Fapfictions featuring Rhonda from Hey Arnold
Check them out:
>Rhonda and her boytoy force Phoebe into a threesome
cartoon.adult-fanfiction.org
>Rhonda needs money and has to work as a street walker to help her family out (Make sure to leave a review if you want to see a chapter three)
cartoon.adult-fanfiction.org
You can post anonymous reviews without an account needed. Me and my co-author would appreciate it if you did:
cartoon.adult-fanfiction.org
cartoon.adult-fanfiction.org
Other urls found in this thread:
archiveofourown.org
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Anyone?
I'm here, just reading and lurking.
I was reading it a couple of nights. Nice stuff.
Definitely tell me what you think of the stories in the OP
Lurking
Leave a review?
Keep up the great work
I like it but needs more rape. :3
Well I'll tell you. I read the first one about the locker room situation.
It was good. Grammatically speaking and spelling wise.
The story itself brought nothing new to the table in adult fiction, but the rendition written was by no means awful. I'd say it would become rather forgettable, but only time will tell.
I do not know Hey Arnold enough to know what the characters look like, and in turn I can't remember their names but that's the readers fault (mine in this case). Onto the story.
The girl who was being "abused" should've said more things after the initial shock factor and subsequent acceptance of her surroundings and the situation.What she could've said could've been more urgency to get away, or just a few lines about simply being uncomfortable, as from what the details of her character told me, (excellent job on that btw) she would be very nervous and arguably horrified about what was happening to her. She's a nerd, (if I am assuming correctly), so all this stuff is presumably new to her (assuming she had a clean mind before the "tragedy").
More resiliency from her end but not to the point where it's a rape story would (IMO) make for a much more believable character that was put into an uncomfortable position, and would give her nerd character more believable depth if the show never did that (which I highly doubt but you get the point).
Overall, the read was good. Worth the minutes I put into it.
Oh, and my disclaimer.
I am by no means an author or a critic. Do whatever you feel is necessary to make the story better. If you believe something will make the story better in some way yet it goes against my suggestions, go for your idea. It's probably much better than what I could ever write.
Thanks - I'll try and get my co-writer to see this
What about the other story?
It's not within my personal interests since it deals with a rather degrading topic IMO, but I'll read it nonetheless. Keep the thread alive for about another 20ish minutes.
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Well I read both chapters and it was... unique.
Spelling, grammar, great. No noticeably big mistakes there. I have a few gripes that can be big or small, depending on how you look at it.
The main girl of the tory needs to have her backstory about how she became broke talked about, even if it's a few sentences. If that was mentioned in the story, more clarity needs to be added to it because it went right over my head, and I value the little details more than anything in a piece of text. This is a significant reason as to why the story happened at all. I believe it can help to have the reader pity or be more spiteful towards the girl depending on how the backstory will be written.
What just destroyed the story for me was the mentioning of their ages. Maybe it's because it's not of my particular interest, but to imagine the story from a realistic perspective, at any point, it just... destroys a lot of its "hype" so to speak. Some people enjoy that, I personally don't.
Once you mention ones age so low in a story as dark as this, to me, it kills its language as well. Most of the vocabulary any of the characters use when talking to others or themselves is sometimes unbelievable for their age. Say they're extremely intelligent, but I just couldn't buy it.
This story was not of my personal interest, so maybe my critiques are unfair, but it would be best to get a second, third, fourth, or fifth opinion on this matter.
Besides that, the story structure was good and the plot made sense. Continue to add more, hopefully the story climax provides to be very interesting.
Thanks for checking them out.
archiveofourown.org
Feel free to look at my other stuff and I sent your comments to my cowriter
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