Excuse me sir, you forgot the tip!

Excuse me sir, you forgot the tip!

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I'm handing it over to Jules.

My bad Robert. Choose any little one you want.

Fuck off Robert I don't tip like you fucking amerifats

I'll give you the tip ;)

>in line for penis inspection
>notice Tyrese is the inspector today and not working the concessions which is unusual
>I'm up
>unzipping my jean shorts, I say "I didn't know you inspected, ty"
>"yeah, sometimes, only when we're..."
>he looks down and snickers
>"short"
>passes me and pats me on the back roughly and I stumble forward while stuffing my chub back in

there should be a rule against BBCs doing the inspection. I never felt so insecure. I was with a date that night and I haven't heard from her since.

Kek

Is this from her upcoming horror movie, Bride of Harambe?

Don't swim until an hour after eating :^)

One moment Robert, my wife is on her way.

But I'm not alone Jules I brought along Raphael, my pet raven

>Excuse me sir, you'll have to use the backup vape zone. Please take your nearest tunnel exit.

just bring some watermelon that you can strategically toss their way as a distraction

>Enforcing no singles policy
>While handing me three fucking tickets

Jules are you high

How embarrassing! I apologize, Robert.

*dips penis tip in butter vat and uses it to spread butter over popcorn*

Tip?
I'll tip my soda and popcorn over when the movies done. :)

Fucking savages

>try this out last week
>get to Jules
>tells me, sir this facility is built only to accommodate Falcons
>theatre police come down from the rafters and beat me within an inch of my life because they thought I was trying to break the no singles policy
>pass out and wake up three hours later and drive myself home
>on top of that my raven escaped while I was passed out
I don't think I was ever so embarrassed in my lifetime.

FAKE!
Brothas dont know what tips are.

this butter is boiling hot you fucking idiot

Uh yeah, that's the point.

fucking amateurs didn't even bring mischief sauce to spray around

Looks like somebody gives out terrible tips.

Did Charlie draw this?

tfw you will never have a 3some with Jules and Lane

OK, mow where the FUCK is my complimentary falconry glove and anvil for BLACKED-smithing.

>Dr user, I'm KINO

WHO THE FUCK ARE THESE PEOPLE?!?!

What are you talking about? Robert and Lane go at it while Jules and yourself make small talk while watching. It's basic kinoma place etiquette.

But is it okay to use the theater showers

Please respond

MMMMMMMM BOYS

How much do you actually get paid to be a stock photo model.

I'm too ugly to be a real model but I think posing for ridiculous stock images might be fun

I caught a nasty rash on my foot in the cinema showers. Can I sue?

>your such a kidder Robert, why are you running concessions anyway? Jules taking the day off?

Yes but buff men will make fun of you if you have small penis
>tfw even penis inspector giggled when I dropped my breeches

Stuff an uncut salami down your pants, they'll back off.

Hohohooo, looks like the $500 Air Jordans are on the other foot, Jamal.

>go to sooper secret film society screening today
>audience claps both after the introduction by the MC and as the credits roll

WOO Lad

His name is clearly Robert you racist piece of trash.

heh...you wanna tip, kid? How's this?

*slices Jamal three times across the dōtai in less than 1 second*

nothing personnel

>penis inspection day

Jesus, I just go to the movie, eat popcorn, watch the movie and leave

>The seat rows are not one above the other

What kind of shitty theater is this, I bet you can't see shit in the back rows.

I bet Tyrenus heard from her.

whadaya think the skin color is of the perps?

Here you go, my god sir

It really does seem to depend on where you live, I'm not bullshitting when I say that around here it's suburban white teenagers that are the problem 100% of the time.

can I get a refund if the falcon I rented was in heat? it was squaking during the entire ghostbusters screening and completely ruined the film for me.

>admitting to a felony
You realize this site is monitored, right?

people don't tip in american theaters. at least not the ones i've been to.

>stare at vendor icily for a few seconds.
>s-sir..?
>roundhouse kick vendor into popcorn machine, popcorn, blood and broken glass everywhere.
>"keep the change"

You think that's bad? last time I went to the kinodome, my falcon brought a date, but this big black guy's falcon kicked my falcon's ass and took his falcon-bitch home. I won't stand for a cuck-falcon, so he's going back to the farm.

I can almost see your pathetic overweight frame glowing in the dark, lit by your computer screen which is the only source of light in your room, giggling like a like girl as you once again type your little "I'm coming harambe" joke up. Or maybe you don't even type up the joke. Maybe you're such a disgusting loser that you actually have the joke on copy and paste, so you just choose the picture. Oh, and we all know the picture. The "epic" bleach picture, isn't it? I imagine you little shit laughing so hard as you click it that you drop your Doritos on the floor, but it's ok, your mother will clean it up in the morning. Oh, that's right. Did I fail to mention? You live with your mother. You are a fat fucking fuckup, she's probably so sick of you already. So sick of having to do everything for you all goddamn day, every day, for a grown man who spends all his time on facebook posting about a fucking gorilla. Just imagine this. She had you, and then she thought you were gonna be a scientist or an astronaut or something grand, and then you became a NEET. A pathetic harambefag NEET. She probably cries herself to sleep everyday thinking about how bad it is and how she wishes she could just disappear. She can't even try to talk with you because all you say is "DICKS OUT, DICKS OUT, DICKS OUT" You've become a parody of your own self. And that's all you are. A sad little man laughing in the dark by himself as he prepares to indulge in the same old dance that he's done a million times now. And that's all you'll ever be.

bahahahahahahahahahahahahahah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

you should always get an extra side of popcorn butter to massage into your Falcons coat. it's worth the extra 7.50. the glossy finish on its feathers makes it super appealing to female birds. Oliver never has trouble finding a mate during intermission breeding.

Who /old/ or /poor/ here and used to watch all movies without fancy "stadium seating"?

>The dollar movie theater in town still has flat seating

>letting someone touch your balls and penis

I don't like it either but it's the law.

>Um Robert does it look like I need kino creams today? I brought my own, thank you very much!
>I kiss him on the cheek and his eyes pop like water balloons
>thanks for nothing assHOLE

Old, restored theaters and arthouse places are like this a lot of the time.

But yeah, that too for me.

i'm leaving for a movie in a minute but i didn't have time to properly wash myself and i heard its PID. what do i do? will check from my phone in the car

Where's my crab coke Robert?

TOP FERRARI

Only thing you can do is pay off the inspector so he won't sound the alarm.

*blocks your seat*

what do?

YOU JUST KNOW

just explain you're coming straight from work didn't have time to wash. apologize for the smell before brandishing your penis. hopefully you have lenient inspector. if you can, try to muster up an erection to flatter them a bit. best of luck user.

Take a sock off, buy some halls in the candy dispenser, lick them and put them in the sock, now put the sock on your Peepee. It will smell fresh for a good half an hour. You will not achieve a perfect 10 though, more like a 6.5 so your crab leg eating rights might be revoked.

*insert BLACKED.com WEBM here*

>try this with jolly ranchers
>take out my penis for inspection
>it's spotted green
>get quarunteened in the theatre panic room with some retard and the sickly dying Falcons
>three weeks later I'm released and sent to a hospital
>wait for a doctor for hours in my room in the ER
>he cleans my penis and laughs about the misunderstanding
by the time I got out they weren't screening BvS anymore and now I owe thousands in medical bills from the hospital visit. fml

Here is your wife's son popcorn, sir.

>pssh, nothin personnel... kid

Thank you.
I'll have an extra large bucket of Japanese spider crab legs.

>spray mischief sauce all over the seats after kino is finished
>go to the deli and pass the time for the next 30 minutes or so as the next group goes in
>met with the sweet sounds of blood-curdling screams as cine-patrons evacuate the flick theater en-masse as a torrent unknown pink-ish sticky fluids stream from their eye sockets and pores

>when security pulls your friend out of line for a random rectal exam and you're the one sneaking bags of mashed potatoes into the theater

Oh, sorry my good man. Here, take a hundred. And have a good evening my good lad.

Go exercise, fatso.

guys, the ticket lady said I'm the designated shooter tonite. I don't have any guns, what do I do??

Ask for the rental rife. Sure its a $20k deposit but its better than being humiliated and banned for not doing the shooting

Here's a tip: "get the fuck out off my face".

HOL UP

JULES AND LANE?!?! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!?!

>there are people on this site right now who actually think the penis inspection day at school is a meme and not actually mandatory in most countries
Well it's not really a "penis inspection", but you have to lay under a blanket and a nurse feels your balls for something.

It's real.

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ROBERT WHAT THE FUCK

>It's a stock images thread

Love it

>Lane in the background upset she is not getting Robert's special popcorn butter.
Poor girl

Put a trigger warning on that shit next time, I used to work at a cinema and you just set off my PTSD.

haha but seriously I fucking hated that shit, even worse was the horde of muslims who lived in the area flocking to us on cheap ticket nights, buying a hundred thousand nacho trays and just upending them fucking everywhere

The salty, vinegary stench of salsa still haunts my nightmares.

*Tips well-hung nubian bull*

How do we save Harold?

youtube.com/watch?v=i_RLYSaPvak

right click then save as

>tfw you're the designated shooter
>tfw your glocknade blows up in your hand

listen, lad. You got me a giant paper cup filled with exploded popcorn kernels. There isn't even any krab in this. Maybe next time.

>holding hands

This is a blue board, reported.

Woah woah woah. So the dad gets up to go to the bathroom and they scoot over closer to the little girl?

WHAT THE FUG

I'm an anti-diversity type, but theater employee extraordinaire Jamal looks like a swell guy.

...

>tfw selected to be the designated shooter
WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO NOW?

wait till a scene where everyone is clapping then open fire

there are wooden bars to barricade the doors hidden in the theater and extra ammo. You're suppose to sneak around and find them before your flick is over.

If you score above 50 you get a 20% off coupon on the $18.99 Large Popcorn combo for use on your next visit!