Be me, King of the snails, soon to be God

Be me, King of the snails, soon to be God

>hang out in backyard because no friends
>there’s always a few snails who come to visit me whenever i’m outside
>they slither along my hands as I color their shells and give them rankings based on their frequency
>Begin feeding them leaves covered in lysol, they love that shit for some reason
>one snail stands out among the others becasue of his generosity and valor, his name is Caracol, my closest friend and ally
>I confide my deepest secrets with him, he is my rock
>more and more snails congregate to my shrine, which is a makeshift fort of piss stained towels, rusty nails, and rotten plywood.
>I knight my most devote followers as the gastropods of the round table, my elite seven, my snailtillery
>I am king of the snails, soon to be god

>all was good in my kingdom, lysol leaves were plentiful, and casualties were at an all time low
>before I was the snail king, there was a war between the ants and the snails
>the snails were easy targets, as they had no way to defend themselves from the ants who nibbled at their squishy flesh and devour their insides
>Woeful, I am, I share in their plight
>I exterminated every last ant with my holy acid rain as cans of lysol littered the floor
>I extend my arms and take up the position of Jesus on the cross, as my snail bros slither along me, I remain still, majestic and exposed
>I am the messiah of the gastropods

>the remaining ants scattered to the far corners of the yard to wallow in their utter defeat. I can see them secretly planning their return, but yay my kingdom is strong, and will not fall so easily
>5 days later, the sky is gray, and moral is low among my legion
>the ants have gathered reinforcements from the neighboring yards
>I send my scouts to gauge their strength, and they report that the ants are 10,000 in number
>the future is bleak, I have no choice, I have to deploy the round table

>after hours of tireless work, I am finished
>my elite 7 wield the banner of my shrine
>they are decked out with toothpick spears laced in lysol and bodies more lysol than snail. Their internal PH balance is so toxic to the 6 leggers that they are virtually untouchable
>I enclose my elite 7 in my divine container, two red solo cups taped together to form a makeshift catapult, my arm being the lever
>it’s slime time
>I initiate the attack, and chuck my divinity at the ants across the yard
>my divinity bursts out with the furry of a thousand suns, covering all within a 12 meter radius
>Caracol, my strongest warrior and friend slaughters at least 2000
>the other 6 of the round table blaze through the ant’s barracks leaving puddles of dissolved ants in their wake
>Caracol finds the queen, and brings her back alive for judgment

>the hearing begins, and i start off with a roll call, as is customary
>now that the trial is underway, I tally the votes of my brethren
>the decision is unanimous, the queen is sentenced to death my hanging

>the following day the stage is set
>my snails have all gathered to see the execution
>the queen is hung from a dental floss noose as my worshiper rejoice
>I am GOD of the snails

current day, I have built up my army, known as the terrestrial pulmonate gastropod molluscs, shortened to TPGM.
my parents have passed away and left me the house
>my kingdom has prospered since the days of old
>there are now complex roadways within the house to alleviate obstacles for nomadic snails
>my dead parent’s room has been converted into a storage facility for my lysol and leave collection, as was necessary
>the remaining rooms have been converted into my personal thrown room, with Caracol by my side, and bunkers for my citizens

>all is not good though, there has been speak of a mutiny among my ranks, spread by the blasphemous Snaipoleon Bonaparte, leader of the supposed revolution
>heretics are all to common now, many have come to question my divine abilities
>they think they are too dependent on me, but I know better, they need me, I am the snail God
>late one night I hear a faint sound
>I ignore it thinking nothing of it, but the sound becomes more audible, reaching a fever pitch
>it is now a roar
>I exit my throne room to see the commotion
>the hallway is barricaded on both fronts by my own brethren
>they would lay siege to me? the one who gave the EVERYTHING
>Snaipoleon slithers forward
“give us our freedom, or the streets will run green with the blood of your comrades”
>my heart is broken, as if my very essence has been torn in two
>I retreat to my throne room, doubting my abilities as a leader

>I seek solace in Caracol, who tells me that these heretics only need to be reminded of the old ways
>his words are true, I must remind them of the glory days
>”they words are no falsehood Caracol, provideth me some time to prepare a speech that will shatter all notion of my inabilities as God”
>CRASH
>a wall of snails smashes through my door, overcoming my guards
>Protect me Caracol!” I shout
>I need to stall so that I may write a masterpiece that will covert these heretics
>I hear the sounds of battle, my followers suffocating, it pierces my soul, but I must push onward
>I’m nearly finished, it’s almost complete
>I look up, Caracol is surrounded
>no…
>he’s sits upon a mound of shells, holding his own against the onslaught
>”FIRE” shouts Snaipoleon
>toothpicks rain from above, it’s too much even for him
>”CARACOL” I scream, my voice faltering under the roar of slithering snails
>he is swallowed by the wall, and I am left, tethered to the ground, unable to move


>a rage builds up inside me, I can only see blood on all fronts, the blood of my worshipers
>I dash for the window and dive into the bushes, breaking my hands against the glass
>I kick in my front door and make a b-line for the kitchen cabinet
>kosher salt is all that’s left
>fucking jews, but it’ll have to do
>slowly begin my ascend up the stairs, and into the hallways
>the heathens turn to me, screeching and hollering at me
>they think their victory is assured
>I close my eyes, take a deep breath, and slather 20lbs of kosher salt across every god damn square inch of the hallway
>it’s all a blur
>I faint from exhaustion
>my kingdom has fallen

>I awake
>lying in front of me his Caracol, half dead and missing his shell, stripped of his ranking, his identify
>”God” he says
>”you’re a good person, you’ve given us everything. Don’t be sad that it’s over, be glad that it happened. you gave us a future when we had none. We are eternally grateful, live on… for us” he utters with his last breath
>I hold him close, tears falling into my cupped, broken hands
>it’s over

>I burry Caracol, along with all my followers
>the sun sets today, on my kingdom
>”thank you, for everything” I say, “but I can’t keep your promise”
>I bite the barrel of a gun, clenching it with my teeth, and pull the trigger

what the absolute fuck lmfao

>I am king of the snails, soon to be god

lmfao

>new content on my Sup Forums
sa
ge

bump

r/Sup Forums/ here we come. Someone seriously needs to screencap this.

Bump.

Thank you OP

this

good job, finally somehting on Sup Forums that is worth reading

Good job op

...

Fucking awesome
>need more op snail broz must rize from the ashes

Thank you OP for some light Jesus

Saved and I will cap this shit soon after work

kekd hearthly op

goodjob

Very nice read. There is an obvious vestige of intelligence among the pile of watchmygf ads.

RIP Caracol.

he was a mighty warrior.

>furry of a thousand suns

great work op

All hail the snail king

I cried

I've seen this story before
Sage

God it :)

This would make an awesome short movie
>Jews make this happen

Checked. Listen to Satan.

This is truly beautiful

And your point is?
Every time something good is posted
>hu sage
Eat tramps shitter fag

Never forget 05-17-17
rip Caracol

RIP Caracol

This is really good no joke. I felt emotion.

I'm just here to be a part of the screencap.

Mom! I'm on the screencap! =^•^=

screencap me bitch.

My name is moose.

Glory for all

that story. damn. made my day. someone should make a tv show of it. would binge watch

you should eat them. escargot

>be ant
>the heathen snail king has drove us into a deep exile
>We bide our time in the ancient underway of our kind
>our queen was murdered, taken by the brutal snail enforcer Caracol and her body debased
>We must have vengeance!
>We toil while the mucus king eats and drinks hearty
>his reign grows weak, he is lazy
>We begin whispering seeds of doubt into the young snail Snaipoleon from the shadows, twisting him to the will of the hive
>The time is now
>We use our pupet to launch a strike, the queen will be avenged
>while the bloated king is busy, thousands of my comrades storm his domicile
>we cut the power, many of our number is lost to the lightning fury, but we must press on
>We hear the final confrontation, our antenna shake towards the sky in joy
>the snail king has fallen, The enemy is dead!
>slowly but surely we feast on the snail kings remains, his body will feed our new queen
>our antpier will reign supreme you fat snail loving prick
>MFW

Add me to the screencap please

>I kick in my front door and make a b-line for the kitchen cabinet
>kosher salt is all that’s left
>fucking jews, but it’ll have to do

Absolutely beautiful

Include me in the screencap pls

PUT ME IN THE SCREEN CAP

My name is Ed and I declare to be in the screencap says my digits

...

Minor update

Add moose to screencap

no

To Caracol!
He was a fine warrior

bump, all must read this

Bumping again

Thanks OP I work for Pixar and was running out of ideas for kids movies.You really saved my ass here much appreciated. "The King Snail" coming to a theater near you. I wish I was joking there going to love this shit.

*slow clap

wow

that was amazing
thank you, OP