I am starting to think I have more wrong with me than I had previously thought. I know I am a narcissist...

I am starting to think I have more wrong with me than I had previously thought. I know I am a narcissist. I use people when it's convenient. I am not violent but god help you if you cross me. Instead of admonishing those who manipulate others I admire them. I am a pathological liar most of the time. I can't recall a time when I was truly honest with another person. I've told part truths and if you were to add them all up maybe you would have something partly true about who I am. I am careful enough never to tell two people that will have a significant conversation about me anything that's true or could be used to come to any negative conclusions about me. I am really good at making other people feel guilty for stuff that I've done. I only care about girls when haven't had them yet. As soon as I sleep with them or realize that they have feelings for me I immediately become uninterested in them. I only give them attention until I find someone else to pursue. If they in turn become uninterested in me I will immediately turn it back on until they're right there where they were. I don't really want to hurt them I just want their attention. Guys am I a full on Patrick Bateman psycho? What should I do? Am I ever going to love someone? I would like to but I don't know how. I can fake it and say all the right things but I can never feel it. 3 girls have told me that they love me and all 3 times I felt absolutely nothing but I always said it back. I just liked the way they needed me, complimented me, and how other people looked at me when I was with them. My girlfriend accused me of being a sociopath and that's what made me think about all this stuff. I already told her she's acting crazy and that's a horrible thing to accuse someone of. I also said why haven't I ever beat you up or threatened you like Ted Bundy or whatever. She immediately apologized. I think she might be right though. I know you're all fucked in the head are any of you like this?

woah, I aint reading all that, sum it up in 3 words

yes OP I also am
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a faggot.

That's what you get for being a liar

TL;DR I know I am a narcissist but I am also starting to think I am a sociopath.

You have a longing thurst for cum thats never satisfied

I wonder how long this can go before it will trigger spam filter
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check these dubs

well depends on if you feel at all bad about it, if you do then you should motivate yourself to change, if you don't then you won't change no matter what

I wouldn't say bad I feel like I am missing out on something.

i'd fuck you up op you faggot

You should probably kill yourself

How often do you feel like something is genuine? Like genuine feelings, genuine acts, just true interactions in life in general.

Reading your post as someone who is very much the opposite of you, it feels like nothing in your life is "true". Not having anything truly genuine in life would probably end me personally.

I can't answer your question, I think only a legitimate psychologist could help you with that.

I have thought about it but I am too much of a narcissist.

I am not sure what you mean? I don't have genuine feelings. I feel something when other people give me attention but I am not exactly sure what that is. I only do things that benefit me or will indirectly benefit me. So I guess never. I guess I really am not a good person. Since you took the time to not shitpost. I'll give you a little tip. You're the type of person I find to be the easiest to manipulate. So watch out for people like me.

You just described the stereotype of a sociopath user.
You manipulate people, and admire other manipulators. Everyone can manipulate when they have something to gain out of it, but you seem to do it often, so yeah, bad news buddy.

Maybe you're not a narcissist, but I can't really tell, I'm no doctor and don't know you.

I just hope you're not full paranoid. You do seem to have paranoia, or maybe I'm reading to much into this, but that's what I think of when you say you constantly hide yourself behind lies all the time.

I'd recommend going to seek medical help. Laws are made so that what you say to a psychiatrist is a secret and it would be against the law to talk about to someone else.
Your secrets are safe if you talk to those guys.
It could help, they know more than an internet board full of insensitive factors.

Good luck OP

Haha I appreciate the warning. Although I honestly feel I have a pretty good idea of when people are using me.

I've always found it interesting, because like I said I'm very much the opposite - I've always seen using people as an excuse, a way to get things you're too lazy to work for yourself (I'm aware that might be a bit extreme in my direction, but anyway)

So, because of that I've always been very very cautious of how people act around me, what they ask for me and so on. Whenever I've felt that someone's using me I've told them to fuck off right away.

Usually I despise people like you, but right now I'm a bit drunk so it's all good!

I have seen psychiatrists before and I basically have turned them into legal drug dealers. I manipulated them into prescribing me drugs I wanted. So I'd have to approach it differently. I am also afraid that they'd lock me up in a psych ward or something or limit my freedoms in some way. I've never done anything that warrants being locked up in a psych ward or anything overly criminal but I don't like the idea of it.

Speaking of things that benefit you. Even though I avoid using people, I do truly believe that everything we do is for our own benefit - Even if we don't realize it.

I remember reading "What is man?" by Mark Twain as a kid and it very much formed that opinion.

Some people (like me) perhaps just aren't honest about the fact that all their actions are in truth selfish.

Well you're sort of right but I am the type of person who doesn't really care and will happily take the credit for other people's work. I cheated a lot in high school and college. I don't really cheat at work but I try to do the least I can without setting off any alarm bells.

See I've always thought the same thing that everyone uses other people and are self interested. They're just afraid to admit it. I feel like those people are worse than I am because they're not being honest with themselves. I know that I am self interested. I know people would do all the stuff that I do if they were able to. They just either can't get away with it or aren't smart enough to devise a plan.

I think the big difference is our willingness to hurt people in the process. Physically or mentally.

Even if I do do things only for my own sake, I still try to make sure it's not at the expense of anyone else. But thinking about it that too could be a selfish action by me - The thought of someone hurting because of me is not something I want, so I avoid it to preserve my own well-being.

Anyway, this is a philosophical discussion that I'm not sure we should get into.

I recommend you read that Mark Twain essay, it's not very long at all and I think you if anyone might find it interesting.

Yeah, I guessed that would happen for someone like you.

And you are right, you need a different approach. I want to suggest my idea for this. It won't be easy for you to do this, but the reward should be worth it I guess.

So to see a new psych, in a new medical center, just to reset everything to 0.
Now, what's important:

-Trust. Your first conversation must be about trust. State the fact you don't trust people. And the other way around "You shouldn't trust me".
Talk about your fear of being put into a psych ward, and tell them that's your only condition for getting help.
And when its settled work on trusting that person.

-Fear. The lack of trust is usually because one fears the consequences. Talk about those fears. Open up as much as you possibly can. Don't worry about freaking them out, they will have your back.

So there you go, start off with finding someone you can trust, and they trust you back. Then talk about your fears and problems.

I hope you'll do this and overcome your mental blocks.
It should not be easy for someone like you, but that's the thing, its only hard at the beginning and it well get easier as time goes.
And normally, you should feel relieved that you did so.