This is not a milfag thread

This is not a milfag thread.

I am a milfag. I'm in incredible shape. I get asked if I model about once a month. I played football. I pretend to be very charming.

However, I'm a god damn nerd and an introvert. I read comics, I read books, I play chess, I love Shakespeare and David Hume. I'm stupid crazy afraid of rejection.

I'm a neckbeard in an Adonis body. Because of this I've had an easy life. People think I'm cool, people think I'm a Chad.

I've never hit on a girl in my life, because I'm a weird coward who fears rejection - but I've slept with dozens of girls, had threesomes, been blown by chicks I've just met and on and on. And this is because they think I'm Tony Stark or some shit, but I'm a fucking dork.

I know that everything here is fiction, and very few will believe me, but I'm bored as fuck and this is all true. So for those who would be as interested in asking questions of someone like them mentally who hit the jackpot genetically and with proper social conditioning: AMA.

ACU combat shirt knock-off looking shit?

i call horseshit.

Where are you stationed? What's your MOS?

Knockoff? lul. It's a regular ACU.

FT. Bragg.

MOS is 35M. Used to be 97B

>97B

Why did you change your MOS? I've heard good things about 97B

I didn't. I wasn't clear. 35M used to be called 97B.

Here are multiple awards/commendations to demonstrate it isn't just some knockoff ACU.

Deployed?

Not atm.

Fuck, nevermind. This wasn't supposed to be about milfaggotry.

Have you ever?

I'm seriously interested in joining the Army. Could you give me some good pointers? Like, how to train myself beforehand mentally and physically?

Yeah, twice.

*sigh* Guess this is a milfag thread.

Ok.

Yeah, stop eating sugar, white bread, all that shit. No soda that isn't zero calorie and shit like that. Start running, slowly, day by day, until you can run at a light pace for 2 miles. 8 minutes a mile maximum. That will put you in good enough shape to get through basic training.

Mentally, it's really all about not having an ego. You'll be yelled at and told what to do, but it's all for a purpose.

Just take it as a "I can take fucking anything you throw at me" kind of thing and you'll be fine.

Nice. Me too. You're still a faggot for posting yourself on Sup Forums in an ACS. But a nice faggot.

Yeah, I really wasn't trying to play up the milfaggotry, I wanted the idea of the thread. meh

Lmao nothing army issue actually says "us Army" other than your velcro tape. Nothing certainly has that shit logo on it.

Same fag here, what is daily life like in the military? Do you work seven days a week? What's your schedule like from the moment you wake up, till you clock out?

The older ACS does.

Dumb ass

says a guy who's never been in the military

You're an idiot.

Not deployed it's 5 days a week. But it all depends on the unit/what you're doing. It's mostly training.

Deployed it's war shit.

No it doesn't. Only store-bought bullshit has that logo.

Milfag here too. The advice I give people wanting to enlist is to just do it. Don't prep for basic (obviously don't go like a big fat piece of shit) but go with an open mind and a lot to learn. You learn a lot of shit about yourself and the world. And when you're there, embrace it, and if it gets rough; just know it has to end sometime. Count the Sundays. But most of all have fun. I wish I could go back.

No, seriously, you're an idiot.

Oh, and don't go to sick call unless you're seriously fucked up. It's a hole you don't want to start down.

One more question, do you guys get weekends off being free to do whatever?

Holy fuck you're all retarded. I just turned in all my acu and ocp shit to cif cus I'm getting out. Nothing says army other than PTs and name tapes.

When I went in 2014 we had half a Sunday off. But it really depends on your leadership and how they run their training. Cell phones and shit also depends on the company. Mine had a no phone until blue phase (week 8) policy while the company next to us had their phones and shit every weekend since they started.

Thanks for your time, man!

You're a literal fucking retard. Do you know anything about modified uniforms?

No, he doesn't. He's, at best, a regular army grunt goober who doesn't know army guys sometimes have beards and shit. lul

How's life for the 13b guys right now. Thats what im thinking about joining.


Smashed my heel right before meps like a fucking retard. Now im stuck recovering.

You ever get to go to Japan?

>13b

No different from what it used to be.

>cell phones in basic
I got body slammed by my DS for elbowing the guy behind me in line for chow

lul.. wait. They're allowing cell phones in basic?

Hahahaha i hear Ft Jackson is dubbed relaxin jackson now because its cake. I just watched a video from Jackson where they had the radio on with ACDC playing, not a single person was yelling, even saw this retard throw his grenade wrong then picked up his gun upside down and it seemed like she hardly gave a shit.

Yea it's been a thing since like 2012 or something.
I wouldn't know anything but rumors about Jackson, I went to Sill in 07

Yeah my friend had his phone every night calling his girl. My recruiter said the same shit.

Guess who's dl'ing a bunch of porn before he ships out.

Holy fucking shit.

I never thought I'd be the guy to talk about "back in my day", but... jesus christ... cell phones in BASIC?

I can understand in AIT, but in basic fucking training?

God damn.

The shitty little phone I did have I did not see again until the night before I flew to AIT. Then when I got to Ft Sam I didn't see it once again for about 4 weeks.

I'm legit shocked they let them use cells in basic. We got a 5 minute phone call at a phone booth twice during basic.

I guess you guys were in back in the good old days before shit went soft. I guess a lot of my friends said that's why they're all leaving.

One of them chewed out this kid for fucking up the headspacing on his 50. I guess the kid went above his head and cried about it. He got a bunch of trouble for just yelling at somebody. The same shit that was expected to happen years prior.

Not sure what to expect then. I thought id get the shit kicked out of me for doing some dumb shit like that but apparently not. Apparently now i get to play angy birds on my phone and talk back to the DI.

>cell phones in basic
lolol glad im shipping for muhreens, didnt know army was THAT gay

Infantry is still the same though. Its just the others that are fuckin gay from what I hear.

Congrats on the Marine Corps. After hearing about the army going all soft I train for months for the Corps but they dont like tattoos for whatever reason.

glad infantry isnt queer yet. ppl talk shit but army is still important.
thanks man, ship on monday.
weirdly not nervous yet

yeah marines are weird bout tats, but you can easily find a recruiter that will push you through unless you have hitlers portrait on your back r some retarded shit

This. I finished basic two weeks from graduating tech school. Went in because I was sick and coughing came out with asthma medical fucking discharge I was so pissed. My career ended before it even fucking started.

OP post penis

Fine

>he actually did
OH MY FUCKIN GAWD
your massive faggotry on this dead fucking thread holy shit
fuckiin hero user

who wouldve guessed the cocky beta recluse faggot using the army as an excuse in life would have a small dick

dude where the fuck are your pubes?
fuckin low t little bitch

Fuck you.

:^)

You're welcome.

>Over and out

wow someone else with the imposter complex, its alright it takes a while but eventual you will accept you get what you deserve.

Im a grower not a shower baby.

Im not married nigger and this isn't the 70's bushes are a nogo.

why is it so small

I recommend you run and lift weights everyday and cease all present and future faggotry immediately you fucking nigger.

i doubt Thats him.
Different pen, file size etc

IT GETS BIGGER SHUTUP

94F currently in korea.

Basic is only 10 weeks long. just deal with it. really, it's not that bad.

we had people who couldn't do 1 fucking push up when they first got there but the constant movement gets you into better shape.

most people who break under pressure wash out the first week, but they didn't leave till after we graduated. so if you don't want to stay, quitting wont get you out faster, it just makes it worse.

job wise, pick what you have an interest in. if you want a job that isnt currently available just wait, they refresh every 3 months or so when the fiscal quarters change.

as for phones in basic, i got 2 phone calls, one to tell them i made it, another to tell them the graduation date. this was in 2013 at ft Jackson. it's all up to your company.

>I'm such a nerd

Little bitch.

>US Army (reg. trademark)

What a fucking joke.

>not the 70s
bruh you present your junk like you a boy then women will treat you like a boy

>I'm a weird coward who fears rejection

with a microdick like that, I can understand why.

...

wow that is really fucking stupid, do women treat you as really fucking stupid?

God dammit nigga. Do you want crabs? Because thats how you get crabs.

Fuck that even my butthole his shaved so you bitches can rim my fuckin asshole without swallowing dingleberrys.

>shaved asshole
Gigantic faggot detected

>shaved butthole
>niggers tongue his anus
topest lel, what a faggit

Wait wait WAIT, dingleberries is shit?! This explains so many comments and jokes

I bet those nasty ass pubes smell like a retard after day out on the town. I would grow out my pubes if I had to hide warts or something.

Im literally dying over here. Not op but my girl just had the same realization yesterday. Thats hilarious.

i bet its better for your boyfriend when you asshole is smoother ya fuckin faggot
>day on the town
i spend most of the day at work fagget, women arent allowed in the shop. if im goin out i shower before hand, like a normal person

Bro. Only married guys, crusty fucks, and guys hiding an STD rock the bush. Which one are you and will you shave my back? Only place i can't reach.

lel nice bait

post erect then

It's ligit we had the same shirts in Iraq. 07-08 11B