
>Shit doesnt go according to plan
>Me and the twins were far apart
>Hears ground trembling with each step of someone
>But who
>Turn my head
>Oh fuck stone guy can actually walk
>"yo user, i got tu rock coming, itl be here in 1 day homes"
>Look around for twins so I can at least single one of them over
>"user no one is coming esse. cmon nigga."
>You arnt black you fucking whale. And im not a nigger
>I decide its now or never
>"Yo.. so... I wanted to buy more rocks Stone Guy"
>Stone guy starts fucking rubbing his hands again like hes going to earn some serious cash
>He blurts out
>"but do you have sacred water homes?"
>"Nah dude I need that. But... I also need more stones too. Do you got more?"
>Stone guy just nods
>"Cool... like... look... do you have a stone that will make me sneaky? Cause I've been trying to see this one girl but her parents keep telling me to fuck off..."
>"I got one that will make you invisible nigga"
>invisible
>INVISIBLE
>No fucking way
>I have to play it off, im too far fucking in
>"Shit thanks Stone Guy! I need another one."
>Stone guy starts to nod again
>"I got you nigga, watchu need?"
>"Like Im not that strong, I can only bench like 150. Do you got me one that will make me stronger?"
>Stone guy nods.

Almost to the climax you faggots. Dont worry.

bump

Bumperoni this is gold

bumpin

>"Hey user...do tu care about you job"

C'mon c'mon c'mon (nigga)

What happens next nigga?

>After nodding Stone guy smiles
>"Esse I got you one that will make you strong, muscles like bull"
>This is it
>Time to go in for the kill
>"Stone guy, like, I know this dude has been being a complete liar and asshole. Do you got a stone that will take care of that?"
>Stone guy looks like he jizzed his fucking pants
>"Ohh yeah bro. I got chu user"
>Time to set bait
>"Cause I know theres someone in this warehouse thats been lying to me, Stone Guy"
>"Gimme wan second user."
>Stone guy bows his head
>Starts speaking literal gibberish
>Also I hear him say "wuju style"
>He looks up at me
>"You're right. And he wants you gone too"
>I nod
>"Cool. But... I already know who it is"
>"Who?"
>This is the one time in my life I can actually do something
>I think of a fucking mad bomb to drop
>"You, bitch ass fucking scamming faggot! You're the one lying! Those arnt even fucking gem stones like you say they are you retard! Those are fucking aquarium rocks! Id know faggot!"
>Stone guy's world shattered
>He looks like a nigger that got caught robbing a store
>"Shit" he mutters
>The earth trembles as he waddles back to his forklift
>He waves me off
>"We dont want your scamming ass here stone guy! Get the fuck out of here"
>I then mimic his voice
>"ITS FOR JU PROTECSHON!" I say
>Jokes on me
>I diddnt drop a mad bomb
>Shit was horrible

Story is almost over faggots.

>mfw

Just went limp nigga

>open the door already

This is why I pretype every story and post in decent flow. The wait kills the story.

This kills the crab

I would fuck that

Nice gets

>I watch Stone guy drive away
>Chuckle at myself
>I tell twins what happened
>No hat just laughed
>Orange hat said he wishes he was there just to see what happened
>Poor dudes dont know that it wasnt even that impressive
>a day passes
>Stone guy's supervisor catches wind of what happened
>Supervisor is cool
>Also mexican
>But hes actually hard working
>Supervisor prevented Stone guy from going near the case picking area
>Stone guy is now on a thin rope, and real close to being fired
>Eventually stone guy approaches me, trying to act cool
>I be real with him
>Tell him I dont respect scammers
>Tell him that if someone wanted to, they could call the cops and have an investigation opened up on him
>Also told him that due to 60% of the warehouse being beaners, that they would also scan for illegals
>more than half of the mexicans there are actually illegal
>All the illegals are his friends
>Told him that everyone would be out for his blood if they were deported
>Also told him to fuck off and stop being a retard
>Week passes
>Rumor spreads about me being mad that he wont sell me rocks
>Everyone literally laughs at him now
>Everyone in case picking now says "For your protection" as an inside joke
>Also we yell "FOR JU PROTECSHON" at him to piss him off
>Stone guy is now a well known scammer
>funny thing is
>He could not sell even 1 rock
>The only thing that diddnt change
>Is how the earth splits apart when he tries to fucking walk
>that needs to change
>or he should be deported
>Press F to pay papa trump to deport Stone guy

so far it seems like the story killed the story

F

F

Yea, I got shit to do, so whatever. Thanks for ruining my day OP. Dull ass shit that I almost could believe is real.

Expected someone to open the door but nobody did. I'm proud of you, OP

I had a girl suck me off for almost an hour the other night and just couldn't cum.
That's what your story feels like, OP.

I need to get me sum of that protection.

Poor stoneguy, he only wanted to sell ya some rocks

F

I had this happen years ago, but it was a handjob instead. Shit sucked

F

"FOR JU PORTECSHON"

Not even funny.

The part that got me about it is she's a junkie, and was nodding so hard, she passed out with my dick in her mouth. I had to slap her ass to wake her up. She deep throated like a fucking champ though, but I was so high it just wasn't happening.

>Summer swimming lessons when I was 10
>Instructor is a hot 17 year old Senior
>Never noticed breasts before
>We finish treading water and get out of the pool
>I was staring at tits the whole time I was treading
>Have first ever remembered hard-on
>Girl next to me laughs and asks me what it is
>Hits it with the back of her hand
>I yell
>The instructor turns around
>Sees me clutching a boner through my trunks
>She starts laughing and covers her mouth
>Everyone else in the class laughs at my boner
>I get nervous
>Shit my trunks
>Try and escape to locker room, slip on shit
>Land on my hard dick
>Cut my head on a rock
>Ambulance
>Overnight hospital stay
>Stitches in my head
>Have to piss through a catheter for a week
>End up fucking the instructor when I was 23 and she was 30
>She didn't recognize me
>Hooked up at a house party
>I had to take a viagra thanks to an accident when I was 10
>I'm terrible in bed thanks to my crippled penis
>She's so drunk she doesn't care
>Asks me to stick it in her ass
>Bend her over
>See something poking out of her butthole
>Inspect closer
>It is the tip of a Trident II DB ballistic missile
>Missile launches
>Heads for Moscow
>Russia retaliates by launching 25 RT-2UTTH ICBMs
>Swimming instructor turns out to be a mobile ICBM launching trailer
>I am burned from missile plume
>Sitting in the ashes of the house party, many are dead
>USA launches barrage of submarine based nuclear strikes
>Russia empties ICBM stockpile
>World is about to end
>I shit my pants again
>Try to fire one off before death, start fapping
>Penis falls off in hand
>Penis is actually glock
>I pull the trigger
>The resulting shockwave from the KB disables all nuclear weapons in flight
>World is saved
>I win Nobel Prize
>Instead of my name, the prize is awarded to "Mr. No-Dick Shittypants"

What? was this even a story? This was so boring, what the hell kind of climax was that? I feel like I just watched a michael bay movie, only instead of explosions and a shitty story I just got the shitty story

See, OP?
This is how it's done.

That story sucked ass

dude give me back my time reading that garbage
what the fuck

Was gonna post a pic of my cuteboi butt...but someone I know is also here....so nah gonna have to be pursuaded to do that

>I even tried pushing F
>didn't help

Eh, 6/10

I like the idea of fucking with the brown noses, but that was way too much buildup for nothing.

here's my mexi fuckery:

>work as delivery guy at pizza place
>cooks are all beaners
>total bro's tho
>funny as fuck, half-cocked on the shift like 3 nights a week
>one night we get a new kid
>also mexi
>but total chicano
>me & the cooks team up on him because fuck it
>speaks good enough english to be on the phones
>have one mexi cook call store
>I answer, yell for green dude to pick up the line cause I dont speak beaner
>line cook orders lo mein noodles and ribs and shit not on the menu
>greenie cant find any of the shit in the POS and loses it after about 5 mins
>the line is in tears
>He's yelling "WHERE THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT" in spanish and english
>customers are laughing
>boss demotes him to dishwashing
>lasted like 2 weeks

He delivered for a bit too. He drove a mark III van and almost flipped it his first time driving a pizza out.

If dubs, you have to post it

Fucking lit

I can't believe I read all that shit. You have autism, OP.

that's what I was waiting for? fuck you, OP.

His name was No-dick Shittypantsson.

>Bend her over
>See something poking out of her butthole
>Inspect closer
>It is the tip of a Trident II DB ballistic missile
This put tears in my eyes user..

>7.5/10
>Would give tip 7.5%