As a p-psychologist anything!

As a p-psychologist anything!

I'm here for you Anonymous; don't s-suffer in s-silence.

I'll bump you any day cute person!

what disorder do you have that made you want to be a psychologist

byumpadump kangathump

Hello again. How is your day going?

T-that's a pretty common m-misconception, most psychologists d-don't have disorders (though we do tend to suffer from depression at higher rates than normal people).

interest in humanity?

*waves gently* H-hello there, it's only just s-started but I hope it is a m-marvelous day today

schizo here
how to get grill? :(

Is it really depression if I have legit reasons to be depressed all the time? If so, would I get good drugs for this?

Also, depression has lost me jobs in the past. Should I seek disability?
Amerifat, obviously.

*blinks* C-can you please provide more information? What kind of "schizo" are you? What sort of grill? That s-sort of thing

You're a professional psych?

What's the weirdest case you've had.

(inb4confidentiality, just dont use names, also board is user by default.)

*blinks slowly* What legit reason c-could you have to be depressed all the time?

Depression is not sadness, dear. It isn't caused by bad events, etc etc.

R-right here on this very board there are two women with ASPD that m-murder small animals, mostly dogs, to get off.

Wait, what? No photos with a marker board? :(

down in a hooole

T-this is the morning thread dear, I'm in m-my shower. Sadly, my dry erase markers are easily d-destroyed by water.

Also I just woke up. Cut me some slack.

*patpat* Aren't w-we all.

I hope so too. Thanks for the talk last night.

Every time i jerk off, no matter how horny i am, my body physically wont let me cum unless i remember the poster of steve buscemi that was in my room when i was younger. What the fuck is wrong with me Doc?

Kinky.

Has anyone ever came in and told you about their fucked up fetishes? If so, what were they?

If I can pontificate for a bit, for your edification, one of the rules of the Internet is "there are no girls on the Internet".

This rule does not mean what you think it means. In real life, people like you for being a girl. They want to fuck you, so they pay attention to you and they pretend what you have to say is interesting, or smart or clever. On the Internet, we don't have the chance to fuck you. This means the advantage of being a "girl" does not exist. You don't get a bonus to conversation just because I'd like to put my cock in you.

When you make a post like "hurr durr, I'm a girl" you are begging for attention. The only reason to post it is because you want your girl-advantage back, because you are too vapid and too stupid to do or say anything interesting without it. You are forgetting the rules, there are no girls on the Internet.

The one exception to this rule, the one way you can get your "girlness" back on the Internet, is to post your tits. This is, and should be, degrading for you, an admission that the only interesting thing about you is your naked body.

tl;dr: tits with timestamp or GTFO

Oh, it's m-my pleasure

So I'm not depressed, just always sad - to the point of not wanting to live or get out of bed.
legit, I should just die
OK

I have a fucked up fetish. Could you maybe explain where it comes from. I want my gf to clean my dick from my smegma.

You d-didn't answer my question dear

>calling me newfag
>not understanding the rules

Well it is not the simulation, I could constantly jerk off for three hours and not cum, but as soon as that succulent picture of Steve pops into my head. I fucking explode everywhere

Discomfort is my life, no worries.

this is the cringiest faggy weeb cringe ive ever seen, wow.

It's you w-who doesn't understand the rules silly

Why, despite having an amazing gf, do I never get aroused? I'm 25 years old and I very rarely get horny.

I've been presenting avolition, incoherence, and I was having hallucinations for 3 months. I haven't been taking any drugs, nor am I on any medications. I have not had any manic episodes, nor has depressive episodes been a problem for me. What do I have?

Also, come back when you're a psychiatrist.

You're on Sup Forums, roleplaying a psychologist, doing an AMA.

That didn't sound like an answer to the question. Glad i'm not one of your "patients", cause any psych whose exorbitant rates I'd be paying would at least answer my questions.

weird. I didn't get a steam post about this.

>It's you w-who doesn't understand the rules silly still not understanding the basic rules of tits or gtfo

S-seems you've never seen a waifu thread, fam.

Ah? Are y-you having ED troubles as well?

*burps* T-twenty percent correct as usual, newfag

>comeback when you are a psychiatrist
Kay!

oh... well Hi anyway Celty. I'm sure you can guess who this is.

And how can I vent myself, when it comes to fetish?

Ok,I was just kinda interested to see what clothes you are wearing tonight. ;)


Also, here is something to analyze on. (Other Anons can answer too)

Any ideas/tips for severe project/studies/work procrastination? I've had it for a decade, can't seem to find good ways to get around it.

I can tackle small projects/tasks by attacking it instantly, but it's the long ones that require days or weeks of work which I have trouble with. Having to interact with humans makes it worse.

The thought of looking at the state of my progress makes me anxious, this means my projects get postponed even more.

To get rid of that anxiety I drink or take sedatives before all-nighters with my projects.

I've talked with some of my closer friends about my methods. Usual answer is "Dude...that shit ain't normal..."

*waves* I t-think I'll be streaming today, BOTW?

I'll have to check my schedule

"vent" yourself?

>still being this much of a newfag

>still calling me newfag
>not able to form a valid point
> instead resorts to calling me a word in hope it might work

>20%

of what? show me your math. your fake psych degree can't even buy you a good calculator. That's bad though, because you need one to add up all your issues.

You'd think that a professional psych would know at least one speech pathologist to help clear that autistic stutter shit up.

Nobody likes psychologists because they can't write prescriptions. Get a real job you liberal-arts tier trap.

That sounds cool. I don't know if I'll be able to stop in. I have to move my stuff into my new place later on today.

You need to come into my broadcasts so I can shout you out woman!

Some symptoms of ED. Ie, struggle to keep it up.
It just doesn't seem to interest me. I can watch porn, get a semi but not feel at all aroused. The idea of having sex with my gf (or anyone else) doesn't really interest me.

Well I somehow need to deal with this fetish.
Do you know any way?

>Not replying with a diagnosis

kek

▬ OP has cellulite ▬

▬ Do not trust OP ▬

Whew. L-let's look through this.

1. I think it's just an advice thread, so whatever I'm wearing for streaming. Probably hot pants and some owl stockings.

2. You need to break down the big projects INTO small ones. One good framework for this is the agile framework, where you work on two week "sprints" designed to accomplish small subsets of the problem. It's worth googling, and github has stuff set up for Agile so it's a good workflow to integrate into if you are having trouble dealing with a large project.

I tend to think of it like this: Break your project into small, composable pieces and arrange them by dependencies. Then keep breaking them down into smaller and smaller units, until each one takes about 4 hours.

Then it's relatively trivial to "bite" that first piece and get started, and each "bite" leads to another dependency you can chow down on.

You'll be through four weeks of design and development in no time!

that fake-ass weeb chick got TOLD

OP has some dedication with this bait thread.
Here is a post.

How does one get over self-loathing. I feel like I don't even deserve to breath at this point

Google calendar on phone or comp, outline your project, split it up day by day, taking rest days when necessary.

Any of my big projects have been done this way, self discipline is best way of tine management.

OP is on Sup Forums. Don't trust OP.

Well said, have my babies.

>Newfag continues to newfag while screaming "NO U"

T-that was a reference dear.
The fact you didn't g-get it means you have b-bigger issues than me and my degrees

Don't take psych advice from someone that can't even stick to their gender. The mentally ill can't help the mentally ill.

I'm c-coming back to you when I have my degree and go through residency, silly

Post n-noted.

T-tell me more, Anonymous

tits or gtfo allow apply when someone claims femanon, as it says in the very copypasta that (you) posted. she is just offering advice. she never claimed her gender as an important part of the OP or thread

TL;DR lurk moar , I'm a newfag but I still have a loose grasp on these things

S-see? Look at this newfriend, lurkin' l-like a champ.

*patpat* G-good work, Anonymous

I don't know, Hitler was doing a pretty decent job.

>Newfag continues to newfag while screaming "NO U"

>still not able to form a valid point
>still tries the SJW method of ending every argument
>now tries to supposed undermine my argument by misrepresenting it

I have to applaud you for keeping up this bait game. You earned my respect.

How do i become as cute as you?

Wow you cured me, but I bet you cant cure this...


>cellulite

Oh, so you're just a man then.

N-no bait dear, just t-the facts

I'm baiscally unfuckable and undateable which throws romance as a possibility, I'm really not smart contrary to what everyone seems to think. I have no future. I can't even seem todo well at a shitty fast food job

P-post anime, and fuck up using hearts!

Rough anal sex?

I have to applaud you white knight. You were able to do something that OP wasn't cappable of. You were able to form a valid point and addressed my argument.

I'm n-not from an anime dear

I'm using my fancy-ass calculator that's out of your pay grade to figure out any of this shit.
Your "facts" don't add up, and your psych degree is √(-1).

>also timestamp because i'm not a faggot

filename is because of 4k camera filesize

how did you get rid of your cellulite then?

Alright, I'll give that a try. I haven't tried personal project time management before, but sounds effective.

Thanks! :)

>Father was violent alcoholic, white supremacist, terrorized me. I was conditioned to fear and hate all authority figures. Also, to never say 'no' to any such authority.
>Have breakdown in military - "other than honorable discharge" - character and behavior disorder.
>no VA benefits.
>drift from job to job for a decade. Homeless 4 times, no family support, no govt. support, no friends.
>end up in hospital, given psyche eval. Diagnosed with schitzoid personality, minor depression. Released, go to jail for stealing food from supermarket (I was actually dumpster diving - but the supermarket was all anal about it).
Early 30s, finally getting my head on straight. Find OTR truck driving suits my personality well. But I have to hide my psych past so I can drive. They don't let crazies drive, for some reason (/sarcasm). Can't get anti depressants.
>end up losing a couple of driving jobs due to not getting out of bed for days at a time.
meawhile, back at the ranch.
>meet grill - suicidal. I turn all white knight. Give her 2 kids so she has reasons not to kill herself. It works.
>One kid literally autistic, the other about as dumb as a stump (think Luanne in "King of the Hill" without any mechanical or logic ability).
>paying child support, finally starting to feel happy
>Mother of children dies of brain cancer.
So now, for the past 3 years, I've been sitting at home, burning through my savings while raising 2 idiot kids whom I was never meant to raise, totally unqualified to raise, and can't do shit with because I only learned how to mind fuck kids when I was growing up.
Add to that, I became a type II diabetic immediately after I left the truck, my prostate swelled like a giant fucking balloon, and am now 100lbs overweight.
>you know how unlikely it is for a man to lose 100lbs? Let alone while dealing with other mental and medical problems?

Add to that, I'm a news junkie and have one of the most cynical distopian view of humanity.

kill yourself, fake ass psychololigyst

I'd say that more evidence is needed, but time has proven how easy it is to fake that.

M-my degree is a complex number w-with no real component? Interesting

>I m-made the exact same point tits or gtfo allow apply when someone claims femanon, as it says in the very copypasta that (you) posted. she is just offering advice. she never claimed her gender as an important part of the OP or thread

I assume you go by Alice. Alice have you ever been to the /r9k/ psychological issues thread? If not, I suggest going there.

Yeah. Saw a psychologist about it. Threw pills at me and told me to be happy.
She didn't mention what you said though. I mentioned to her that nothing seems to interest me and that I can't generally seem to feel happiness (not being an edge lord, I genuinely cant) but she put me on some low mg depressants (despite not actually being depressed).

After about 6 months of making no progress I stopped seeing the psychologist. Figured there isn't anything that can be done, so I simply resigned to it.

fuck it, we should just rebel and make the c.r.e.a.m dolla dolla bill yall right ali?

>when you can't rearrange an equation and have to use a $500 calculator to do it for you
>iamarealamerican.jpg

I know i know. Your schedule is hectic. Be safe though. Ill try to catch you around. You have me on Steam and Skype. Don't be a stranger :)

most times it's a gamble with the pills, go back, try more

Hey "Alice", how do you feel about wasting all your $ on a psych degree when an user on an imageboard who has no psych training gave the same advice you did?

>such a valuable profession

no, if you don't count being a manlet/dicklet with an ugly ass face. it's nature telling me to fuck off out of the gene pool

youdastranger

>S-sure, if it is causing you discomfort or harm, extinction is a v-valid plan. See a sexual psychologist, and they c-can work on extinguishing it.

But if I want to live with my fetish. I still need some way to deal with it. Should I talk to my gf or get a prostitute?

Surprisingly no. She's full blown female. She has a bit of deep voice. but she's female... and owns a lot of Cosplay and stockings. it's a bit awkward really.

B-been lied to more than once myself dear, so I understand your concern. B-but it is immaterial to what I do h-here so....

Whew. L-let's take a look here.

Ah shit. An other than honorable is hard to work with, that's for sure.

100 pounds, diabetic, BPH I presume, t-that sure is rough Anonymous. I f-feel for you.

But aren't you okay to go to the doctor and get antidepressants now that you aren't driving the truck?

she's a fuckin programmer with a reputable financial company on wall street, iirc she did some psychology degree earlier on... whats you're beef

an hero, you stuttering faggot

No I just sort of know this chick. she streams on Twitch. Has Steam. Even has a Skype. She just works a lot and has her day specifically planned out to the T. (no pun intended)

is peanut butter a good meal when you have no money?

Take me out for a walk in the park
And I love you, yes I do
Take me out, near the fawn
Surprised to find, I'm holding on
Touch my dingle on the seventh day of the season, yes you do
Pass the bong, it's right there on the table, yes it is
See what I'm sayin'?
Pass the bong, it's sittin' there
At the table

Psych-chan I don't have anything to ask but you're a nice user

your degree is √(-1) which is i.
i is an imaginary number.
I'm calling your degree imaginary.


that moment when you use basic algebra to insult a liberal-arts tier Sup Forums "psych" and they're so retarded they dont understand so you have to spell it out for them.

N-no, that was me addressing the point dear