ITT: Autistic things you've done

ITT: Autistic things you've done.

study an engineer career

call someone who studied as an engineer a faggot.
you faggot.

your mother

put over 1000 hours into bloodborne

haha wow

savage, i know

Had consensual sex for the sole purpose of procreation

the other day i got a free hat from this fast food place in the mall food court. an hour later i cover my face with the mask, go back to the place, say "i can't see the haters" and dab.

the lady gave me a second free sample.

Awesome Game!
Dad Is werden will bit see a second bb...
Why even live?!

Nice card but it dies to doom blade lol

Anyway concerning actual autistic things I've done? Well I actually got some good smaller ones:

>be like 11 or 12
>go to my father's house in the middle of nowhere
>step brother is much older than I am, is extremely laid back
>I kinda look up to him, so naturally I do something autistic in a feeble attempt to be funny
>walk up to him one day while he's visiting with my step mom and my other step brother
>loudly ask him, "DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT A RETARDED CAT LOOKS LIKE? WELL IT LOOKS LIKE THIS"
>he gives me the strangest look
>I then stare at the window for a good minute, pretending to be a retarded cat
>everyone else stops talking
>pindrop.mp3
>step brother sort of laughs it off
>I walk away
>my actual brothers find out and lecture me on what and what not to say

I actually have some more stories of me being an autistic if you're interested

>christmas day, be 4/5
>sister is about 18 or 19
>comes downstairs in just underwear and shirt
>in front of whole family
>walk up to her and pull shirt up
>"user WHY DID YOU DO THAT!?!?"
>don't actually know
>"I wanted to see if you had a dress under it"

i still don't know why i did that

More pls

>2008/9-ish
>discover Sup Forums as an edgy teen
>never leave

I'm interested.

...

Alright. This next one is a shorter one but still

>dad has restaurant in middle of nowhere
>he made all my brothers and I work there daily (we got paid but still)
>I'm the youngest and still 12 so I normally did odd jobs like vacuum this room no one used and take out the garbage
>one day I was finally behind the counter for some reason
>qt 3.1415269 comes in with her family
>I want to impress her
>she wants a medium ice cream cone (there's a machine behind the counter and behind that it's the kitchen)
>I look at her, smile, and grab a medium cone
>the problem was that I didn't know how to use the machine
>I pull down the lever
>for about a split second the cone looks fine
>then I start trying to make it look fancy
>I start spinning the cone around, making it so it looks like pic related but end up creating a huge mess
>ice cream on my hands, the machine, my shirt (I took off my sweater because my mom's spaghetti was on there)
>she asked for it to be chocolate dipped as well
>I go over to the dipping machine and half of it ends up in the chocolate
>I give the ice cream rendition of Sonic 06 to her and say "that'll be 1 dollar!"
>one of the actual employers walks over, pulls me aside and says I can't give that to her
>tells me to eat my ice cream I made
>cry in the room I always vacuumed and throw the ice cream away because I can't finish it and it brings up my newly formed regrets

>be me
>recently moved, new school 5th grade
>at lunch get slapped by some mongloid
>not even mad, tries to get me to fight him in bathroom
>get genious plan to fake pussy it out and snitch to teacher
>plan works, mongloid gets iss but I look like a bitch to new school

Cool
>still in nowhere
>my dad is one of those dads that makes dad jokes and is really goofy
>whenever it was convenient for him he would try hard to make my life better
>it usually isn't terribly convenient for him and he tries to hard
>an example of this is I'm at the restaurant again, vacuuming the actual place where people sit and eat on a regular basis
>he tells me to stop vacuuming for a little bit
>introduces me to this one kid
>we both say hi sheepishly
>tells us that we need to go back to his house so we can play
>We go back to the house and just on the couch watching my older brothers play video games
>eventually I tell my "friend" that I need to go to the bathroom
>walk 10 feet to the bathroom, lock myself in there, and start playing Spyro 3 on my PSP (I actually got that PSP by the odd jobs at the restaurant from the year before; I payed like 25% of it in change)
>an hour passes
>I check out in the TV room, the kid is gone and my brothers are still playing video games
>brothers laugh at how I avoided my play date
>my dad doesn't mention this again

Ive gotton temporarilh banned for replaces certain parts of movie titles with the words chi1d pr0n for example
The fast and the chi1d pr0n

Go on

This middle of nowhere town again.
>The Amazing World of Gumball just came out (amazing show but anyway that's not the point)
>I want to watch it on the internet
>the only computer we had was on the main floor, right next to the master bedroom
>I crawl up from downstairs one afternoon to complete silence
I should probably explain how we were set up: the brother just older than I am and I where downstairs RIGHT next to the TV room, and my two oldest bros were on the top floor of the house. We sometimes went on the main floor to play pool or some other thing, and I only went on the top floor when we eventually switched sleeping arrangements due to my older bros getting irked they have to climb allll the way downstairs every morning
>anyway so I find Cartoon Network's website and I find the page for gumball
>I found a clip to play
>I'm (sadly?) a mac fag and I couldn't figure out how to then on the audio
>eventually I creep into the master bedroom to find my stepmother and my father under the covers lying on bed.
>I assume they're asleep so I ask "hey dad why isn't this working?"
>he tells me what to do and I finally get it working
>I crank up the volume super loud
>the clip ends (the show actually wasn't released yet now that I think of it) so I keep looking for new videos I haven't seen
>I'm on there about a half hour, looking for anything new
>give up and go downstairs
>now that I look back I realize that my step mother and my dad were having sex when I interrupted them and started playing videos on full volume

>playing green
How's it feel to be a scrub?

Apparently my autism is valued in Sup Forums and I find it cool you guys are interested in my cringey past

I'll post more stories but probably on /bant/ because I'm not fully cured of my autism and they're not so horny over there, but if it fails I'll create a thread on Sup Forums

>year is 2002
>I'm 19 and possibly retarded
>hanging out with my friends when some girls walk by us as asks if they can bum a smoke
>saunter over and offer them a cig
>the one says I'm pretty cute
>NowWeWaitForTits.jpg
>begin chatting her up, all going well
>she keeps bumming smokes, all good cause they aren't even mine
>a small pile of ciggs and ash is next to us
>making a joke, I say I haven't seen this much ash and loose butts since the world Trade centers bathroom.
>next to us, my boy starts losing it
>she begins to cry and scream at me
>drags her friend away
>me and my friend go back home and smoke weed while trying to steal the hustler network

Kek

This

believed women

>be 7
>mom is hostess in restaurant
>sitting beside her, playing with the flub
For the uninformed, flub is a goo you fingerbang and it makes fart noises
>I'm using flub like a mad man
>cracks everyone up
>Mom's friend says "he'll make a good boyfriend with that technique"
>belt out without a pause "you already know it" and give her the finger guns
Dad still laughs and brings this story up to this day. Every girlfriend will hear this story

Put 5245 hours in team fortress 2

Haha thats a great one

Mah men I fucking love gumball

Not as funny but here's another one

>inside a laundry place with my brothers and my aunt
>older brother is in control of all quarters for the arcade
>such is law in brotherdome
>older brother has two piles on the table, one for games one for washer dryer
>I convince younger brother to grab a pile of quarters so we can play cruisin usa
>he grabs literally every quarter
>getting nervous cause I don't know what pile had more
>convince little bro to eat all the quarters to hide the evidence
>he fucking does it, the absolute madman
>brother ain't looking so good
>aunt comes to check on us, sees little bro looking green around the gills
>also sees all the money is gone
>borderline yells "the fuck happened to all the quarters
>exact moment little bro spews all the coins, dry, onto the floor
>coins fucking everywhere

Lol wtf

loool

lol Holy shit i wasnt ready for that one, least you know your bro is ride or die

>be 6
>hanging around with dad and uncle
>we go to a camping shop in town
>dad goes to talk to the gun dept guns while uncle helps me pick out a fishing rod
>looking at poles when uncle comes up with a singing fish
>I am awestruck with the singing fish
>I take it from him and drop it. It smashes apart
>uncle sees the shock on my face and says to me "you fucking killed Billy, man"
>I think he man's literally killed him
>begin to cry, ask him if I'm getting arrested for this
>he realizes he struck gold and says "cops are going to haul you in for murder"
>crying hard, I beg him to help me
>he says he'll help me dispose of the body
>at this point dad walks back and finds us
>uncle tells him how I killed Billy and we need to hide the body
>dad agrees
At this point let me tell you we stole that broken fish
>get in car, I'm cradling my dead magical fish friend
>crying, dad drives us to the forest preserve
>uncle grabs shovel and hammer
>we walk a bit in and he hands me the shovel
>"you need to bury him deep so the cops don't find him"
>I struggle using a full shovel with my child arms
>dad and uncle pissing themselves watching
>get hole finished when dad yells "oh fuck the cops!"
>dive into hole and cover head
>wait there a bit before he tells me they left
>dad hands me the hammer
>"you gotta finish it"
>makes me smash this fucking thing even more
>they cover up the hole when I'm finished

They proceed to tell me weekly that either the cops came asking about it or they are looking for me.

It's been going on about 15 years

Truly, he's been my greatest sidekick and scapegoat.

Once I convinced him to say the beer stashed behind the lawnmower was his so big bro wouldn't get in trouble.

We are a tight knit family

Be born Autistic.
*in nasal voice*
"check......mate!"

is this a bob's burgers episode?

Going to College in the U.S.

Damn it gene

What a dad thats fucking awsome

hahahahaha

Fucking love BB!

Acted like Squall from FF8 through grades 7-9

Wasn't too bad, some chicks digged it oddly.

I only have 4k :(

I'll die for my niggers, I'll ride my niggers

*for

Punched a hole in my desk for loosing 500k in gta. Not a proud moment but emotions overcame. However i was proud that it was in one single punch.

"I'll ride my niggers"
Fucking faggot

>be me in Kindergarten
>roleplay as rayman 3 characters
>we just run around and switch characters every now and then
>i decide to change into an enemy from the catacombes
>i walk around saying their quotes
>walk by a group of kids that played policemen and the kid sitting on a chair was being arrested
>i say to myself "spit him in the face" ( because it was one of the quotes the enemies said)
>and suddenly one of the kids spits the kid on the chair in the face
>i laugh my ass of and run away

i didnt even want them to spit him in the face

Greenytime:
>be me arround 17
>at a mcdonalds
>ordering 2 chickenburgers for the go
>wait
>thisWaitingIsTakingSomeTime.png
>i get my 2 burgers and get asked if i want to have a coca cola for free because i waited so long
>i said no
>get out of mcdonalds
>eat one burger
>get thirsty
>regret.pdf

>a very young vic Mackey and the strike team start down a dark path

The fuck you say no for?

>Be me
>Sitting in religion class at a catholic high school
>Teacher is mad at the class because our test scores were low
>He's going on and on about how if we don't know the old testament we will not understand our faith
>Raise my hand
>Make direct eye contact with him
>He calls on me
>"I think I speak for everyone here when I say that I just do not give a fuck and I would like to move on to the next section."
>Teacher flips the fuck out at me
>As he's screaming I just get up and walk out of the room
>Walk myself down to the principal's office
>Sit down
>Principal comes out, looks at me, and seems surprised that I willingly turned myself in
>Suddenly, for no reason, I just start crying
>Cry like a fucking bitch
>Babble about how I didn't mean to and I'm sorry
>Manage to go from normal to a hero to a complete fag in seven minutes

something simmilar happened to me an 2 friends at a pizza hut
if we would order drinks we would pay less and get a drink but we didnt order one and payed more

There should be a TV series made about you

1181 hours in tf2 80% of that time being only using the revolver and the revolver only

How to take this to a whole new level
>befriend cop
>go out with uncle and dad
>tell them you have serious shit to discuss later
>have cop draw on you and arrest you
>have him say very loudly how you are under arrest for killing one Billy t bass
>look at uncle and father and say "take me to the river"

hhahahahah i was gonna commend you til the end. you got problems sperglord

Kek faggot

Fucking Kek

How u lose it?

Maybe he has a relatively healthy diet but was starving so he opted for McDonald's.

Fucking retards.

My bunker got raided and i had to dissarm 3 bombs from a van containing the stolen products. First 2 bombs were easy to "hack" but the third one just flashed some numbers then dissapeared, its a new system and there was no explanation. Could not look up the guide cause i had 30 seconds left. I failed to dissarm it and got shot by random spawning thugs behind me then the van blew up. It might sound weird but for people like me that struggle to stay over 100k thats alot of money to loose.

>cry in the room I always vacuumed and throw the ice cream away because I can't finish it and it brings up my newly formed regrets
I feel your pain. You just meant good.

youre actually a hero

What level are you? What platform? I could use some GTA buddies.

Quads of lawful good

...

>see two fit girls, i smile and look in one of there eyes
>as she walks past she asks for my number with a smile
>i spaz out and dont say anything just awkwardly walk past

To this day im still single

It seems Satan is messing with you

wtf

hey that me -_-

you monster

I made this

You acoustic fuck

> be 4-5
> "mom, why can't I look at the sun?"
> "you'll go blind"
> looks at the sun multiple times throughout the year
> blind as fuck, and get pain in my eyes every once in a while.

> mfw actual autist

Thanks for checking.

kek that's awesome

Christ

Yeah totally awesome, seeing how he's on Sup Forums now is most likely due to what seems like bad parenting.

fuck off autismo

3.1415926
you fucking dumbass cunt whore. just fucking google it for 1 second if you don't fucking know it off the top of your head. i bet you majored in photography

I wore a $500 coat to a party when I was 16. Everyone else was wearing Nike/under armour hoodies.

I was high, so I was over-thinking the shit outta that. Felt outta place and autistic af

get triggered faggot.

> be me early teens
> pretty much masturbating everywhere i go
> in a mall and needed to piss
> decide to get in stall and wank
> guy walks in and knocks on stall door
> only one stall and 2 urinals
> been wanking and half done
> guy waited at sink, clearly getting inpatient
> walks up and knocking saying whatever
> can see the fat of his ankles bulging from his undersized boots
> try to ignore and finish
> after im just about to cum he knocks and says "are you finished yet?!"
> came in my hand while he was saying that
> my brain unfiltered of any logic comprehended what he asked and complied
> tilt my hand and let cum fall right in sight to prove i finished
>wtfdidijustdo
> guy notices, and leaves while cussing and making fat people huffing noises
> not much else to tell. Cleaned up and got out

tripfag on /vg/

so much gold in this thread

Everything thus far. Just realized we control the world with our thoughts.

The first time a ate a girl out she asked me if I wanted a blowjob in return and I said no thanks because I was scared I would cum in three seconds and she would tell everyone.

Nice

Stop trying to get into my iPhone