Sup Forums. I need you now more than i have ever needed you

Sup Forums. I need you now more than i have ever needed you.

i have meth and heroin in my system (last use 5AM July 4th) and a court drug test 6 hours with 5 years on my head.
>inb4 ur a stupid junkie
I've given up the idea that there is some type of shit i can drink to clean my system, Most havent worked for me, although if you know something please list it here
>inb4 drink bleach
I have clean piss, i need ideas on how to get the clean piss in the cup while being monitored. Obviously im a male or i would already have a bag of piss in my snatch.
I'm fucking desperate. Hopefully throught the judgement and trolls, a fellow junkie can give me an idea.

bleach. i'm not trolling

Fake penis with a tube in it in ya pants


They'll never know what hit em

>not waiting to use after the drug test
you deserve everything you get, you dumb nigger.

its ironic that you will loose your freedom by getting high on the day when America became free, kek.

Google quickfix, it's a tiny bottle of fake pee that you can squish and it sprays out like piss

Enjoy being locked up for not having self control.

Go on the run comeback 24 hours later say you forgot

You stupid fucking junkie

Is there a head shop or something near you? They might have a bottle of that. If not, put the pee in a condom, put it in your underwear.

You know that nowadays they can tell if it's your pass or not right?

That shit only works if they don't have a hard on for your ass.

Don't know how this works. But is it possible for you to say you can't piss infront of people? Probably not, but just an idea.

QCarbo 32.
Drink a gallon of water.
Pee. Dont eat.
Drink the entire contents of Qcarbo.
Pee green.
Pee more.
Pee yellow.
HOLD IT.
Pee the rest of that pee for your test. Try to get the middle of your stream. The beginning and end is the dirtiest.

You're completely fucked you idiot junkie, maybe be a good cuck and sober up and be a good fuckboi maybe you'll get out sooner on good behavior.

How much did you use? There's a chance you could pass.

Read the OP more closely, junkie boy is fucked

f u c k e d

For what it's worth, I have passed a drug test right at 48 hours since my last use.


I didn't do much meth but I drank gallons of water.

are you sure its a piss test? I knew a guy that went in thinking it was a piss test and they fucked him with a hair test.

He has a drug test in 6 hours, any method to clean his system out will either be worthless in the least or life threatening at the worst.

There is such a thing as drinking too much water...

there is ZERO way to get opiates out of your system faster within 6 hours. you fucked up, as in habitually as in you are being a shithead

Piss on the judge. No drug tests in jail niBBa

He hasn't used since July 4th. I can't speak for the heroin, but with the amphetamine, there is a very slim chance you could pass it through your system before the DT. I doubt this though

Also we don't give a fuck I just got resurrected from an OD

Alright OP you're in luck I've run a flame spectrophotometer for the state doing these exact sort of tests. The good news the drugs you took don't last long in your system ie weed you would be fucked so as long as this isn't common you might be okay. Ideal would be to use real urine from another dude. You need to use a dude we can check the hormones to figure out if it is not. Also do not use apple juice or another substitute for urine the instrument will be able to tell. If you are close to being clear the best bet is to drink alot of water cycle the water through your system as hard as possible. Pee 1/2 in the cup then cut with tap water. Don't go over board cutting you only need to get under the lower limit of detection for the instrumentation. Or you can do what another user suggested and just go missing for 24 hours. Not sure what kind of penalties that has.

The only way is to do an oil change with the clean piss. It's basically a reverse catheter where you put the clean piss in your bladder. Drug tests can tell if the piss is not the right temp

>loose
you deserve everything YOU get you dumb nigger

Just say you were drugged up

Did your shit have fentanyl in it? I heard that's the new thing

Just use one of those 6 inch booster shot syringes and inject someone else's piss into you OP 100% guaranteed safe

thewhizzinator.com

get a flesh colored dildo and drill a whole through it. run a tube with a valve?

ye boss i was fukken rekt u got a problem????1?

Listen stop trying these methods and go missing for 24 hours it's the best option. It's better then going to jail for 5 years

I meant drugged*, not "drugged up"

you're fucked

yeah, it'll be hard. Best way i could say is strap it in and around your junk in small glass bottles. This way the higher temperature of your balls and dick should warm it up nearly to the right temp

so are you bitch. die

Drink 5 gallons of milk, 1 liter of bleach and call in sick

Have you had several prior dirty drug tests, OP? If not, your parol or probation officer might just give you a warning if you are honest with them. It would be unwise to just not show up. It is highly unlikely that they will make you do the full 5 years for one failed drug test, provide that you have been mostly compliant up to this point.

Holy fuck, I just had the best idea ever, suffer an accident so you end up in a hospital instead of peeing on a cup. Break a leg or something or you could just play sick for a day, so you get a medical certificate that says that you where in the hospital and couldn't go to get tested because of that

>i have meth and heroin in my system (last use 5AM July 4th


>drug test 6 hours


Aren't these drug tests scheduled?

Were you on probation? Did they let you out of jail on the sole condition you would stop using drugs? And then you decided "fuck it, I might as well risk it again?"

If you have good healthcare this could be a way out.
>Get yourself beat up, Maybe some broken bones but mainly cuts and fractures.
>Find somewhere you would most likely go (Grocery store or someshit, Just make sure no witnesses are to be seen.
>Call the police reporting a hit and run.
>Lie on the ground, Pretending you got hit by a car and wait for the cops to arrive.
EZ

you said "drugged up" you fucking tard

Then you can test positive for morphine and heroin! Great idea

ok the clean piss is your best option. The meth might be gone, the heroine rather not.

Do you have access to big syringes? 20ml should do. Just hide it in your sleeves.
When you go to the toilett, grab your dick and the syringe with one hand (syringe under dick) and push the plunger against your body.

Only works if they stand behind you and they have no mirror.

I made a little helper once out of a rubber glove duct tape and tube. Good at handycrafts? You need to figure the details out yourself. Basically the piss is in the glove, the glove in your armpit and the tube (connected to the glove) runs down your back ->ass->balls and under your dick.
If you do it right, its invisible.

Lot of work though and six hours is hardly enough to construct and rehearsew.

If yoiu have no option: drink several liters starting three hours before the test. 4, 5 or 6. When you have to piss every 7-10 minuters and the urine is clear, it might work.

Either its potitive regardless
Its negative or they won't accept it and you have to come some other time which would also be good.

gl

The thing is spending enough time in the hospital so the heroin leaves your body and you can justify the morphine with a note from the doctor

>Aren't these drug tests scheduled?
>Were you on probation? Did they let you out of jail on the sole condition you would stop using drugs? And then you decided "fuck it, I might as well risk it again?"


Dope fiends are not known for their mental acuity or skills at planning.

Get one of those detox drinks, it seems like they're bullshit, but they work by diluting your pee and but also filling it with creatine and vitamin b2, which makes it yellow, so that if they test it that througholgy it'll look legit.

stop being a fucking pussy bro tell your parole officer to fuck off and steal a car for christ's sake

Anything that raises creatine is a bad idea. If excessive creatine shows up, they'll likely scrutinize the sample correctly and do more intensive testing.

He will have to get really fucked up to get morphine from a doctor

Tape a syringe filled with the clean piss to the underside of your cock

should have thought of that before you did drugs. no one can save you. deal with the consequences.

Tape a condom to your knee with a hand warmer and needle attached. The piss has to be right temperature hence the hand warmer and you can use the needle to squeeze the piss out if you're unable to get the condom open in a reasonable time that makes them not suspicious. They will be standing behind you but confidence is key they only get suspicious when you act nervous.

Clean piss the method moat use is a small bottle such as eye drops taped to leg to keep warm. Unscrew cap and squeeze in cup... method 2 if they watch you piss you same as above but use a condom have a pin prick tip of condom act like your pissing... another odd and plausible method is baking soda you'll have to Google it but some claim it works others say is don't good luck I had to take several drug test a week for 2 years in a program and if these people are as skilled as they were your fucked