So this girl I had a fling with is pregnant

So this girl I had a fling with is pregnant

I need a way to secretly kill the baby in less than two weeks

>inb4 kick stomach

I do not understand why kick stomach is not an option. You will have to buy a new gf anyway because this one spells no good.

>>inb4 kick stomach

Stomach... punch??

...

>Balaclava
>Falcon punch stomach

Or just pay some nigger to do it.

Brew her a cup of pennyroyal tea.

mix 80 proof alcohols in everything she eats and drinks

Quads checked. Push her down stairs OP

Look up plants that induce miscarriage. Give her flowers with the plants mixed in. Just being around certain plants are enough. If youre super worried mix it into her tea. Itll look like a normal miscarriage.

Op here, only thing usable is pennyroyal tea

Not my gf

I hope the kid lives, grows up and uses future technology to backtrack you posting this.

Well, if you secretly kill her, then you're secretly killing the kid too.
So secretly kill her.

>backtrack
Someone thinks CSI Miami is how they do computer stuffs in real life.

Heard this story somewhere of a guy putting something that was crushed up like pills or something in his girlfriends drink. The baby died and came out in a bloody mess after a few weeks i think, and his gf had no idea it was him.

Idk what it was but you might want to look into something of that nature.

Op

Fuck guys, I need some names of shit

Control her diet and completely eliminate her intake of folic acid. The fetus with either die or come out so fucked up she'll put it up for adoption

Sneak pills into her drink

Pay me $25k and I'll come around and rape the shit out of her, make sure to give her plenty of hard shots to the belly.

Can't guarantee I won't get too into roughing her up and kill the bitch tho.

only usefull answer

>So this girl I had a fling with is pregnant

OMG, how could it possibly happen??!?

btw, choose if you want to be a father of a baby, or a killer of a baby. pic related

the b archive already has this.

OP is doomed

abortion is murder

Nailed it

I'm a firm believer in 12 step programs.

so long as the steps are good and hard.

Well, if momma ain't ...

>Pay some nigger to do it

kill self
she will die of grief, taking baby with her

This is so fucked up.

Which makes miscarriage either homicide or suicide. Baby goes straight to hell either way.

getting this triggerred
and trying to be a sophist

but God has a plan........he is a loving God......

...

Thank you friends, it seems tea is the way to go.

Will post results if successful

Btw after I kill this baby I'm shipping off to the military to kill sandniggers

Xoxo

Are you stupid or what? I see what you're trying to say, but you aren't saying it and come off sounding idiotic.

There's a difference between actively killing someone and someone dying of natural causes, ffs.

You're welcome OP.

I was thinking time travel/mind reading/or the shit they do in Assassin's Creed.

But fuck off all the same.

Ok faggot I'll tell you how I got around my bitch ex getting preggo and how I had to take administrative action.


>gf of 4 years
>she wants kids
>i fucking hate kids

>"cum inside user, it's super hot"
>not falling for this again nigger, i hate kids
>"no it's okay i'm on birth control"

>cum inside
>shits cash
>ff 1-2 weeks

>i have 4 straight days off work, get back on the third day off after a night with the lads
>take a leak
>shower
>shave
>little cut on jaw from shaving
>little faggot cut wont stop bleeding
>toilet paper on cut, throw it in bin
>bright pink box in bathroom bin, wtf is that shit
>preggo test
>Fuckthisshit.jpeg
>confront bitch gf about it
>"yeah im pregnant"
>argument ensues over her lying to my face
>she refuses to have an abortion
>ff 4-5 days
>I'm pretty tight with my sister, so i tell her whats happened
>sis tells me that access vitamins can give more of a chance of a miscarriage, but only to do that as a last resort
>yeah fuck that shit, plan is already in motion

>it's probably a good point in the story to mention that my gf always drinks water, not any water though, it HAS to be flavored, doesn't matter the flavor, she will drink the water.
>also a good point to mention that I myself, am a chef, so at work and at home I have different flavorings/essences, things like wild berry, lemon, strawberry, whatever you get the point faggot

>so i go to the store, buy a shit loads of vitamins in pill form, A/B/C/D all the way to fucking Z
>Now I just need to find a way to get her to take them in bulk
>friend at work put some of my berry flavoring in his water so it's not flavorless

>go to work
>see friend has used my shit
>nigger ask next time faggot.
>wait no... this is perfect, you are forgiven this time for giving me the idea

>finish early
>go home
>crush up vitamins A/B/C/D/Z
>get pan, boil and dissolve the vitamins in the water
>put water in jug, let it cool
>add flavorings

>ngl it smelled and tasted pretty good

>gf finishes work, instantly changes and goes on a jog with her girlfriends
>text her "got you some new healthy stuff for you and the baby!"
>she gets excited
>gets home. sees water in jug/container
>tell her its my own flavoured water, and then show her some random health smoothies in the fridge

ff a few hours, we're cuddling on the sofa
>she starts asking about the water I made her
>mfw she starts begging me for some
>get up, get her the biggest glass I can find, fill that shit to the top
>i just get a coke
>back to the sofa, feelsgoodman
>she chugs that shit and asks for more
>mfw
>get her more water

ff another 2-3 days
She's still drinking the water, on the last bottle of it
>she texts me asking if i can pick her up when she finishes work
>why?
>so we can go to the doctors to get an ultrasound
>of course i will, time to see if my sister wasn't bullshitting.
>3PM, drive to her work, pick her up, go to faggot paki doctor
>she gets lubed up, they put the scanner on her belly, you know the drill

>doctor "Ahh, you see that little blob there, thats the baby"
I start to get worried that i might actually be a father
>doctor "Umm, i cant seem to find a..."
>Calls for several nurses and machines to be immediately taken to our room
>me and gf are like "wtf is going on"
>doctor "i am sorry user, i cannot seem to find a heartbeat, i will need to further examine
>I am then asked to leave the room, so i leave, hoping that my plan worked

>apparently they found the baby was dead, i wonder how...
>gf is crying, i heard her from the corridor
>the doctors needed to open her up to extract the dead foetus
>as much as i am trying to hold back my own laughter, i am disgusted with myself that i have done this.
>doctors come outside and tell me whats happened, i pretend to look interested and worried.

ff 3-4 days, she is discharged from hospital

>she has a nasty wound/scar on her stomach
>fuck this bitch, she lied to my face
>use her a bit before i decide what i am going to do
>unleash some of my pent up range and anger with her by facefucking her pretty hard, and then make a big mess on her face of her own spit and my cum
>leave her lying on bed in all that mess
>go into bathroom, clean up
>she just looks at me like "why the fuck did you do that so hard"
>me "sorry bitch, i dont do well with lairs, especially those that lie about being on birth control, it's over, pack your shit and leave my house"
>she starts balling, as i start chucking her shit out the door
>tfw she leaves my house in a teary rage, without cleaning her face up.
>i couldn't help but laugh when i finally got my revenge

>nigger

found the problem

cause you'd go to jail, jackass.

...

why is abortion so bad? Even the kid in the pictures is standing there like it's ready to party, welcome to the world little slugger, may ur dumpster life be fucking outrages

I Like this quote I dislike this quote
“Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able?
Then he is not omnipotent.
Is he able, but not willing?
Then he is malevolent.
Is he both able and willing?
Then whence cometh evil?
Is he neither able nor willing?
Then why call him God?”
Epicurus for the win.

4 times, to appease the Quads gods

There are certain teas that can force a woman to miscarry

Kys fag, we are AMERICA, we need more soldiers, if u r a fucking homosexual who dont face troubles then put that child in adoption, he will be a good american soldier dont kill him

For example, Mr. T.

Upon delivering a ferocious cunt punt

Anyone dumbfucked enough to "want a child" when their partner doesn't deserves pain at the very least, how fucked does your p-brane need to be to try and anchor yourself to someone for life with deception and blackmail?
Good on you...

This is best answer

Why do leftists get so triggered when they see pictures like these? It's what they support right? They should enjoy it.

top satire senpie

...

Wow actually glad you left her

THIS

If you are not an american patriot then fuck you, im an Irak veteran i love AMERICA

What you did is murder.

lol cry harder kid

I killed 23 bastards in Irak, im a REAL MAN, thats was for america, but u r just a little fag, you are just a fucking coward

nice satire tbh

I just came on it's tiny intestines.

I'm not upset. You purposely killed a fetus so you didn't have to live with it. You can hide it but people can tell.

Isn't the baby's death part of the plan?

and?

OP, if she had a fling with you, she had a fling with others.

Go on with life, it ain't your kid most likely. If she insists it is, paternity test that shit pronto.

>All these people saying "Muh muhrdurr"
Cry harder, i'm starting to get thirsty

quads must do

Its not a satire im an American veteran, respect me little shit

Melissa McCarthy really let herself go

why is this better than csi miami
yours sound even more stupid

let babby live
kys
unless you're a nigger, kill the mother, the baby and then yourself

Mulled wine.

welcome to your new child, OP

>we are AMERICA
Nignog detected. Have fun picking cotton.

>we need more soldiers
aaaaand a suicidal butcher. Did you give up becoming an hero with a rifle stuck in your ass, thing?

Next thing you're going to say is that you're trans and mudslime. Trans, mudslime, nigger and suicidal butcher?

kill the baby's father, asshole

>9gag watermark

...

pennyroyal tea

Pay a crazy hobo to punch her in the gut.

I'm not triggered. I save this shit and troll twitter with it.