Life is passing me by. It's been over ten years since I've had sex, and that was with my first... at 33

Life is passing me by. It's been over ten years since I've had sex, and that was with my first... at 33.

I've been unemployed since 2009 and haven't even walked out my front door in over six months, and I'm getting letters from the city telling me to cut my lawn because I've been neglecting everything around me.

I cancelled my phone service two years ago because I wasn't using it, and the last time I even interacted with a human being in person was when two women from the local church came by trying to recruit me to their religion. This was last year, and before them nobody had come to my door in over two years.

Everything I need I order from Amazon, and when I wake up at 6 or 7pm there's always a package waiting on my doorstep with whatever food and supplies I need to keep going.

The only thing I ever look forward to in my life anymore are upcoming game releases and movie sequels.

None of this is exaggerated whatsoever.

What's the source of your income then?

Sup Forums doesn't care about your problems. We aren't therapists.

I owned a house in the late 90s/early 2000s and sold it for six times what I paid in 2004. Add that to a sizeable income I earned and saved between 2002 and 2007, I've had money to float for a while. I own my current home outright and only pay property taxes and utilities for it.

Stop being such a fucking pussy.

Your father has failed you.

By the way, why have you even started this thread?

Sounds like the life tbh op. You kinda free to just do as you please. Take advantage of that. Play games, make friends. I've been friends with some people have the country away for over 3-4 years(?) now and they're some of the best people I know. Just be friendly. Play vidya, watch movies, there's plenty of entertainment to keep you going for lifetimes. Become a movie buff. Find some sort of art thing to do graphically, there's a wide variety of things to try. Oh and only browse/b/ casually. It's depressing here.

Except for the money part, you sound just like me. If I had known how to buy bitcoin 4 years ago when I was trying, I'd even be able to match you on the money part.

I wonder how many other people match our sad state.

I'm bored, lonely, and couldn't think of anything else to talk about. So I started venting.

I just wanted to interact with someone, even if local protocol dictate that they'll probably hate me anyway.

I'm glad you started this thread OP. I was just driving home and thinking of what great lives some of the people I've known are probably living while I'm a virtual prisoner in my room. Depressing as fuck.

Sounds like your body doesn't produce enough dopamine.

Its the hormone that gives most normies their spice for life, its what makes people get out of bed in the morning and want to tackle the day and work towards goals.

Iv finally come to this realization at 28 years old, why im always drinking and smoking weed, the occasional narcotics here and there.

Then I just sit and get bitter at all the people and even friends I have that were all born with the normal amount of dopamine sites in the brain.

They are all blithe with unconcern and don't even need a reason to do anything.
They make money are a happy about doing it.

Meanwhile the rest of us are " dopamine chasers ", weed, booze, pills, they give us a little boost but that sunshine is always just out of reach.

Just enough to keeps us from killing ourselves I suppose.

Why did you stop going out and shit? What was the cause? Why don't you have a job anymore?

- are you on meds? Should you be on meds?

There are more exciting ways to get dopamine. It means getting up off your ass and doing things though.

What other threads are you looking at OP because you sure as fuck aren't active in this one.

>I'm bored, lonely,
That is not surprising.

>I just wanted to interact with someone,
And of all places, you choose /b

>even if local protocol dictate that they'll probably hate me anyway.
As for me, I don't hate you, nor I like you. In fact I don't care about you at all.

Doing what?

Smart faggot

My family stopped calling me years ago when I stopped returning their calls. My mother used to call me and leave a message on my answering machine screaming and crying that she would call the police to go to my house and check on my if I didn't immediately pick up. Eventually I called her bluff and would just up and go to the movies and drive around for a few hours to see if they'd ever show up. They never did.

My brother drove 800 miles to check on me and I wouldn't answer the door when I looked out the peephole and saw who it was. Eventually he just gave up and left.

The last time I talked to my family I found out my older step-brother had killed himself on my birthday (related, my birthday is near Christmas, that was the real trigger for him).

Sometimes I feel like I've seen literally every show on Netflix.

Why do you hate your family enough to do that to them?

>(related, my birthday
I meant unrelated

i don't hate them outright. I just can't stand the questions they ask, and small problems like not answering their calls once ina while fester and turn into 'a thing', and eventually I just stopped wanting to talk to them, to explain for the umpteenth time why I feel like I want to be alone all the time.

I haven't hung out with a friend since high school. I don't interact or socialize, and I haven't. Not since graduating high school, in 1992.

Why are you such an asshole not to open for your family? What bad must they have done to you?

And what's the reason you've given them for wanting to be alone?

No I know what you mean, I completely agree with you.

But for a lot of people thats just how it is.

I take my bike on trails a few times a week, go out to bars and I even have a gf.

But its a struggle for motivation, where to most people its just comes naturally.

Its no ones fault, just a faulty wiring. Luck of the draw.

I didn;t open the door because he woudl hardly recognize me. We hadn't seen eachother in 7 or 8 years, and at the time I had gained a lot of weight, and didn't want my family to find out what I'd become.

Also, letting him in meant letting him see inside my house. The inside looked like a landfill at the time. I wasn't taking care of myself.

Sheesh dude, these are severe problems. If things look better know talk to them and apologize. Get over yourself.

They don't seem like my father who at meetings just would get drunk and then starts insulting me for no reason.

>My brother drove 800 miles
Wow. That is cca three times the distance between the most east and most west point of my country.

I don't even think it's chemical, it's rather a motivational thing.

Will you get positive feedback from your peers and such

It's supplying enough of it to keep it going. Like lighting a fire, it's not going to just burst into flames and keep going forever, it takes work and upkeep to keep a fire, not just getting a little flame and restarting whenever it goes out. It's the only thing that has worked for me to avoid drugs. Just keep pushing until I'm addicted to the thrill

Southern California to Utah.

I think you are ready for space mission .
Get hired by NASA bro .

I say it in mother tongue, you might translate:

Lass dich nicht von anderen blenden, wie toll ihre Leben sind. Andere erzählen nicht von ihren Schwierigkeiten, sie lassen sich nichts anmerken. Besonders Anglos scheinen immer das Easy Life zu leben, mit tausenden Sachen, die auf einmal los sind.

Ich habe gestern Menschen gesehen, die nach der Arbeit auf den Zug gewartet, von ihrer Kleider her zu schließen waren es gute Bürojobs.

Alle starrten nur stumpf geradeaus, sie haben noch nicht mal mit ihren Smartphones etwas gemacht.

tl,dr

Other people struggle in their lives too

everything is chemical. You think your body runs off of magic and spoopy spiritual spirits?
The fire was bigger when I was younger, seemed to get smaller over the years. But Id rather smoke a little pot then make it worse by becoming some slave to anti depressants or anxiety medications from big pharm.

>addicted to the thrill

Thats chemical, you have that chemical to get addicted and hooked on a hobby. You should feel super lucky.

I have a huge video game closet, filled with past consoles and new consoles.

I just walk right by that shit everyday. Cant even summon the interest to play them anymore.

Back in the 90s I'd sit alone on my computer all night long, staying up till 6am, knowing I had to get up at 7am for work. I would just be me and leaked Metallica .WAV files from their upcoming Load album.

I used to cut my forearm with a knife I was playing around with, which I'd found in the parking lot at work. I had to start wearing long sleeves, because the marks caused questions. As soon as I started covering them up, it was like I was free to make them as big and ugly as i wanted, and I started to cut up my thighs and shoulders too.

I never did it with the intention of killing myself, just causing some sort of horrible pain to distract myself from my misery. I haven't done that in 20 years, for some reason the urge just isn't there now days. but the misery persists.

yeah but what we do and how we live affects the chemicals

you're so called fire sounds like magic and spoopy spoops

>pain

I why everybody has to cut themselves. you could just pull out hair. It is as painful but no scars will be left behind

I know this might not computer, but pulling out hair isn't the right kind of pain, and... hurts wrong. I don't know how best to explain it. It's more like an annoying twinge than a deep and direct focus of pain precisely where your brain is telling you that you need it most. And pain with a knifepoint can be so much better controlled and intensified as needed.

>computer
*compute

ok, my sister did this as well, I think the reason was to feel something after all feels has been numbed in the struggle

That can be par tof it (overcoming numbness), but for me it was about providing a distraction from the menal misery. I would sit there, crying, not sobbing, just tearing up with tears leaking down my face, for hours. Thinking about what a sad sack I am that I could never, day after day, admit my feelings for girls I knew, when all other guys my age were banging chicks left right and center.

Add that to the stigma of being a non-Mormon in mormon country, and I was vilified by anybody I was interested in to boot.

I went home alone every single friday night, only to come back the next mondays to hear about all the weddings and farewell parties (for mutual acquaintances heading off to missionary school) that I'd never heard about much less been invited too.

>banging chicks left right and center.
>mormon country

not directly topic related but are mormons not somewhat conservative?

an hero

Sterotypically yes. But there's a wild child phase nearly every single one of them goes through when they mature and start trying to rebel a bit against the life-long bonds their family and religion have placed on them... except they'll typically only go through it with eachother... Still seeing the rest of us as unclean.

I wasn't in SLC, so there wasn't a whole lot of cultural diversity where I lived,

Why not do drugs ?