Well Sup Forums, i fucked up

Well Sup Forums, i fucked up.
>Friend has a kid
>7yo girl
>Be a neckbearded lolicon
>Contain myself as much as i can
>Friend asks me to babysit, we know each other since birth pretty much, best buds, so he trusts me.
>DontDoAnythingStupid.webm
>It starts well, kid is watching tv, i do some chores like a Sup Forumsro
>"Hey user, come play!"
>Shieeeet.png
>Kid is wearing a shirt and panties, nothing else.
>bulge.gif
>"What are we playing" i ask like a nervous sperg
>She shows me some legos, i feel a bit relieved, building can take my mind off her
>She proceeds to pick up some bricks and figures and sits in my fucking lap
>There is no hiding it now
>i try to position her on my leg or something, but no, she has to fucking sit smack dab on my dingus
>I'm horny, there is a 7yo girl sitting on my lap, tossing legos around like they are fucking pebbles, and still have 3 hours to go
>She obviously starts feeling my bump, since she constantly tries to adjust her but, but that makes me even harder
>I just give up, put her down, and go to the toilet
>I jack off as fast as i can, which is really fast given the circumstances
>i feel relieved and ready to build some dang lego castles
>Turn around and see she is standing in the door holding her fucking legos. I forgot to lock the door
>"OH MY GOD I'M TELLING DAD!' she says and escapes back to her room, and locks herself
>Try to reason with her but no response

So now i sit here, thinking of what i'll tell my friend.

you're a pedophile, do the world a favor and kill yourself

HOLY FUCKING SHIT OP
you fucked up big time only two options:
Rape da gril and an hero or live life as an excluded and despised waste of human resources

not what i had in mind, but it's an option i can consider, also checked.

Are there real people who can't control a boner? Sounds so cliche.

Yeah either go to prison, or risk losing my friend and maybe getting registered as a sex offender. Both are shitty, but one is better than the other.

well, it's either that, or tell your friend and let him beat your skull in and WISH you were dead.

this is fake

I can't obviously, that's why i'm in this situation now.

Fake or not, i still need some help.

Should i just book it, and go home? That seems like a good option when i think about it.

Hot story, the protagonist should fuck her at the end though.

Rule #1 of masturbation: secure your domain.

doubtful, my uncle used to rape his underage daughter all the time. So shit like this does happen.

How does she know what jacking off is? Just tell them yoy forgot to lock the door and she seem your wee wee. The end

Option One: You just need to talk to her and explain how the human body works. Explain that you're a guy, show her your penis and offer to let her touch it to see how it works.

Option Two: kill her and hide the body.

No, if you leave the kid alone that's another strike against you AND makes you look guilty. Just try something like you went in to take a piss, forgot to lock the door and you were shaking it when she caught you.

Well if she didn't know, she wouldn't scream so much.

>Kid is wearing a shirt and panties, nothing else.
what??

this

Have you never just woken up with a random boner?

may be her father tell her what it is.
stop OH SHIIIT.....

Just explaining what she wore, it's hot as fuck here, so i'm not surprised she would be comfortable wearing that. She probably dresses like that when her parent's are home.

If this isn't b8 then your first fuck up was making this thread. Don't explain anything, just act like things are natural. You technically didn't do anything illegal per say, since all you technically did was jack off. Just act like nothing happened, and tell your bro she's been acting up all day. Throwing tantrums, screaming, throwing things, the whole 9 yards. When he comes back he will be mad at her and probably will just think she's lying to get you in trouble. If that doesn't work, deny deny deny everything, and cut off all contact with them

living with 3 roomates. you gotta get fucking creative sometimes

Good idea thanks. i just hope i can explain it without looking like a lying sperg, i was never good at hiding the fact i'm lying.

>100%
>only logical answer

good idea.

Fucking kys you piece of trash

Just be like "dude, I was in their pissing, I forgot to lock the door and she came looking for me, cause we were playing with the legos". Well, when she walked in I was shaking the last bit of it out and she saw me".

shouldn't have let her give you a lapdance

and technically speaking, you didn't break any laws. You didn't touch her,rape her or force her to touch you.

If when you were masturbating you were thinking of that 7yo girl then you pretty much fucked her.

"Fuck off kid, you are making me horny"

That's true, but we all know who the parent would rather believe.

Plus he can still beat my beta ass up.

But i was having so much fun on your big lap user!! :3

this

Not always. Kids have a horrible habit of lying

this
It's just a kid, she has no idea what you were doing.
Also, don't be such a massive fucking retard next time. And fuck some women.

for pissing? His kid should know better than to go opening doors when people are in the bathroom. That's parenting 101

Alright, thanks guys, i'll try to talk my way out of it. Honestly my ideas of parenting and all that shit come from anime and hentai, so i'm when it comes to stuff like this.

>be me, like 4 or 5
>mother was a teen mother, so she was like 20 or so when this happens
>Throws a party
>"user go play with legos or some shit"
>lol k
>Just chilling in my room, building a tower repeatedly
>get bored, hear noise from living room
>Go investigate said noise
>See a hoard of black dudes watching some movie with my mom
>One invites me to watch the movie with him
>"Aye lil man you wanna sip o dis?"
>Sure, I'm young and retarded still
>"Tyrone don't let him drink beer!"
>"Nah the lil nigga good!"
>Take sip
>Think it tastes horrible
>Go to spit it out in the kitchen sink while everyone laughs
>Barge in
>Some dude is beating his dick in the bathroom
>like, LITERALLY beating his dick
>This dude is beating his dick harder than an angry man does his wife
>Scream as loud as I can, which spills the beer on the floor, and run away
>dude freaks out as my mom comes and investigates
You have to put yourself in her shoes, she walks up to see a man with his dick out, fully erect, looking at a young boy
>she has all the black people kick his ass
>He has to go to the hospital, almost dies of internal bleeding
>MFW

meant bathroom sink oops

>teen mom
>Horde of black men at her house
Your mother is a turboslut

was a turboslut*
she's actually great once she got off the drugs and stuff

Just tell your friend you didn't have sex in a while and you just had to jerk one out

youre fucked. even if you try to tell him she opened the bathroom door on you, you're going to flounder all over yourself and let it slip that you were aroused by your friend's 7 year old daughter.

the best case scenario is that you lose your friend and he tells everyone you're a creepy kid-diddler.

my advice is to accept this as a wakeup call and go get psychiatric help.

What can a psychiatrist do to change my boner inducers?

no u

Mike "Diddle and there'll be spittle" pence can fix you

I only read the first 3 lines and I am already considering quitting the internet.

Sleepy boner

Are you retarded? Just fucking lie and say she saw you peeing

This.

>user what's this my daughter has been talking about
>Oh I just went to take a leak and I forgot to lock the door, my mistake

i always look autistic when i try to lie.

i dont know OP but i know it's a damn sight better than sitting around and pretending you're fine while quietly waiting and hoping to sexually molest a child.

You're dealing with a seven year old. They don't know shit about dick. Lie through your teeth like every other normal person on the planet.

You actually probably look autistic all the time

just fuckin say you had wood UNRELATED to her but she kept wanting to play and sit in your lap and it made you uncomfortable as fuck so you went and jacked off to try to make it go away so his fucking daughter wouldn't be grinding on your dick

This and nothing else

This is a dumb idea. Why would you ever admit to having a boner??

^ exactly.That's like saying " i did force her to give me oral, but I didn't make her swallow"

a kid says you were doing freaky shit in the bathroom, would you rather admit to the boner and have control over the story or deny it and become suspect to lying? Why would you lie about having a boner with a kid around that would automatically make you suspect. He must of had a boner, and lied about it BECAUSE it had to do with the kid!
Also OP don't fuck kids please, I know some of them may even be predatory (I know I was when I was a kid) but they really don't understand and it fucks with development. If kids are being sexual they should only be doing it with each other.

I'm really trying to contain myself, thanks to all the Japs out there, i can live out my fantasy without actually fucking kids.

>You were taking a piss and the kid walked in on you. How hard is that?

op update us

Just tell him you were taking a piss and she walked in on you because you forgot to lock the door, then she freaked out and locked herself in her room. She's seven, what would she even know about this kind of stuff. Seriously, assuming this isn't fake, don't do any of the other dumb shit the anons are telling you. It was an accident, she walked in on you in the bathroom, that's it. You didn't do anything wrong, she's too young to probably understand what you were doing anyway, and Her dad is more likely to listen to you than whatever weird shit his daughter's talking about. Just, next time say you can't take care of your friend's kid. You clearly has some issues, and as commendable as it is to not act on them, it would make your life a little easier if you avoided kids, if you're not going to get help for it anyway. Good luck to you man.

You talk like a fag and your shits all retarded

this user again
Just update us so we don't think you got your ass sent to jail, I'd like to know shit didn't go down too badly.

Jesus Christ, kid. You may just be fucked. Oh, and get some help, dude.

Op goes to jail the thread

Áre you half Nigger?

is this a joke? it's sad i can't tell anymore

How does a 7 year old even know what masturbation is. For all your friend is concerned she walked in on your peeing.

This is bait.

Well he came back, i did what anons told me and said i took a piss. He gave me the brow but accepted my explonation, i heard the kid arguing with her mom, but i got my money and left. I think it went well. Sorry for making a whole thread about this, but i tend to panic in these kinds of situations.

op thank you! you might not be retarded

told you it would work. Gj op!

but what if ur friend sees this thread?

He doesn't browse Sup Forums as far as i know, since h got with that girls of his, he sin't online all that much. He's kind of a normo, but i talk to him since we have been buds for so long.

glad things worked out for u, user

Yeah you should off yourself before your heart broken best friend does

op didn't technically do anything wrong though

thanks kind user, you can't imagine how relieved i feel (pun not intended).

Fucking degenerate piece of shit

you on a site that any given time has 3-4l loli threads going, chill

You deserve both

You guys realize you are on a site that used to have actual child porn.

"used to"

>max erection?

...

lie, even if true, so what...five more year and she will look for things like that... probably here since there is so much kids. kekeke

...

The board ceased to exist purely for legal reasons, otherwise it would still be here.

Dubs you show him this post.

Roll

How about no.

Rolll

Rolling

Sup Forums still posts it from time to time. Which frankly I'd trade all other posts for more fluffy ones.