ITT: We all work in an office

ITT: We all work in an office


Mark did you file those reports about the missing juice from the kitchen?

Sure did boss, they just have to go through procurement and get double checked by HR. I should have them wrapped up by the the 4th quarter.

>Secretly listen to what you coworkers is working on
>Go to your manager and ask about such and such project
>Ohh well what do you know
>user we have some space
>Maybe you want to take over this project now?

Sir,

We had another incident in the lavatory, Maintenance and Janitorial is there now... Umm.. They say its disgustingly horrifying.. They are calling whoever did this, The Phantom Shitter.

fuck I wanna bang shiela so bad

>browses Sup Forums

>Big issue with a client
>Middle managers are running around
>Something big is going down
>Something happened and nobody knows what
>Nobody knows what is wrong
>They are running around the office, getting on calls
>NOBODY asks you any questions
>NOBODY tells you there is a problem with such and such client
>They just ignore you in the office and think you wouldn't know anything about this
>You sit there and don't say anything
>Hours go by
>You want to know what is going on
>You ask them and they tell you this client is having a system wide issue
>NOBODY told you or came to you for advice
>Turns out you are the guy who knows how to fix this and already know why it went wrong
>FUCK working in an office

Someone just shit in my lunchbag, not that it made it worse... but still

Is Jared around me? I asked him to file some reports and solve the Middle East problem but it's still a war zone there.

>You scheduled a vacation months in advanced
>one week off and everyone knew you would be gone on those days
>Your projects are completed and you just received training on a new project you will be taking over
>Your vacation is coming up and you inform your manager/supervisors you will be on vacation
>OK user, don't forget when you return you have to lead a new project
>While you are on vacation, someone is in the office trying to learn about your projects
>Someone is trying to advanced into your position
>You are on vacation and they are talking to your supervisor
>When you return from your vacation you are ready to take lead
>As it turns out, your manager isn't in the office
>He gives you a call and lets you know because you were on vacation someone else will be taking lead on this project

awwww yeah just finished shitting in the urinals in the new (girls) bathrooms

no one will ever know its me herhehe

Goddammit, anyone know where my stapler is?

>I hate being an office fag so much

Printer's out of ink.
*sips coffee*

Stapler hitting prostate, feels good man.

guys i know the internet isn't working, but im upgrading the server!

*plays skyrim while mining cryptocurrencies with the server rig*

kek

YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE FIRED ME YOU FAGGOTS

ive cum in ur sandwich 6 times and you've never noticed

when anyone of you see Mark, tell him i'm gonna put my pinky in his stinky for stealing my lunch

run

godammit

mark get the glock! zack is back and he's pissed about us replacing him with a robot

>My sides
Gone.

Didn't you trade your lunch for his sandwich, yesterday?

so, who else is fucking the Boss's daughter?

What does this mean in HR lingo?

You are hiring someone on and the process will take a long time due to paperwork and you don't care?

DAVID YOU'RE NEXT YOU UBER FAG YOU SLEPT WITH MY WIFE

Hello everyone,

Im Bob, the head of HR, we are going to have to ask IT to look thru all your computers, it seems there has been alot of child pornography being downloaded. Please make your your offices/cubicles available. We will be conducting or investigation in 10 minutes, thank you.

...

WHO THE FUCK ATE MY FUCKING SANDWICH I WILL KILL WHOEVER DID THIS AND YES THIS IS A THREAT

I did, come get some Paul

Oh no my data is all gone
>guess you'll have to skip me

Bro, everyone did.. Hell, even Randy the tard from the mailroom, caught him ramming your wife's asshole

الله أكبر!
الموت إلى الكفار!

...

Alright, which one of you fucks hacked my AOL account...

FUCK

Jamal go back to your fucking cubical before you kill us all

> the missing juice from the kitchen
I heard someone put the juice in the oven

*furiously masturbates in front of printer*

Anyone need this book? I'm done with it

>>file report on missing juice from kitchen?
itt people who have never worked. ever.

Niggers shouldn't have slept with my wife

That may be true but Calvin from the mail room seems to enjoy it. Ain't that right Calvin?

jokes on you I was wearing my bomb suit ahmed, i'm coming for that kebab pussy once more

Everyone slept with your wife nigga

>opens the door and everything is on fire
jack, timmy i got the coffee you asked... umm guys why everything is destroyed? oh shit... im sure amehd did it, well never mind
>leaves and takes some pens from Johns place

Fuck, I hit mute and called a customer a mega cunt..turns out I didn't actually hit mute.

Ideas to get me out of this? ANYONE??

pretend you're indian

...