Character goes to bed

>Character goes to bed
>Doesn't struggle all night with an itchy anus

>You're fired!
>You can't fire me! I quit!

Civilized people wash their butthole after taking a shit, dumbfuck.

You take a shower everytime you go to the bathroom?

>had to fire someone at work
>he actually responded with this and threw his name badge at me

Based

you asked him for his gun as well I assume?

I do shower every night and I scrub my ass. Still get an itchy anus. Fucking blows

Enjoy your worms

>his name badge
Lol

No wonders it itches if you actually scrub it.

Civilized people have bidets (sorry america)

You need to go to the doctor have that look at Jenna

>have itchy anus
>go to doctor
>he looks at my asshole
>lol worms maybe I dunno
>take worm meds, still itchy
>he looks at my asshole again three times and doesn't know what is wrong
>I dunno maybe thrush/a parasite/fungus
>shit in this tube user and we will analyse it
>stop going to doctor

self cured by not using any soap or shower gel on my butthole for a few weeks.

You forgot:
Civilized people can actually reach around to atleast wipe

It's actually because you're scrubbing it, ironically.

Just leave it alone for a few days. Whatever you do don't cover your finger in Bengay and stick it up your ass like I did.

Do you get any form of anesthesia while there?

no. lie down in foetal position and bring knees up to chest. while mentally damaging it wasn't physically painful. he just looked.

if it's not worms or jock itch then it will just be a skin irritation from aggressive washing aggravated by scratching at night.

quality thread btw.

(sorry america)

your asses are literally telling you they want sex

fucking queers

Just because getting a hot cock in your ass is the best feeling in the world it doesn't mean you're gay for liking it.

This.
Just make sure the balls don't touch and say 'no homo' prior

Oh user you silly faggot
>>>/lbgt/

I already fired you

And his other gun.

...

I put little piece of garlic inside and worms stop itching my anus
rate

+1

And his OTHER gun.

upvoted

So the garlic killed the worms?

Incomplete.

>have itchy anus
>just finger me while fapping thinking about bbc
>lick finger
>salty
>sleep good

no homo

The garlic keeps the vampires away

It scares them. Only a the closest die

His other gun wasn't provided to him via his job, faggot.

SHALL

>not calling a handsome black bull to come over and apply his BBC directly
pleb

Superman sleeps good nigga, you sleep WELL.
English, do you speak it, motherfucker? (lol)

>salty
You've actually never licked your anus liquid before, have you?

>character goes to bed
>doesn't lie there for an hour dealing with the existential dread

This has never been funny, and it never will be funny

Washing doesn't help against early stage hemorrhoids.

He probably doesn't want to be robbed, and I am not only talking about his virginity

only squat toilets and not using toilet paper does that.

Who told you it was supposed to be 'funny'?

All this itchy anus discussion, w e w lads.

RULES
1. SQUAT WHEN YOU SHIT. DO IT.
2. DO NOT USE FORCE. JUST LET IT SLIDE OUT
3. WASH YOU BUTTHOLE (WITH WATER) AFTER DEFECATING
4. IF YOU'RE TOO MUCH OF A FAG TO DO THAT, USE SOFT TOILET PAPER AND DO NOT USE TOO MUCH FORCE WHEN WIPING, THIS WILL LEAD TO HEMORRHOIDS.

YOUR BUTTHOLES THANK ME

medium lel

I'm italian
I have a very hairy anus

Make me a pizza.

Hemorrhoids. Early stage. Get it lasered.

>tfw MEW will never have an itchy anus and ask you to lick it

>Was a retail cuck 3 years ago
>Had a bad case of pinworms
>At work after a heavy lunch at McDonalds
>Suddenly anus gets incredibly itchy
>Rush to bathroom
>Start scratching the rim of my anus
>Accidently insert finger up my anus
>felt like a dam broke
>What felt like a gallon of shit came rushing out of my anus
>Shit all over clothes, legs, shoes and floor

I had to run out of work and rush home

>squat when you shit

So I'm supposed to shit on the floor or what? what am I gonna do about the blood? shit on a towel?

>do not use force
what kind of baby shits do you have? I'm not making myself pass out from pain by letting it 'slide out'.

if i shove my laserpointer in, will that work?

I hate frogposters so goddamn much

when you squat you can let it slide, you don't need to use force like when you're sitting. and if you're not civilized enough to shit in a hole in the ground, you can buy one of these and use your regular toilet.

our anatomy is so that it is best to shit while squatting.

Poop. It's called poop.

one of these, i have a similar one.

You have pinworms lol

like you're a slav

>>Had a bad case of pinworms

Disgusting slob-tier.

Still have to use force otherwise I'll pass out from excruciating pain

Anyone else feel sad when the poop leaves you?

it hasn't left until you push the flusher

>push
Pull you mean?

If you eat your poop you become a closed ecosystem.

At first there is regret you have to leave him but deep down u know it's for the best

why are you in pain when you shit. and why does using force lessen the pain?

Don't judge me, faggot

...

It feels more like saying goodbye to a good friend with whom you spent a lot of time but already started to feel a little bored and annoyed by his presence. On the other hand I'm often constipated so my experience may be different

What is this Orwellian device?

because it's solid and big and when I push it gets out faster rather than getting stuck 1/3 out

makes it easier to clean the piss off of the floor

lol you're so gay

make them smaller and looser.

>gay for not having a loose anus hole

Try again

How does one make their poop smaller and looser?

Poop scissors.

dietary changes. could also be your medication. i recommend to tell your doctor about your stool.

jesus christ EAT MORE FIBER YOU GREASY NEET FUCKS

fiber powder that'll last for months costs ~20 dollars & will make your poop firm& fly right out

>buy the fibrous jew
American nutrition is no joke. Shart in mart.

>this retard
the only one complaining about his poop in this thread is complaining that it is too firm.

I'm not putting the scissors up my ass

I'm already eating only bread for breakfast, lunch and supper. Not using any medication. I probably should. been like this for as long as I can remember so I'm used to it, though.

>character decides to take a nice 30-minute nap between work and going to the gym
>doesn't wake up 100 years later in an apocalyptic earth

Where the hell is the realism these days?

Maybe it's because you put your fingers up your asshole, that you got them in the first place.

>eating only bread
well there's your problem. also where do you get your protein from.

How do you get worms in your ass?

>character goes for a walk
>doesn't pass out from exhaustion before he gets to the end of his street

for most idiots it's just a dried up skin in the butthole area causing slight irritation

you don't really need to soap it multiple times a week, once is enough and otherwise just use water

Vaseline your anus. It may be uncomfortable initially, but the soreness will subside.

Fiber literally kills your gains you filthy yuropoor.

>protein

Actually had to google 'protein food' to see what contain protein.

I eat fish, chicken, beef, steak and so on for dinner.

Sometimes I forget that there are literal peasants that haven't transcended the physical realm posting on this board.

>americans

Nah, but it just doesn't feel the same than it did as a kid. I have a very different diet now, and do enemas many times a week. Feels great afterwards, but the shitting itself has lost its glory. No more big blocks of greasy fibre-less shit, just something close to a vegetable soup.

You can quite literally get pinworms just by breathing albeit this is rare.

Being unhygienic is generally the reason for getting them, but having good hygiene isn't a guaranteed way to prevent them.

well stop eating only bread, that's retarded. eat more rice/pasta and perhaps oats for breakfast instead. also lots of green vegetables, they're good for your system.

soluble fiber helps with retaining water in the poop so it passes easier, slut

insoluble fiber adds bulk to the poop to make it solid

fuck gains, nobody on Sup Forums actually lifts

fat food literally kills you, you 'murican.