greentext time, ill start with a story ive never even said out loud or told anyone
>be 8
>be a horny 8 year old
>tired of beating meat
>look at dog in living room
>ehwhynot.png
>try putting dick in dogs mouth
>think "i should get some lube"
>take mayonnaise and put on penis
>dog licks mayo off penis
>cum buckets for an 8 year old
>8 years old
>masturbating
I think not
i was a strange 8 year old
>be 14
>try weed for first time
>get it from female friend
>do you smoke Razvan ?
>shit 420 son who do you take me for
>take it and go a few blocks further
>roll it with friend
>how do you smoke this shit
>just put all of it
>joint is done
>i feel nothing let's just go home
>oh boi what a trip home , demons screaming in my ear
>get panicked
>develop dementia/paranoia/delirium/insanity
>longest 30 mins of my life
>swear never gonna smoke weed ever again
>3 years pass
>get to friend
>snorts weird legal drug
>SpecialGold.jpeg
>Get a snort
>nose gets tingly
>actually feels good and refreshened
>we start doing physics problems
>that feeling when nigger drugs sucks arse
You're a vile fuck, user
>be 21 year old me
>be living for free in gf's dad's house
>he's a landlord
>previous house was a squat we had to leave
>got nowhere to go if we didn't have this house
>one day toilet breaks
>ohshit.jpg
>tried fixing it
>too poor for a plumber
>just start using it anyway
>it fills right up to the top over time
>a literal bowl of liquid piss and feces
>have to empty it once a week
>this consists of putting on masks and gloves
>getting a soup pan and ladle
>we have to empty it like some satanic lunchmaid
>carry it downstairs without spilling it
>spill it
>every time
>throw it over into next door's garden
>rinse and repeat till we move out
>did this for about a month
>still my most shameful moment
Another one
>be 23
>with friends on top of a car park
>first time trying legal highs
>it kicks in
>is the strongest fucking thing I ever felt
>get worried
>try to stand up and tell people im going to hospital
>they stop me
>we leave the carpark
>arab family passing us on the stairs
>i grab the kid and start dancing with him
>arab women shoving me and shouting at me
>im crying with laughter
>manage to get outside
>feel like im on some terror ride through the underworld
>can feel spray from the river Styx on my face
>ring everyone i know and start telling them how high i am
>cant remember much after this
>found i wrote a 50 stanza poem whilst out of it
>it wasnt that great
>most shameful moment
how shameful can a bowl of shit be, i don't even have a toilet in the house, i shit in the yard.
>be me
>be blade
>escorting the emperor out of the imperial city
>have to go through a prison cell
>there's a prisoner there for some reason
>mixupatthewatch.jeg
>Tell the fucker to get to the back of the cell
>opening the secret passageway
>senile old Fuck starts talking to the prisoner
>prisoner straight up asks why he's in prison
>try to tell him to Fuck off
>emperor tells me to let him follow
>senile Fuck
>we get ambushed and my best friend dies in the attack
>he runs over and steals all his hear
>get fed up and tell that fucker to stay behind or I will kill him
>go for awhile
>thinking I'm never gonna see that faggot again
>he bursts through a hole in one of the passageways
>fuckit
>pull out my sword
>bout to wreck this faggot
>at the last second emperor steps in between us
>and stops me from killing this faggot
>just fucking kill me
>let him continue to follow
>get to a dead end
>tell the emperor stay put while I look for an exit
>prisoner stays with the emperor
>find an exit
>come back for the emperor
>deadasfuq.gif
>prisoner says it was someone else
>dont give two fucks
>just walk off
>mfw some prisoner got the amulet of kings
>mfw I heard he sold it for skooma
>10 year old me
>Just discovered porn on cinemax
>step dad bunk under me dead to world
>See lesbians massaging soapy water on their giant fake tits
>Hnnng
>T.V was a little loud while i fucked my pillow
>Hear mom coming up stairs, ohshit.jpeg
>Hide under bed almost fully naked just underwear on
>Mom comes in asking what I'm doing
>Laugh like a retard. Turn off tv via remote before she sees anything
>Fuck close call
>Step dad still asleep...
>be DM
> playing with friends in dnd 2nd edition for a while
>do an off shoot, couple playas missing
>k
>we pirates now
>halfliing rogue
>elf warrior
>and The Diddler
>The Diddleer is the halfling fags irl bro he convinced to try did
>oh he tried
>The Diddler focused on Dex and Cha, and was skilling in the art of carving
>carving dildos
>he wore one-piece leather armor and a gimp mask, wielding knives that were locked away
>they were in the brig of a pirate ship and so the elf and halfling were trying to pick locks, break the door, get out
>The Diddler chose to carve a dildo from his bedpost and then shove it, unlubed up his ass
>the others stopped and laughed as not only I allowed this but retard got hurt
>unlubed, a rough unsanded wooden object?
>1d10 damage to The Diddler
>5 retard is bleeding and down to half health so he stops
>the other stop laughing and get out, breaking his weak ass out too to pack up his ass
>the capt. rolls down hearing them break out
>arrrrgh.gif
>The Diddler sexts while others convice capt to accept them to join the crew because they be kickass
>"I ROLL TO SUDUCE"
ce prost esti
You are one horrible liar and story writer
>how do you proceed to suduce The Diddler
>"huh?"
>plz descibe your seducing of a 50 year old, obese, salty sea dog, with only 1 foot, and a filthy beard
>"I present him with my freshly made dildo and run it up and down his arm as I ask if he wants it"
>roll cha check fag
>5
>everyone laughs as I descibe failure
Coninue?
found this gem on Sup Forums this morning
the matrix redpill
cypher btw selling his crew out to be plugged back in
No
Kthxbyethen
>be like 10
>takin a shit
>cat comes in
>"why didnt I shut the door all the way"
>cat starts annoying me
>fuck this cat
>finish shitting
>proceed to shove my dick in cat's mouth
>send it scurrying away, it's scared as fuck
>never talk about it until now
Gay
>throw it over in to next door's garden
Kek, you fucking cunts.
Story?
Same 8 yo autistic faggot confirmed
wrong
Any one here have the 911 dispatcher stories? Some user posted some stories in YLYL yesterday for some reason and some of them were of a 911 dispatcher.