Based chris

based chris

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>we don't need /cel/ they said

this

and he can get way better

> gets divorced to fuck a Chad
> Chad immediately dumps her

POTTERY

with jewess you lose

I hope he's banging Elizabeth Olsen.

Based Evans

why is he cringing!? I MUST KNOW

he doesn't find her funny and she apparently talked about their sex life on stage which made him uncomfortable

He truly is "our" guy

>has a good thing going
>ruins it by not being cool about it and making it public when the one thing they don't really have is privacy
what a retard

She's jewish

ALL THE STARS ARE HERE

>people still haven't realised he's gay

Jenny seems like the kind of gal that would do anal constantly

SHE WAS CUT BY A FUCKING SORCERER

damn, chris evans laughs at everything. you have to be dull as shit to bore chris

>be Captain America
>could get any girl you wanted
>choose Jenny Slate

She's ugly as sin by Hollywood standards.

maybe he picked her because he has literally had nothing but hot chicks and found it empty.

B A S E D C H R I S

>She's ugly as sin by Hollywood standards.
because she's a beard

you telling me you wouldn't want to fug her as she makes weird voices? her face is jacked but she has some nice tiddies.

Vapid sluts are a diamond dozen in LA

>Chris' face when Jenny performs the pregnancy attack
>Chris' life ruined forever with never-ending child support payments

Why would he go for that ugly jew anyway?

Pretty /notourguy/ tbqh

Based man wouldn't be too stupid to have let this happened.

>click for more pics of chris
JENNY B T F O

OUR GUY

He was stupid enough to date a scheming Jewess.

lel I thought the same thing

HARVEY MORENSTEIN

ALL THE STARS ARE HERE

[ jewishness intensifies ]

Well fuck
RiP Chris

>7,000 courtesy laughs later

kek

will he have to pay alimony?

will he join brendan in the JUST pile?

>talked about their sex life on stage
what did she say, I want to know about their fucking

Fugg she's dating Lucy pincer before
>yfw she's fugg peggy

Did Jeremy Renner tell Chris that Jenny's a slut?

Jenny Slate is one of those people who are (semi) famous but know one really knows why.

I think I saw her voice a cartoon clam shell once.

>"Chris has a lot of kids fans and feels he has to protect the superhero image that’s made him a star"
Is he Sup Forums's guy?

That's pretty fuckin cool tho

I only know her from the Norm video.

She's hawt

>know wan knows

AAAAAAAALLLLLLLLL THE STAAAAAAAAARS ARE HEEEEEEEEEREEEEEEEEE

Alimony for what? Exposing cheating sluts?

But he's right though

shes been doing VA lately (zootopia sheep, secret life of pets gidget) but she stared in a movie called Obvious Child which i love. a lot of side roles in movies too. that host gig with Norm was funny as shit though.

>mfw the cuck that she divorced takes her back

totally.

Thank you, devout Jenny Slate fanboy.

youre welcome citizen. always here to help.

in all serious though, ive had a celeb crush on her for a while and shes never discussed here except for chris evan threads.

>"oy vey, when ya gonna get circumcised Chris?"
>"when are are we gonna my my parents Chris, we can finally break out the manshevitz."

>mfw he's been smashing Lucy Pinder on the side this whole time

that poor cuck. i feel terrible.

Being handsome won't land you hot girls if you're beta. Look at Henry Cavill.

I thought he was married to the Olsen girl

>diamond dozen

There proof that he's uncut?

>tfw I know what you're talking about

inb4 a fat neckbeard calls me out because he thinks I'm lying on an Algerian anonymous image board.

dont do it pal

I hole-hardedly agree, but allow me to play doubles advocate here for a moment. For all intensive purposes I think you are wrong. In an age where false morals are a diamond dozen, true virtues are a blessing in the skies. We often put our false morality on a petal stool like a bunch of pre-Madonnas, but you all seem to be taking something very valuable for granite. So I ask of you to mustard up all the strength you can because it is a doggy dog world out there. Although there is some merit to what you are saying it seems like you have a huge ship on your shoulder. In your argument you seem to throw everything in but the kids Nsync, and even though you are having a feel day with this I am here to bring you back into reality. I have a sick sense when it comes to these types of things. It is almost spooky, because I cannot turn a blonde eye to these glaring flaws in your rhetoric. I have zero taller ants when it comes to people spouting out hate in the name of moral righteousness. You just need to remember what comes around is all around, and when supply and command fails you will be the first to go. Make my words, when you get down to brass stacks it doesn’t take rocket appliances to get two birds stoned at once. It’s clear who makes the pants in this relationship, and sometimes you just have to swallow your prize and accept the facts. You might have to come to this conclusion through denial and error but I swear on my mother’s mating name that when you put the petal to the medal you will pass with flying carpets like it’s a peach of cake.

Do you love it? Do you hate it? How would you rate it?

...

>diamond dozen
Fucking. Kek

How does this only have 2 (you)'s?

Nice

Is that supposed to be Jenny? Looks like a body double

GET OUT NEWFRIEND

Obvious child sucks. It's a boring movie about some bitch who gets pregnant and falls in love with the anti manic pixie dream girl which is the clean cut has his shit together dream guy who saves Slate

It's bullshit though, there's no way a great looking incredibly rich successful actor would have any trouble getting women, hoards of 10/10s would crawl through a hundred miles of broken glass and AIDS to have a chance to go on a date with the likes of Cavill.

This is a genuine "Newfriend" test, this jokes been passed around for a while.

lol I remember that

>go on a date
Sure, but they probably don't stay long or stay solely for money.

Alright he's mine now lads back off

>ooohhh shiiiit, look at the pathetic faggot who doesn't spend his life on Sup Forums!

>dime a dozen

Fucking retard.

fantastic

angel booty in very apt chiaroscuro light

i was genuinely interested in your opinion until you said "some bitch". work on your critiques.

It's thrown around a lot but,
Go back to fucking reddit you newfag scum.

what the fuck was he doing with her, she's in bits

He doesn't even have to do or say shit. In fact, the less he says the more she'll like him probably

doesn't look like a double desu

It's ok user, I love her too. She was great on Kroll Show

Jewy Slate > Chris Evans

Didn't some user here mentioned that he has social anxiety? Isn't that's why he doesn't date much?

>be an ugly bitch
>date one of the most handsome guys in hollywood right now
>make fun of his sex life
>dumped

THANK YOU! i thought i was alone. pretty much loved her since her drunk history bits. so damn funny.

>thought that was the Broad City girl
>realize it's John Ralphio's sister

>when an oldfag goes fishing

I like Jenny Slate's body of work

Good call Chris, why would he go with such a disgusting slut

COMPLETE

why has no one posted her fat jewbs yet

she probly got a nice puss too

But she's so hot guys!!!

turn down that clarity and shes good

This fucking gets me everytime

Always thought Jenny Slate was QT because she's talented, but attractiveness-wise she's a guilty pleasure fuck, the type of your friends roast you for getting with.
Then she made some joke on You Made It Weird about how she loved her husband so much she "had to just out his penis in a cage". Can't look at her since without thinking she's definitely in to some hardcore femdom stuff, fits her fake-innocent persona too well

Elizabeth Olsen is great, but I think we can all agree that based Atwell is truly Evans' ideal match in terms of equally genetically perfect tits. It just makes sense.

Now we know why he went for her.

youtube.com/watch?v=bTgoRs--JYA