Share your best anal experiences, funny stories or funny things about it

Share your best anal experiences, funny stories or funny things about it.
I start
>together with gf for 3 weeks
>having vaginal sex, missionary style
>put dick in and out, as seen on pornos
>suddenly gf breaths heavily
>look down, dick is inside her ass
>say sorry, want to put it out
>she says keep going
>i ask if she wants it from behind
>she says yes
>fuck her real slow and gentle, because it's her first time
>she says fuck my ass like my pussy
>okay
>come after a minute
>first anal sex was awesome

together with gf for 6 months, always fuck her hard in pussy, it was tight and took ages for me to break into. one day while fucking her at edge of bed in missionary with her legs up I sneak it into her ass. she screamed so much but i just fucked it harder and harder, she kept trying to push me off which made me fuck it even harder. eventually she stopped resisting and started moaning. she came hard and came again when i blew my load deep into her ass. now she begs for it but i give it when least expected

sounds like part time rape

GF forgot she did anal earlier, then blew me and rubbed my dick all over her face as I came. The next morning her lips face smelled like her asshole and she had lipstick smeared all over, it was fucking hot.

I made an anal creampie video with her after giving her an enema, but it was a laxative enema from the store. The salty residue makes your intestines get lubed up with mucus to let poop slide out. She was all out of poop but it turned out this mucus built up while I was fucking her, so when she farted my jizz out of her ass I thought it was the biggest load I had ever seen/produced. At least 5x my biggest load ever. Then I realized it was rectal mucus. Now I have a rectal mucus fetish.

>first time
>takes dick in ass with no prep
nigga either you lyin or you have a babby dick

post vid

Also, she likes to kiss me after I tongue fuck her 5-day unwashed ass. And lick my fingers after rubbing around knuckle deep in her ass (with the tip of my finger past the curve at the end of her rectum, up in the opening of her colon).

I think it's pretty normal. We also had a lot of foreplay and she was very wet.

sounds like fun

probably is but she approves of it

I was banging a landwhale off craigslist. Used a huge toy to gape her asshole. Then I stuck my dick in, I only had a semi because the sight of her huge gaped asshole was gross. I couldn't fuck her so I started pissing. Filled her ass with piss. When she changed position she sharted out a stream of my piss and chunks of her shit

I like it when my glans passes that area. It's an awesome feeling when it rubs against it.

Banging gf for first time in ass after much nagging, get it in, she has pain but allows me to continue, after a while she Starts liking it and is talking dirty about it, blow it in her ass, never lets me do it again because she has trouble holding up her farts for the whole week after

>Morning after sleeping with GF
>Morning wood, too
>Spooning with her, she can feel it
>She starts rubbing her ass against me
>I stick it between her legs and pull away enough that I keep poking her just for kicks
>She reaches back and directs me into her
>A bit dry, but I force myself in inch by inch
>Fuck her like normal
>Give her the reach around to play with her clit
>Pussy's empty
>"Babe, wait, you put it in your ass?"
>"Well, you were poking them both and I didn't want to get an infection."

Women logic.

Pic only minority related.

Maybe she's just a trooper. I got a bigger dick and didn't know how to use the fucker for a long time, so anal was off the table for me until I actually figured out how to do it right.

It's really about how turned on the girl is and how much she wants it. If you're fucking a girl and basically sway her into thinking she really wants to get her ass pounded, by the time you get there that hole will be ready as fuck for you, even if you're packing serious heat.

It feels amazing. Deep anal is the best, shorter the woman the better because her rectum is shorter so you can get deep in her sigmoid colon. Been trying to get the gf to let me piss up in there.

>first time she just squeaked and said she couldn't do it after i got the tip in
"user this is bigger than any toy i've used."
>second time i almost got balls deep but it was so tight my dick kept bending and i had to pull out

>Eating a fried lardburger with cheese sauce
>an obese waitress approaches my table to ask how everything is
>I notice her giant floppy retard tits clothed in an izod uniform shirt covered in grease stains
>My chode becomes turgid, like a high fat content sausage wallowing in a greasy pan
>We meet back at my place and start doing the deed like two stacks of flesh-colored tires made of pork fat
>I'm gasping against her doggystyle like someone from my 600lb life having an asthma attack on top of two blue ribbon hogs, which are her ass cheeks
>She asks me to fuck her in the ass
>I spread her giant pale moons, which are covered in purple veins and flanked my cottage cheese cellulite
>My eyes hone in on her dusky anus, which glows softly in a sheen of sweat and grease
>I place the small purple crown of my chode against her anus, which is now blooming and open
>The head pops in easily then her sphincter stretches against the prodigious swell of my chode
>Fully inserted, I bellow against her as she groans beneath me, the old bed frame announcing our efforts rhythmically
>Our bodies quake like a huge unbroken slab of jellied headcheese during an earthquake
>I finish intensely inside her rectum, the vasospastic pleasure dislodging a blob of cholesterol from my carotid artery and giving me an immediate stroke
>The orgasm segues fantastically into my stroke. I die blissfully, rolling off of her in the process
>Her ass still in the air, releases a huge pocket of trapped gas, cum farting my load onto her vagina
>As she rights herself and walks to the kitchen to get a snack the cum smears between her bloated thighs ass crack and pussy like a padded room of flesh
>Some of the sperm enters her vagina and swims inside
>This is the story of how OP was conceived and why he never knew his father

My half brother from when I was 6 until 13.

she must have a loose asshole

Are enemas recommended or can I just shove my dick up my gfs ass without a condom and be alright?

this is what people do when they are bored of having sex with someone

disgusting

find someone new to fuck normally

I recommend Pooping first thenEnema to clean up leftovers. You can also use a Laxative at least 10 hours before, Enema's soften the anal lining.

I fucked my wife in the ass for the first time recently. Her ass is always really clean. No enemas, but she has a a really good diet. Fucked her pussy for a good while, then while my dick was wet, I told her I was going to put it in her ass, and slowly went about doing so. Had some trouble, so I wanted to stop but she said it was alright. I used lots of spit, til my dick went in all the way. It was incredibly tight, I didn't last very long and came one of the biggest loads in recent memory. Dick was clean when I took it out.

Not sure I'd want to do it again though, because I love licking her ass/tongue fucking her asshole and want it to remain hemorrhoid-free.

Your gf has taken dick in her ass many times before, friendo. You're either retarded or trolling.

Maybe she used to shit masssive dumps, who knows?

>be me, 23
>have stopped dating and even fucking women regularly because I'll never just have an anal only gf and vanilla sex is literally worse than wanking..

depends. with condom i have to admit this, without it is better than wanking

I "literally" never use a condom either, I've maybe used a condom three times in my life? I've had Chlamydia twice though to be fair..

I don't even bother with grills these days though like, coz what are the chances the grill you're talking to is anal freak? Fairly fucking low like, and I cba converting them either, I don't particularly want a grill attached to me emotionally.. ew.

if the girl is loose/you have to use a condom then yeah its not better than jerking off

So.... you went fag?

Also, Check em

The trick is she needs to relax. If she's tense, the muscles there tighten up, the colon bends, and you're never gonna get up in there.

Oh shit

Nah I just don't get laid these days..

admittedly condoms arent great but lets not get ahead of ourselves.. you'd rather wank?? as if

I honestly would mate, dealing with women is just horrible.. they're just such shit people and not to mention, completely soul-crushingly boring

in missionary when she's young, I could see it getting wet enough

I'm 27 years old. When I was 16 I would say fucking with condom is way better than wanking. But now: as it is said.

Had a chick I went to high school with, we were in ROTC together (I know I'm a faggot) I always had a thing for her but always had a gf. All of high school she was always super prude. Huge Jesus freak. Always said she was waiting till marriage for sex blah blah blah. Some other dude managed to bang her and opened the flood gates. We were fuck buddies after high school for a while. One night in my car I was fucking her and she demanded I cum in her ass. I obliged and with absolutely no prep went from her pussy to her ass and unloaded.

Shit was so fucking cash. I love banging chicks in the ass but my wife is COMPLETELY against the idea

>feels bad man

Not exactly a funny story, but my first girlfriend and I did anal before we had vaginal sex. It was a painful experience for us both, but enjoyable nonetheless. I'll elaborate if anyone's interested.

to be honest, with condom I have sometimes problems to reach orgasm. maybe the reason is, that girls look way hotter with 16 than with 27 and visual stimulation is also important.

Please do..

Nah mate condoms are just pure shite

condoms ruin everything and idc if she is tight, the condom removes most of the feeling/intimacy

once i realize a woman only will fuck with a condom i drop her

creampie sex is best sex

that's why this thread exists

This and check'd

...

you deserve an oscar

OP here. I lolled. But is it copy pasta?

Yes. But when I think back the nice smelling pussy, the firm tits and ass and the soft skin was great. My current gf is my age and I don't find her that attractive. It's crazy, most girls start looking old at 25. In the porn bussines the estimated time for girls is from 18 to 23 and they know why.

The single greatest feeling is nutting in a pussy

was fucking gf from behind while she was against a wall, while she had buttplug in, going hard at it.
I pulled the butt plug out and put my dick in her slowly and then started to pick up the pace
she loved it and was moaning very loud
>amazing.jpg
>mfw
this was also my first time doing anal

shame im not with the girl anymore :(

What's the deal with butt plugs though, I don't think I've ever actually seen one IRL

me too. only see them in porn.

Can't find the greentext. Basically user fucked an R2D2 toy.

I think some of the best parts of anal is the first entry of the tight hole. why do you want to losen it before?

I have a rather girthy dick and its hard to get it in without a fuck load of lube

she also loved the feeling of having it in and having her pussy fucked at the same time, im not complaining.

Was it this man.

>girlfriend and I are getting ready to go to bed
>get horny
>tell her "I want to fuck your ass"
>she reluctantly says "fine"
>lube her up and try to stick it in
>"that's my pussy, user" she says in a frustrated voice
>make adjustments
>get it in
>feels glorious
>she tells me "fuck my ass!"
>I blow my load inside her butthole
>she turns around and says "wait, where's the condom?"
>told her I wasn't wearing one
>mfw
>pic related
>almost forgot: her best friend was watching tv in the next room, literally five feet away from us the whole time

Getting it in is one of the best parts though

>Me and gf in honeymoon phase
>Sex all the time
>Gurl loves a small butt plug in while we fuck
>Tells me I can't put my dick in (I have a really badly curved dick. Its really more of a fish hook.
>We start going at it one night
>She wants it really rough.
>Didn't notice but the plug came out.
>Stick dick in wrong hole
>She screams and flails
>I notice I'm in her ass and decide to roll with it
>She starts crying because my hook dick is grabbing her insides
>Finish inside
>Pull out huge tootsies roll thats covered in my spunk
>Gf leaves me
>Mehh worth

Thank you for your service--I mean to your country and for fucking a Jesus freak in the ass. My wife doesn't like anal, either, but she does it a few times a year for my sake. Maybe you can ask your wife for the sane arrangement. Ask her if there is anything you could do as part of a compromise. Also, would like to see your non-anal whore wife.

>fucking gf lazydog one night
>bareback no cover
>we'd 69ed so she was sloppy wet and hot
>we're banging away hard
>she's gasping yes yes yes yes
>then i slow down and
>pull all the way out
>then slide in again slowly
>over and over
>she's moaning loudly
>i'm grabbing her perfect asscheeks
>pull them apart to
>see myself sliding in and out
>her tiny pink starfish
>gives me
>the look
>says c'mon in
>it's wet, puckered, and pulsing
>everytime I enter her
>so I pull out again but
>withdraw entirely then
>slide into her ass
>gf gasps like a cartoon
>then shouts
>AWWWMMIGAWWWDD!!!
>I haven't moved yet
>I start thrusting
>gf screams even louder
>AWWWMMIGAWWWDDDDDD!!!!
>don't stop don't stop don't stop
>slipping in and out
>totally clean totally fragrant
>her juices are running
>all over the bed
>gf out of her fucking mind
>i come to a thousand exploding stars
>my 1st anal creampie
>nvr had better

pics/vid?
sounds pretty fucking hot

Mr. Cosby!!!!

we tried and it hurt us both haha
she was an anal virgin at the time so...

This was back in high school.
>be me, 16. GF is 15.
>one day after school, she and I were planning on going to her house and hanging out
>she was taking this physical fitness class online that the school required everyone to take, and on this particular day her assignment was to run a mile
>i was big into cardio, doing cross country and swimming at my school, so she asked me to run with her.
>we get done with a quick mile, head back inside her house for some water
>she is super skinny, you can almost see her ribs, but her ass is the thickest ass I had ever seen.
>anyways, we're chilling in her room, sitting on her bed, watching some stupid show she wanted me to watch
>she gets under the covers, asks me to join her
>idontseewhynot.jpg
>she and I start spooning, my virgin peen decides to get rock solid immediately through my gym shorts, and it's pressing up against the backs of her legs and her ass
>I sort of slide one leg of my shorts up, so my dick is coming out through the bottom of the shorts
>I start rubbing it between her legs, teasing her, poking her through her shorts
>She eventually gets tired of being teased so she pulls her shorts all the way down under the covers and turns towards me
>making out, dick rubbing on lips of her pussy. She is dripping wet, and starting to moan a little bit
>by now she is straddling me as we're lying on our sides, I grab my dick and direct it to her pussy
>"wait, user"
>I ask her what the problem is
>"I want it to be special"
>she was very insistent that our first time should be something romantic and movie-esque.

cont...

If it hurts, she's likely to kick your ass out.

It hurt you both? That just isn't possible user, unless you're trying to fucking ram it in competently dry like an absolute noob

exactly my point, I wanted it so i did it the easy way so i got more later down the line

Why are you with her if you don't find her attractive? Can we see pics so we can judge?

Dry in the ass, you make that shit up nigga

refer to >I have a rather girthy dick

either way, I fucked her ass multiple times and it was great
wishing I could still fuck her :(

Use high quality silicone lube and go slowly. Anal doesn't cause hemmerhoids when done properly. Obligatory request for pic of wife's asshole.

>disappointed, I say "oh..." and start to put my dick away and roll onto my back
>"user, just, not that hole"
>she turns over and arches her back so her ass is right next to me
>don't have to tell me twice
>rub my dick on her pussy a bit more to lube it up, then try to put it in
>You'reGonnaNeedABiggerAsshole.jpg
>I keep pushing, essentially bend my dick in half to try and get this shit into her asshole
>she keeps pushing too, we are both sweating at this point
>finally, my whole smashed bent up dick forces its way into her ass, unfolds, and I instantly finish.
>that sweet release of pressure caused me to lose my nerve
>embarrassed for having finished instantly, I decide to keep fucking this thing like I was meant to
>after two thrusts, she says "OW FUCK"
>I stop, pull out, say sorry, and take a nap because I got my nut.

And thats the story of how I lost my virginity to an ass before I fucked a vagina

Okay it must be of literally mammoth proportions then like fucking hell

Go on...

Nice double dubs

Kek

Living the dream, eh?

Grill I'm smashing has one with black wolf tail. More into the playing with the ass than the tail, but she loves when I tug the tail while fucking her from behind. Haven't fucked in ass yet, she just got that tail and wanted to try plug before me, says I'm to big and wants prep. She's anal virgin.

you've clearly never done it before have you?
I didnt fancy a snapped banjo string. thanks

...

I've only snapped my banjo on the pussy, the asshole is so much easier to fuck than a pussy..

You're the noob here user

> be at party
> start making out with girl
> take her to backseat of my car
> she's sucking my cock
> I'm playing with her pussy over her panties
> she looks up and gasp/slurs "fuck me"
> I'm diamonds already and about to blow
> she lays back and pulls her panties aside
> I line up my cock and she stops me
> "no.. I have my period"
> then she pulls her ass cheeks apart and arches up more
> not subtle but I'm not complaining
> spit on my hand and lube my cock
> I fucked her ass for all of 60 seconds
> came hard her ring was so tight
> when I pulled out she just moved her panties back
> "I need another drink hahah"
> we go back inside to the kitchen
> after maybe 5min my cock was getting hard again because she was just standing their chatting with an ass full of cum

We dated briefly after that.. But unsurprisingly she was a cheating whore.
Doesn't matter.. I still fap to memories of the depravity she was into.

>snapped my banjo on the pussy

clearly your gf/w.e wasnt wet then so youre doing something wrong
finger her or eat her out bro, much better for you both, trust me

>be me 24
>new 19yo gf, been dating for 3 months
>solid 8/10
>her friend visits us, guy had a crush on her and is a glorious example of betaism
>playing games, watching movies together, he stays for the weekend
>saturday night, her friend sleeps on the bed while we are sleeping on the floor right next to him
>fondle girlfriend, get her realy horny and wet
>finger her under the blankets
>rubbing her asshole
>poke her virgin asshole with my dick, waiting for reaction
>she does not move, keeps breathing silent heavy
>lube her ass with her juice, get the tip inside her ass
>still no reaction aside a surprised breath
>insert dick all the way as slow as i can
>take her anal virginity right next to her friend
>guy not sleeping anymore, can tell by the way he turns around and exhales
>pound his crush's not so virgin asshole for 15minutes before dumping my load
>wake up next morning to a guy that seems upset
>act like nothing happend

pic related, 20mins after her friend left

This is now a GET thread

Because she is loyal as a dog. She is a great person. I like to be with her. She is good with kids and animals. She is the purest and lovelyst person I have ever met.

Obviously she wasn't wet, we hadn't done any foreplay..

Going out my way to pleasure a woman, what am I? Gay? Seriously user, if there were less tryhards like you, determined that the grill was having a good time as well.. guys like me would have it a lot easier. Fuck you cunt

Now check'em

Go on...

>We dated briefly after that

wtf

too right, love to be eating her pussy and hearing her moan
gets me diamonds
bet youre a great shagger user

see

sounds really hot but I can't believe it.

I also stuck it in a girl's ass before her pussy...but I always thought that it didn't count, because first time = p-in-v sex.

Two weeks is pretty brief.

You think I would pass up an anal whore like that without multiple rounds?

I can't change what you believe, but it's true. And much stranger things have happened in this world. Though she is black. I'll give you that.