What are your favorite Amy Schumer bits?

What are your favorite Amy Schumer bits?

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youtube.com/watch?v=TM2RUVnTlvs
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The ones without her involvement.

youtube.com/watch?v=TM2RUVnTlvs

>Don't let the door rape ya on the way out.

Her bit on airports is an absolute classic:

>So, anyway, I'm thrilled to be back here in New York. I love how certain things about New York never change. They're always constant, they're always there for you.
>The cabbies and the BO. What is with the BO and these guys? How long are these shifts?
>Can't we get this man a ten minute break for a shower? You're in the back and it's coming through the glass. You're just going: "What in the..."
>Not only they put that cherry puppet stuff on the dashboard so you get a cherry BO. I don't know what that's supposed to be, even fruit showers more often than this.
>The funny thing about being in these cabs is that when you're in Manhattan for some reason you don't get scared, no matter how fast the guy goes. Well, you know, he's driving fast and recklessly... but he's a professional. He's got a cab driver's license, I can see it right there.
>I don't even know what it takes to get a cab driver's license. I think all you need is a face. This seems to be their big qualification.
>No blank heads are allowed driving cabs in this town. Also helps to have a name with like 8 consonants in a row. Did you ever see some of the letters in these names?
>What is the "O" with a line through it, by the way? What planet is that from? You need a chart of the elements if you wanna report the guy.
>"Yes, officer, his name was Amal and then the symbol for Boron." "No, it's not Manganese. I had the periodic chart with me at the time."

This is actually fucking hilarious.

DUDE MY VAGINA LMAO

this is less funny than the jerry comedy bits at the start of each seinfeld episode.

lol did she really rip off Seinfeld?

Classic garbage you mean

...

She did a great bit about swearing:

>The original seven words were shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, & tits. Those are the ones that will curve your spine, grow hair on your hands and even bring us peace without honor! And now the first thing that we noticed was that word fuck was really repeated there because the word motherfucker is a compound word and it's another form of the word fuck.
>You want to be a purist it can't be on the list of basic words. Also cocksucker is a compound word and neither half of that is really dirty. The word- the half sucker that's merely suggestive & the word cock is a halfway dirty word, 50% dirty -dirty half the time, depending on what you mean by it. Temember when you first heard it you used to giggle. And the cock crowed three times, heh the cock -- three times.
>It's in the Bible, cock in the Bible. And the first time you heard about a cock-fight, remember -- What? Huh? naw. It ain't that, are you stupid? man. It's chickens, you know Then you have the four letter words from the old Anglo-Saxon fame. Uh, shit and fuck. The word shit, uh, is an interesting kind of word in that the middle class has never really accepted it and approved it. They use it like, crazy but it's not really okay.
>It's still a rude, dirty, old kind of gushy word. They don't like that, but they say it, like, they say it like, a lady now in a middle-class home, you'll hear most of the time she says it as an expletive, you know, it's out of her mouth before she knows. She says, Oh shit (oh shit, (oh shit!))) If she drops something, Oh, the shit hurt the broccoli, shit!.

>Shit! I won the Grammy, man, for the comedy album. Isn't that groovy? That's true. Thank you. Thank you man. Yeah. Thank you man. Thank you. Thank you very much, man. Thank, no, for that and for the Grammy, man, cause hat's based on people liking it man, yeh, that's ah, that's okay man. Let's let that go, man. I got my Grammy. I can let my hair hang down now, shit. Ha!

... why not post the audio or video?
are you trying to not make it funny?

one is seinfeld the other is the edgy old guy

Sir, Seinfeld is not an edgy old guy.

but other guy is

post amy full body pics im close

The one where she made fun of Ryan Dunn's death in front of Steve-O

youtube.com/watch?v=lRe2Rs7LomY&ab_channel=MyWorld

Lol the huge win glass with Chardonnay

Did Kurt write that too?

How? all he does is say shit like "what's the deal with airplane peanuts?" how is that edgy?

He doesn't even swear.

posted nudes. ;)

Why is her face so small? She looks like Woll Smoth

And look at her mouth! How the fuck did she get so fat with such a small mouth.

She has the ass of a soccer mom on disability and shoulders like a linebacker.

Never watched Amy Schumer, but this is just forgettable standup.

Like not even offensive or actively bad enough to warrant all the hate I see for her. Just...bad.

I've not seen her ass. Post pics so I can judge.

not sure if serious.webm

>Implying I'm not just stupid AND a memer

The tits.

Seinfeld was never funny. Costanza/Kramer carried the show.

Pits and fat upper arms.

His name is George Carlin and he's a legend

>being triggered at a roast
Ryan Dunn was a dumb faggot who deserved it.
Amy did nothing wrong.

Laziest cheap shot.

>LOOK HOW EDGY I AM MAKING THIS JOKE GUYS!

Shes an unfunny fat bitch, next stop Tumblr.

This is my favorite schumer bit

I want to be put in a headlock by her giant squishy arms

>makes entire career on jokes that she's a slut
>gets defensive when someone else jokes that she's a slut

Nobody is talking sitcoms here. We're talking stand-up.

Do you have the uncropped pic?

>makes fun of steve-o's best friend dying
>can't handle a gentle reversal of her own material

bringing down the patriarchy i guess

>premise that is amusing for 30 seconds is stretched out for 5 minutes

on par with a snl sketch that has good production values

>This is actually fucking hilarious.

it's not that funny Amy.

>Amy, I thought you were cool with stealing jokes.