Baw thread

Baw thread
Share your feelings.
>I wish loneliness had a smell
>That way I could at least miss her or fall in >love with her
>This year has been the worst of my life.
>I hung myself the other day, passed out and >then regained consciousness not knowing >what was happening. My instinct made me >remove the rope around my neck.
>I can't do it again.

Shameless self bump

...

that touch how much you think it could be real ?

Whelp I guess I am alone here.
I still remember the good old days of /b
when there was more than just pornography.

Its real if you choose to believe on what was said there.

Going old school from when I lived here.

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im a newfag alamos one year here .. what i hav miss from those good old days ?

...

A classic.

There was more interesting stuff on /b
today is just porn. And there was an actual community vibe. Yeah yeah, no one cared and not your personal army, but you belonged with a bunch of anons that shared similar shitty life.

im crying

...

rape?

This makes me feel.

>day is just porn. And there was an actual community vibe. Yeah yeah, no one cared and not your personal army, but you belonged with a bunch of anons that shared similar shitty
when its start to benn just a bunch of trap porn and dick rate post ?

i feel comfy in Sup Forums ...i just only could imagine that good old times you say ..it must been awsome

>life insurance

I no longer feel that from /b
Years back this was my refugee, now I barely see baw threads or other threads besides porn.
Some user write this, now I think its happening

Welcome to it.
Everything ends.

Yeah, its about rape

im going to make a new b one day it will not let spaming pony faggots or 13 year olds in

yummy

there shouldn't be porn threads in Sup Forums, there's an adult requests board for that...

I'm depressed to the point it seems a miracle I haven't ended it yet and I have nobody to talk to about it. I hint and joke but nobody ever asks if I'm being serious or not. And to make everything worse I don't want to open up to people irl anyway because I don't want them to know such intimate details of my life for fear that my burdens will become theirs or they'll use them to hurt me. Everyday of my life.

...

I don't mind porn, gore or whatever sick shit people needs here, my problem is when only that remains. We should have more than that. Where did mocking life and society go?

I know that feeling. I am only alive because I love my mom too much to see her suffer because her only son committed suicide. But I no longer enjoy life, I have no goals, no achievements, I long for nothing. I just live.

old Sup Forums needs to come back, I don't want to see idiots dick rating threads. (who cares its a fucking dick? there are like billions that look like it.)

The stories, the people.
Its incredible what humans have to live trough

Right? I'm only here because I don't want anyone to hurt. Huh, that's the only reason I'm alive...

>mother abused me mental and physical
>its so bad that I am on pills for "post traumatic stress distorter"
>same shit people who have been to war get
>i lived in a fucking closet on the lowest floor made for storage
>no windows no door
>I still get night terrors about her
>i still fear she will abduct me off the street and I will never be seen again
>this fear stops me from leaving my house for anything but necessity's and what I can not get online
> It took me 3 hours to get out of my bed this morning because I was trembling so bad
>somehow fat when I can barely fores myself to eat some days
>the day she dies will be my happiest
>talking about it here on /b is better then any fucking head doctor visit
>the pills and our talks don't seem to do nothing good
>only living still to outlive her
>want to be dead

>talking about it here on /b is better then any fucking head doctor visit
I feel the same.
"Give a man a mask and he will show his true face"
Here I can be myself, with all the good and the evil in me. And the people here take me for what I am, read what I have to write. It doesn't matter if its a baw, a rant.
No one cares about me in /b, still I feel more appreciated here than in real life.

one of my best friends is depressed, I've had to coax them out of suicide multiple times.

I'm one of their only IRL friends. (About of maybe 3)

They're trans, and gay.

They have panic attacks regularly.

I'm the only one they have to turn to.

But I'm terrible at helping anyone. I just freeze up and I'm stuck just witnessing them seize up, or in pain.

one day I won't be able to help at all.
intelligence comes at a cost.
you know what you don't have.
and you know what you'll never experience...

I'm the shrink to most of my friends, but I need one myself

I know, I've put friends and family trough some real shit with my depression, now I've lost almost everyone, and the few left are really scared, scared to the point that we can no longer have a normal relationship, like the one we had before my life went to the drain.

>pic
It's more incredible what people find meaning in, yes?

You have us

You're not alone. That means something I think. WE are here for you through it all. As THEY were here when I needed and it got me through. I am here.

I miss the side of Sup Forums where people can just bitch and moan about life. Now it's just porn and bullshit.

i clicked this thread becuz some days i felt lonely. but seeing this, i cant help to have a tear and some kind of hope

We're all gross faggots who either have depression, a shit life, or some weird combo.

This is going to sound dumb but I've never really spelled it out. All my friends think I'm the luckiest guy in the world. They think I'm funny, cool, daring, and also an ass but they know I care. The thing with that though that they don't understand me. They never ask how I'm doing. What's going on I'm my head they don't get this wholen life thing on thebsame level I do. I'm gonna be walking to alaska soon. I wonder if they'll miss me.

I know that feel

Yeah, that side of Sup Forums is almost gone. The good old days when we gather not to masturbate or share our porn. But to share our fight against life, and give some hope to the other lowlifes.

>nice dubs
Once we had a thing about that. We got shot down, but we still lurk to keep heart in this sea of piss.
If they're friends, they'll miss you. Otherwise you were a talking point. But don't take that painfully, take it as it can free you to walk, learn and live.

...

Like I love them. I do. It due for any of them but I feel like when I need someone they're never there. It's some shit man sorry you can relate

Here have a story this was a few weeks before my 16th birthday

>filling up mothers tropical fish tank
>mother insisted had to be done one glass at a time so not to disrupt the rocks
>brought the glasses one by one well she watched our television with her boyfriend
>she looks over
>"the fuck you doing" she asks
>ok not sure what she said but something akin to that
>she stomps over
>look at this user!
>I'm shaking like a small dog
>you are spilling water everywhere!
>100x sorry come from me
>don't be sorry clean it
>after I clean she stands beside me to watch me fill her tank
>this of coarse makes me shake more
>and i spill more water
>you useless basted
>gives her boyfriend the nod and he walks outside for a smoke
>slaps me so hard across my face I had a bloody crooked nose
>I scream and cry (not that it helped me )
>She holds me across the wall till I quiet down
>I sit on the kitchen floor curled up mother goes out for a smoke with boyfriend
>he gets back in first
>I beg her boyfriend to call someone anyone just get me some help please(at this point of my life I was ready to die if I could find someway to)
>what did he say

"sorry I was outside I didn't see anything"


I made it back to my closet after that and fixed my nose and ended up skiping school the next day and cried under the bridge near the highway

thank you so much

Sup Forumsro. let it out man, this is where we all come to vent.

almost but we are still here... dying breed. we just have to shine brighter. eventually they will get bored. hopefully /b / will still be around.

I care on whats going on in life and i like peoples point of views. I care about the people i speak too and i also like have cheap laughs and have wierd conversation.

my self esteem used to be decent. but since Sup Forums has been taken over it create a division. people are empty and they are trying to fill it with shallow validations and spreading hate to any one with character or a different opion.

when i go out in public and and meet a fellow Sup Forums they were pretty fucking cool. now its pretty much douches who are also fucking arrogant.

we are not perfect. but fuck man. i dont know any more. but once in a while i see hope. and i like that shit.

Tell me friend, how long has that been?
That shit, by the by is fucked. FUCKED. Anyone that actually cares for you won't ever, EVER do shit like that.

...

Fuck it, we made our own

u didnt tie it tight enough dumbass

Guess I didn't

...

Ignore it. You aren't alone.

I grew up with everyone in my family constantly raging at me. Grades. Social awkwardness. I didn't spend more time with my sociopathic abusive younger brother. Whatever.

Dad slapped me repeatedly for kissing a girl when I was in first grade. Just, the kind of beating someone gives you when they want to show how strong they are and how powerless you are.

Brother knew he was the golden child and went out of his way to make life hell for me.

Teachers enjoyed lying about me and losing assignments until I just didn't give a fuck anymore.

Had very few friends.

I've come to understand that if you are treated with hatred and unforgiveness for the most minor mistakes all your life, all you know is hatred and unforgiveness. Those are my gods, now.

I respond to apologies with punches to the face. I don't return dad's calls. I make sure to remind those who have wronged me and their loved ones of what they did, and when the opportunity arises, I hurt them as much as I can.

I mention my old bully's drug problem to wherever I find out he's applying for work.

I went to my worst teacher's church and told the story about how she lied about me to every one, and did so for three months. When she left that church, I found out she went to another. I repeated the process. When she begged me to stop, I told her she would never find forgiveness. I wouldn't let her.

Reading about her drug overdose was the closest to happy I've ever come.

My advice? Don't hate to live.

Live to hate.

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Your story reminded me this

Hate can carry you a long, long way. Love can carry you farther, but it's so bloody much harder to find. Stay up, my friend.

I hope where ever you are you're happy.

I can hardly remember the thin curve of your lips. The glint in your greenish hazel eyes when you laugh. The sound of your voice. I don't know what brings life down on me like this. I've reached a point where I don't care if I'm sad or happy. I'm indifferent. I'm unphased. I am me. A better me. But you'll never know that.

It's been 5 years and I wonder if you think of me. I honestly hope you do. And if and when you do, I like to think you hope I'm doing well too princess.

I'm finally free and it's the saddest feeling I've ever know.

...

Much love....faggot.

Guys I'm too young to be here but what is there in the future that I should prepare for? How should I face life as I age?

>pic
I missed your post, I'm sorry friend. Hope you're well.

I miss her too
We were perfect and one day she went away. She did not fight for us when things got complicated, and she left me stranded and heartbroken. I believe I will never find a human so perfect, and sometimes I understand why she left, I am a broken flawed man.

I just want to type this down. I just don't know why, but I want to try to tell this to someone.

Ive lived a very good life. Nothing bad. Only child. Loving parents. Nice home. Nice stuff. Was the only one to have a computer at my school. Got a ps2, even though they were expensive. Had nice friends. Relatively lonely at home, but still good. Was good at school. Everything was nice.
Not sure why. Not sure when. At some point in my youth, I had the negative idea. It was the normal "I dont wanna go to school", but the thing was, I wasnt someone that liked wishing bad things for other people. The seed was planted. "If I was dead, I wouldn't go to school"
I like to think that here was a major point in my life. After that, I started becoming more and more negative about myself. Didnt help I was a fat kid. Not sure why, but I was accepted at school, never called names. Still ended up being insecured. Negative thoughts came easily. "I will never be the best at anything". Grades failed. Became fatter and sicker. Soon ended with only 3 classmates. Still life was good.
Puberty struck. Got slightly teased about loneliness. Just kept saying "Next year". Soon external things happened, school turned awful, we all moved to different places. I still miss them, but I know me.
During the year before entering a new school (I dont understand about where exactly this is called, because I'm a retard), I was mostly alone. Only got vidya and pc as comfort. Still, I got depressed. My parents, during all this time, mostly worried about me getting thinner. It is a miracle I dont have a complex about my weight. They worried if their child was a retard, so they send me to take a IQ test. Average, and with "slight depression". They give me the pills.
I dont know what is there, but those pills changed me, slightly, but still changed me. I was slightly more forward and open. That shit was nice.
( I will just Tl;Dr)

...

>Tl;dr
I am a egotistical, selfish, retard that has failed every one in his life, and cant even properly kill himself.
Not even sure why I wrote that stuff before thsi one.

Good to vent this shit

sometimes i think of him. i did leave. i left crying. during the time. what i felt was he didnt care for us nor for him self. it drained me. if he believed in him self he would of believe in us. he kept telling him self he wasnt good enough. i felt the long pain he carried. i wasnt strong enough for both of us. i loved him so and he wasnt talented. but the hate for him self spiled over me and he didnt realize. i got scared. i had to run.

I was on paroxetine, basically my head is a shithole filled with depression and OCD.
That pills make me feel worse, numb, I couldn't focus. I felt empty, so I stop taking them.

I just recently ruined what I thought was a perfect relationship. I'm slowly coming to terms with the fact that they do not exist and we just weren't together long enough to see the flaws

trying to make me cry n shit...fuck dude

I am 22 years old and I am going to die of alcoholism within a year if I dont stop drinking. I have been to rehab multiple times and it has not worked. I have scarring on my liver, and it is entering the early stages of cirrhosis. My health problems are compounded by my amphetamine use. My kidneys are on the verge of failure and I suffer from malnourishment and vitamin / mineral deficiencies. I feel so terrible because I did this all to myself. I let everyone in my life down. My relationships with my friends and family have eroded. I wish I could have been the person I could be. I feel terrible for taking all this love and support from those who love me when I know I will let them down. I don't think I will live much more than another year, based on what doctors have told me. It kills me to know that everyone will remember me as a failure.

Egyest thing i've read all fucking day haha. Just kill yourself you faggot. Know what I did from my shity past? I got over it like a man, I have a beautiful girlfriend, decent job and i'm living my life. Not sitting in my bedroom crying and stalking people who use to go to my highschool, going out of my way to get at em. Know what makes people think twice of their actions, seeing you being successful

Do the world a favour and kill yourself, you are clearly not capable of making it in the adult world

So, got few words to type down.

I'm 27, life isn't that bad, depends on how you observe it. In the recent period I've lost 2 close family members, I've been through break-ups with the girls I really cared about. Parents are divorced, but I'm ok with them, always been. Not that really matters. I find myself lost in thoughts, countless of times, seems like a constant search for answers that aren't there, moments of despair and hopelessness. Sometimes it's hard, sometimes I manage to cope with it.
The main thing is, as much as it sounds cliche, rely on time anons. Time is your friend. I keep telling myself ''whatever and no matter how bad is the shit that happens to me, I'll get through it because I'm not the only one in this world who goes through shit''. It's like a flu, you have to catch it sometimes, and you can't escape that, you have to battle through it, and eventually the thing goes away. Scars will always be present, but it gets easier. Just keep yourself active and occupied, even if it's against your will, as painful as it is.

I've been fucked but never loved, and the second my mom dies I'm going to blow my brains out and it's gonna be soooo sweet.

All these other stories make me want to puke but what I'm saying is true

how much do you drink on a daily basis?

I drink close to 1.75 liters per day. Sometimes more, sometimes less, just kinda depends.

Got hurt training in the army. Medical seperation, honorable discharge. Lost my dream job. Nerve damage between the 3rd and 4th and 4th and 5th metatarsal. Usually have trouble walking due to pain. Living with my parents again because I have nothing going on. I can't go back in because of the injury and right now I just want to stop the pain.

I guess you mean hard liquor then? If so, thats quite a lot!

quit it brah

fucking crying right now

I broke up 2 years ago with what i thought was the love of my life after a 5 years relationship, and even if i would never consider going back with her because of how much she hurt me when she left, this was a "good" separation. I still see her a few times a year as a friend. She even was quite the support when i learned i had a not so bad cancer.
But the thing that is bothering me is, even after all that she said during, i don't think she ever really loved me. I would like to ask her, but i don't know if i should because i can't find a way to not make it sound like an attack, this would just be to put my mind at ease.
So far what i have is roughly "I just wonder one thing, did you ever really love me? And why did you lie about that (because i think that she didn't in restropect, not totally)? Because usually Love can help overcome things much worse than what we've been through"

Do you think i should send it?

Nah. Just letting folks know that someone cares.

Dealing with the same shit user, besides the health problems i care to check out anyway,i wake up fucked up and continue being fucked up. i gotta lot of mental shit going on though, before you read this just know i'm a fucking loser, but its up to you if you wanna drink yourself to death. ps. i'm a 28 year drunk with no future.

>im useless, i cant even serve my purpose of being used.
>the only way i can date someone is if they show interest first and i fall in love with them, no one im attracted to initially will love me.
>i fuck up every social situation bc of my crippling social anxiety. it all spirals
>irl & online im an outcast, my mental illnesses just help further alienate me

then again nothings really that much of a biggie n i should an hero

Same goes for you bruh quit that shit. I'm a part time alcoholic myself but no health problems afaik and function normally, good job etc.

Whenever I drink wayyyyyyyyyyyy too much (usually when I do coke) I'm fucked up for 4-5 days straight and use alcohol to stretch my hangover.

Shit sucks and will kill you. Being sober is boring af but dying before your 30th seems much worse amirite?

no Sup Forumsro it gets better call me what you want,but i call myself a child of the most high God.

Seen this shit like twice and both times it makes me think of my lab/chow doggo I had from K-12. Both times I've cried like a little bitch, and it felt great. J loves you Autumn, the best doggo ever. I hope there is a heaven so I can scratch your belly again and you could give me a kiss.

i wonder if my ex is in this thread. if you are. dont insult your self that way.

I am madly in love with a girl who lives on the other side of the world, and we've met in person 3 times. We have been bf/gf twice but both times I freaked out with insane paranoia (I'm heavily medicated for mental health issues) and broke things off. She's thinking of coming to see me in January. I asked her last month is she wanted to give things another try long distance but she said she wanted to be alone. I'm scared I've fucked things up for good and I'll never be with her. I feel she is my soulmate - nobody else understands me like she does. I have tried making things work with other people but I just end up wishing they were her instead.

This striked me right in the heart

I couldn't sleep last night .When I was really depressed I used to tell myself that I wasn't afraid to die and for a long time I probably wasn't . Where I am now death terrifies me, I look at my friends and family , the inevitability of every heartbreak . The thing about that even though it scares me , it means I find value in life.
Like I said , I couldn't sleep last night not because I was scared of death but that lately I can feel myself withdrawing again, detaching again and pretty soon I'll be saying I'm not afraid of dying .
Going back to that headspace is the scariest thing I can actually imagine.

Best of luck on your end guys.

While hate is useful if it is carrying you, you should try to fill you holes with other things. Not necessarily love, that's hard and dangerous.
Strive for perfection in a job or hobby, exceling at something just to spite some1.
I'm finishing my phd and several researchers (specially those focused in research and not university politics) admitted that at some point their main motivation was to be able to give a huge "FUCK YOU" to someone.

This picture was cancer back then, and it's cancer now

In some sick, sad, depressing way, coming onto Sup Forums is the highlight of my day.

On here, I am human. I can feel, I can share, I know, I can understand, I can care and not be hurt.

Thank you, user, for being here too.

Bro same but still that pictures gay as fuck