Be me

>Be me.
>Watching My Little Ponies in my bedroom, not bothering anyone.
>Hear knock on door.
>It's mommy and her new boyfriend.
>"Listen up retard, you're 29 years old, you need to get a job and move the fuck out."
>Start to get teary eyed.
>Run to mommy.
>"Don't enable him, just look away."
>She won't acknowledge me.
>"You have a week to get a job and move out. C'mon, let's go."
>They leave.
>Go back to watching My Little Ponies.
>Din din comes.
>Go to kitchen.
>"Mommy, where tendies?"
>"Mommy, where tendies REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"
>No answer.
>Chad comes out.
>"Make your own food, retard."
>Literally enraged at this point.
>Try to tackle him, but he's too fast for my 300 pound self.
>That's it, this fucker overstepped his boundaries. Time to teach him a lesson.
>Wait until night night time when I know mommy and Chad are wrestling in bed.
>Get chocolate pudding from the fridge.
>Feed it to the dog.
>Dog shits everywhere.
>Perfect.image
>Drink some prune juice.
>Wait a few minutes.
>Shit on dogs' shit.
>Ready.png
>Pick up shit covered shit.
>Kick mommy's door down with tard strength.
>"user, what are you doi---"
>"REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"
>Fling shit covered shit at Chad.
>Nailed him!
>Chad charges me.
>"Don't you lay a hand on him, Dan."
>Mommy is back!
>Chad storms out of house.
>Next day there's a big plate of tendies waiting for me on the kitchen table.

Get fucked, Chad.

Ha Ha Ha i get it

Gj user, never give up on your life.

>Chad
What did he mean by this?

...

>Dan

This is Dan ill be back you retard ur mums begging me to come back as we speak there will be no more tendies for you

Lmao

>be me
>Spend 3 MONTHS hording GBP
>Go ask mommy for my tendies for din-dins
>"I'm tired user, and you had breakfast Tendies, now leave me alone with new daddy"
WHATtheFUCK.jpg
>I shall have the Tendies, they are my sole purpose for living
>Grab my good boy peepee jar
>Empty it on mommies new rug
>Go outside, like a fucking normie
>the fresh air burns my lungs and the sun sears my flesh
>it hurts, but I do it for tendies
>go to mommies new boyfriends car
>slash tires, use hose in gas pipe, give it nice succ
>Last time I gave a succ this nice it got me 50 GBP
>fill my good boy peepee jar with vroom vroom juice from new daddies car
YOUreadyBITCH.gif
>go inside
>grab lighter from new daddies Jacket hung up in the closet next to my fedora collection
>enter living room and stand infront of mommy and new daddy, raise the jar in the air and light the lighter
>Fear no evil
GrandioseEntrance.jpg
>Screech at the top of my big boy lungs
"UNLESS 12 TENDIES I DO GAIN, I WILL LIGHT YOU UP IN FLAMES"
>Mommy looks scared
>New daddy starts talking, but is interrupted by the smashing of the gasoline filled peepee jar
"HSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS"
"DO NOT INTERRUPT ME, UGLY SWINE, YOU SHALL NOT SPEAK UNTIL THE TENDIES ARE MINE!
>Mfw mommy bought me 24 tendies
>Mfw I lit my hand on fire
The best part is, the stupid cunt didnt even think about taking away any of my good boy points.
Second best part is new daddy is taking me camping deep in the woods where "no one can hear us" next weekend, I wonder if they have wifi?

...

>Be with MILF Girlfriend
>Hear 29 year old son watching mlp
>Open door to his room
>"Hey look,bud ya gotta get a job to help us pay bills"
>Faggot cries to mom
>Dinnertime
>Fatshit whines about chicken tenders
>Tries to tackle me but bellyflops the floor
>Finish dinner
>Fuck Girlfriend
>Go to sleep
>Wake up to the smell of shit
>"Fuck. He shat the bed"
>Hear knocks on door
>"Great,time to clean shit"
>Open door
>"Take this Chad!"
>Wonder who's chad
>"Who's Ch--"
>Have shit thrown at
>ENOUGH IS ENOUGH
>"Alright Mister,That TV is going and it's tonight"
>Girlfriend wakes up
>"Dan,You better not hit him"
>Leave to purchase a firearm
>Someone's gotta be the man of THIS house

>wake up to my room of piss jugs and shit bottles
>first thing I do in the morning is check my gbp
>saved up enough good boy points to buy a steam card
>crawl out of my Teen Titans Go blanket (I got it from Santa instead of coal for being a good boy)
>rip off page of my gbp chart and hobble downstairs
>mummy cooking me a breakfast of tendies
>"mummy mummy! I saved up enough good boy points to get a steam card!"
>"let me see that my special little boy. You've been so good these past few weeks! Here are your chicken tenders."
>fucking normie cunt, who calls them chicken tenders
>eat my mountain of tendies then get into the car
>mummy starts to drive
>suddenly get motion sick
>"mummy I don't feel very good"
>puke all over the back of her car, tendie flakes everywhere
>oh my god! -10 gbp. We are going back to the house now
>what the fuck you stupid bitch I was good all month for that steam card
>was going to buy Sakura Swim Club with it
>get back to the house
>enact plan of revenge
>mummy goes to sleep
>pick up shit jugs with caution, pull out mummy's space heater and place the shit jugs with it next to her bed
>20 min later
>shit bottles explode
>hot poop splatters everywhere
>mummy gets plastic shard and poop-juice in her eye
>has to go to the hospital
>doctor said its infected and has to be removed
>mummy now looks like nick fury
fucking normie bitch that's what you get for taking away my gbp

Jesus fuck where did these originate from.

Don't camp with the normie, there's no tendies in the woods.

Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

>Playing hentai o washite waifu nippo
>4.48 inch cock fully erect
>ready to masturbate
>mommy comes down to the basement
>erection quickly wilts
>mommy wants to know what i want for dinner
>tell that bitch i want motherfucking tendies
>she says i dont have enough gbp
>throw a fit and scream for tendies
>she takes 5 gbp and says were having rice and veggies
>keep rolling my sweaty self all over the floor and wailing
>calm down and play some daijo no ecchi wakase
>masturbate my 4.48 inch sweaty cock
>little sister walks in
>hide cock and game using 1337 ninja skillz
>she asks for help on homework
>do it for the pussy
>its limits/derivatives or some easy shit
>explain away about how the limit exists because you can simplify it to another form where you don't divide by zero
>thx user
>she leaves
>angry because she didn't give me any pussy
>time for dinner
>calmed down, respectful and kind
>mother appreciates it
>she says she'll give them back to me if i do some chores
>yeahright.jpg
>wait for them to go to sleep
>make sister pass out with chloroform
>take her to mommy's room
>tie up mommy
>rape sister while she watches
>mommy is screaming and struggling
>laugh like the autist I am
>finish and shit all over the bed
>tell her that she will be next if I don't get tendies
>ok user
>leave and go to sleep
>wake up
>it was the fucking police
>get 10 years for rape and incest

NIGGERS

Oh shit everyone in this thread is confirmed niggers

/r9k/ i believe

>be a 27 year old NEET
>wake up at 6PM and roll out of my racecar bed
>piss jugs are all full, have to use the toilet like some subhuman normie
>waddle downstairs to find mummy for my wakey-wakey tendies and bakey
>lights off, nobody there
>there is a note on the refrigerator
>"Pumpkin, your new daddy Leroy and I have gone to the movies for the afternoon I made some of your favorite chicken tenders, just heat them up in the microwave if you get hungry for num-nums. Love you, Mom"
>fucking cunt has let my tendies get cold and mushy
>and she expects me to heat them up myself like a slave
>she will fucking learn today
>change out of my cloth diaper into a disposable one and hit the road
>spend the entire walk to the cinema filling my diapey with poo poo
>arrive at the theater parking lot and coat myself in a thin layer of pee pee and poo
>brace myself and enter the lobby
>let losse my battle cry
>RRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>"MY PRECIOUS TENDIES HAVE GONE TO WASTE, NOW MY POOPY YOU SHALL TASTE"
>pull handfuls of poop out of my diaper and fling them at random
>staff tries to stop me but I am too quick and too slippery
>entire venue is being evacuated
>navigate my way to Wonder Woman
>mummy and new daddy are in the back row
>covered in poo and pee, two steaming loads in each hand
>mummy's face is a mixture of shock and indescribable terror
>walk slowly towards her while chanting "...tendies...tendies...tendies..."
>our eyes are locked
>as if from far away I hear new daddy say "ayo wut tha fuck this nigga-"
>cease my low chanting with a final "TENDIEEEEES" and smash the handfuls of rancid diarrhea onto either side of her head
>bring my piss-soaked face right up to hers
>her ears are filled with my poo, eardrums are ruptured, and eyes are nearly blinded by a mixture of tears and more poo
>say very slowly and clearly
>"Don't you ever fuck with my chicky tendies again"

And the best part is the dumb whore was too scared to even take away any of my good boy points

Is he Dan, or Chad?

when thry say chad they mean stud and shit like that

>be me
>playing club penguin trying to hook up with bitches
>my mum comes in and says that after I lost her her job I should get a part time job
>I tell her to fuck off
>she sighs
>"I-i-t's okay, user. It's not your fault you're special."
>Stupid bitch. Why does everyone need to tell me that?
>Ffwd 1 month later
>now she just wears really red lipstick, fishnets and short skirt and goes upstairs every night with a male friend to play 'games' with a locked door.
>lying bitch, how can we still be poor and she can still play around?
>sometimes I hear beating and her crying.
>note to self: buy noise-cancellation headphones with GBP.
>my tummy is hungry
>I go upstairs and knock on the door
>"MUMMY YOUR BEST BOY IS HUNGRY. I WANT TENDIES."
>no answer
>I put my ear against the door
>hear them exercising
>faggots must have put in earpiece and listening to music
>no one fucks with my tendies
>go to backyard
>climb up tree outside mummy's window
>am big-boned but tendies motivate me
>see their silhouette behind curtain
>he's helping her do sit ups
>I am Enzio Auditore
>swing like pendulum and crash through window
>I roll gracefully and crash into mummy's drawer
>don't know why they're not wearing clothes, it's not that hot
>her friend is spilling mayonnaise on her face
>her male friend goes wtf
>he storms out and says he'll never "spend money on a stupid whore again"
>mummy just sits there and cries
>I bang on my chest and scream "I WANT TENDIES"

Tfw when she left cooked tendies on the dining table before all that.

So you're the retard...huh

HOW WILL YOU LIVE IN THE CAMP?

> be me
> 28 years old NEET
> raised as an only child
> I caused mummy and daddys divorce
> nothing matters except the scrumptious taste of tendies
> mfw its 03:00am
> mummy I'm hungries
> yell into intercom for snackitysnacks
> CLAIM THE MEAL OF THE CHICKEN GODS!! ITS TENDY TIME!!
> her tired voice reponds with "NOT NOW SWEETY MOMMY IS WORKING!!"
> challenging me at this hour?
> insolent woman I know there are tendies in the freezer bring me my tendies
> keep chanting for the tendies that are rightfully mine
> GOLDEN BROWN TENDY TOWN TURN THAT FROWN UPSIDE DOWN
> evil jew landlord tells mummy to shut me up
> eww mummy is sleeping with nasty landlord
> naughty man. Making mummy's ladylettuce smell like sardines
> The war has begun.ctn
> enter sunrise. All Preparations are complete.
> nullifying any chance of escape I reeeee into mummies "office" on my valiant reinforced electric wheelchair.
> douse jew in two jugs of poopyjuice before he can activate his spells
> evil jew is unable to battle!
> ram him into the corner and then leap off of my valiant steed and mount mummy's face
> NO NO NO NO NO NO MUMMY! YOUR PUNISHMENT MUST BE MORE SEVERE!!
> "URGH! YOU'RE CRUSHING ME SWEET-- OH GOD HELP ME PLEASE NO!!"
> Groan as I release a big boy turd so nasty her fingernails begin to peel backwards
> gaze into her eyes as the impact sends mummy into panic attack
> expel the last of my poopies on the sheet. How many times must I break you?
> tidy up my toys and waddle into kitchen to await my spoils
> slithery jew slithers out of my castle and says we don't need to worry about rent ever again
> victory.ogg
> mummy finally arrives visibly shaken and broken inside
> opens the freezer to make my tendies
> puts hot plate of tendies in front of me and blows them until they are cool
> "mummy you have to chew them for me"
> mummy breaks down in tears and screams for death
> yawn, give myself 5 extra gbp and fall asleep without eating them.

H-How old is your sister user?

8. Why?

>be me
>wake up from ten hour nap, starving
>craving tendies
>saved up some extra gbp by helping mommy bring in groceries
>only problem is mommy's boyfriend chad is with her in their room making snugglies
>fucking hate that bitch i want tendies now
>yell at mommy through closed door
>"MOMMY! WENDY'S TENDIES! WENDY'S TENDIES! WENDY'S TENDIES!"
>"not now user ill get you some later"
>fucking bitch ill show her
>get my pissjugs from under my bed, along with my cum blanket, pretty much completely crusty at this point
>barge into mommy's room
>chad is on top of mommy
>take one of my pissjugs and pour contents onto them
>"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING" chad screams
>mommy is sobbing
>"WENDY'S TENDIES ARE SO SPLENDID! NONE FOR YOU AND ALL FOR ME. IF YOU WANT SOME TASTY TENDIES, GBP WILL BE THE FEE."
>chad punches me, fall over, breaking pissjugs on floor
>piss is everywhere
>pee is a fetish of mine, get really horny
>take out my iphone 6s and type in my favorite hentai
>start using my cum blanket to jerk off my dick
>chad and mommy are staring in shock
>chad gets up and leaves, mommy chasing after him
>"CHAD, WAIT!" mommy is crying
>"I can't handle this anymore Stacy, you're son is a fucking freak."
>chad slams door and drives away
>finish fapping, cum buckets into my cum blanket
>drape freshly minted blankey over mum's head
>"ill go get your tendies now user" she says, sadly
>tfw I break her
>mommy comes home with spicy tendies fresh from Wendy's
>gobble them up while watching the littlest pet shop and fapping some more
>and i still have 50 gbp left.

Nice

>30 year old NEET
>wake up at 2pm
>had accident in sleep which I rolled around in
>grab cum-towel off nightstand and do my best to wipe the mess from my folds of fat
>tummy gurgles loudly, so hungry
>plop out of bed, navigate through shit jugs and piss bottles in my room
>waddle downstairs to check GBP board
>wait a minute to catch my breath before I look
>just enough Good Boy Points for some tendies and sauce!
>legs buckle under own weight
>roll myself into the living room where mummy is watching her favorite soap opera
>"mummy mummy I have enough Good Boy Points for some tendies!"
>she turns to me with the most disgusting look on her face while I lay flat on the ground stuggling to get up
>"s-sure honey, le-let me just get some tendies for you"
>she struggles to go to the kitchen without vomitting from the smell and sight of my obese, putrid, feces and semen covered body
>she pulls the tendies out of the freezer after letting the oven heat up as she begins to cry into the sink
>I roll over and pull myself up to my high chair that starts to creak as I sit down
>have my crayons and Ninja Turtles coloring book to occupy me while I wait
>the tendies are finally done and she puts them on my plate
>she can't hold back the vomit as I open my mouth to eat some tendies and vomits all over my plate
>I can't let these tendies go to waste, so I eat them along with the vomit
>"yummy wummy tendies in my tummy, thanks mummy"
>do my best to muster a smile but the rows of decaying teeth only disgust mummy further
>high-chair finally breaks from my heft
>causes me to have another accident
>mum runs away to her room, sobbing uncontrollably, so ashamed of her baby boy
>I just sit there on floor, in my own filth, thinking about what a disappointment I am
>mfw

did you save some vomit for later?

...

...

checked

Good job

Nice

nice quads

oh damn boi

Those are quadruples summer fag

PUT ME IN THE SCREENCAP!
save us, hitler

quintuples summersummerfag

du bist ein mann !!!!

they're also quads tho

roll

...

how can quads be real if our eyes aren't real?

...

tendies stories turn me on because of the oedipus complex

Checked

DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN

late to the party

CHECKED