Popcorn for one again, sir?

>popcorn for one again, sir?

>go to cinema alone
>feet and armpits get all sweaty
>can't bare to look the stub collector in the eye
>make my way to my seat
>nothing but row after row after row of happy, attractive couples
>squeeze past a line of cute teenagers
>can hear them whisper to each other, probably about me
>trip over one of their legs
>smack my head on an armrest
>soda and popcorn goes everywhere
>basically full on crying at this stage
>eventually get to my seat
>can feel everyone staring at me
>distinctly hear someone say "how pathetic"
>pit in my stomach plummets
>feel a sharp jolt
>I'm lying in bed
>it was all a bad dream
>roll over and spoon my girlfriend
>she reaches around and gives my raging member a playful squeeze

Anyone else know this feel?

>Oh, hahaha, yeah thanks Lamar.

M-my mu- I mean my girlfriend will be here shortly.

>waking up happier than in the dream

No, not at all.

>buy two of everything so the cashier will think you're holding a seat for your attractive gf that is also a successful and busy business woman

>not ordering two nachos and large pop instead
Look at this nigger, christ.

>it's a "Sir we do not allow any anvils in our cinema" episode

>nachos
>pop
How can amerilards enjoy kino eating this pleb shit?

No gf currently but can confirm playful squeezing of manhood is GOAT.

>mandatory penis inspection in effect
ah damn, I hate it when they do that. Last time I saw a guy who tried to smuggle in a fake penis. He was shot on sight by the local theatre sniper

No, I've got this water bottle from home and that's enough, I want to actually focus on the film.

>am I the only one
Yes, you're a special snowflake. Well done

>trying to smuggle things into the theatre
You should probably leave, sir.

>go see Suicide squad
>sneak past the theater sentries into the showers
>finally get to my seat
>enjoying the flick post-ironically
>theater sniper starts taking shots
>notice that the usual theater sniper is letting his understudy take the shots today
>the understudy tries to shoot the fat guy next to me
>misses his head and instead hits him in the gut
>shit, blood, half eaten popcorn and butter flavoured topping spew all over me
It really ruined the dance intermission for me

O-one order of crab legs p-please

Of course Tyrone. You have my wife for BBC week, remember?

I'll have 2 numbah nayans a numbah nayan large a numbah siX with exrra dep A Numbah Svn 2 45z 1 with cheez and large soder.

>My theatre now only allows 1 anvil per person
really sucks, anyone else have this problem?

"I'm sorry Chloe, I wouldn't have brought you here if I had known."

>mandatory shower time
>accidentally drop the soap
>shower ogre rapes me
>everyone laughing at me
>slip on the soap as I try to run out and spill my crab coke
>they charge me an exit fee for leaving early
>forgot my anvil at my seat

I'm never going there again

Is there really that much of a stigma attached to people going to the cinéma alone in the US or is it exaggerated on Sup Forums?

>tfw you have to use the backup vape zone

>That'll be $8.99 plus tip

>yfw the guy behind you spills soda on your anvil