Whats the dumbest shit you've heard someone say in a serious situation?

Whats the dumbest shit you've heard someone say in a serious situation?

>kid leaves the marines at 22 and turns into complete alcoholic
>drinking and driving with a friend, crashes. paralyzed the friend blah blah blah.
>day before his court day for DUI and manslaughter he shots himself in the head at his house/
>cops show up process the scene.
>state police detective shows up to the scene and yells " SIR CAN YOU HEAR ME!! YOU ON THE GROUND CAN YOU HEAR ME SIR??"
>everyone on scene are like wtf
>"oh i thought he's be able to hear me since he has four ears" - detective

everyone was in shock. still wtf about that one.

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Wtf I don't get it

You and the police already know what I'm doing...

I'm guessing the 2 holes left by the bullet are now 2 additional ears

>be me, 15
>blazing with some older mates (16/17)
>one of the dudes starts trying to roast me, despite being an absolute mongtard
>I tell him to read between the lines, and hold up my three middle fingers
>he responds with 'What lines? Where's the paper?'
>our faces when we realise he was 100% serious
>we almost die laughing, destroy him for weeks

not too serious but it was an oral exam in senior year and teacher was asking random questions about the topic to each guy in the class, if you got it right then you approve and if not u fail, so everyone is responding well to the questions until the teacher asks a question to a friend of mine that was really distracted, and we tell him a fake answer to the question, so dude goes: "the car is blue"

of course he failed and had to have another exam at vacations

it's like EST - you only ''get it'' when you realize ''there's nothing to get''.

>my three middle fingers
the fuck

The fingers between the thumb and the pinkie, I assume you have these?

Childish story/10
Is that your proudest moment?

>when I was 15 I totally PWONED this noob with the old read between the lines, shit was SO cash.

...

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my tafe course in retail sales, and I’ve been involved in numerous TV ads with Danoz Direct, and I have over 300 confirmed sales. I am trained in retail sales and I’m the top TV presenter in the entire Danoz Direct franchise. You are nothing to me but just another consumer. I will charm the fuck out of you with fast talking the likes of which have never been seen before on daytime television, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with putting me on mute or changing the channel? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of TV presenters across Australia and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the hurricane, maggot. The hurricane spin mop that wipes out the pathetic little bits of shit on your floor. You’re fucking sold, mate. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can pop up on over seven channels and that’s just with Danoz Direct. Not only am I extensively trained in retail sales, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Danoz Direct franchise and I will use it to its full extent to make sure you wipe that miserable mess off the face of your kitchen floor, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “kleva” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the full price, including postage and handling you goddamn idiot. I will talk all over you and you will succumb to buying at least two swivel sweepers, You’re fucking calling right now, kiddo.

Yeah tbf guys I'm drunk and I didn't read the title properly..

>serious situation

fuck

oh shit I can't breathe

...

Used to work at McDonalds, overheard 2 old ladies discussing a relationship.

>>> "theyre not even Facebook Official"

As if a relationship must be on Facebook in order to be real

You changed just enough didnt you.
>be an afgan kid in the US
>be emo and fat
>find a girl
>her ex doesnt like her because she psychotic
>have psychotic breaks all the time
>cant handle the fact im going nowhere
>try to an hero
>cantevendothatright.gif
>try to fuck with the wrong people
>they threaten to call police
>they do
>just waiting on the end of the investigation now before they take me away.

Not a serious situation but I overheard a conversation between a couple retards on my college course. One of them said "babies can talk from the moment they're born they just don't have the confidence. I was genuinely taken back by the retardation he had just displayed.

holy shit i gotta use that line on my frends tomorrow at skool but im not allowed to use middle finger

Kek

>damage control

Normie, how old are you. If you aren't 26 and jerking off to anime in your parents basement, you don't belong here.

man this is making me fucking die laughing. Best one so far.

are you dumb

>serious situation
>neet
>Sup Forums
I don't see too many "serious situations" tbh fam

youtube.com/watch?v=340FMdHj24c

Samefag

The retard in question also introduced himself to me by telling me that he was sick and he couldn't throw up because he doesn't have a gag reflex.

Whats the dumbest shit you've read on Sup Forums today?

>kid leaves the marines at 22 and turns into complete alcoholic
>drinking and driving with a friend, crashes. paralyzed the friend blah blah blah.
>day before his court day for DUI and manslaughter he shots himself in the head at his house/
>cops show up process the scene.
>state police detective shows up to the scene and yells " SIR CAN YOU HEAR ME!! YOU ON THE GROUND CAN YOU HEAR ME SIR??"
>everyone on scene are like wtf
>"oh i thought he's be able to hear me since he has four ears" - detective

>everyone was in shock. still wtf about that one.

It's not the same person

Nah, someone appreciated my James Cheney oc

I'm the same person

Yup

Not really a police tier situation but
>driving on highway
>see hamplanet trying to change her flat tire
>not busy, decide to pull over to do my good deed for the day and help
>cheap jack that comes with whatever monstrosity she was driving, huge expedition or something
>jack it up, take tire off
>putting new tire on
>jack suddenly starts to bend in half
>before i could react, jack bends into crescent shape, flies out like a rocket bouncing off my leg
>HUGE gash in my leg, feels like leg is broken
>blood pouring out everywhere
>screaming in pain, rolling on the ground while cars are flying past me an arms length away at 65MPH
>finally collect myself enough to stand up
>hamplanet, having not said a word as this unfolded goes "i-is my car okay?"
That's the only time I've ever seriously considered killing someone. I fought the uncontrollable urge to shove her fat ass into traffic as I turned to walk back to my car without saying a word, dragging my fucked up leg with me.

Kek fucking hell what a cunt

are all female fats the same? ffs

And this is why I don't do good deeds any more.

Don't help landwhales there is no upside.