Dear Sup Forums. I am absolutely pathetic and I want to die. I'm 32, old enough to be some of your dads...

Dear Sup Forums. I am absolutely pathetic and I want to die. I'm 32, old enough to be some of your dads. I have epilepsy (pretty bad shit) and so I can't function in normal society. I'm stuck with my parents. I love them to death but I'm breaking inside. I haven't had a girlfriend in 6 years.

Despite taking a drug that makes me gain weight I'm dieting and exercising. I hope that maybe I'll lose some weight, enough that I can feel good about my shit.

Right now I need to vent. Yeah I thought about killing myself but its not fair to the people who care about me, and besides I do have a cute dog so... thats something?

I just wish I had a normal life. I mean.. I did once. I fell in love with a girl and I thought I'd be with her for life... it didn't work out. I think maybe I should have followed her (she was from Taiwan and went back there) but I wouldn't know the language, I'd be a burden (more than I am now). It would be selfish right? Regardless its a regret I have.

Anyways feel free to shit on my parade.

>I mean.. I did once. I fell in love with a girl and I thought I'd be with her for life... it didn't work out. I think maybe I should have followed her (she was from Taiwan and went back there) but I wouldn't know the language, I'd be a burden (more than I am now). It would be selfish right? Regardless its a regret I have.

Why don't you save up some of the money you get from disability and take a trip to Taiwan to try and find her, and while you're saving up for the trip you can be spending time researching and learning her language online, there are free resources everywhere, take advantage of them. If you manage to find her and pick up a bit of her language she'd probably be pretty impressed. What's stopping you? Then you wouldn't regret she left, because you took the time and effort to refind her.

She has a new boyfriend now.... pretty sure it would wreck whats left of me.

Okay, well, you could still take a trip over there and take a vacation, right? Everyone likes vacations. Who knows, you could meet a new Taiwanese girl to date. Worth a shot man.

I guess, I've never met someone on a vacation however.

I got to go to "Tournament of Kings" in Excalibur four years ago. My parents bought me the ticket (apparently my dad was happy that I had fixed all the family electronics for free including a $1200 computer he owned).

Anyways I went there. It was a very good show but eventually I just holed up in the hotel room.

I think I feel happiest when I'm actually useful to someone. I feel bad when I'm affecting someone else negatively. Anyways thanks for trying to cheer me up.

...

People who see me have a seizure generally don't make eye contact with me.

I wish someone would put a quarter in my pocket and pretend they were going for a ride or something. At least it would be funny.

This got me going
I hope you gonna be okey man!

my dead gf dad had massive seizures where he would suddenly slam to the floor.

we had to act like it was no big deal, and just give him a hand after it was over, so he could sit on chair, and give him a soda or something

i wish he wouldve really sat down and told us what to do, how to act, and what not to do, bcuz, i think he was mostly just embarrassed about the whole thing we witnessed.

inevitably, he died, but he was probly 70, and had these types of occurances for 20 years though.

old gf had a "accidental" suicide of prescription meds like 5 years later, but i really dont think he was why it happened

Get a 1000000 life insurance policy on yourself. Go to Thailand, women everywhere. They like the old (and infirm). Tell them you only have like a year to live, they will crawl all over you. Why they like the old and handicapped? Because they only have to wait a little while before they collect the money! And if you live longer, no problem, just make sure that you buy a condo on a high floor, because if you are poor and can only afford, say a third floor apartment, then it won't kill you when they push you out of the window, it will only hurt. But, hey, you'll at least get some cheap ass out of it for six months.

I'm in a similar situation with a nerve degeneration disease. Always in pain, never know when it will be so bad I can't even sit. Difficult to make any plans and extremely painful/stressful to have a job.

Been back with my parents a few years and decided I'll just have to deal with my condition and get a job. I am so sick of being at home that I think its worth trying again.

If you can manage to do some type of job, it may help (not sure of the specifics of your condition affecting employment). I know its going to suck for me, but it already sucks so might as well try and get some money and social interaction at least.

As long as I have my dog I'll be fine. She acts like I'm the most important person in the world sometimes and makes me feel happier.

Besides I just needed to vent. Life will keep going on and I probably can help some people in this world before it gets to the point where I can't deal with all this pain. So I'll just keep living until then.

Damn dude, I'm so sorry. Do you get disability? You shouldn't have to work if your nerves are giving out on you.

>I think I feel happiest when I'm actually useful to someone. I feel bad when I'm affecting someone else negatively.

You have to make yourself happy before you worry about others friend. Sounds selfish, I know, but if you aren't happy how can you expect to make others happy? Find what makes you happiest, and let it boost your morale. Everythong else will fall into place. The girl you lost though? Fuggedaboutit. More where she came from and one is out there that'll make you even happier and love you for who you are and what you have to offer. Trust me. I know.

i heard dogs can smell an oncoming seizure, or pre-emptively know something is about to happen. i forgot where I read that....

How do you spend all your time?

I find myself going through slumps where I get sick of things I generally enjoy (reading, internet, poker, etc.). I can't really drive and don't have anybody to spend time with so I just sit at home all day everyday and it is not as great as it might seem. I definitely feel like a waste.

And what if you get a girlfriend will your life be complete? Theres no such thing as happiness just momentary rewards

Good to hear!

but if you gonna do it, take someone with you
what i mean is, if you gonna kill yourself, kill someone else in the prosess! lika molester or animal abuser..

You feel happy when you help others right? So figure out where you're most helpful and try to share that. Offer free help...get that good feeling back even if only a tiny bit, and focus on only that...then once you get your mojo you'll start opening a bit more and feeling better. Hang in there man...good luck.

I did in california, but had to move back to midwest where my parents are and the state doesn't believe/recognize my condition. Best I can get is some unemployment, but that only lasts so long when they keep asking why i haven't found a job yet.

This country has a disaster of a health care system. You can tell it was all organized over the years by people that don't have these types of problems.

They do. Mine whines like the dickens. I get in bed and try to prep before I lose consciousness when I hear that.

You should get a job. I worked with a lady that had seizures once in a while. It really wasn't a big deal.

I know some dogs can do that for certain cancers. Dogs are fucking awesome.

I'm not OP, i've got nerve damage.

I do want to work though, be of some value and have something to do.

We need more open conversation about the things you're going through in our country. Write a blog or a letter about your experience with the health care system. Don't shit post - write it carefully, edit it, really think about it, and then share it. Start a dialog. I'm sure there's an epilepsy association in your state right...or reach out to the national association. The great thing about america is there are so fucking many of us...you and your condition are never alone...find others...open up, and let them in. Being in a community helps so much for the heart and soul, and can lead to work opportunities as well. Good luck brother

It does, it's real shitty, especially in the flyover states. No one is interested in public assistance, despite red states being the biggest welfare suckers.

Maybe you can try to move back to a state with better disability programs? Could you perhaps work 10-20 hours a week at home doing website design stuff? Don't report the income and the combination of NEETbux + side money probably would let you live alone.

They can. My bro has seizures, and we're looking into getting one.

Video games, helping around my parents house, trying to stay in shape, reading, watching old science fiction like babylon 5, a walk around the river on a good day.

Loneliness is a fucking killer.

No its just a regret. I don't know how my life would have been.

depakote?

Damn that shits deep....I like it

On a bad day I have seizures that can last a hour. Additionally they are gran mal so basically I fall down and I can possibly hurt myself.

I'm a walking liability to most companies.

Yep. Also depression and thyroid medication. I take the fucking horse pills that are hard to get down.

>Maybe you can try to move back to a state with better disability programs? Could you perhaps work 10-20 hours a week at home doing website design stuff? Don't report the income and the combination of NEETbux + side money probably would let you live alone.

That is actually a pretty good plan.

I could really use a change of location and my old job in california used to let me work 20 hour weeks from home towards the end. I might call up my old boss and see if they need some work done that I could do mostly remotely. Shit, I'd even work for well below my old rate until they are happy with my work.

Thanks for the idea!

You willing to suck my cock before you go :P surely you would like to try once in your life?

Depression seems sadly quite common for these kinds of chronic conditions. I mean it is literally a depressing situation. Take a terrible situation and make it much more terrible. Sucks man, sorry to hear that.

fuck check this
>I ᖴᑌᑕK TOᑎIGᕼT . ᑕOᗰ

Was bad about 4 years ago. I woke up, looked in the mirror, would say "fuck you're not who you used to be". Go back to bed and starve because I hated myself. It got alot darker but that was pretty much my daily routine. Problem was that would compound with the epilepsy so I'd end up in the hospital.

Hey man still wondering if you will take me up on this offer? I love getting my cock sucked by a virgin (cock sucker that is). Will fly out to you and everything.

No more shit than it is i guarantee it. Women get fat and ugly man fuck them. Also everyone has regret but theres no point wallowing in the past. Learn from your mistakes, keep doing what makes you happy and keep improving yourself.

Think about the other things in life, find somethiing to do, hang out with your family! Helped me.

(OP)
Smoke weed you silly nigger. CBD oil specifically.. My BFFs dad has epilepsy and his “medication” is literally killing him, and he refuses to use marijuana despite all of the research showing positive results. Sad.

they don't call it hero for nothing.

If I don't get into med school there is a bridge with my name on it

...

lived in TW - easy to get jobs as ESL teacher (if you have any bachelors degree; prob not too hard if you get some type of cert like TOEFL)
youre kind of a 2nd class citizen though; most foreigners that teach are borderline alcholics (work til about 8/0; get food w friends/other waigou ren; get drunk; get up at 1 to get ready for work); hardest part is first few months, after that prep time is almost nothing, pay is higher than many professional jobs in TW, rent is cheap (unless Taipei, but why live in a place where it rains all the time)

personally i got out of it as quickly as possible, got a masters, and a real job, but lots of losers who cant get by anywhere else thrive in the country/position (im still friends with some of them).

You're not alone, op
I'm older than you and I want my pain to end every day, but I won't kill myself because I believe parents should never have to bury their children.
I don't want to crash your thread but I've been searching for a place to vent for hours. If you don't want anyone else depressing things further I'll fuck off

I have grand mal epilepsy (for those of you that dont know its one of the more powerful seizures you can have, falling down shaking loss of conciousness and then wake up sore in every muscle with a migraine that makes me vomit) and eat medication every day. Dont let it keep you down, man. Some days i wake up in an ambulance but most days i dont. I dont know when it'll hit me so i cant drive a car.. Still i refuse to live a life in fear so i still do stuff i maybe shouldnt do. I have a girlfriend now and i've told her if it happens what to do and dont freak out cuz its scary.. like a little cpr guide. Just be honest and straight forward in your everyday life, spend less time dwelling on shit or being hard on yourself its not worth it. At least its only epilepsy, you know!! You couldve been born in all kinds of fucked up ways yet here you are man!