Be me

>Be me
>Be tutor who edits college app essays
>Have a student
>He sends me this garbage
>Dubs decides what I say to him

Continued

just send him this pic

That's not a rubrik's cube

Tell him that his essay is great and that he should go ahead with the application. Then block his number and social media.

Even more

What does the kiddo have wrong with it?

tell him to apply to MIT

I have a reputation to protect

Tell him to talk about his obvious birth in a foreign country and is struggle to learn English. Try to get all the stuff way early in the letter so when you read it your not constantly wondering if he is retarded.

>If he is retarded, but white, mention that and send it to Christian colleges in Alabama.

He was born in Palo Alto and wants to go to Stanford. This is his UC Essay.

Jesus Christ, has he at least gone to a community college and is try to transfer? He writes like he is in English 98, there is no way he is getting into a UC directly.

Maybe try to talk to him and tell him how he can save alot of money by doing the 'easy' stuff for cheap. When he has a real hard time with the basic placement stuff it might jolt him into reality.

>Is try transfer
Did I mention that I know exactly what english 98 looks like because I was in it?

Tell him to copy paste a hashtag to fill two pages. He can't quite form sentences well and its a viable alternative

Kek

Check em

i too agree that life is a complicated rubrik's cube

WINRAR

Is english his first language?

Excellent essay. The conflation of Rubix and rubric demonstrates a strong vocabulary, and shows he has reached the point where he is comfortable synthesizing creative neologisms to make a point. The rest is clearly a deconstruction of memetics, using stock phrases and the repetition of common terms, wrapped in narrative based on the Hero's Journey except adapted to the modern era, in a farcical way to indicate our reliance on copypasta both verbally and in our thoughts themselves inevitably leads to vapid, meaninglessness.

2deep4me

Rolling for this

"I quit"

Send him this pic

I quit

I didn't know Paly kept autistics around.

is this in sylmar college

Just let him go to MIT, Looks like he puts more efforts into school than i ever did.

holy shit got anymore of these gems. i barely graduated highschool but this just makes me feel like a genius looks like we got ourselves a regular ol' weisenheimer over here

so phunny
muh lulz
cant breave

Niggers tongue my anus

Tell him his life is over and he should abandon all his plans and passions, then point him to the nearest fast-food place where they are hiring.

tell him he needs to get all that dog shit he calls a brain picked up

Winrar

...

re-roll