We've all seen the D&D green text

We've all seen the D&D green text.

Gimme your personal D&D stories.

Other tabletop or any board game really.

>any other table top or board game

Alright, I'll give you one

>be me, about 17 at the time
>really good at yugioh
>have a few friends good at it, too
>play online a lot, Dueling Network to be specific (before it got taken down)
>have spergy friend on there
>nice guy, but he was basically an aspie
>let's call him lightning
>lightning and I start up a clan one day
>we're both quite good, shit takes off
>pretty soon we have one of the best clans on the network

i will continue, just bumping so the thread doesn't die.

>clan is great, winning tournaments all over
>lightning is becoming autistically powermad, but I'm happy for him
>we make a few enemies along the way because people are salty as fuck
>lightning begins forging hate messages and whatntot, sending to mods and getting opponents banned
>didn't know about this until he autistically brags about it
>nigga_what_the_fug.jpg

i'm still going, one sec.

Continue, and thank you for not being a sarcastic arse.

>be me
>friend wanted to dm
>his first time
>start as a cleric 2/sorcerer 1
>running through first dungeon
>destroying skelies with turn undead because they're half my level
>he ain't havin none of it
>continue through dungeon
>reach boss room
>first in initiative so I cast magic missile
>roll 4
>boss dies
>boss had 5d12 hit dice but rolled 1 every time
>realize why I never liked the dm when it came to playing game

Got a few more if anyone is interested

>tell this fucker to stop doing this
>he goes into an autistic fit
>only I knew about this, but I kept quiet when he promised to stop
>we go back to being yugioh badasses
>still winning tournaments, but not nearly as often due to opponents not randomly getting banned
>was pretty happy all the same

fast forward a couple weeks

>log into Dueling Network
>go to message lightning
>oh shit, the autist is b&
>ask mods wtf happened

cont

Go on
Continue Satan Check'd

>luckily, mods didn't know I knew this
>they let me off the hook
>stuck in charge of the clan now
>have to try to fund a server i don't know how to use at 17
>Ihavenoideawtfimdoing.wav
>some random guy joins clan
>He's pretty good
>tell him he's the leader now, fuck this
>guy messages me
>"Oh, hey, it's lightning, thanks for reinstating me"
>everything went better than expected
>things go back to normal a while until some jackass rats out lightning
>fucker gets mad
>REALLY mad
>makes 3 more accounts
>freaks at everyone in caps
>he's paranoid, kicks loads of clan members

this is where it goes downhill

>I'm the only one he trusts, now
>clan is down to maybe 4 members
>he's become a complete sperg now
>every time I mention letting in new members, he freaks
>complains in messages about mods 24/7
>decide I'm done with this shit
>hatch a plan

getting close to the end of this story, now.

>later in campaign
>some shit about getting a blessing happened
>come out of portal
>walk into nearby town
>guards ask what we're doing
>"Oh, we're merchant's from _____ just scoping out the market"
>party ain't havin none of it
>ooc "Shut the fuck up"
>"The guard saw you come out of the portal"
>"But the portal is like 20 miles down the trail"
>Well if you're from _____ than the only way to get here is the portal which needs a blessing to go through"
>fuckin whatever, I'm butthurt
>decide to help king defeat coup
>running through mini dungeon
>really tough enemies doing godly damage
>kill them
>they get back up
>dafuq.oilpainting
>dm homebrewed these enemies for fast healing, op stats, and reviving
>"Oh, I guess that's too powerful"
>always disliked homebrew because of that
>butthurt again
>whole party goes down except me and half orc barbarian

Forgot to mention I'm a halfing that uses a riding dog and halberd to trip everyone

>barb uses rage
>enhance his str for a total of like 26 or 28
>trip half the enemies
>beat encounter
>finish for the night
>never pick it up again

Got more from another campaign, cont?

>look over lightning's deck
>it seems good on the outside, but I soon realize it has several holes in strategy
>a few cards could absolutely wreck his shit
>create a deck tailored to not only countering his deck, but making it as memeishly annoying as possible
>infinite spells that take 500 (out of 8000) damage every turn
>shit that protects said spell from being destroyed
>lightning and i start our match
>he has no idea wtf I have planned
>places a card
>destroy it immediately with MST spell
>revives card
>pull out a second MST
>keeps trying to destroy my 500dmg/turn spell
>continue countering it
>fast forward into game, he has 100 health left due to a few spammy health decreasing cards
>FINALLY finds a way to remove my card, but his field is totally empty

'tis time for the climax, Sup Forumsrothers.

>he's caps-lock sperging at me in the chat until he kills my spell
>haven't used any monsters at all yet. but used up all my health decreasing stuff
>he's spam-keking at me, saying I'm screwed
>draw my card
>it's the only monster I have in my deck
>Kuriboh
>for those who don't know, kuriboh is fucking useless
>it only has 300 damage points
>which, to my luck, is more than enough to kill this fag
>place kuriboh in attack position (aka, one of the most retarded things possible)
>he's still got an empty field
>"..." is all he sends me
>attack
>his health is now 0
>I fucking won with one of the most weak and useless cards in the game
>literally keking out loud
>faggot leaves game, no response
>kicks me out of clan
>blocks me

and that was the last I saw of Lightning.

Bumping for autistic rage

That shits for faggy 12yos. Grow the fuck up.

>Sup Forums
That shit's for faggy 12yos. Grow the fuck up.

Fucking bump.

Yeah man please do.

I got one

>have friends
>love playing dnd together
>no real dm so we rotate
>it's a hassle but everyone gets to play
>friend is making a simple campaign
>pretty good for a first try
>we have 7 or 8 party memebers
>theresyourproblem.jpg
>annoying bastard wants to rape/fuck every character that pops up
>Also happens to be the rogue so he tries to sleight of hand everything
>everything
>not sure I can emphasize how often he did these two things in character
>finally our paladin gets fed up with the rogue' s bullshit after trying to sleight of hand some plot device into his pocket
>looks at the rogue and with the power of Pelor tells the rogue "if you don't quit, I'll sleight of hand my fist up your ass"
>table keks and the rogue stopped showing up shortly after that

>Forgot to mention I'm a halfing that uses a riding dog and halberd to trip everyone

Fuck that rogue.

>be drunk with friends
>decide to dm impromptu d&d round
>never dm anything before this point
>my three friends make characters
>a normie mage, and a normie warrior
>and a bear whose sole weapon is a giant cock.
>send them to a tavern to pick up a quest
>mage burns down the tavern
>then run and hide in a barn that a local farmer decided to help them
>warrior fucks his daughter and gives him a heart attack
>they hide out in a cave filled with bandits
>big dick bear bandit Beats a man to death with his cock and fucks the corpse
>bandits make him their leader in a series of nat 20s
>ends up assassinating a king an hour later.
>yes he uses his cock to beat him

>Start campaign with 4 other players.
>get to first tavern and we all try to get laid.
>one guy gets a kiss, one sees some bewbs, none of us get to break our cherries
>later on in quest find the dead husband of a woman we met earlier. Take his wedding ring to return to his widow and child.
>I ask to be the one to return it, my party agrees.
>I go into the houose and return the ring and comfort her.
>Start hitting on her, doing great because she is upset.
>manage to fuck her
>DM makes me do a luck check (which I fail) and then percent die
>I get the STD called "The Tuna"
>now followed by cats and using them as projectiles in fights.
>After the campaign ends I use my gold to hire a wizard to cure me and the woman, then have my character marry her.
>Other party members still got virgin imaginary characters.
>>Feels good bra

>>ends up assassinating a king an hour later.
>>yes he uses his cock to beat him
Jesus kek

We had a problem with too many players and also being too socially autistic to tell one to fuck off and the other that hes just not a good fit

> the tuna

like this? playing dnd one time, the dm tired of us goofing off instead of being serious about his scenario, (valid point in retrospect, but some of us were stoned others were drunk...) threw a red dragon at us. Basically meant to kill us off and teach us something, assuming death looms my rogue who somehow managed to go ahead of it in the initiative roll goes after it with a dagger. rolling 3 20s in a roll i scored an instant kill on it, according to the DM's OWN rules.

blec too long

They said I was best dm but I was drunk and didn't know any rules.

Wish I could still play d&d with my boys

I was feeling nostalgic hence thread.

Good story buddy.

Good thread topic, friend

good complents guys

Astute observation, bro

Ty buddy

good attitudes y'all

Congratulations on the friendly demeanor dudes

Op here

Good stories guys much appreciated, was hella bored and thought I'd try something new.

10/10

Kek missed this bit well tagged.

Gonna just shamelessly self check.

...

Snap.

Yeah, I had to google it first. Funny story, especially if it's even remotely true.

I hope it is.

Been playing 5e for over a year straight every Monday. Had a few interesting timed

>Mate wants to drop in for a session
>Character is a young fighter with the mentality of a child
>Constantly running into shit that my character the cleric and our paladin had to dive straight in.
>Paladin picks up a black sword. Obviously enchanted
>No identify but still uses it.
>later on mid combat paladin is slaying goblins left and right. Sword gets stronger with each kill.
>Man child tries to jump on the paladin's back and succeeds the acrobatics roll.
>DM forces a reaction from the paladin to roll to hit.
>Paladin ends up splitting man child in half.
>Turns out the sword takes away his charisma and turns him into a frenzied psycho

Anybody know where a guy could find people to play dnd with? Only experienced with pathfinder, but any would be nice. My old crew all split apart for one reason or another

nice story user

I'm in England and there's a D&D night in leeds once a month pretty good tbh.