My name is "The scorpion" I offer my blessing to those deserving of it...

My name is "The scorpion" I offer my blessing to those deserving of it. but my blessing does not come cheap! I require a story from each of you. Tell me of a time in your life when you felt high levels of embarrassment. Those I deem worthy will have a blessing of my choosing.

>> This one time, in band camp..

You receive no blessing.

What? No, that was the story. I went to band camp. Totally embarrassing.

And you have been judged. Don't pester the scorpion further.

>be me
>experimenting with fetishes
>trying out diapers and bondage
>wearing just a diaper and a makeshift straitjacket
>got stuck
>had to ask someone to help me get out of it
>they laughed, took loads of pictures of me in it
>openly mocked me and paraded me around the house and threatened to push me outside like that
>had to use the diaper too
>they finally let me out of it
>am in tears by this point
>they dont let me leave to change for another 15 or so minutes after that
>they still refer to me as baby and still have the pics they took

looks like a dick puppet

Many a false god would ask for proof of these claims. But I do not wish to see such uncouth debauchery. I give you my sympathy aswell as a blessing of a quick mind. Your quips will be as sharp as a blade.

Watch your tone, creature.

>Listened to kpop unironically

Help

thanks. i wish it were fake. believe me i do :\

Your blight... if it can be called that, is uninteresting to the scorpion. You receive no blessing.

I am about to take my private pilot checkride on monday, can you bless the weather to be god that day please

You expect a blessing for nothing!? You walk into my lair and just assume the scorpion will give you something for nothing!? Leave! Leave and never come back!

I am sorry sir, I didn't mean to anger you. Hear is a snake king as my offering to make peace
I am sorry again

this thread gave me a much needed laugh. depression sucks ass

FALSE KING!!!

The scorpion does not know mortal pain. You may not have a blessing but you have my sympathy.

thanks

I will also gift you a warrior from my army let him help you kill many more false kings

Hm hm. His name is cal....vin...hobbes. His name is calvin hobbes.

friend changed desktop background to this. my computer broke soon after. you can guess how that went

Good thread

Thank you sir, is there anything else you require for me to receive your blessing?

Shameful, yet arousing. You have earned a blessing, but just barely. I gift you the eyes of the omnissiah. Peer into the soul of all technological devices and cleanse them with your sad soul.

thank you. all the internet cats are yours

>be me
>15
>massive autism
>tell girl out of my league that i like her on ask.fm
>tell her my name
>conversation on her public ask.fm
>delete after she reads it
>mfw i realize how autistic i am
>never talk to her again

Mr. Scorpion please offer me a blessing
>be me
>be working in an "independent living community"
>fancy word for old persons home
>be cleaning dishes in bus station
>smells disgusting garbage (as usual)
>old peoples food is gross
>have lady smack me in the neck with her cane
>says "Boy, I almost tripped on a meatball over there go pick it up"
>goes over to meatball
>grabs "meatball" in bare hands
>realizes we don't serve meatballs
>smush
>Old persons shit in my hands
>Oh Shit.png
>realizes the dinning room also smells
>realizes someone shit in nearly every chair and dragged there shit all over the rug
>violates health codes and boss forces me to clean shit out of carpet for 5 hours
>go home
>get mono from shit on floor

In the scorpions eyes... you have seen shame among shame, you do not earn a blessing but my ire. Your wench will awake to find herself with genital warts.

kek, no gf. What did you expect?

femanon here, too lazy to greentext, but here's my story. so I really liked this guy ok? dude looked like captain america, was really smart and funny too. whereas I'm a 5, mayyybe 7/10 on the best days with makeup. but basically, my highschool was having a "crazy clothes day" fundraiser, and I love those types of things. so i dressed all crazy, and looked like a dumbass. I came in that morning and was holding the door when I realized the guy, lets call him Dick, was the only person walking up. and I was holding the door for an uncomfortably long time, dressed as an 80's valley girl on meth. Long story short, I slammed the door in his face and ran inside. almost cried myself to sleep.
and take this shy baby as a boon. drawn by yours truly.

>be me 6 years ago
>just turned 21
>night before easter
>mom asks me to get stuff for mudslides for our irish family's get together
>buy 1.75L bottle of vodka, + 2x 750ml bottles of baileys and kahlua
>get home, mom tells me no booze at the family thing thing cuz aunt is dating recovering alcoholic
>invite the boys over to get sloshed
>drink 8+(I lost count) mudslides
>go to bathroom to puke
>dad walks in cuz hears puking at 3am
>apparently I kept repeating "i'm sorry" and puking for an hour
>next day worst hangover
>go to family thing, everyone keeps saying "i'm sorry" to me all day
>go to gf's family thing
>they all think I'm an alcoholic but thankfully didn't hear the story behind the hangover

Its been 6 years and my friends will still sometimes randomly look me in the eye and say "I'm sorry" for no reason other than to embarrass me.

The scorpion does not comprehend laughter. But this comes dangerously close. You have the blessing of the bloodhound, your ability to smell fear and self loathing is near superhuman.

Teenage shame is the worst shame man can have. You will remember this into your late 40's and still hold shame in your soul. My blessing I give to you is the gift of the sly brow.. Your eyebrows will become irresistible to any man, woman or child. Use this gift wisely.

thank you sir. I will not soon forget this kindness.

Name Jeff

>be me 5 days ago
> ask girl to go to movies with me
> sorry I like someone else
> not too sad but pretty sad
>her friend (also my friends GF) snapchats me
>says "lol friendzoned"
>crushed
>tell me friend that his gf is a prick
>friend blows gasket on her for being a prick
>she gets mad at me for telling him that shes a prick
>friends gf won't talk to me
>girl I asked out won't cause her friend is mad at me

...

This is not shame but a mark of being accepted by your tribe of humans. Wear it with pride. No blessing!

The scorpion see's this being a complete non issue in 2 months time. You will forget this ordeal as you grow into a strong oak tree with deep roots... NO BLESSING!

a story huh?
alright
>be me, 23
>been dating this girl from overseas for a good two years now
>neither family knows
>find out she's been having troubles left right and center
>one day she starts getting distant but I don't notice it
>four months later she's all but started ignoring my calls and texts
>suspect cheating, call her out on it
>this...more than upsets her and goes off into a rant that she's been working her ass off and studying so she can apply for a marriage visa
>marriage visa
>fuck
>fuckallkindsofduck.goto
>she then dumps my ass, and somehow got ahold of my folks home number
>not an hour goes by and I'm being accused of all kinds of shit
>get disowned
>be me, 25 on my own with no backup, all because I had to put my foot in my mouth

When my mom walked in on me licking her high heels and maturbating...

Family shame. Your troubles weigh heavy on the scorpions heart. Feel my gift... I offer you the blessing of the warm embrace. You will find your ideal mate who will give you a feeling of trust and acceptance. This mate also puts out alot.

>be me 18 now
>17, bday was a month ago, 18 now
>really into this girl
>8/10 neet qt
>would say soulmate tier
>I like how she is mysterious
>she always seems s happy on the outside
>you can tell she is different deep down
>try to get close to her
>one of her friends tells me
>"she doesn't like to get close to boys"
>"she was hurt by one"
>can't tell what her true feelings about me are
>she seems interested but can't tell
fast forward like 2 weeks to school dance
>my friend tells me this girl wants me to ask her
>ask friends gf who is mutual friend of 8/10 qt and gril that wants me
>says why don't you ask the qt
>"I don't think shes interested in me"
>you're right she says
>"she only talks to you so she doesn't hurt ur feelings"
>heart gets KO'd
>ask gril that wants me to go to dance with me
>later find out qt was actually really into me too
>go to dance with girl thats into me
>qt sees me with her
>her heart KO'd too
>still have feelings for qt but she doesn't like me
>get fucked out of a soulmate by friends whore gf

POOR ATTEMPT! POOR ATTEMPT!!!

A story!? WHAT!? GET OFF OF HERE BEFORE I TURN YOU INTO A PLASMA GOO PILE YOU PINK FREAK MUTANT!

Soulmate implies that your souls were crafted for one another. The scorpion feels the teenage stupidity coursing through you and pities you. Attempted to court your whore once more and you will be pleasantly surprised. NO BLESSING!!

I can't think of a time.

I will trade this qt trap for a blessing kind scoropion please accept my offer

Do not trifle with me, he who resembles the female clitoris!

I asked my dad for help once. he quickly said "I can't help you" like it was common knowledge to everyone but me.

Your tribute only brings anger to the scorpion. You spit in the face of my humble presence with this meager offering. Do not test me again mortal.

Oh, great mister The scorpion, here my cry and be-trove to me a blessing.
>Be me.
>All my life, I've been a beta.
>I've never kissed a girl, closest I've been is hugs.
>I want nothing more than a smart, caring woman to love me for who I am.
>All throughout school I was always friends with girls.
>Some won't believe me but, So.Many.GIRLS.
>I've always wanted to tell them how I felt, but never got to it.
>In Colorado, I was friends with this one girl, and we did everything together.
>I was waiting for my high school Homecoming dance to tell her how I feel and if she'd go with me.
>First date of my life.
>Finally_I'll_be_happy.jpg
>Few days before dance.
>Dad walks into my room.
>"user, we'll have to move back to Florida. It's too expensive in Colorado.
>Heartbroken.gif
>Told her I'll be moving along with two more friends who were girls.
>Got two of their numbers.
>Hell_yeah.jpg
>Phone was lost week prior but I thought I could get a phone in Florida.
>I saved them on computer, months later, no phone yet.
>TRAGEDY.png
>Computer breaks, all files gone.
>lost TWO girls numbers, the very first digits I've ever gotten.
>Never seen two girls again, probably hate me.

TL;DR
I got very first phone digits, lost them months later before I had a chance to use them.

Your father is correct. NO BLESSING!

>Day before yesterday
>Go in bathroom with my wife
>Warn her that I just pissed
>She puts my meat in her mouth
>Don't stop her
>She swallows a drop of my manly lemonade
>Looks at me with a horrible look on her and says
>"user, I think I just swallowed your pee"
>Well I warned you before you put it in your mouth
>Didn't get oral whole day after that

...

:(

>heard high pitched sounds since child
>test neg for tinnitus
>have tubes in ears
>still hear the shit
>start to research conspiracies
>holy shit (((they))) are fucking with me
>go to Dr.
>saying I'm schizo
>fam trying to commit me
>fml

My story: I am a trans women, I was with my boyfriend at the grocery store. It was the Halloween day, when we were going to pay for our items the girl behind the counter said to me: "Oh you are really cute, you disguse yourself to look like a women!" (She said it very loud and a lot of customer heard it >..<

(Sorry for my english, speaking french normally)

The scorpion see's you are upset. So incredibly ignorant... but upset. You have the scorpions sympathy. Lo! There are many a whore in this world. You wish to run through a meadow of cows to breed just one. But that is wrong. You must walk through the meadow.. and breed them all.

WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME YOU PINK FREAK MUTANT!? I WILL HAVE YOUR ASS FOR DINNER! DONT CROSS THE ENCLAVE!

I've never thought of it that way... Thank you, Lord Scorpion, for the holy words...

Her look of disgust betrays her desires, fool. Get into the shower with her and urinate on her thigh with your throbbing manhood. She will come to crave the showers of the gods. NO BLESSING!

You better watch out man, The Scorpion will unleash his wrath on you Enclave scum.

A pathetic start to your life, so sayeth the scorpion. But you must heed this advice... ignore it.

Ha! You and what army?

LO! The scorpion speaks. And you are a fool. The lion cares little for the opinion of the lambs! You get to come home and be bred by one you care about. Can the same be said of this whore you speak of?

oh great the scorpion; I am little and find your omnipotent words confusing. Do you mean ignore the Dr or the sound?

You have a point my god!
It was just really embarassing on the moment :/
Btw i'm a scorpion my lord!

...No..blessing..

The Lone Wanderer.
The Chosen One.

Both you fool! Both!!!

I love this thread lol

I CARRIED AN M16 AND YOU I CARRIED AN M16 AND YOU I CARRIED AN M16 AND YOU I CARRIED AN M16 AND YOU I CARRIED AN M16 AND YOU I CARRIED AN M16 AND YOU I CARRIED AN M16 AND YOU I CARRIED AN M16 AND YOU I CARRIED AN M16 AND YOU I CARRIED AN M16 AND YOU I CARRIED AN M16 AND YOU I CARRIED AN M16 AND YOU I CARRIED AN M16 AND YOU I CARRIED AN M16 AND YOU I CARRIED AN M16 AND YOU I CARRIED AN M16 AND YOU I CARRIED AN M16 AND YOU I CARRIED AN M16 AND YOU I CARRIED AN M16 AND YOU I CARRIED AN M16 AND YOU I CARRIED AN M16 AND YOU I CARRIED AN M16 AND YOU I CARRIED AN M16 AND YOU I CARRIED AN M16 AND YOU I CARRIED AN M16 AND YOU I CARRIED AN M16 AND YOU I CARRIED AN M16 AND YOU I CARRIED AN M16 AND YOU I CARRIED AN M16 AND YOU I CARRIED AN M16 AND YOU I CARRIED AN M16 AND YOU I CARRIED AN M16 AND YOU I CARRIED AN M16 AND YOU I CARRIED AN M16 AND YOU I CARRIED AN M16 AND YOU I CARRIED AN M16 AND YOU I CARRIED AN M16 AND YOU I CARRIED AN M16 AND YOU I CARRIED AN M16 AND YOU I CARRIED AN M16 AND YOU I CARRIED AN M16 AND YOU I CARRIED AN M16 AND YOU I CARRIED AN M16 AND YOU I CARRIED AN M16 AND YOU I CARRIED AN M16 AND YOU I CARRIED AN M16 AND YOU I CARRIED AN M16 AND YOU I CARRIED AN M16 AND YOU I CARRIED AN M16 AND YOU I CARRIED AN M16 AND YOU I CARRIED AN M16 AND YOU I CARRIED AN M16 AND YOU I CARRIED AN M16 AND YOU I CARRIED AN M16 AND YOU I CARRIED AN M16 AND YOU I CARRIED AN M16 AND YOU I CARRIED AN M16 AND YOU I CARRIED AN M16 AND YOU I CARRIED AN M16 AND YOU I CARRIED AN M16 AND YOU I CARRIED AN M16 AND YOU I CARRIED AN M16 AND YOU I CARRIED AN M16 AND YOU I CARRIED AN M16 AND YOU I CARRIED AN M16 AND YOU I CARRIED AN M16 AND YOU I CARRIED AN M16 AND YOU I CARRIED AN M16 AND YOU I CARRIED AN M16 AND YOU I CARRIED AN M16 AND YOU I CARRIED AN M16 AND YOU I CARRIED AN M16 AND YOU I CARRIED AN M16 AND YOU I CARRIED AN M16 AND YOU I CARRIED AN M16 AND YOU I CARRIED AN M16 AND YOU I CARRIED AN M16 AND YOU I CARRIED AN M16 AND YOU I CARRIED AN M16 AND YOU

I saw you earlier. When that OP was requesting anime, right?

u stupid an cweer

Stfu newfag, this is just a secret cheat code to unlimited blessing from The scorpion

thank you for the wisest of wisdoms

I got drunk and drew a swastika on my Jewish neighbors fence

I had no idea fellow follower of Lord Scorpion, I'm sorry, please spare me from prejudice, I am but a humble young monk. I shall hold my tongue for now...

GREAT, BUT YOU STILL MADE THE SCORPION VANISH WITH YOUR NEWFAGGOTRY

You know what to do...

I'M SORRY MY LORD I DID NOT MEAN TO SPEAK OUT LIKE THAT PLEASE FORGIVE ME, I ACCEPT ANY PUNISHMENT OF YOUR DOING! PLEASE JUST BLESS US WITH YOUR APPROACH.

Copy the whole post and save the picture
And spread it everywhere on Sup Forums where there is an abundance of the gays

In jr high , no oneshowered in gym class, but for some reason the gym teacher required everyone to shower this one day of the year , so everyone huffed and puffed but went along with it , me being overweight, with a small uncut penis this was my worst nightmare, so me and two of my "friends" said we'd run in together, the PE teacher was standing by the showers with a clipboard checking everyone's name off, we wrapped towels around ur naked shivering body's and went to the entrance of an all open ecensially "prison"shower , I hung my towel up on a hook, tried to cover my junk as much as possible run in get wet really quickly and run back to grab towel, I desperately grab for my towel buck naked and terrified, and almost in slow motion my feet go out from under me on the wet floor and my hands go back to catch my fall and my hip n ass thud on the wet tile floor, I lay there for only a fraction of a second , but the damage was done , exposed and utterly embarrassed in front of everyone , the PE teacher asks if I'm ok and attempts to help me up , I refuse grasp for my towel like nothing I've ever wanted more at any time in my life , no quickly retreat to the back of the locker room to get dressed in shame

I accidentally raped my cat once.

>In the shower
>Bend over to get shampoo
>Cat walks through curtain and starts rubbing up on my cock
>Mom walks in
>"WHAT THE FUCK user?!"
>Try to explain and say my dick accidentally rubbed the cat
>Kicked out of the house for a week

Bitch said "no"......
Sucked to be me.

Short story, I know.

One time I bought a girl flowers and she gave me the 'brother" treatment. Not particularity interesting or insightful, but I suppose I did learn something.
Also small penis so plz blessing

One time in 9th grade I peed myself when I had a seizure during gym class while we were changing and all the jocks could see my little nerd tighty whities covered in pee while I was having the seizure

Ok I have a story
>earlier this year
>freshie in high school
>calm quiet and all around chill kid
>not bad looking 5,11 7.5/10
>pretty quiet and just chill in class
>be in science class
>getting ready to take a test
>never studied before a test
>always pass b or better
>just chilling
>hear beeping coming from outside
>obviously garbage truck
>just keep chilling
>teacher comes up to me
>I look up confused
>look of pure pity.jpg
>says "they're just picking up the trash if that's scaring you"
>actually have fucking seizure inside
>think about it
>realize teacher thinks I'm autistic and thought it would scare me
>just keep chilling ignore the bitch

>littler bit later about a month
>talking with friends
>teacher comes up to me
>"hey user want to go get water or go to the bathroom"
>deep pity for me
>i say no I'm fine
>says I think you should go take a break
>go because scared of teacher (female BTW I'm male)
>look through window right after walking out
>see her crouching talking to friends
>see her mouth my name
>come back confused
>acts like nothing happened
Tell me this isn't true embarrassment tell me why I shouldn't Kill myself
>teachers literally think I'm autistic

Ok so here is my story
> Be 18, still in highschool
> Little sis, one year younger than me asks to take selfie
> Turns out she was using it to fake a relationship to let down a guy
> Goes around school and some realized were related
> I am known as the sister fucker for the rest of my senior year
> Even lost my date to prom because of it.

This sounds too familiar to a guy I know... Justin, is that you?

And then another time in my freshman year of college, everyone in my honors gen chem class saw me wearing a diaper when I had a seizure.

They all thought I was an autistic child even though I was 18 because of my stature and face. Finally other time my freshman year, I embarrassed myself again by having a seizure. You see, you can tell them coming on. I was at the board doing work, professor asked me if I was okay, I said yes, he said no I think you need to sit down, and I said no I'm fine fuck off and then I fell on the ground and he called 911.

Story of my first heart break
>first day of 8th grade
> homeroom. Oh shit there's a new girl
>instant head over heels
>she's 10/10
>beautiful brown eyes,long dark hair,DCups looking soft as clowds
>oh shit qt is also in my art class
>she starts helping me do arts n shit
>become friends
>she plays with my hair in art class
And we pass notes every day in homeroom
>mfw when other guy is interested in qt
>see my chance to impress her
>frame other guy out to look like an asshole. He wants to fight. Its middle school so obvi it's hallways. End of day. Every ones there
> "who's gonna hit first?"-him
>I tell him to take his best shot and hr says he dosnt wanna get in trouble
>adreniline hits and I jaw him and from get the fucker in a head lock and punch him till teachers separate it
> things with qt ramp up
> about February now when I finally ask her out
> sorry user "you arnt my type"
>feelsbadman.jpg
>11 the grade now n going to a different school have constantly find my self thinking about her.
>first heartbreak.gif

>at home alone with grill
>nice ass, big tits, 8/10 body but 6/10 face
>doesnt matter
>wanna fuck, not sure if she does
>mess around in my room for a bit
>she asks me to close the curtain
>kkbb.jpg
>turn off lights because she says she "wants to sleep"
>lay there in bed for 10 mins
>make no move
>feels beta man
>youaintseennothinyet.mp3
>sudden pillow fight
>trying to take pillow from her
>she faces it the other way so her ass is toward me
>see chance and punce, get in spoon position
>dont make move again
>feels fucking beta even more
>thisisntevenmyfinalform.avi
>starts to talk about how her strap keeps getting loose
>finally makes it clear what she wants to do
>"Can you tie this?"
>put on spot, moment of truth


>actually tie strap


>still a virgin

Plz to bump.

Damn, I'm not OP, but I feel sad for you