Tonight I did something that has made me feel the worst I've felt my entire life

Tonight I did something that has made me feel the worst I've felt my entire life.

I work for a pizza place and I was on a delivery late last night (around 11pm). Someone in front of me suddenly stopped and then went around something really small. I followed suit and started at a crawl after letting off the brakes.

I saw a small black thing walking closer to my car. It was a puppy... It couldn't have been older than a few months.

I stopped my car because it was walking closer to my car to the left side of it. I got out to pick it up and ask the person I was delivering to if it was his or a neighbors. When I got out it was missing. I turned on the flashlight on my phone and looked around the car and under the car. I was relieved but still worried about the little guy.

I got in my car and started to go forward...

I felt a thump, then another under my car.

I got out and looked at it. I couldn't say anything. I teared up. Got back in my car and sat there for 5 minutes.

I delivered the pizza, got back tot he store, and explained everything to my manager.

He said, "These thing happen user, there was nothing you could have done."

I got off 5 hours ago. I can't sleep. I can't think. All I can do is feel guilt and terror.

I swear to God. We used to hunt animals like it was second nature. We used to kill people for a piece of meat. Stop. Being. Such. A. PUSSY. FUCK.

...

These thing happen user, there was nothing you could have done

Thanks John.

Stop being a little girl user.

It's the dog's and it's owners fault, not yours. You should feel sad about the dog dying, but this is this is a similar situation as when a train driver runs over someone in the middle of the track; It sucks, but it's sometimes impossible to prevent.

You are a fucking monster OP. You had to run over it two times, had you not? Don't kill yourself, you deserve torture

You do know cars weigh a lot right? When you're accelerating, it takes a second to stop.

it's normal to feel guilty if it's the first life you ever took.

It was. I plan it to be the only, unless my life is in danger.

just hope it doesn't get to the point where it becomes normal

He wasn't even going fast. Bad excuse

God no. I probably won't sleep tonight.

Call me a monster, but it happened in an instant. If I could go back to change it I would, trust me.

So the more lives I take the easier it will get, I might end enjoying it even? What a relief

You didnt kill anything. You ran over a dog. The owner (even though wouldnt see why a 3 month old puppy would be out that late) should be responsible for their pets, and theres also a good chance it didnt have an owner at all. As gross as that is, you shouldnt be kept awake for five fucking hours because of this. Swallow it and go to sleep, you have work later

you just get used to the feeling, that's all

Don't worry OP there's no free will, it was meant o be. Let it go, just an animal anyway

Personal expirience?

I dont see how this is any different than running over a raccoon or a bird on the street, nor why you acted like it was

You're right..
As bad as this may sound, If I were to be born in a different country when they see dogs as just an animal for meat, maybe it would have been different. I had a dog for 18 years growing up. Since I was born we had him. a few months after my 18th birthday, I had to carry him to the backyard for him to shit and piss. I left him outside on a towel on the grass for 10 minutes while I was folding laundry. Our new neighbors behind us called the city and told them that I was abusing my animal because he whimpering outside and they didn't want their small children to see that sort of thing. I love all animals, I always have. This experience just fucked me over man...