Oldfags give youngfags advice based on past mistakes and experiences they've had

oldfags give youngfags advice based on past mistakes and experiences they've had.

don't fuck your mom

>hey bro i fucked our mom bro
>why bro
>so we get another bro, bro
>nice bro

Don't make videos of yourself having a threesome with two 17 year olds and post it on the internet...

Holy shit what?
Greentext?

Dont wait more than 30 minutes for a drug deal

>actual oldfag here
leave this board, right now, just shut off your computer, go outside, get a job, and never come back here.

best advice youll ever get

>experiences
>oldfags
rofllimao
>I've been sitting on my ass for 12 years

Don't fuck your friend's gf, more so if she's the unstable type to get attached and have remorse and want to confess everything

dont fuck redheads, they have no soul

Don't move in with friends you want to keep.

my mom always said gingers are bad.

Don't ever stop working hard. Effort is only relative to what you're used to.

If you don't do much, minor tasks are going to take a lot of effort.
If you constantly work hard, minor tasks are going to feel negligible.

but i WANNA!

>be me
>18 years old dating 17 year old 8/10 qt3.14
>she's bi
>wants to fuck friend from school
>asks how to make it happen
>call girl over
>ask for threesome
>secretly record it
>break up 6 months later
>post video online
>knockknock.jpg
>arrested for 2 counts sexual exploitation of a minor
>10 years registered sex offender list

Just don't do it.

...

thanks fam

some of the best advice ever given

lol what state do you live in that 17 isnt the legal age of consent?

When it comes to girls, you need a lot of practice. The better looking you are the less you have to work for it, but it requires skills that you can only learn by trying, as different things works for different people. Just try, make a fool of yourself, then try again.

Fair wisdom there, user.

Pulling out is only going to give you trouble. Get yourself a girl that uses proper birth control or get used to the rubber

What doing here then ?

Why haven't you done so, op?

my best advice?
leave Sup Forums behind and find a board that fits your interests.
i do Sup Forums and Sup Forums

i cant learn from my own fucking mistakes thats what im doing here.

im not op

Reasonswhymanditoryminimumsaredumb.jpg

1) Do NOT get married until you are 35 or older - you can still marry a hot 20 year old when you're 40, as long as you have money. If you marry before then, you will reduce your chances considerably of having money at 40.

2) Do NOT get anyone pregnant until you are married and have discussed it. Bitches get pregnant as a way to trap a dude. This has been true since the first monkey climbed out of the tree and saw some other monkey living in a nice cave with wainscotting and hot water.

3) That said, Fuck Everything That Moves until you are 35 and ready to marry. Get it out of your system. Learn how to love and leave. For gods sake, learn how to fuck a woman until she is blind. You will be very popular well into your 50's as a result.

4) Invest your money. Don't waste all of it on shit like PS4 games and Speaker Systems. Try not to waste too much of it on bitches - buy shit that holds value, like Property. Put some money in the Stock Market and forget about it. Let it grow. You're not Gordon Gecko, buy Blue Chips and let them soak.

5) Try to limit how long you pine over a dead relationship to no more than 2 weeks at most. Sit in your house, mope about, complain to your friends for no more than 14 days, then GTFO and go dancing.

6) Stay in shape. A little bit of exercise goes a long way, and you need your stamina for all the fucking you'll be doing.

7) Choose Adventure. Go to the Louvre one Summer. Go climb a mountain in Brazil. Do the Mardi Gras - build up interesting stories and experiences that will make you a more well rounded person. Don't wait "until next year". Do it now.

Last: Enjoy this fucked up thing called Life. You only got one, the best we know, so LIVE IT.

That's my Old-Fag advice. You're welcome.

Pretty much this.

good advice, but most of your last points rely on money and im pretty sure 75% of people on here dont have jobs and the ones that do probably arent on this thread.

>Get your driver's license ASAP

>Finish High School

>Don't go to college

>If you sell drugs, make sure you're good at it

>Don't get married and avoid having kids at all costs, women literally are only good for fucking now since marrying them will garner you no benefits or priviledges.

>Develop a skill or trade

>Don't be coerced into the talk of being rich and successful, as long as you have enough money to survive, you're fine

>Don't be a materialist. Life is a lot better when you own as little as possible. Unlimited freedom sans worrying about movers and timeframes.

>Lose your virginity in high school because it's only going to get harder every year it doesn't happen.

>Learn to enjoy time by yourself because those people that can't function without being around people are hopeless.

>Get a vehicle big enough that you could live out of it if you fall on hard times. It should be able to fit at least a twin sized bed, a week's worth of food and water, and warmth. A truck with an 8-foot hull or a van would be perfect.

>Don't follow the law when you know you can get away with it

Age of consent in Colorado is 15... However, video taping it is illegal, and posting it on the internet is illegal.

AOC laws are fucking dumb and this country has no fucking idea how to regulate the internet, not that they should.

Exactly.

>routine is good
>avoid debt like the plague
>if in debt look up 0% interest balance transfers
>let hatred go it only weakens you
>any work is better than no work
>nothing lasts for ever, find joy in the smallest things
>don't look for someone else to solve your problems gf or otherwise
>You're a man fucking act like it

This is nice advice, simple, easy and clear. Wise as fuck.

>0% balance transfers
fucking this, don't be a dumbass with your money

>Keep up on your documents - don't let them expire. You don't want to be driving around without an up-to-date driver's license/ insurance, etc.

>Keep your living space at least somewhat clean. You don't have to go in-depth scrubbing everything but you'll only put yourself into a spiral of depression by keeping your home disgusting.

>Don't drive like an asshole. Slow down a bit, let people in in front of you, don't cut people off, be patient and don't constantly switch lanes to get somewhere faster. At the end of the day you're only going to go as fast as traffic is going while making everyone on the road think you're an asshole and not let you in when you need it. You'll also cause yourself unnecessary stress.

No fucker taught me about the 0% balance transfers if you don't use them you're fucking paying for the privelage of debt it's horse shit

Retarded as fuck

fuck every girl you get a chance with but use a condom even if she says shes one the pill

...

>Don't work hard, instead work smart

any girl advice?
How do i make a move?
How do i make sure she knows i want to do something sexual?
I'm pretty sure she's into me but how to i go further?

>Ask her to the cinema/dinner/bar what ever the fuck.
>role with it, meet her 1 on 1 you will know soon enough if she's down for the dick
>Seriously. Fucking ask her out to one of the above. The world isn't going to come to an end if she says no.
>might be awkward for a few days if you're in school with her or work but fuck it
>stop being a fucking pussio and ask
>You never ask. You never get.
>The pain of rejection is nothing compared to the pain of not asking
>fucking ask if she's says no fuck her move on ask someone else

Yeah it's in school, i met her only twice and she seemed really into me, while we were talking in a group she was looking at me 24/7, interested in me, always looks at me but i don't know how to enagage lmao

Don't make decisions when you're pissed off and don't promise things to people when you're happy.

Play stupid games, win stupid shit.

Pee, then flush, then poo. No one enjoys pee splashback.

When someone is a dick to you and completely in the wrong CALMLY explain why they're wrong call them an asshole, and then walk away. Especially if it's your boss at work. This does not work if you come back to them hours later, it has to be right then and there.

Always put in a 2 weeks notice when quitting a job, always show up on that last day even if it's one you hate.

Physical violence seems like a good idea at the time and then the other person (seen as a pussy) presses charges, takes your money, and then you get punished by the legal system and it's not worth it. Especially over a girl. You lost in every situation.

Don't fuck just because you're horny, hookup culture gives people a nice spread of STD's.

The road less traveled by usually isn't worth traveling, sorry Robert Frost.

The only people who hate capitalism are people who have zero ambitions towards not dying poor. If someone is anti-money, then be anti-them. You are who you hang out with.

just talk to her, ask her about herself
people like to talk about themselves

Don't date a girl you aren't absolutely sure will take her birth control. Neurotic, responsible bitches make good gfs. Also avoid IUD's. They're uncomfortable af.

>always put in a 2 weeks notice
this so much
finding a job is hard as fuck without references

Wear protection, don't drink and drive. Make your own decisions and try shit. Don't do hard drugs twice in the same month. Eat healthy and drink water.

more girl advice boys these are good

When even blue collar workers are talking about bitcoin now, you know you fucked up.

Need an advice.

My GF has a daughter..10 years old. I love her very much, the problem is, the love for my GF fades away...but I don't wanna lose her daughter cause I love her sooo much. Did I mentioned that I love this lil Girl soooo much! Would Adopt her immediately

bumping

I like these threads.

>don't piss off telemarketers

I've never been rude to them, cause you know, it's a fucking Job and they don't want to call you as much as you don't want to call them.

But if you are an asshole to them like my parents are, they will get some guy in IT to spam call you 24/7 in order to ruin your life.

Play out the enemy, not the card.

First question.

Do you need to take a seat over there?

girl advice for 20yo virgins?
i didn't even kiss yet...

>>don't piss off telemarketers
Angry telemarketerfag.

Your profession is illegitimate and if you fuck with me I'll just sue your company. It would be better to suck dick for a living, because attempting to scam old people into buying shit they don't need is more shameful.

Fire away user!

bumping this

Thanks fam

Ho boy.

Tell me what I'm working with here user.

How far have you gone before?
Are you a NEET NOOT FAGGOT?
You live with your parents?
Can you talk to Women?

Choice.

>pee then flush then poo

solid analogy

I'm not even sure how to respond to this.

But yeah that's generally what you would say if you wanna get called non stop.

I can talk, i make them laugh, i have no problem socializing, it's about taking it one step further that's the problem, i don't touch them sexually or anything, i can keep eye contact for hours it's not a big deal.

Not a neet i'm studying and working, living with parents tho yes.

Alright first, again.

Do I need to get Chris handson over here?

Second,
Why/how are you becoming distant with your gf?

She aint your kid man. If not for the mother you'd have no relation to her.

Think about having your own kids if it doesn't work out with the mother.

Always be polite and respectful. You must give to recive.

>But yeah that's generally what you would say if you wanna get called non stop.

Nah. I mean, that happens, and every time it does I sue.

DNC list is serious business and the state is perfectly willing to fuck telemarketers for me to the tune of $1000 an incident.

If you have a dream job that isn't practical, you can't waste time. If you truly want that job, you need to work at it FULL TIME.

>mother

Nah Man I'm not a fucking pedo, I love her cause she makes my life brighter and she loves me too....know her for over 2 years now.

It hurts...but U R right Bro, she aint my kid nothing can't change that fact

>taking it the next step further

Two things for this.

A- be straight up honest with them. If you hit it off, don't hesitate to ask them out for a dinner or a movie, etc. When asking her Keep the date times about a week apart so she can choose which ones she's more comfertable with. (Eg; do you want to have dinner maybe this Friday or next?)

B- when your hitting off a conversation, get a little physical and see what happens. Bump a shoulder, tap and arm or a hand, etc. Find an excuse. Then see how she reacts. If she recoils, tenses up, etc means she isn't interested. If she is fine with it, it tends to mean you can get more physical or step things up in a date or convo. If you get little to no response, do it AT MAXIMUM 2-3 times. And then wait and see if she reciprocated by touching you back.

Beyond this I'm slightly concerned with
>eye contact for hours
Don't stare. Maintain eye contact, but don't be a creep and stare. Just chill like your talking to someone normal. 80% on her, 20% somewhere else if you need like a number. And if you think/know she's interested in you, let her catch you looking at her clevage. But just a glance and just 1-2 MAXIMUM. It helps move along things and makes your intern ions clear, while also flattering her. Just don't be a creep and stare.

>not a NEET
Never be a NEET. Always have something going on in your life. Good.

>state.

>Mfw canadafag

Dead mothafucking accurate! Many internets to you sir and may nubile labia drape your penor.

Pics or it didn't happen.

This.

I am happily engaged and to be married soon, wonderful life, but I have eternal regrets about chicks I never asked out in highschool or university, but I have no regrets about the couple of girls that I did ask out and got rejected

I talk to them freely, make jokes, occasionally fist bump or high five when i find out about common hobbies / interests, they never tense up, always ok.

I mean i can keep eye contact, i don't stare i look to the right/ left depends, no problem with talking to girls, it's the one step forward that "blocks" me.

I know dude. Never said you were.

Kids can be light up the day, I know. Easy to get attached to. But practically, you got no reason to be in her life if the mom isn't in it or she allows it.

It's better I say it now than the mother or some other guy later. Think about starting a fam, you prob. ready for your own kid.

You are infatuated. Fuck the little shit to get the pedo out of your system.

I'd say don't live with them too long. I roomed with my best friend for 1 year and it's probably the best year of my life. Communication is key.

sadly a bit to late for me :(

Get out while you still can. This place was never good.

To all you college age morherfuckers.

Get a god.DAMNED.

CROCKPOT.

Or "slow cooker" for you amerifats out there.

You don't want to fucking cook cause your a lazy shit who has too much studying to do. And instead of pigging out to shitty meals you can buy low cut quality meat, which may or may not be questionable and turn it into GAWD DAMN GOURMET.

Get one of those fucking timed ones, throw your fucking meat in there, possibly after beating it, throw in your sauces, your spices, your veggies and your fruits and when you come home after a hard days work

FUCKING ZIP ZAP

The whole house smells of DELICIOUSNESS. And when you crack open that motherfucker,

It's all ready to fucking eat.

Motherfucker that meal will last the whole week.

THE FUCKING WEEK.

Or about half a week for you amerifats

BITCH I MAKE CHILI UP IN THERE FOR THE WEEK.

and when it comes time to clean,meyou just take out the dumbass pot, mmmmmmmmmm easy cleaning boy.

Don't be a fucking dumbass.

Crock
Yo
Pot

>side note if you have a girl over, she will think your a cooking legend.

Chill man, everything will come :)

Friendzoned.

It's about the vibe you give off. My friend had a bunch of girl friends, always got friendzoned. I never had the problem. For some reason if a chic was spending time with me, it's likely she is getting fucked or I move on.

They can smell that shit almost. Work on getting that non-verbal, physical/instinctual part down.

So what's the step forward in your mind?
What's the hurdle that blocks you? Why don't you think you can get to the next level?

The best way to enjoy Sup Forums is to stop trying to change it or expecting anything from it, and just take and leave what you may.

You think she's the last fucking beer in the stadium. You're drowning in a shot glass full of water. Get out, work on your game. Take nobody seriously and make yourself legend. Also take shit from nobody.

don't fist bump or high five with them these are friend things to do if you I'd even at all

Fist bump? what the shit? That fist better be going up the cooter youngfag.
I dont get what your achievement is? you can talk to them like a fucking human being?
Dont take all that shit seriously, you gotta work at it like everything else. Get some game, develop some skills.
Talking to girls at school without throwing up is not an achievement son.

So what do man?

100% fucking this.

Everyone comes into Sup Forums expecting only the highlights. They fucking browse R/Sup Forums, or see all the greentexts on imgur, watch vidoes on the glorious raids that Sup Forums has done, etc. then they come in here expecting the best of the best, the worlds most magnificent board, the funniest, scariest, most degernate type of board.

And instead they get Sup Forums.

And they are underwhelmed and upset and all they want to do is change it. They want it to be like what they expected, so they bitch and moan and cry, until they either fuck off back to where they came, or they settle in the filth like the rest of us.

Sup Forums (and as a rule Sup Forums in general) is just a sea of trash. That's all it is. But sometimes, in that giant mound of garbage, you'll find a nice gem. That's what it is.

And if you want to change Sup Forums, make your own threads.

Fucking daily most enjoyable Beserk thread guy makes his own threads and it makes Sup Forums better. Alice comes around every once in a while and she makes it better.

So just nut up or shut up and enjoy the ride.

Solid advice. Thank you, user. Maybe I'll be able to make something out of myself one day. I just need to learn to stop smoking half my paycheck away.

Depends. If you're in school and want a girl, just ask her out to a movie, take her some place to eat after. (You can also try to get other friends to go together, but that is always unpredictable and inadvisable unless last resort.)

Get some alone time. While walking back, maybe try and put an arm around first, she how she responds, try for a kiss. I don't know kid, that's how you develop your game. Everyone works differently but you gotta keep trying.

Nailed it. Wish I could say this to my gf

FUCKING ZIP ZAP

...