I need to make $5000 in a week legally. What do I do. Please I need help

I need to make $5000 in a week legally. What do I do. Please I need help

do it illegally

sell everything you own

Well, you could whore yourself out to 100 fat chicks for $50 apiece. Or 5 really fat chicks for $1,000.

Get a loan and then repay it later

Win the lottery

Go to law school, earn a JD, pass the bar, become a lawyer, establish yourself in a mid-size firm on a partner-track, spend the first 3-5 years grinding 60-70 hours a week in doc review and repetitious motion filing, eventually rise to the rank of associate, keep at that for another 5 years, and maybe, just maybe you will be making 5k a week.

don't be in a position to need 5k in a week

Gamble

Invest in bitcoin

Get a loan, might be tough if you suddenly need 5k outta nowhere, and your income is shitty. I get the feel this is just some shitposting, but earl'grey.

BlackJack

5k a week will be haed without sufficient seed money but it can be done.

sell your asshole

Depends a lot on who you owe the money too.
If its a bank etc then fuck it but if its something shadier then your only shot is illegally im afraid OP.

Steal a car

If youre desperate i'd say your best bet is definitely to rob a drug dealer - its the perfect crime.

either their money or their product or preferably both. If you plan it well and get a few buddies involved you could score huge 20k +

also wtf they gonna do? call the police?

No, theyll just go and kill your dumbass. Its like you're not even trying.

Take out a loan. What, are you fucking retarded?

Hypothetically speaking. If i were to do it what is the safest way to do it illegally with as little risk as posssible

We'll sent you the money.

All we need are the following:
- Your name
- Your surname
- A photo of yours
- Your Paypal
- A signature from you that you gave us your soul for 5000$

Once we confirm everything, we'll sent the money via Paypal

I've tried but i have no credit score

I don't have anything worth that much

After this i wont ever again

I have no credit

No credit? There's shitty loan offices out there in the hood that'll still loan you out 5k. Why don't you have credit? Are you like, 19? Why do you need 5k in a week?

illegal things would need more time for preparation. to late user.

No holds bar cam whore

Gaam-ba-liiing Moneeeeyyyyy

Im 24 and ive only used cash or debit card. I never wanted a credit card because i was scared of getting in too debt

I need the money because i fucked up

>I need the money because i fucked up
greentext that shit, fam

Cam whore OP I'll give you $1000 to put a coconut in your ass

>Cam whore OP I'll give you $1000 to put a coconut in your ass
Pineapple would get more gold/tokens.

Was gonna recommend by I don't think op's virgin ass could handle a pineapple

Legally rob a bank, legally.

>implying he's attractive and girls, even fat ones, would pay him
>implying its easy to find lots of girls willing to pay for sex when they get it for free

>implying his asshole is worth 5 cents

this

i'll put $3000 more if he puts a big soursop in after the coconut

Not OP but would like to know how to make atleast 1k in a week. Currently have $72 in my checking account.

>What do?

1k is easy you just need to make $200 day for 5 days mow 4 yards a day for $50 each

Without manual labor? I will try that out though, only issue is that there are a ton of landscaping companies where I live

Uhhh... get a good education that gives you a nice paying job with benifits?
>inb4 I dot have money for college, should've thought of that back in high school when you could've gotten a scolorship... and there are plenty of jobs that pay 60k to 100k with only a high school deploma or associate degree alone imagine what a master's degree will get you...

Also keep a good credit score and invest some money into the bank and some bonds n shiet. Just don't be a fucking retard you poor loser

...

OP dont do this you fucking retard
Stealing a car is much more preferable and won't get you killed, will probably land you just 2-4 years in jail if you're caught
Although if you wear a mask, fingerprints and cover your identity when selling it you won't get caught

>Needs money within a week
>get a good education and nice paying job

Please tell me what school and job can I complete within a week and come out with $5000 profit

You're gonna have to suck a whooooole lotta dick

Mexicans?

sell cocaine. its the only way.

The School of Hard Cocks

Chaturbate is your only option

Be creative, faggots will pay to watch male ass do anything

sell your anus

Adolf Hitler School for Friendship and Tolerance