Going to serve a year and a half in prison, have to turn myself in next week. What are some things I should know?

Going to serve a year and a half in prison, have to turn myself in next week. What are some things I should know?

What I know so far:
1. Don't accept gifts from anyone
2. Don't gamble at all
3. No one is really your friend
4. Don't stare at anyone for more than 2 seconds
5. Don't keep head down, always look up
6. Don't snitch
7. Don't be anyone's bitch/punk, and fight
8. Avoid blind spots in showers

Anything else?

I've been watching beyond scared straight, and lock up non stop this whole week to prep me up.

Other urls found in this thread:

youtu.be/XFZVBO940wQ
youtube.com/channel/UCSonmKTLAPC2bTCF4JHQ1lg
twitter.com/SFWRedditVideos

What are u Goin in for user?

Forced oral copulation with a minor.

I recommend watching After Prison Show on Youtube.

You won't go directly. You'll end up in a reception center for a month before they place you in an institution. on 18 months you'll end up serving 15 months. after they assign you a prison, and you land there, start right away requesting transfer to the closest prison to where your family is. It will save your family a lot of time and money when they come visit but also put you back on a bus where you will spend another month at a reception center in between moves. Moving around Kills Time, and keeps you out of trouble. The longer you stay, the more people you meet, the more problems you'll have. pick up a hobby and stay to yourself.

Obviously join a gang, you have to have someone watching your back.

Learn to enjoy the taste of ranch or asshole.

If you're white you have a better chance of ignoring the first two steps, but if not, please make sure you memorize steps 1 and 2.

Do you look "syrian" in a way? If yes then come to Germany and apply for refugee status. Destroy your all documents as soon as you arrive there.

Well Thats a Good start.. have u Ever seen big stan?
Do a anal tattoo and prepare

Shit with kids, huh?
Here's what you do.

Go in there, find the biggest, meanest son of a bitch you can find, and explain to him why you're there. He'll respect you for being honest and trust you as a confidant.

Now aside from the sarcasm, you're fucked seven ways from Sunday pal. You're a sick piece of shit and I hope they find out what you've done.

Guess what, prison inmates don't like people. They ESPECIALLY don't like people who fuck with children.

Your best bet, and I hope they see through it quick, is to lie. Say you're in there for battery or assault.

Have fun being on the SO registry you scum-sucking maggot.

Kill yourself. They wont imprison a dead body.

Prepare for some forced oral copulation with Tyrone.

If they ask what you're in for, just say something like "arson". You'll be fine.

when you go to prison, keep to yourself, read, and don't cause trouble. if you act like a little sperglord someone will do something. if you keep to yourself and leave people alone others will respect you for that, and do the same.

Kekarino!

Can't say under lawyers advice, but let's just say I was depressed and dumb

I'll check it out

Thanks man, unfortunately I don't have family who care about me so it wouldn't make a difference, I'm a loner, but ill try what you said just for a new experience/kill time

Do not let a n y o n e know what ur in for.... anything having to do with kiddos you will get your ass beat ...state or Feds op??

>Get off the bus
>Go in to chow hall
>Find Big Joe
>Fall to your knees and give him the sloppiest, raunchiest blowjob of his worthless life, run your tongue over his veiny meat pole while his spunk spews into your throat, and drink it like a bitch
>Everyone thinks that Joe's gay now
>They'll kill Joe and it'll take the attention off of you
>Hide for the rest of your sentence while they all talk about how Joe was a faggot

They'll find out what hes in for, if he refuses to say they'll beat his ass and if he lies about it and they find out he will get shanked

Get a dildo, get your ass used to taking dick.

This or anal tattoo

My crime had nothing to do with kids
I was told not to let anyone know, and if someone asks, I answer "non of your business mother fucker" and be ready to fight, get a reputation of being a tough guy and not scared/weak

Just say you got aids

"Non of your business motherfucker" u gon say that to 10 angry shitskins rounded up around you?

I like After Prison Show. Kept seeing his videos in my recommended, so I decided to watch one, and now I watch most of his videos

They all already have that, that won't stop them.

No, no, no. Just politely decline the info. Then, if pressed, escalate. Don't use mother fucker right out of the gate. What if his mom is dead? Dude might kill you.

I heard a fun game they play is called tossing the salad. Something to do with rings, apparently passes the time

you should just lie. Saying that would get your ass beat, also you should tell us what you did.

Get tattoos and tell them uve done time before so u dont get the "fish rep"

Registered retard over here,

First of all you're not going into general population. The inmates hear you fucked a kid they're going to rape and beat you in site. Your going into a special floor. Have fun hanging out with pedos and rapists. Fyi, they're probably going to ask you why your in. Have fun being a registered sex offender when you get out.

Here's what you do OP.

Trust no one, and whenever you can in a public setting, eat glass. Chew on glass, cut your fucking mouth to pieces and keeping on chewing that shit down.

People will think you're crazy as fuck but then next time to take a shit, you tell your cell mate it's filled with glass, just like your anus.

They'll think you're crazy and no one's gonna try to fuck an asshole filled with jagged glass.

Just hope they don't think about it for too long and just mouthfuck you. kek

If that's true, then good luck. Hopefully the keep you out of general pop.

You're gonna get raped and that's exactly what you deserve.

Enjoy your AIDS and having your own mouth jabbed full of big black dicks.

Jerk off to all your loli porn now because you won't have that in prison. Also after prison you won't want anything to do with penises so......

Hold a big nigs pocket, it makes him your bitch.

True havnt though about that, I'll just say some bs like robbery

Again, my crime had nothing to do with kids you autist.
Thats not me.

First spend what time you can learning about retardation ALL YOU CAN, study it, learn it, then live it. From the moment they take you till you are free act like a retard, screech, play with toys, retard strength will come with it. Soon you will be master of the others through your retard strength, taking all as minions to the retard king.

Also does anyone know anything about this "good behavior" shit? What do I do for good behavior? How much earlier would I get released?

Pretend to be retarded

find biggest guy and suck his dick swallow cum and deepthroat.. later tell everybody that it happened the other way around (he sucked yours). people will find you badaass

Sex offences are kill on site. Be prepared to fight for your life when the prisoners find out, and they will find out

>taking all as minions to the retard king

kekek, made me spit out my coffee user you fuck

"Minor" it's a fucking kid to prisoners. Try calling big bubba and PEPE the pile driver that inside. It's your word against every fucking pedo your locked up with. You fucking retard sex offender.

He said he didn't do anything with kids like 9 times

If they give you a band on your arm, people will know your offense by the color of the band. So your SOL and may have to fight. If anything say the minor was 17. That's you're only hope.

Sex offender don't get off early and given the circumstances of prisons being privatized your likely to serve your whole sentence.

Can you read? He said nothing with kids you dumb fuck. Summertime.

this d e s u

Bait

He's in for robbery retard. Read the goddamn thread

For the last time I'm. Not a sex offender and my crime has nothing to do with kids if this is some sort of trick to get me to admit what I actually did, it ain't working

It doesn't matter

Dude, prison gay is a thing. Chances are Big Joe already has three dudes giving him brain with each meal.

This shit wouldn't land at all. You'd just be giving away the milk for free.

Minor doesn't change shit you fuckwit. He's a registered sex offender. That's all the fucking prisoners need to beat him up.

look at

>Be newfag on Sup Forums
>"SUMMERTIME
>Yay now I fit in

I recommend the TV show "60 days In". Shows you the perspective of like 7 different people at once. And you'll find out what to do and what not to do

He is in for robbery. Minor had nothing to do with it bitch.

Wtf does summertime mean? See I'm the real newfag.

So the final conclusion just tell us What u are in for user

Yes because if you tell 4chin the details we'll know who you are. Obviously a kiddie fiddler

It depends on your sentence and the nature of your crime. You should have asked your lawyer stupid.

Are you going to prison or jail, big difference. PPL in jail are looking to get out and dont want to start shit, people in prison dgaf and it is much more violent.

Hope you get ass raped user, forced oral copulation with a minor, have fun shithead.

Read thread. That was a troll

The guy obvs is a diddler. Never in my whole time in Sup Forums have I heard of someone going to prison for robbery and ask us for advice. This is as bad as the kid from Vidya who went to juvey for stabbing someone in a mall because he got fired from GameStop.

>with minor

yea anything over 13 is not a kid huh faggot?

Just fucking kill yourself. When you get out prepare for a lifetime of flipping burgers felon.

>Gay for the stay
>Straight at the gate

Come to terms with that

You sir, are a horses ass.

If you tell us what you did we can help you better.

make me you mongoloid baby raping period eating bushnigger

do sex offenders live in general population in murica?
we have seperate prisons for them here

He never told us what he's in for.

Just tell us what u did OP!
We are here to help you and we cant help us unless u cooperate

Yes

Everyone is gay in prison. Sometimes county, depending on how long your stay is.

Separate.
I am a probation officer who works specifically with young men who have sex with minors.
Those kids have their whole lives fucked up because they could keep the peepee in their pants.

don't trade wit people. don't touch other peoples things. don't get involved in fights.

Okay I lied I did touch a kid.

Minor implies underage. A prisoner with an iq of 60 doesn't give a fuck

It's not as bad as television and movies would have you believe, at least not in the minimum security places.

Just follow the Golden Rule and you'll be fine.

Depending on the prison and what you're in for, most of those rules probably won't apply.

Those rules are more for like, federal rape-me-in-the-ass prison for committing repeat felonies, murders, rapes, violent crimes, etc.

if you're just going to county for a year and a half the people there will mostly be nonviolent people who did stupid shit and are just trying to mind their own business, and almost none of your rules really matter.

Macaroni time. Buck buck!

youtu.be/XFZVBO940wQ

Ever get your dick sucked from a probie?

If you drop the soap, just let that bitch go. You're not getting it back.

Here is an important one you forgot.

9. Don't break the law

Hahahah

youtube.com/channel/UCSonmKTLAPC2bTCF4JHQ1lg
just watch some of the videos where he talks about his time in there

kek

this

In jail 99% just want to get out without getting more time on and don't start shit. If your a dickhead you will get fucked up eventually. Even if you are a bad ass a bad ass cant do shit against 40 gorillias in the shower.

Also
10. Dont touch kids

explain to them that it was a teenager, depending on how old you are it will be less. Let me assure you anyone saying that you can lie about it has not been to prison. From reading what you posted it didnt sound like pedophilia but more fooling around with younger teenage girls. You'll get beat but that's what you get for being a fucking sperg.

>40 gorillas in the shower
>Pull out a banana and toss it in the corner

You were saying?

Insert false teeth into your anus every morning and bend with your knees not your back.

Bananas are like hard cash in jail now since cigs are outlawed.

I do this every morning but thanks. brah

Hahaha! You're fucked!

>apes will fight gorillas for banans
>24 hour lockdown
>locked down for 24 hrs with a horny tyrone
>smh

you'll go to jail first. you will be locked down for so long, mostly in your cell, that by the time you get to prison you will be thankful because you will be able to move around easier, have more access to things.
Your biggest problem is not rape. It happens, but it isn't nearly as bad as people would lead you to believe.
Your biggest problem will be gangs and gang members. Have an answer when someone asks you about your set. Have the right answer. This is also the reason you don't just act like a bad ass unless you are one, and if you are then you're getting poked, so don't be a bad ass. Just handle your business and stay out of people's way.
You're going to get bored. You're going to want to talk to people. This is a mistake.
The food will suck. You're going to want your zoom zooms and wham whams. These are your ramen noodles, and other food items. Other people are also going to want these things. They are traded as currency. Three soups are 1 prison dollar, but it can change based on the prison. Stamps are also used as currency, and because it's easier to smuggle a pack of stamps than it is to carry thirty soups, stamps are the go to for money.
People are going to steal from you. If they're in a gang, just learn to deal with it or you could die in your sleep.
If you drop the soap, rape is not the first thing that is going to happen. Laughter, people will joke on you, but whatever you do, don't try and get the soap back. That soap is gone, let it go.
You need to get money on your books from the outside because earning it on the inside is a fucking joke. If you want your good time then you can't have a hussle, but hussles not only give you something to do but are also profitable.
Never give anyone your junie cakes. Those are your ass cheeks, and you should not offer them to people.
Never masturbate with other people around. This can get you stabbed. Tell your celly, your cell mate, that you're "going on a date" to let them know to not be around.

Watch the movie "Big Stan".
Literally your situation.

Enjoy anal.

Dude good luck. Typically when they find out they're gonna beat your ass possibly try to kill you. You better pray no one finds out.

pull a banana out of where?
you're in the shower you fucking mong, gonna keep a banana up your ass? that's basically an invitation showing how much you like shit up your ass