>severely depressed and suicidal
>scared of death so can't kill myself
>no irl friends, anti-social in general
>online friends come up with shitty excuses to not talk to me and then talk to other people 15 mins later
>have an impulse push all new encounters away from me for some reason
what do i even do my life is so hopeless
Gotta live life for the sake of itself. Others will follow on their own
A girlfriend is all you need op.. Fuck everyone else.
You can create something... just try trial and error... you can do it op dont give up
i feel no sexual or romantic attachment to anyone, my last 2 relationships were train wrecks and pretty much ruined relationships for me forever
Give me a call. We can chat. I'm for real. 4043697993. Suicide isn't cool. I'm here user. Idc if I even get pranked.
Yeah, well.. Girlfriends haven't worked out the way i hoped for either. The last one told me my confidence was too low. And that didn't exactly help out much.
Have you ever thought about getting a dog?
Just endure. Your purpose will we clear someday, or maybe not. Just know that the chance of you being here, the way you are know are so minimal that the only reason for you to be here is that you beat like 140000000 others to the punch. You're awesome and things will work out, I'm sure !
This
Yes because adding a woman to the mix of a troubled life always makes things better...
My experience is get right with yourself first because a female can swallow your soul also you will probably attract somebody as sick as you or worse. Sex is nice but not worth inviting real problems into your life over.
Shoot up a school? It's a win-win. You get to drastically change your life and the kids will get the rest of the day off.
This
I am a social failure too, people stress me out as much as I know friends are a good thing having lost so many it is easier now to keep distance. It's ok some people are just anti-social you can accept it or if it makes you miserable there are plenty of groups made of people who are similar, especially people who collect stuff.
Seriously start playing magic and hang out with nerds at the local comix store that is some of the best times I have had 10/10 more fun than my party years.
What do you give a shit about? (Saving the earth, Tomald Dumpf, furries???). Go to meetings/events related to your interests, don't try to fuck anyone, aftee week 3-4 they will be interested, trust me, been there done that...
Note: Fucking everyone else is not a good way to keep a girlfriend.
Go to a white kid shooting range. I recommend the younger ranges slower weaker targets more beginner friendly.
Sex isn't the thing i'm thinking about. It's pretty far down the line actually. I don't care much for sex to be honest.
I'm talking about the feeling of being loved and be in love. It surely helped me take my mind away from my usual negative mindset.
I even started working out during our relationship and i figured out the amount of positive energy I got from getting in better shape both physically and most importantly mentally was just astonishing. It helped me a lot, but ops situation may be different, i dunno. Just trying to help because i feel like i've been at the same place as op are right now. I may be wrong, but something needs to be done before he finally decides to end his life.
Have you considered talking with a therapist and being as honest as you are right now?
im too scared to do anything, if i had no fear im 100% sure i would've been dead 3 years ago. i just feel like its slowly deteriorating and killing myself would be so much easier than having to endure this bullshit. i forgot to mention this but im a gay 17 year old and im pretty sure there would be no gay people in my school to even consider trying to date. same goes for online.
no, because im only 17 and too scared to go to my mom and ask her for help with a therapist, she'd probably just shrug it off and tell me to grow up lol.
Well, if you're only 17, every school has a therapist, better than nothing user.
>banned
Find any therapist, even the one at your school. Start doing shit that scares you (new encounters), that's the only way out of the hole you're in.
Make sure you get sunlight OP. Been in your situation and i can tell you staying inside won't work. You don't even need friends, go on a hike. Work on friends later.
buy motorcycle
???
profit!
Find some good sad but beautiful music like a couple smashing pumpkins songs. Smoke weed. Listen to comedy and try not to take life too seriously. Get interested in something that sounds fun to you, I know that's hard with depression and sometimes there are just gonna be days in bed but there's a lot of shit on YouTube to listen to when youre too fucking apathetic and pessimistic about life. Terrence Mckenna is a great speaker and has a ton of recordings on YouTube. Read a book. There are a lot of sad books but they make life still seem beautiful and interesting. Hemingway is simple and good. Joyce is challenging but fucking hilarious and genius. Culture doesn't account for fringe people because it caters to a pacified majority so nobody really offers good advice (in the mainstream) on handling depression. Life just is sad for some of us. Try your best to spread some love and learn some shit and experience a lot. Masturbate too, that helps, although here on p0rnchan that goes without saying...
Life can be rough but there are funny and enjoyable parts. Just do your best to stay afloat each day, you dont need to go to bed happy at night and if you expect to be happy things will just be worse. Best of luck man.
>have an impulse push all new encounters away from me for some reason
u "need" to work on this
>17
Hold the fucking phone. user I'm 24 and I was fucking miserable at 17 too. 17 is the worst part of your life. Here's what's ahead of you:
>personal freedom
>more mature grills
>can date grills outside your high school
>easier to find other nerds to date and be friends with
>beer and weed are easier to get
You need to do two things. One, get therapy or counseling. It's awkward and uncomfortable but it helps.
Two, stick it out. Go to college if you can. You'd be surprised how much better life gets.
I'm not belittling your problems or saying it's no big deal bc you're 17. It is a big deal. I know.
I'm saying never underestimate how much your life can change in a few years. Mine did.
I'm anti-social as fuck. Living at home, working a minimum wage job. (Semi)superficial interaction with coworkers and customers suffices that natural craving for human contact and I'm lucky to have a loving girlfriend. I think some people are just wired with an aversion to others. Most of the time I prefer to be alone or with my girlfriend. Depressed often, loads of anxiety, but weed helps. Anything creative as well. A lot of bleak parts of life but a lot of freedom comes from accepting them. Failures are people who cannot love or empathize with other people, those who have suppressed their inner curiosities for material goods and pleasures. Culture's a trap, trust yourself, but don't kill people!