Alright faggots.
**ASK A PLUMBER ANYTHING**
If you ask the right question you may get some very interesting greentexts.
If you ask a new question you will get new greentexts. (You know.... O.C. That one thing the board is lacking)
Also general plumbing advice.
If you appreciated the advice you were given, reward me with tits.
I like tits.
Have you ever seen anything strange/lewd/unique while plumbing
Well shit user, that's the fucking first original question I've had in a while.
Also one of the hardest.
Give me a couple of minutes.
I'll be honest, had strange, lewd and unique all in one hit, and it's still pretty famous copypasta, but trying to think of something other than that one.
Mind you, it's still MY copypasta, and still original to me, although probably famous by now.
Still trying to consider any other things I might have seen that would fit into that category.
You might have already heard of fat naked greek man.
bumping with tits. Captcha was a snail and it told me to click the mango.
Tell you what brave user, while I'm trying to think of an original strange/lewd/unique, I'll copypasta the fat greek man just to keep your interest.
Here we go.
>Working for small business.
>Boss phones up one day "Got a job for you user"
>"No worries, what's the address?"
>Boss gives address
>Now just letting you know user, this guy may be a little... strange..
>"....ok"
>Rock up to house.
>Walking up driveway.
>Little pieces of paper all up driveway.
>Huh.... they look like toilet paper.
>Keep walking.
>Further up driveway. More pieces of paper.
>Brown stains.
>That *IS* toilet paper.
>MFW it's not wet, and it's not from a sewer overflow.
>Wtf.hat?
>Alright, let's see what i'm up against.
>Alpha chin on.
>Walk up to door, knock.
>Door opens, man is standing behind wire door.
>6'2 hulking fat hairy greek man.
>Completely butt fucking naked.
>Gigantic flaccid cock in full view.
>What the flying fuck.
>"WHAD YU WAN?"
>Uh... I'm the fuckin' plumber.
>Giant naked hairy greek bastard grunts.
>Hang on a sec.
>Walks into next room.
>No worries, must be going to chuck some clothes on.
>Walks back out, opens door again.
>Still butt fucking naked.
>"Alright come in..."
>Herewefuckinggo.avi
Cont.
>Fat greek bastard starts walking inside house.
>You know what, I'm behind him, he can't fucking trap me here.
>I'm gonna go have a fucking look.
>Step inside house.
>Place is a fucking pigsty.
>Newspapers stacked almost as high as my head.
>Canned food stacked up everywhere.
>Weirdest part of all.
>100's of tubs of vaseline.
>Like fucking HUNDREDS.
>All stacked up next to the newspapers and canned foods.
>Half of them have the lids off and are fucking empty.
>What the flying fuck???
>Wade past all this rubbish to his bathroom. He walks inside it.
>Bathroom is small bathroom.
>One bath.
>One sink.
>All of it, ENTIRELY
>let me be clear about this anons
>ENTIRELY SPLATTERED....
>WITH SHIT COVERED TOILET PAPER.
>It's like nothing I've ever seen.
>We're not talking like a few dalmation spots here and there.
>We're talking like massive lumps and chunks and everything.
>EVERY FUCKING WHERE.
Cont.
>So fat greek bastard waddles into his shitty toilet paper covered bathroom.
>Ohgodthesmell.choke
>He walks up to the cupboard.
>Opens the cupboard door
>Turns on the tap.
>And points at the cupboard.
>"See?"
>....no....
>"See?? See?"
>No mate I don't see, what's the fucking problem?
>"Is leaking! See?"
>Mate, you're going to have to get out of the fucking way.
>He walks out, and into the kitchen.
>Stupidly I walk into that festering bathroom.
>Sure enough water is pissing out into the basin cupboard while the tap is running.
>"See? See?" He asks?
>Right now, I realise, he's right behind me.
>I'm trapped in a shitstained bathroom, with a naked fat greek man and several half used tubs of vaseline.
>"That's it I'm getting the fuck out of here".
>"But you not fix problem"
>He's not moving.
cont
>Fat naked greek man still not moving.
>Aussie masterrace, mind like a steel trap.
>"Of course I haven't fixed the fucking problem, I've gotta go get my fucking tools out of the car mate."
>Stares at me angrily.
>Shit's about to get real.
>"Mate, I need you to get out of my way, so I can get my tools, and get it fixed."
>Fat naked greek continues to stare.
>Prepare to punch his stupid hairy fucking face in and be wrestled to the shit covered ground.
>Hairy behemoth Grunts.
>Gets out of way.
>I start walking out of the house.
>He follows.
>I walk to my car.
>He follows.
>I get in my car and lock the fucking doors.
>He is standing at the window just staring at me.
>In middle of street.
>Still butt fucking naked.
>"Where you going? You fix! You fix!"
>"Hang on mate"
>"No! You fix, you fix!"
>"HANG ON MATE".
>Phone boss
>"Who the fuck sent this job, is this a fucking joke?"
>"What do you mean?"
>"Dude, this guy is fucked UP, who phoned this IN???"
>"Hang on, I'll give you the number of the guy's social worker.
>......
>Fucking SOCIAL WORKER?????
>Tell boss "I'll call you back...." through gritted teeth.
Cont
>Phone social worker.
>"Dude, I can't fix this fucking job! What the fuck is with this guy?"
>"Yes sorry user, unfortunately there's not enough mental health facilities available, so they have to put this guy in a commission house for now"
>"Mate! He's more fucking worried about a water leak under a fucking sink, than the BIG STEAMING PILES OF SHITTY WALLPAPER ALL OVER HIS WALLS!!!"
>Yeah, I know, the place is disgusting, I'm sorry about that...
>..... Mindsnap
>"YOU FUCKING ***KNEW*** THE HOUSE WAS LIKE THIS BEFORE YOU FUCKING ***SENT*** ME THERE???
>"Yeah... look... sorry... seemed like an emergency... thought we might have to get it fixed..."
>...double mind snap..
>"SO EVEN FUCKING YOU!!! WHO I ASSUME IS ***NOT*** A GIGANTIC CRAZED FREAK, SEEMS TO THINK A FUCKING LEAK.... IN A FUCKING CUPBOARD... IS MORE FUCKING IMPORTANT.... THAN CLEANING SHIT OFF ***FUCKING...... WALLS***????????
>"........................uh.......yeah... look... again sorry for that.."
>breathed in as deep as I could
>yelled as loud as i could
>FFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKK YYYYYYYOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!
>Hung up.
>Fat naked greek guy taps on window again.
>"You fix?"
>FFFFFFUUUUUCCCCKKK OFFFFF!!!!!!
>Started engine.
>Hightailed it the fuck out of there leaving fat naked greek man standing fat and naked in middle of road.
>Drove to nearest KFC.
>Vomited my fucking guts up.
>Phoned boss, explained story.
>Boss laughed his guts up.
>Abused the cunt out of him.
>Took the rest of the day off and drank myself silly.
Didn't fucking rock up to work the next day either. The boss did not complain.
Naturally my return to work was met by a lot of cheesy bastard grins by all the boys, and the usual rounds of ribbings.
Bastards.
How do you unclog a toilet filled to the brim with shit to the point its coming out of the toilet?
Shit, atleast you had the balls to pussy out, that could have gone sexual.
Generally I will poke it with a stick to start with, 'cause usually the clog is at the very bottom of the toilet. Helps break up the shit and get rid of it.
Otherwise, give it a plunge with one of these warbeasts. Aptly named "The world's best plunger".
If that fucker doesn't fix it, it's a drain snake job.
Mate, I walked in, and walked out.
There was no pussying. I was trapped like a motherfucker.
I stealthed my way out of there like a fucking bogan james bond.
upstairs toilet swirls up really high when flushing and doesn't look like it flushes completely. Usually takes 2-3 flushes till clear water. It's one of those old round bowl toilets? What do
Yo man I work in the hvac and I need to cut this drain line to clean it out do you have a spare 3/4 pvc coupling I can have?
Also do you ever steal panties of hot customers?
Ok, brave user, thanks for sticking by me.
I have remembered indeed the weirdest place I've been. Not sure if it's even worth a greentext because it wasn't eventful enough, so here's the deal, even if shit greentext.
> Be me.
> Be apprentice.
> Old man gets called into job.
> "We need you to replace copper line in factory"
> "No worries cunt"
> Walk into factory.
> first thing that we see is BIG motherfucking lion staring us down.
> At least 7ft lion, just staring at us, jaw open.
> I have mini heart attack.
> Old man was 6ft
> Even he has mini hearty.
> Notice some chick brushing his fur with a paint brush.
> I shit you not.noshit
> Look sideways.
> 10ft tall giant crouching
> Head size of a beachball.
> Fucking thing looks like hoggle from dark crystal
> Look to right.
> Some pixie looking thing painting a log.
> Dressed in overalls.
> Human but looks like actual pixie.
MFW we had walked into the costume, wardrobe, props and PUPPET department of the yet to be released "Lion Witch and the Wardrobe" stage theatre, yet to be released, only to pull up to be one of the biggest aussie masterrace shows to ever hit the stage.
Shit continued on to broadway.
MFW the fag who asked as to do the job asked us not to take pictures and my fucking old man cuntblocked me every tried to take one, and cockblocked me every time I tried to chat up the pixie...
My old man is a cunt.
Yeah, i said jt ironically you weren't intimidated and acted logically, I approve.
Mate, if your toilet swirls, chances are you're an amerifat an not an ausmasterrace.
Different in aus to amerifatland.
Here, we have a problem where old bowls don't flush well because the bowls are used to 12 litre flushes, and due to lack of water, we changed to cisterns that are 3 and 6 litre flushes, which meant they don't have enough power to push the shit through the toilet.
I can't imagine the same thing would be happening with yours because if the bowl is filling but not pushing shit through, it sounds more like a blockage in the pipe to me.
Good luck, you may need to speak to an amerifat plumber.
No, don't deal with Hvac, so don't deal with 3/4 pvc.
Also not interested in panties.
Good luck HVAC. Here in aus corporations are hiring fucking chumps to pretend to be hvac, even though it's supposed to be a registered plumbing job.
Whats the worst plumbing clusterfuck/problem you ever saw/had to solve?
Hahahahaha, oh fuck son.
Get comfy.
Let me tell you the story of fucking rogan josh.
> Be me
> Be working at army barracks
> Army barracks is size of city block but mostly grassland.
> Massive leak on grassy hill.
> Be called in to check out leak.
> Supervisor is from fucking corporate wank company
> Supervisor is corporate wanker.
> Supervisor is also arrogant foreign fuck who does not listen.
> Supervisor is now known as "Rogan Josh" due to smell of clothes, breath and fucking attitude.
> Rogan Josh says "There is a leak here, fix it"
> Well RJ, the leak is showing here, but this is the lowest point of ground, let me check further back to see if leak is back further.
> "NO!! LEAK IS HERE!! YOU DIG HERE!!
> *rolleyes.fuckingmoron*
> Alright.
> Retrive shovel.
> Start digging.
> RJ is barking at me the whole time.
> "WHY YOU NOT FIND LEAK? DIG FURTHER".
> Grind teeth down to fucking gums.
> Listen RJ, this is the LOWEST POINT of ground, the leak could be ANYWHERE on the higher plains.
> NO NO NO NO NO, YOU DIG
> Look RJ, we'll be better off getting a leak detector.
> NO NO NO NO NO, YOU DIG
> *teeth shattered, grinding gums*
> Alright, we'll need to get an excavator then
> FINE FINE FINE WE GET EXCAVATOR.
Cunt was too stupid to spend 300 bucks getting a leak detector to find the problem, so he hires a 600 dollar a day excavator for me to keep digging where he insists the problem is.
Cont.
> Excavator arrives.
> Excavator operator is a cool dude.
> Turns out he is ex army.
> Used to be in sniper div.
> "Fuck this army base, this is full of all the fuckin' nerds, we used to push these cunts around, our superiors used to encourage it!"
> For real?
> Fuck yeah, these cunts are choco soldiers. We used to walk up to them and say "Where do we know you from? Aren't you in the army reserves?
> And they'd say "Yeah"
> And we'd say "Oh yeah? The new S.A.S. yeah?
> And they'd go "Yeah!" and get this big fuckoff grin on their face....
> S.A.S. HUH??? SATURDAYS AND SUNDAYS YA FUCKIN' IDIOTS!!!"
> Delivery guy was not a faggot.
> So onwards I dig.
> I spend 2 days digging backwards and backwards from this fucking hill like a fucking idiot.
> Enjoying the fuck out of myself mind you, driving a mini excavator is like playing with a great big tonka toy.
> However my fun was interrupted nearly every fucking hour by Rogan Josh coming in and demanding why the fuck I hadn't found the fucking leak yet.
> And by me reminding him that if we'd have got a fucking leak detector in the first place rather than wasting my time digging up shit that didn't need digging we'd have saved about 900 bucks by now.
> By this stage, RJ had "got really sick of my attitude" and called in the boss.
> Boss comes in, doesn't tell me off really, boss was a great guy. But he jumped on the digger.
> Boss hits metal pipe.
> Rogan Josh practically cheers with self congratulatory victory.
> "I FUCKING TOLD YOU!!! I FUCKING TOLD YOU!!!
cont.
> Boss is not fag.
> While Rogan Josh is fucking practically doing a happy dance about how right he is, bossman quietly tells us to grab shovels and dig out pipe.
> I am red with rage by this stage.
> Rogan Josh is laying it on me as thick as he can.
> I was one "I told you so" away from taking the shovel to his knees
> In steps a non faggot workmate who shall hereforth be known as "Older bloke"
> Older blokes sees the look in my eye, pulls me aside and says (with a knowing look) "You've been working hard ALL DAY plum/b/user, why don't you go sit over there for a bit?"
> MFW older bloke probably saved me from a jail sentence.
> Sit down, have cigarette.
> Face fuming harder than lit end of cigarette.
> All of a sudden, older bloke turns around.
> Older bloke gives me not a grin, but more of a lift of the eyebrow and a nod, which indicates in older bloke speak "...wait for it".
> Older bloke digs a bit more.
> Out of nowhere, older bloke exclaims "I'VE FOUND THE PIPE!!! I'VE FOUND THE PIPE!!! YOU CAN SEE THE LEAK RIGHT HERE!!!
> At this point I am ready to murder older bloke.
> Older bloke gives me a knowing look.
> Despite my anger, I see that older bloke has something in store.
cont.
> Older bloke loudly declares he has found leak.
> Rogan Josh practically breaks the sound barrier running up to find his victory spoils.
> GET OUT, GET OUT, LET ME LOOK!
> Older bloke steps back.
> Rogan josh now gets a good look at the freshly located leaking pipe.
> RJ looks as confused as a dumb cunt can.
> "BUT!!! BUT!!!
> By this stage, my anger is starting to flare down a bit.
> Older bloke shoots me a warning look telling me to shut up. I shut up.
> BUT!! BUT!! WHY WOULD SOMEBODY JUST LEAVE A PIPE OPEN LIKE THIS???
> I can't help myself.
> Walk outside trench.
> Jump up top.
> Look at fucking pipe.
> Pipe is old mild steel pipe variety that was used many many years ago.
> It is pissing water at the rate of a small stream.
> I realise what's happened and laugh in absolute fucking hysterics.
> The boss tells Older bloke "It's lunchtime, go get Plum/b/user some lunch"
> This is tradie speak for "Get that faggot out of here before he loses us this fucking contract".
> Older bloke drags me away (in the opposite direction to the lunch area), sits me down out of earshot, gives me a cigarette, lights it, and says simply "you understand now?"
Bless that bastard.
I understood clearly after that, which is why I was laughing at that RJ bastard.
That pipe was an old pipe.
The burst was underground somewhere.
But that satisfaction that RJ felt about finally "finding" that pipe that he knew was there, meant that the old pipe had been there forever.
And the actual burst was at the OTHER end of that pipe.
Which could be ANYWHERE in the vicinity of a city block.
Which means he'd have to do what I suggested in the first place and hire a pipe locator.
Not.
Even.
Finished.
My garbage disposal is not working. It hums for a bit, nothing mechanical moves, and then it shuts off and needs to be reset. I don't see anything jamming the blades. Is it borked and if so, what is a good replacement?
Also, please settle an argument: is it OK to throw coffee grounds down a garbage disposal?
> Rogan Josh fires up hotter than the hottest curry.
> Hemad.jpg.
> Can see him boiling over and screaming at boss, and boss placating him.
> I chew down 3 cigarettes in this time, rage is over, am only feeling euphoria.
> Boss rolls up to talk to me.
> "RJ is not happy with you Plum/b/user.
> Well fucking GOOD, he should have just got the fucking pipe locater like I fucking told him in the first fuckin place.
> Boss goes silent.
> Uhhh, what?
> .....what do you mean what?
> ...... he's just been screaming at me that he could have saved a lot of money if you'd have got a pipe locater out in the first place
> Euphoria gone.
> Red rage engaged.
> I cleared half that fucking field before being tackled by both the boss and Older bloke.
> Nope, nope, nope, it's ok, nope, calm down, I get it, I get it, hang on, I'll sort it out.
> Boss is good bloke.
> SIT DOWN MATE
> Older bloke had a fucking authority about him when it was needed.
> Forcibly sat me down and shoved a cigarette in my mouth. And so I sat there for a few hours until I calmed down.
Boss came back some time later, informed me that the pipe chaser had been organised, and (whispered) that'll sort the bastard out
Boss was truly not a faggot.
cont.
> Fast forward two days, pipe chaser is organised.
> Fucks around using sound device trying to cover a fucking football oval worth of ground to try and find a leak point, cannot find.
> Finally puts sound emitter on gal pipe and traces it back about 100 meters
For those who don't understand pipe chasers, it involves ultra high frequency microphones. Anybody who has put a doctor's stethoscope in their ears and screamed, that's effectively a sparrow's fart compared to the power of these things.
> Alright Plum/b/user, I'm going to put the microphone here, stay still, don't move.
> Couldn't help myself.
> I let rip with a fart that shook the very foundations of creation.
> "PLUM/B/user, I TOLD YOU NOT TO MOV..... PWOOOOAAARRR!!!"
Work did not commence for a few minutes.
Sides were in orbit.
cont.
Honestly mate, I've pulled more of those cunts out than I've ever put in.
I've probably put in about 2 and pulled out about a hundred.
They are piles of shit, you're better off throwing scraps, coffee grounds etc. in the fucking bin. I'll never understand why people waste their time on those drain clogging piles of shit.
And no, coffee grounds won't fuck them any more than carrots or beans, or bacon or the fat from your frying pan.
Those things are just designed to clog your pipes mate. Fuck them.
Which do you prefer shit whisperer or turd wrangler?
> Work continues.
> I am pulled off job because Rogan Josh has cracked the shits something fierce.
> Work on other jobs for 3 days.
> Apprentice and labourer have dug where pipe chaser told them to dig.
> Have not found problem.
> Rogan josh is going as red as an RJ possibly can.
> Boss finally calls me back.
> Hole is filling with water continually.
> Have had to hire a pump to pump it out when not digging.
> More money on top of all the money RJ could have saved if the smarmy cunt had just listened to me in the first place.
> "Alright Plum/b/user, enough of that, we need to find a solution to this and fast, things are going downhill".
> Well alright, you've got a trench full of water here, and a clear trench there, how about we just dig out that little bit of dirt and let it all run out the trench rather than pumping it out all the time?
> Boss gives that look of "Why didn't I think of that"
> Dig it out.
> Water floods like river.
> Washes out the rest of the dirt.
> There's the fucking burst right there.
> Everybodycheers.gif
> Boss pipes up
> "Alright, I'm going to call RJ
> Rage face engaged.
> DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE, LET'S FIX THIS FIRST
> Boss gives me a quiet look, and walks away and does it anyway.
Ever got that feeling where foundations are crumbling? That was the feeling I got.
I wasn't wrong.
cont.
Shit whisperer.
> Wellllllllll, up comes fucking Rogan Josh.
> WHAT IS THE PROBLEM WHY HAVEN'T YOU FUCKING FIXED THIS ALREADY WHAT THE...
> It appeared the boss had already set this up with the labourer and the apprentice because they were both dragging me the other way by this stage, laughing like it was some funny joke.
> Cunts weren't even decent enough to offer me a cigarette.
> Anyways, turns out the pipe had been burst long ago, had since been cut, and diverted so that the old pipe was left in place, and the new pipe kicked out in a diff direction, I'm going to try and demonstrate in the faggiest 4chins version I can.
Old pipe
l
l /
l /
/
/
l
l
New pipe
Cont
So if you could decipher that shit, the old pipe had been cut, and the new pipe had been diverted past it.
> RJ jumps in " WE NEED THIS FIXED NOW, AND BY NOW I MEAN YESTERDAY!!!"
> One of my biggest pet hates is somebody who says they need it fixed yesterday.
> "No worries RJ, I'll just WAVE MY FUCKING MAGIC WAND SHALL I???"
> Mobbed by apprentice an labourer again, fucking traitors.
> Boss: "Yep yep yep, no worries RJ we'll have this sorted by the end of the day
> Pipe is blueline pressure pipe, 100mm.
> Not your average shit, it's pushfit. It relies on rubber seals.
> Dig under, cut it, push fit it using six foot crowbars, drive 4 foot steel pickets as deep in the soil as we can and line the bastard with concrete.
> "Righto" Says the boss "Now we just need to let it set and we're good to go"
> That would be the logical course right?
> It would have worked too.
> If it wasn't for that meddling RJ.
cont.
> Well, old RJ the fucking mastermind genius graduate of fucking mensa walks back in again.
> "WE NEED THIS WATER BACK ON"
> "LISTEN MATE....
> Boss shuts me up with a wave of the hand.
> Alright, I'll shut up for now.
> Boss chats with him for a while, says we can't put it back on because the concrete needs to dry, it's pushfit etc.
> "NO NO NO, THIS WATER GOES TO THE OFFICERS QUARTERS, THEY NEED THE WATER BACK ON NOW!!!"
> My teeth have been ground down beyond my gums, my gums have been ground down beyond my skull. All that is left to grind is the soggy flesh from the bottom of my chin and whatever is left of the top of my skull after having it continuously chewed out by this FUCKING IDIOT.
> "NO!!! IT IS NOT GOING TO THE OFFICERS QUARTERS, IT'S GOING TO THE ***OLD*** FUCKING ***CEREMONIAL*** OFFICERS QUARTERS THAT ARE NO LONGER IN USE!!!"
> He looks at the boss.
> The boss looks at me with a death glare.
> I get the hint and storm the fuck away.
> He continues harpying at the boss
> "THAT IS A CEREMONIAL SPACE, THEY MUST STAY THERE OVERNIGHT" etc.
> Boss knows he is lying.
> WE MUST TURN THE WATER ON
> We can't turn the water on.
> NO WE MUST TURN THE WATER ON
> We can't turn the water on.
> ALRIGHT WE JUST CRACK IT OPEN A LITTLE BIT.
> Good guy boss caves.
cont
Somebody better bump with tits, or this will 404.
> Boss calls me over
> "Alright user, we're turning the water back on"
> "BULLSHIT, THAT'LL BLOW THE FUCKING PIPES, THE CONCRETE'S NOT EVEN SET!!!
> In jumps fucking RJ
> NOOO NOOO NOOO NOO, WE ONLY GOING TO TURN ON THE PIPES A LITTLE BIT SO THEY CAN HAVE ENOUGH PRESSURE TO USE TOILET AND TAPS.
> NO WAY!!! FOR STARTERS THERE'S NOBODY IN THERE...
> cue back and forth endless argument over non existant people living in abandoned army house.
>cue endless arguments with fucking RJ over how if you slightly pressurise one end of the pie and it fills up, it will fully pressurise equally on both ends.
> cue the boss finally softcocking out and just telling me to crack open the fucking pipe.
> cue me fucking doing it and telling RJ in no uncertain terms "WHEN THIS BLOWS OUT, YOU'D BETTER FUCKING REMEMBER THIS"
My face when it blew out approx 4 minutes later. :D
> Rogan Josh goes as red as a man of his complexion can go.
> YOU FIX THIS, YOU FIX IT NOW, YOU SHOULD HAVE USED QUICK DRY CEMENT!!!
> Too busy laughing.
> Boss has given up by this stage.
> Just agreeing with everything RJ says.
> Next day apprentice and labourer are in with the jackhammer, busting out all the fucking concrete.
> Can't remove the fucking pickets, too deep.
> Re-force the pipes back into place.
> New fucking pickets.
> Quick dry cement.
> RJ pokes his head in again.
> "TURN THE WATER BACK ON"
> "No RJ, Give it 24 hours or we'll have another blowout.
> NO TURN IT BACK ON
> screaming match ensues.
> Apprentice and labourer are too tired by this stage to intervene.
> RJ walks off and calls boss.
> Boss returns.
> Boss turns water back on himself.
> Low pressure of course, as per RJ's demands.
> I go home.
> Phone call at 4 in the morning
> "It's burst again. Can you go shut it off?"
> "Fuck off"
> Go back to sleep
> Return in the morning.
> Boss had shut it off at 4am.
> Sends me, labourer and apprentice back again.
Cont.
> Next day, in we go.
> RJ walks in fuming.
> Give me the death stare.
> Give it back to him tenfold.
> "PLUM/B/user, YOU HAVE BEEN WORKING ON THIS FOR 3 WEEKS NOW, YOU FOUND THE PIPE 3 DAYS AGO, WE NEED IT FUCKING FIXED NOW THERE ARE PEOPLE WH..."
> Viking Roar motherfucking ENGAGED.
> THIS WOULD HAVE BEEN FIXED FROM THE FUCKING START IF YOU'D HAVE JUST FUCKING LISTENED TO ME. NOW HERE'S THE FUCKING DEAL.
> I AM FIXING THIS NOW.
> THE WATER IS NOT GOING ON UNTIL I FUCKING SAY SO
> ONCE I SAY THE WATER GOES ON IT WILL GO ON AND FUCKING STAY ON
> AND THERE WILL NOT BE A PROBLEM BECAUSE ***YOU*** WON'T HAVE CAUSED IT
> NOW IF YOU'RE FUCKING SERIOUS ABOUT NOT PISSING THE NON EXISTANT PEOPLE THAT DON'T ACTUALLY LIVE IN THAT FUCKING HOUSE OFF, YOU WILL FUCKING LET ME DO MY FUCKING JOB, AND ****FUCK*** ****OFF**** UNTIL IT IS FUCKING ****FIXED****.
> RJ went red rage.
> RJ opened his mouth.
> I jumped at RJ.
> I once again got tackled by the apprentice and the labourer.
> This time they were having a fucking BASTARD of a time holding me down.
> Rogan Josh went as white as his complexion could go.
> Scurried like a motherfucking gazelle.
> I stood around fuming and marching around like a fucking nutbag for the rest of the day while the apprentice and the labourer busted, reconcreted everything.
RJ politely requested I turn the water on the next day.
I refused for 2 more days "Just to be sure".
My *just to be sure* was dripping with threat.
2 days later I turned the water back on and lo and behold the problem was solved.
I spent most of my time at the furtherst army barracks from then on, presumably at RJ's request. ;)
Le end.
I'm going outside for a cigarette.
If you have more questions, and I haven't replied, bump with tits, and I'll be back.
Yea here in the states it's two separate industries clearing out the drain lines and occasionally unclogging the sink that the primary line goes to is about as close to plumbing as I get..
Here have a pic of my girls small tits
moar
Your girl has amazing tits. And a tremendous bod.
You should be proud sir. She is a total catch.
Ask away brave user.
is there anything the average joe should know about plumbing?
How do i make the water pressure in my shower increase?
Thank you sir. I've got to get back to work. Good luck with your calls today, unless you're already off.. if that's the case good luck tomorrow
whats your job
Yes mate.
Most of your problems can be solved by checking youtube and doing it yourself.
The rest can be solved by asking Plum/b/user.
Get a spanner, undo your shower head, in the part where it connects to the wall you'll find a coloured disc. Bust that out with a screwdriver, put some teflon tape on the brass part that's connected to the wall, wrap it tightly about 15 times clockwise, and then put your shower head back on.
Reward with tits.
Thankyou brave user.
May your work reward you with many bouncy tits.
Not being a faggot.
If you can pull your head in long enough I'll offer you an apprenticeship.
Gonna take you four years though, faggot.
Whats the coolest place you've been for your job or the coolest thing you've done
Shit brave user, you've so far been the coolest question asker I've had in a long time.
And even bumped with tits, bless your fucking soul.
Alright, aside from the Lion Witch Wardrobe costume place, which rates pretty highly.
Done work for a bunch of restaurants, greek, subway, nandos, etc. Free food every time, which as a fat bastard I appreciate.
Fixed a toilet in a brothel once which was a nice perve, and they even offered me a freebie, but negated it when they realised I wasn't the boss and the freebie wasn't going to pay the bill.
Been on the top of high rise buildings, which was pretty amazing.
Obviously there was working at the army barracks, which was once again cool because free food at barracks.
Hard to think of anything major really. Mostly just done jobs at people's houses.
Sorry user, bit of a dud story there.
Have you ever had to go in the sewers or under ground?
Have you ever fucked a house wife?
Have you ever had sex with a woman youre plumbing for while in the job?
Never deep in the underground sewers, but I've had to harness up and drop into a 10ft pit to repair a broken bit of pipe before.
Had to have 4 men around on standby for "emergencies" and had to write up the whole safety reg myself.
Was one of the most useless things I've ever done. Hanging there, while they all fucked around and I repaired the pipe. Would have been better off on my own.
No, but came close ONCE.
>Working for some mob with a gps tracker on the car. Last job of the day.
>Rock up at house, lonely looking milf.
>Body 8/10
>Face 4/10 but whaver, have not had sex in 2 weeks.
>Get to door.
>Hello miss, my name is user, you called a plumber?
>Yes user, please come in and look at my sink.
>Check sink, easy fix
>No worries love, this'll take 10 minutes.
>While fixing sink issue, lonely milf begins chatting.
>So what's your story user, where you from etc. Usual crap.
>Move forward a bit.
>Have you got a girlfriend user?
>Ohshiti'minforthewin.jpg
>Nah, haven't got a girlfriend at the moment
>Why not user? You're an ATTRACTIVE man, you're obviously very PROFESSIONAL and STRONG...
>"Well I was seeing a girl but she left me two weeks ago"
>Sympathy card is go. I actually left the girl, not the other way around. ;)
>Oh that's TERRIBLE user! Are you doing ok? Surely you've got other girls on the go!
>Nah, chicks my age are a little bit stuck up, they tend to not find me attractive.
>Grabs me by the arm, brings face really close to mine, wide eyed
>REALLY??? REALLY user! I FIND THAT *VERY* HARD TO BELIEVE.
Dick is now rock hard.
Cont.
>user, do you want to stay for dinner?
>Yep, I'm in for the win
>"Ah, look, I'd love to, but I've got a GPS tracker on the car, and if I stay here too long there's trouble"
>Ok user, how about this, you drive your car a couple of blocks up the road and park it somewhere, I'll follow you in my car and drive you back here.
>FUCKYESI'MGETTINGLAIDTONIGHT.webm
>Drop off car, drive back, chick flits around for a bit and microwaves about the shittiest leftovers I've ever tasted.
>Cannot give fuck. Rock hard dick, barrel down food.
>Milf pours herself a glass of wine, would you like a cigarette user?
>Giving flirty eyes.
>Phone rings.
>It's her on again off again boyfriend
>"No no, it's just the plumber, no I'm not seeing anybody"
>Jealous boyfriend? All I need is porn music and the scene is complete.
>Finishes phone call.
>Sorry user, that was my boyfriend, we have.... a lot of troubles over time.
>"Oh you have a boyfriend?"
>NONONONONO!!! *EX* boyfriend...
>sex is still on the cards.
>Pours herself another wine.
>So user... How about that cigarette?
Cont.
>Sounds good
>Step outside on the balcony.
>She hands me one of her cigarettes
>Standing side by side, her sexy little milf body brushing blatantly against mine.
>So user... I get very lonely...
>Stay quiet, have cigarette, alpha as fuck.
>I don't get many male visitors over here...
>Dick hardening, pants bursting.
>You're not saying much user.
>Wink at her. "Just enjoying the cigarette".
>Well user, you're sucking something of mine, maybe I should suck something of yours....
>FUCKYEAH.winrar
>"Sounds like a solid plan"
>Milf throws cigarette butt in backyard and walks inside.
>Do same, I follow.
>She pulls out chair and motions for me to sit.
>I sit down getting ready for blowjob. Hard as fuck.
>She sits down on table opposite me and pours another glass of wine.
>Uh... ok... whatever.
>Then proceeds to sit there.
>"....you alright love?"
>Milfanon sighs deeply.
>Listen user... I'm sorry if I lead you astray....
>WTF?
>"...what?"
>Well you see, when I told you I wanted some company....
>"...yes?"
>I actually wanted company....
>"...what????"
>......user....I'm an alcoholic...
>My dick drops to half mast.
>I look around for secret camera for joke tv.
>She then starts to regale me on her life story on how she became an alcoholic, and how she really needs company.
>I say that's fair, say I really need to get to back to my car as I have an early start.
>She says no worries user! Give me your phone number!
>Sure thing alcomilf! Gave fake number.
>Takes me to door
>Any chance you can give me a lift back to my car?
>Oh no I can't user, I've been drinking all day! Goodnight!
>Closes door.
>Wander 5 blocks back to car, with half a hardon.
>Beta as fuck.
Not so much plumbing for, but once while I was working at a larger high rise place.
>Be me.
>Be maintenance department of large office building.
>Building be full of absolute stunners, 10/10's galore, is like paradise except for one small detail
>Bitches be stuck up and won't talk to me.
>Friendly guy, spend all day running around saying hello to random femanons.
>All ignore me, all seems pretty fuck you.
>One day meet one of the cleaners. She's a big fat bitch with a massive underbite, complete bogan.
>For you amerifats, bogan = redneck - Aussie masterrace edition.
>Some many months later, meet her companion. Also bogan, but body of a goddess.
>Companion, this is user
>Hello companion nice to meet you
>Yeah, whatever.
>Nothing eventuates. Even companion of bogan is not so interested.
>Fast forward a few months.
>Chat to bogan and companion quite regularly on and off whenever I bump into them.
>Start sitting down and having coffees with them. Nothing unordinary, just chatting about work related crap as people who work in the same building do.
>One day walking past cafe, see bogan and companion in there, companion is motioning for me to come inside.
>feelingcheeky.jpg
>Go up to companion and start tapping on my cheek while she's talking at me
>Realises she's being interrupted and is all
>Whaddya you want?
>"Well come on, give us a kiss"
>She sighs, gives me a kiss on the cheek, then asks "Do you know anybody who can get $800 back off a guy for me?
>"Yeah I do, but it will cost more than $800 to hire them."
>Wink and walk away.
>From this moment on, I noticed a subtle shift in her attitude towards me.
Cont.
>companion is talking to me a little bit more smiley each time.
>companion starts coming up and giving me hugs every time she sees me.
>Inforthewin.mov
>This goes on little bit by little bit for a couple of months, continuously either interrupted by work colleagues, who could catch us not working, or interrupted by bogan.
>It gets to the point where bogan pulls me aside one day.
>"What's your intentions with companion?"
>"What?
>"Yew heard me! What's your intentions with companion?"
>Give her a cheeky bastard grin
>"Don't know what you're fuckin' talkin' about" and wink
>She gives a sly grin and says "Ahhh yeah... Well I reckon you're in like flynn"
>Ball emptying confirmed.
>Try to figure out a way to get her alone.
>Find plant room on top level of building never knew was there before.
>Has amazing view across whole city through louvres.
>Bogan decides that I need to be more forward with companion.
>Be more forward with companion, companion keeps backing off, too shy.
>Bogan decides she needs to concoct a master plan with me.
>We all travel up to the top plant room to "have a look"
Cont.
Op- I have shit pressure upstairs - galvanized pipes. How can I open them up? I know it's better to just rip out and replace with copper, but I wanna same some $
>Get to top plant room, showing both girls the view.
>Start edging closer to companion, companion this time not edging away.
>Keep making conversation as if nothing is happening. Run hand up back of companion.
>Move hand under back of jumper and start lightly running my nails on the bare skin of her back.
>She'slovingit.avi
>Continue chatting, getting a bit hotter and hotter.
>Start running hands up and down hips
>She is wearing shorts, no fabric
>Start running hands along thighs
>Kissing neck, chewing on shoulder.
>All while having convo while bogan is peering out at the scenery.
>Unfortunate situation.
>Bogan knows exactly what's going on.
>Bogan refuses to leave.
>Start making hints at bogan.
>Bogan pretends not to understand hints.
>Then bogan starts wandering around plant room, inspecting it.
>Finds empty room.
>Ah.... You guys can go for it in here!
>We look at each other.
>Yougottabefuckingkiddingme.jpg
>Bogan returns to looking out at view.
>"You guys go do what you gotta do, I'll just wait here."
>Yougottabefuckingkiddingme.fuckoff
>We give each other a frustrated look, and just continue subtly touching each other.
>We know bogan isn't moving, but we're not doing shit until she leaves.
>We both know she wants to get a voyeuristic kick out of walking in on us half way through a fuck.
>We also know this would be huge turnoff.
>But fat bitch won't budge.
cont.
>Getting to the point now where we're both feeling that subtle shift from sexual frustration to near on boredom.
>Companion sighs loudly
>Bogan turns to both of us and says "I don't know what you guys are still doing here, why don't you just go for it?"
>Alpha male time, blunt as fuck.
>"Because we're waiting for you to fucking leave".
>Bogan has +10 defences
>"Don't worry about me, you just go do your thing and I'll stay right here, don't worry, I won't interrupt"
>Ohffs.winpac
>"Well look, we're not doing anything while you're here, so how about we all fuck off.
>Open door to plant room, start to leave.
>Bogan finally gets hint
>Nope! Nope! Don't worry, I'll go!
>If you wanted me to leave you should have just fucking said so!
>MFW I fucking did.
>Whatever.
>She finally gets out of the fucking plant room.
>Just me and companion left over.
>Move closer towards her, she's getting all shy and pushawayish again.
>Can'tbefuckedwiththisbullshitanymore.gif
>Drag her to fucking room and just start making out with her and stripping her off.
>Nothing in plant room but cold concrete and a fucking bench.
>"Get on the bench".
>"Wow... pushy"
>"Shut up and get on the fucking bench would ya?"
>"Alright... Alright.. Geez".
>Sit her on the bench, push my cock into her.
>Fucking hard.
>And I mean hard.
>That body was amazing, she had the tightest little clam, and I was giving it hell.
>"Hang on user, my arse is hurting"
>Skinny girl, fair enough
>She lays back on the bench. "That's better"
>Not for fucking me it's not
>5'5 fucking manlet.
>Can't reach.
>Drag up a cinder block, stand on it, still can't reach.
>Flip it up on it's side, can now reach.
>Pound that fucking cunt until she orgasms.
>Blow like a fucking cannon.
The first but certainly not the last time we fucked at that place. She used to visit regularly in fact. ;)
You can't mate. Can only replace them.
Sorry.
Youtube is your friend.
The lever on my toilet is slowly eroding it sometimes drips aswell how long before this becomes an issue I can't quickly clean up with paper towels
Damn you pour guy
What about the worst youve ever fucked up?
Can't really tell you how long. Most toilet problems are so simple. Small rubbers.
Once again, youtube is your friend.
The old man made me put my hand down a fucking pipe and pull out shit clogged rocks because he refused to pay for a gully scoop.
Literally had to pick up fucking SHIT by hand out of a drain.
He kept yelling at me for not doing it, and then pretending everything was cool while I did it, and as soon as the job was done he was fucking giving me hell about it and laughing the whole time.
Fucking disgrace.
Sup plum/b/user
Keep up the good work. Been in one of your threads before, I remember your story about bogan and companion.
No plumbing troubles just saying hi
Oh and no tits to bump with sorry. Wife's a prude
Hey! Thanks for the hello brave user! Great to see a fan!
You have a great day/night/whatever and stay awesome mate!
Cheers! :D
totally misread that. Hang on, I might drop a new greentext. Gonna have a smoke and brb.
Why are most wax rings the color of shit?
Why do you plumbers always have ass crack showing?
...
Because the pants aren't elastic. The way the body bends, the knees pull the solid fabric away from the arse revealing the crack.
Pretty simple.
Do you have to clean shit off of your tools often?
do you like ecchi?
Have you ever had someone answer the door naked other then the fat greek guy?
Another plum/b/user here. Those things are pieces of shit, i have also removed more of them than i've installed. Get rid of it and don't get a new one. They are nothing but trouble
Alright, guess this is the first original greentext for the night.
Bump with tits.
No, just the sewer machine.
What?
Nope
Spoken like a true plumbanon
Alright mate, this will be my last post for the night.
Thanks for sticking by and bumping with tits, brave user, much appreciated. Here goes.
> be me.
> have finished fourth year apprenticeship
> fully qualified plumber
> only worked in maintenance.
> struggling to find work.
> find job in construction.
> no experience in construction
> am told by dickhead supervisor exactly this
> "just throw it all together as fast as you can, if you fuck up, just come back later and fix it"
> as maintenance plumber, I always have to fix other people's fuck ups.
> Throwing it together and not doing it right does not work in my brain.
> can not do this "throw together and fix fuck ups later"
> work slowly and steadily, like the tortoise and the hare.
> smart arse first year apprentice is busting guts and throwing shit together fast.
> is constantly giving me shit about how slow I am.
> half way through the day, he is finished.
> Turns on water, leaks everywhere.
> Spends most of day fixing.
> at the end of the day, I finish my job, turn on water and gas, no leaks.
cont.
> construction job is shit.
> super is forever giving me hell for not being able to do job quickly.
> spade bits so blunt it takes 3 minutes to drill through pine timber.
> refuses to buy new spade bits
> apparently that's my fault.
> now here's the kicker.
> super tells me to connect hot water to cold water above floor level in a loop so that it can be pressure tested.
> I later get fired for "cross connection" which is plumbing code for connecting hot water to cold water line.
> really pissed off by this as is blatant setup by super to get me fired.
> super tells me that other plumber was under house for "four hours" trying to find where cross connection happened.
> inform him that cross connection happened above floor level at his specific request.
> cunt just shrugs at me
> I push it further, and get really aggressive about the fact that it's fucking bullshit to be fired for something he told me to do.
> Super decides he will pull trump card on me.
cont.
> "You know what? All that aside, you were getting your arse kicked by a first year apprentice. That's not on..." says super.
> Arse kicked by a first year apprentice.
> The same first year apprentice that was able to throw everything together real quick, but fuck everything up along the way.
> Bullshit you fucking cunt.
> Whatever.
> Get fired, walk the fuck away, look for another job.
> Fast forward 3 months.
> Catch up with an old friend who USED to be friend of super.
> Find out that apparently a bunch of people also got fired for "cross connection".
> All of them specifically JUST after that 3 month low paid "trial".
> Realise job was a scam the whole time.
> Then learn new classic thing.
> Company had lost a MASSIVE construction contract.
> Company in aus has biggest construction contract ever, and had hired this mob to renovate a Fire Station.
> This mob has put "the first year apprentice who keeps kicking my arse" to do the renovation.
> First year apprentice was working alone.
> Like a fucking hero.
> At the end of the day, turned the water back on to the place.
> Didn't go upstairs to check that everything was ok.
> Absolutely flooded the cunt out of the top level of the fire station.
> By default flooded the bottom level too.
> Didn't bother to check, just went home.
> Company that fired me lost a massive contract with Australia's biggest construction company all because of this big hero fucking first year apprentice who was always "kicking my arse" at plumbing.
Fucking sastisfying.
Plum/b/user out.
nice dubs
Just finished RJ story, did not understand technical details (english not my language) but had a great reading, this board need more anons like you with quality OC than random porn shit its filled with
...
So my right hand sink drains slow, smells of septic when it does, I've been told I need this redone completely and they quoted like 490. I have worked with PVC before but I have no idea how to route everything so I have one p trap and no vent. Any ideas?
Thankyou foreign user, magnificent tits!
Much appreciated. :D
thanks for the stories cunt.
gr8 stuff not kidding
Thankyou user.
I do appreciate that bod. :)
They are lying to you user.
Your vent is that little thing that is sticking up between the two traps.
If you're getting bad smells from the right drain, pour a packet of baking soda down your drain and flush it with water.
If the smells are coming from under the sink and not from the right drain, then the vent is the problem, replace it.
Good luck brave user, don't pay the lying plumber.
Also thanks for making my life easy by providing pictures.
Also you'll notice both bends are going to the same pipe. If you just put a bucket under the bend, undo the nuts, and pour them into the bucket you'll probably clear most of the blockage yourself, then just re install it, making sure the rubbers are in place. You should be fine. If anything your insinkerator would be the piece of shit causing the blockage by sending food scraps down.
Either way try the baking soda first.
Cheers.
Cheers, fellow cunt.
Have a beer for me.
>If you're getting bad smells from the right drain, pour a packet of baking soda down your drain and flush it with water.
Oh I didn't explain well. The smells only happen when the right hand sink drains. Which is only after I futz with it for a bit.
It's clearing the Ptrap of water I think hence the smell
I've removed the ptrap on the right and left and they are clear.
Also the disposal I don't use because I am on septic and I was told that's a bad idea. It was installed when I moved in.
I'll add this for giving advices to other anons, be sure that some edited screens are gonna get reposted tomorrow, these greentext deserve it (if it doesn't bother you)
Godspeed plum/b/user
Also example, water standing in right, I pour a large mug in left and the water burps up a bit. No bubbles but the level raises
Also thanks for trying to help me. I do appreciate it.