Be me

>be me
>mommy's big bouncing 400lb boy
>having a bubbly bubble bath in my reinforced steel tub
>making tendie flavoured bubbles from my poopy hole
>love feeling them tickle past my mighty 2 inch peepee
>squeeze extra to hard to make an extra big bubble
>suddenly the water turns to gravy
"REEEEEEE! MOMMY! I POO POOED IN THE BATHY TUB! NOW YOUR BABY YOU MUST SCRUB!"
>no answer
"MOMMY! THE WATER IS ALL BROWN AND STINKY! THERE'S TENDIE JUICE ON BABY'S WINKY!"
>still no response
>i lift my ample frame out of the brown smelly sludge
>it has rendered me covered in slippery poop juice
>slide my way downstairs on my belly to see mommy and another new chaddy daddy cuddling on the couch
"oh, user... i thought you were still in the bath... didn't you play with that plugged in toaster i gave you?"
"BABY POOPIED IN THE BATH! CLEAN IT UP OR FEEL MY WRATH!"
"listen champ, your mom and i are trying to watch the movie. how about you go upstairs and give us some private time. you might wanna clean up too, you smell like shit"
>i can feel my tard rage building
"REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"
>grab my loot crate exclusive replica minecraft sword and strike chaddy daddy in the head
"that's it you fat little shit! you're gonna get it!"
>he charges and attempts to grab me
>my shitty coating has turned me into a slippery brown seal
>i slip out of his grip and waddle upstairs towards the bathroom
"got you now bitch!"
>he charges me again but slips on a stray turdie tendie which sends him flying towards my rusty brown bath
>hold his head under the kf sea of poop as he struggles to fight for air
"DRINK MY RANCID TENDIE JUICE, THEN YOU AND I CAN FORM A TRUCE!"
>suddenly he stops breathing
>he must be dead lol
>talk to mommy
"CHADDY DADDY DROWNED IN CRAP! NOW MOMMY MUST TAKE THE RAP!"
"sure user, prison has to better than this"
>get tendies at the police station
>turns out the death penalty is legal in this state
>mommy BTFO

I guess she should've taken better care of her baby.

This is a masterpiece.

What the actual fuck

Bump

Kek

these rarely appear, but they're so good.

>>my shitty coating has turned me into a slippery brown seal

FUCC DID I JUST READ

Screen cap this shit

>I guess she should've taken better care of her baby.
But now who will take care of baby at all, with mommy on death row?

Nice

kf sea

THROW ME INTO THE SCREENCAP

Enjoy the summer on our lovely website.

...

>Be me, working on my minecraft peaceful world
>mummy comes in, hands up in submission
>"a-user... It's time for your doctors appointment..."
>look her dead in the face
>"if you make me go to that jew Doctor I'm going to shit in your fucking bed."
>"now user, if you behave... I'll give you a triple Tendie meal from anywhere you want."
>sold, but resolve to give her as hard a time as possible to punish her for not just GIVING me the triple tendies for being her perfect little baby boy
>get in the car
>"oh boy mommy, I really do need to go to the docy docs! I am feeling so... Sick!"
>shit my big boy pants
>she screams at me to get out of the car so she can clean it, say no, docy docs now!
>she reluctantly drives me over, go inside office and wipe my shit on the Windows
>she apologizes, pays for damages and we wait for the doctor
>mommys shoe starts to dangle off her heel
>start jerking off
>mommy sees me and desperately whispers at me to stop before someone notices
>moan as loud as I can
>she's in tears now
>look her in the eye
>"Touch my cock, whore." I say loud enough for the whole room to hear
>she sobs loudly and shakes her head no
>pinch her nipple and twist until she agrees and gives me cummies
>Doctor calls me in, immediately call him a kike
>spend whole checkup farting, pissing, and belching strategically to ruin the doctors day
>checkup finally ends, mom is still sobbing
>"triple Tendie time now mummy!"
>lets out a louder sob and rushes to the car, me in pursuit
>"wh-where do you want tendies from, user?"
>tell her I want wendies tendies
>she takes me to wendies, and we discover, to her horror, that they only have nuggets now.
>REEEEE at her while shitting and pissing myself
>she rushes me home and leaves me there, saying she'll be back soon with as many tendies as I can eat
>comes home 20 minutes later with 7 orders of Popeyes tendies
>smile and thank her
>she sighs with relief and decides to take a nap after her ordeal
>Left a surprise in her bed

I will do the second one when more people reply.

OMFG I LOVE THESE STORIES THERE SOOO FUCKING..."NEET" HAHAHA

>30 year old NEET
>wake up at 2pm
>had accident in sleep which I rolled around in
>grab cum-towel off nightstand and do my best to wipe the mess from my folds of fat
>tummy gurgles loudly, so hungry
>plop out of bed, navigate through shit jugs and piss bottles in my room
>waddle downstairs to check GBP board
>wait a minute to catch my breath before I look
>just enough Good Boy Points for some tendies and sauce!
>legs buckle under own weight
>roll myself into the living room where mummy is watching her favorite soap opera
>"mummy mummy I have enough Good Boy Points for some tendies!"
>she turns to me with the most disgusting look on her face while I lay flat on the ground stuggling to get up
>"s-sure honey, le-let me just get some tendies for you"
>she struggles to go to the kitchen without vomitting from the smell and sight of my obese, putrid, feces and semen covered body
>she pulls the tendies out of the freezer after letting the oven heat up as she begins to cry into the sink
>I roll over and pull myself up to my high chair that starts to creak as I sit down
>have my crayons and Ninja Turtles coloring book to occupy me while I wait
>the tendies are finally done and she puts them on my plate
>she can't hold back the vomit as I open my mouth to eat some tendies and vomits all over my plate
>I can't let these tendies go to waste, so I eat them along with the vomit
>"yummy wummy tendies in my tummy, thanks mummy"
>do my best to muster a smile but the rows of decaying teeth only disgust mummy further
>high-chair finally breaks from my heft
>causes me to have another accident
>mum runs away to her room, sobbing uncontrollably, so ashamed of her baby boy
>I just sit there on floor, in my own filth, thinking about what a disappointment I am
>mfw

Holy fuck

...

...

Do it

>be a 27 year old NEET
>wake up at 6PM and roll out of my racecar bed
>piss jugs are all full, have to use the toilet like some subhuman normie
>waddle downstairs to find mummy for my wakey-wakey tendies and bakey
>lights off, nobody there
>there is a note on the refrigerator
>"Pumpkin, your new daddy Leroy and I have gone to the movies for the afternoon I made some of your favorite chicken tenders, just heat them up in the microwave if you get hungry for num-nums. Love you, Mom"
>fucking cunt has let my tendies get cold and mushy
>and she expects me to heat them up myself like a slave
>she will fucking learn today
>change out of my cloth diaper into a disposable one and hit the road
>spend the entire walk to the cinema filling my diapey with poo poo
>arrive at the theater parking lot and coat myself in a thin layer of pee pee and poo
>brace myself and enter the lobby
>let losse my battle cry
>RRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>"MY PRECIOUS TENDIES HAVE GONE TO WASTE, NOW MY POOPY YOU SHALL TASTE"
>pull handfuls of poop out of my diaper and fling them at random
>staff tries to stop me but I am too quick and too slippery
>entire venue is being evacuated
>navigate my way to Wonder Woman
>mummy and new daddy are in the front row
>covered in poo and pee, two steaming loads in each hand
>mummy's face is a mixture of shock and indescribable terror
>walk slowly towards her while chanting "...tendies...tendies...tendies..."
>our eyes are locked
>as if from far away I hear new daddy say "ayo wut tha fuck this nigga-"
>cease my low chanting with a final "TENDIEEEEES" and smash the handfuls of rancid diarrhea onto either side of her head
>bring my piss-soaked face right up to hers
>her ears are filled with my poo, eardrums are ruptured, and eyes are nearly blinded by a mixture of tears and more poo
>say very slowly and clearly
>"Don't you ever fuck with my chicky tendies again"

And the best part is the dumb whore was too scared to even take away any of my good boy points

I taught 2 out of 3 of my family's horses to suck dick.i guess you could say they where my stable whorse.hahahahaha please kill me hahahaha.

This pasta is a bit stale, but there's a lot of it, so I guess I'll deal with it.

I love these.

10/10

More pasta more new w.e just need more you shit heads

>Mom gets off work early without calling first
>Finds me in the pantry emptying my poop jug into the cat's litter box
>Starts yelling at me, saying that I'm fucking disgusting
>Tell her that it's all her fault for breaking up with my dad when I was six
>She tells me that I need to be an adult
>Cry and scream and even throw my shit jug at her
>She says that from now on I have to go to bed before midnight
>Tell her to fuck off and go to my room
>Don't go to bed because it's fucking bullshit and I'm not a god damn wage slave
>She opens the door flat out at like one AM and is really pissed
>Tries to push me away from the computer, but I'm too heavy
>I start yelling at the top of my lungs
>She rips my computer tower out of the wall and takes it up to her room
>Knows I'm too fat to climb the stairs and thinks shes won
>Lay down at the bottom of the stairs and scream until my throat hurts
>Still no computer
>She goes to work the next day
>Wake up at like 3 PM and no computer
>Bitch has fucking overstepped her boundaries now
>Go into the bathroom and lift top off toilet tank so I can shit in it
>Sitting on tank and begin to turtle-head when I get an idea
>Pucker up my ass and waddle into the kitchen
>Take huge shit in the microwave and set the timer for three hours
>Mom comes home an hour later and the whole house fucking reeks
>She's screaming about a fire in the kitchen
>Can hear her crying for hours and even hear firemen stamping around
>Later that evening she comes in sobbing
>Sets up my computer tower for me
Flawless victory

Yea!!!! Thats a win no doubt lol

>Wake up early its 4pm
>Dont smell tendies in the air.
>I waddle to my door around the piss bottles.
>Start slamming my head into the wall and screaming TENDIES TENDIES I WANT TENDIES
>Slut bitch Mommy slowly opens the door to my lair
>With tears in her eyes she slides in my tendies and juice-box.
>I tell her iCarly is on later so she better prepare me the highest luxury goodboypoints can buy
>I make my way back to my bed exhausted from my journey across the room and back i rest
>my diaper seems almost full ill need a change before the big event later
>pondering what is going to happen in tonights episode i drift into slumber my little pony playing in the background
>I am awoken to mommy cleaning my piss jars up i tell her i need a diaper change aswell she nods with a look of disgust on her face
>Soon iCarly will be on the grand event
>The theme songs starts playing i scream at mommy to hurry or ill murder her and feed her to our dog buttersnout
>Mommy enters my room she is dressed in appropriate apperal plaid shorts converss sneekers and a hoodie her hair dyed the perfect shade of blonde.
>Now my Good boy favorite boy reward rivaled only by tendies and juice boxes begins
>I wait for a scene with sam in it my favorite iCarly character she is the best i then have mommy do her special service to me and pretend its sam
>i came five times tonight it was the best i finish by blowing on sams i mean mommy butt and tell that dirty slut to go make me SOME FUCKING TENDIES
>she starts walking away when a sight i never witnessed before appears before my eyes SAM IN A BIKINI JUST SHOWED ON AIR OMG
>With a speed of achilles i move like a lion and grab mommy before she makes it out of my lair
>I throw her on my computer desk and did adult things too her more then i ever thought i could
>when im finally finished mommy isnt moving
>iCarly is over i lay down and start watching adventure time
>covered in my special sauce mommy starts crying
>i tell her GO GET ME FUCKING TENDIES

Well this thread is just nifty

Dam...iunno if i fuckin hate people like you...or envy you lol

>be at Burger King
>they have $1.49 for 10 nuggets deal
>this means I can order more nuggies!
>time to load up
>decide to get 200
>make ma-ma do the conversion from USD to GBP
>only 60 Good Boy Points for 200 nugnugs!
>I clean out their nuggie saucies (costs 0 GBP so I order extra, 1 sauce packet per 2 nuggies)
>my table looks like the famous Scarface scene but with nuggies instead of cocaine
>scarf down my nuggers n' sauce while ma-ma plays Candy Crush on her phone (shitty pleb game)
>mum tells me to slow down else I get a tum-tum ache
>stupid bitch thinks she can tell me what to do
>later that night I wake up with a big hurty poo
>rush-waddle to bathroom
>trip and fall before I reach toilet
>laying on the bathroom floor crying my eyes out and pooping all over the floor
>1 hour later i clean myself up in the toilet bowl and wake up mommy to clean my poopies
>didn't get my 50 GBP for sleeping through the night
>lose the 30 daily GBP bonus I get for keeping my poo-poos in the toilet
>can't go to sleep now
>do peepee fun rubby-squirty on the Baby Bop pages of my Barney and Friends picture book
>miss the pages and and get pee-pee mayonnaise all over my bedsheets
>mums get upset when she sees the stains and takes away the rest of my GBP
And that's why you never choose nuggies over tendies

>Wake up at 4PM from napsy time
>Glance over at my Good Boy Points scoreboard
>Fuck yes, 25 pointsies!
>Time to play some video gameys
>Waddle downstairs to living room in my jammy wammies
>Mom has her book club over, occupying valuable living room space
>"user, we're having our weekly book meeting here, can't you go play in the playroom for a little while?"
>No bitch, I saved up my Good Boy Points to play my Weegee game
>"O-okay, user, but please try to keep it down."
>Of course mommy, I'm your good boy!
>Load up New Super Luigi U
>Hear mom in the background: "A-as I was saying, I think Jane Eyre..."
>The game starts
>Start chanting Luigi catchphrases
>WEEGEE TIME! WAHOO! MARIOOOOO!
>Absorbed in the game
>World 1 boss, so toughy tough!
>Start farting from the concentration
>Smells like rotten meat
>WEEGEE NUMBER ONE
>Sniff fartsy farts and giggle
>Made it to world 2!
>Fart out a hot burning one
>Hear one of the bookwomen gag
>"I'm sorry user's Mom, I think I've left the lights on at home. I really have to go!"
>Hear her run out while gagging
>Look over at mom and her friendsies
>They're all looking at me disgusted
>Smirk
>"Come on, user, why don't you go to the playroom for a little bit. I think you've had enough tv timey."
>NO BITCH I WANNA PLAY WEEGEE
>I HAVE PAID THE GBP, NO REFUNDS
>"Please, user, we can talk about this later."
>Bitch has got to know when to stop.
>Now it's WEEGEE TIME
>Rub Wii U Gamepad over my wee wee, get a semi
>Start violently farting and shitting in my diapies
>The smell is horrific
>Women start throwing up while scrambling for the door
>Mom starts crying, completely broken down
>It's just the two of us now
>I laugh and roll around
>Mom just sits there, staring blankly at me
>Tummy tums starts growling
>Mommy, now make me tendies please?
>No response
>MOMMY, TENDIES NOW FOR TUMTUM HUNGRY
>No wonder dad left us, you useless whore
>Throw gamepad at her face, shatter her cheekbone
>She nods silently and makes my tendies
>Dine like a king

Toasting in epic bread.

i really hate this place

best threads

>3 am
>12 hours into my League of Legends normie killing campaign
>playing my waifu jinx
>some normie is obviously using hax and kills me.
>I manage to hold back a scream. Only for my beautiful waifu
>still angry, decide to eat tendies for comfort.
>reaches to special curves
>lifts tendie fold
>no tendies, only sweat and barbie q sauce
>pull out my sauce covered hand, screaming in rage
>why didn't mommie restock my folds yet
>screaming continues, using my rage to stand
>pukie all over keyboard from the stress
>smell of barbie q and pukie fills the air
>how dare mommie make me look like this in front of my Jinxie
>lumber to the door, barb ba qu sauce drips down my body as it mixes with sweet.
>"MOMMIE MOMMIE YOUR SWEET BABY BOY IS HUNGRRYY"
>I can hear a panic shuffling. Mommie must know the wrong she did.
>"MOMMIE YOU'VE BEEN BAD TO YOUR BABBY BOY"
>throws self down the stairs, my big boy bones are too heavy for the steps and the stair chair is too slow.
>My sensual rolls break my fall, leftover barby sauce squirting out as I land.
>Mommie tries to run for the door
>she slips on the bar ba que that discharged from my store folds.
>Mommie's big dumb head hits coffeetable then floor
>"Mommie mommie"
>I poked mommie with saucey finger
>dumb cunt doesn't wake up, lying in barba quey sauce
> I must have spilled ketchup too
>Red sauce everywhere
>go to the freezer
>start shoving tendies into my folds to heat
>refuse to use oven like some useless mommie
>step over mommie and squeeze into stair chair.
>Stair chair whirls loudly
>Mommy still not up.
>roll back to computer
>my team lost while I was dealing with mommie
>fucking pleb normies
>looking at Jinx makes my tinkie feel spicy
>use my slippy sauce covered hand to make my tinkie feel extra spicy.
>tinke pukies on keyboard
>goes to the chan to find more pictures to make my tinkie spicey
>next day mommys still sleeping

bitch.

Sorry about your mommy kiddo. Ill make you tons of tendies, just have to earn Good boy points

>5AM
>bitch of a mother is being loud as hell
>why can't she leave me in peace doesn't she know 3-6AM are fappy and nappy time
>I hear a loud thump
>reeeeeeee this bitch she can't do anything right
>I reeee at her until she just says 'sorry hun-huns'
>that's it, I can't stand this bitch anymore
>I yell back at her
>'I don't want a sorry i demand 50 good boy points and i will kill the hamster if you don't do it'
>fag op mom better deliver
>All this yelling has really been strengthing my peepee
>I decide I will man up i am a man now and I will follow through
>I grab the hamster which mommy gave to me something about turning 30 and being a big boy and learning responsibility
>she doesn't understand i am still a growing boy
>look at hamster
>the hamster has a large poopyhole
>le big idea.jpeg
>I say to hamster odds fap evens sleep
>I slide my hard peepee all the way into the hamsters asshole, casuing it to instantly spray blood averywhere from being torn open
>I guess two and 5/8 inches is too much for anyone to handle
>Oh man this is almost as good as tendies
>start to edge so I pull out
>hard peepee drenched in blood and tiny entrails
>Suddenly my door opens
>I forget to reee and instead my peepee shoots all over mommy's nice work clothing
>'MOMMY YOU BITCH GET BACK IN THE KITCHEN I NEED TENDIES'
>I see her just fall on her knees and start crying
>I reeeee as loud as I can until she gets back up and runs away from my room
>Great now I have to scoop the peepee googoo'd into my peepee poopoo googoo jar
>why do i still let her live in this house

...

kek'd

>25 years old
>in Mcdonalds for their My Little Pony toy promotion
>get mom to order me ten Happy Meals all with girl toys
>she looks at the ground and sheepishly says "But user, you're getting a little heavy. Maybe you should only have 6 Happy Meals."
>stand on her feet and refuse to move until she complies with my order
>she cannot move and almost falls as she tries to pull her feet out from under mine
>the bitch begins to cry as she realizes I have trapped her, checkmate whore
>she quietly agrees that big boys need 10 Happy Meals and she goes to pay for the food
>while she is ordering I get on my hands and knees, she hands the packages of food to me
>I grab the bags with my mouth and begin walking on all fours to the play area
>I slowly crawl up the slide, barely fitting whilst letting out enormous amounts of gas
>once I'm inside the main play area my flatulence has become to over powering that it even brought a tear to my eye
>the children playing inside begin to run out, complaining of the putrid smell
>I yell "get out normie scum! I claim this as the beta uprising headquarters!"
>I sit in the center of the play gym and begin to have a picnic with my happy meals
>I give each pony a bit of cheeseburger
>I'm setting up an awesome play story with my ponies when my bitch mom and the mcdonalds manager come into the play area
>"Sir we have been getting complaints about an adult in the play area. You must be under 8 years old to use it."
>tell him to fuck off
>mcdonalds employees begin entering the play structure
>my mom is yelling that she can reason with me but I don't negotiate with normalfags
>push my back against the wall and start kicking them as they come towards me
>all of the weight of the normie invasion plus my 300lb-self breaks the play structure
>I fall through to the ball pit, the entire structure collapses
>as the normies try to save a girl trapped under the structure, we escape
>mom begins crying in the van
>make her stop at Dairy Queen for dessert

okay i dunno why but i love these, they're always good for a cheap laugh and everybody loves some good and painfully accurate satire

but it's 2017, the era of equality--where are the female NEET autists leeching off of dad or something? Come on, you guys have to start writing useless autistic FEMALE characters now, that's just the way the world is. Equality or die.

prob won't be as funny, though, more sad, but that's how equality is at first. or anything tragic, really; starts off sad but you eventually laugh at it, like AIDS lol

>be me
>wake up in a cold sweat wheezing
>hungry.wav
>waddle over to kitchen
>exhausted from the walk and lay on kitchen floor like an overturned giant slug
>open the freezer
>no tendies
>almost suffer cardiac arrest
>feel a festering "REEEE" in the back of my throat
>this_ends_now.jpg
>waddle as fast as I can towards the slut bitch cunt's room
>watch over her
>she looks exhausted from working her two jobs
>"Mommy?"
>no response
>oh_no_boy-o.png
>"MOOOOM!"
>Mommy wakes up with a gasp
>looks at me and starts crying
>"Oh, user, no... I- I forg--"
>get unto the bed on top of her
>hear her groan under weight and hear something pop
>"No nuggies so I make Mommy into huggies"
>"Sweetie, I--"
>"NO NUGGIES SO I MAKE MOMMY INTO HUGGIES!!!"
>with speeds that are unfathomable I pull down my pants and put her face right into my butt
>haven't taken a poopie in weeks
>let_it_go.gif
>as horrible juicy farts are released from my cave, an explosion of chunky diarrhea explodes into my Mom's face
>as thunderous farts and blobs of poopie explode, I roar and tremble in orgasmic pleasure, my saggy tits jiggling in unison to my quicering jowls
>"GOD HAS LEFT US MOMMY!!!!"
>hear my Mommy gagging and sobbing
>sleep on top of mommy because ordeal made me sleepy
>wake up next morning
>Mommy gone
>waddle over to fridge
>Tyson nuggies on shelf

Give me one good reason NEET life isn't worth it

reminds me of this

>Mommy gives me $20 and tells me to go walk to the movies so she and New New Daddy can have some alone time
>"For tickets alone, this sum shall suffice. But I must eat too, and that begs a higher price!"
>Jesus user, when are you going to stop talking like that? It's really getting on my nerves
>bitch still gives me another $20
>"Mummy, upon leaving the theatre, the hour will be late. A ride I demand, and I don't like to wait!"
>user, the theater is a 5 minute walk away. Get home yourself
>"Neglect of your child is the worst of my triggers. Do you wish to see me set upon by unruly niggers?"
>user, don't use that language! We live in a safe neighborhood, now go
>"The march to the theatre looms long and unfriendly. To maintain my stamina, I require Tendies!"
>mummy is visibly mad at this point
>user, I'm not making you more tendies, you had two cases earlier. Your body doesn't need any more!
>"Ah, i see it's a matter of my digestive capacity. The solution, I assure you, is not beyond my sagacity!"
>stick thumb down throat
>puke all over mummy's special Just For Daddy dress
>"My stomach is emptied, it demands to be refilled! Now cook up more tendies, the only task in which you're skilled!"
>mummy starts crying
>walks toward bathroom
>I pull her back into the kitchen
>she cooks me tendies while crying silently
>I wolf them all down, smiling brightly

Samefagging or summerfag redditors?

>be me
>wake up at 8 am
>mommy at work
>roll downstairs
>look in freezer
>mfw no tendies
>I start poopoo and peepee in diaper
>let out the most biggest big boy poopoo ever
>roll outside like normie retard but have to do it for tendies
>the outside world is gay as fuck
>moms work is only a couple blocks away
>find mommies work
>smash through window with flaps
>scream at mom for not filling the fride with tendies like she said she would
>take off big boy diaper
>poopoo smashed every were in the diaper
>through it at moms face while she's cutting someone's hair
>let out the loudest " REEEEEE" ever
>normie who was getting his hair cut said he was calling the police
>on the phone he says "A 32 year old man just threw a diaper at me"
>mfw there's no wifi at mommies work and this guy doesn't have a data plan
>mommie starts crying
>mommie and I go in her car and drive to Popeyes
>mfw I got tendies
Never, NEVER lie to me when it comes to tendies you fuck.

>Wake up this morning feeling good
>Pull the special edition Battlestar Galactica blanket off my bed
>Tie it around my neck like cape
>Step over my piss bottles and old food containers
>It's an autistic ballet as I tip toe to the spots on my floor that aren't covered in garbage
>Finally make it out into hallway
>Rush to look at Good Boy chart on the wall
>MFW only 10 more points needed for a Double Tendie Dinner!
>Run downstairs so fast my cape floats behind me
>Do a running slide onto kitchen floor to tell Mummy the good news
>Mummy just looks at me sternly
>Says to bend over so she can check my diaper first
>"You know I have to check every morning, user."
>"Nooooo! I don't wanna!" I yell defiantly
>Tears start to well in her eyes
>She starts walking away from me
>"Wait...Ok..." I say as I lean over the table for her inspection
>Pull down my pants
>The smell of partially digested tendy shit and cheese diarrhea wafts to her nose
>She instantly vomits into the sink
>"That's minus 50 GBP!" she screams with her chin covered in puke
>"I screech and rip off the diaper
>Throw it onto the dining room table as hard as I can
>Orange and brown chunks splatter everywhere
>Some gets on the ceiling
>Some gets on mummy
>She curls into a ball sobbing uncontrollably next to the sink
>Reaches up for a towel but accidentally cuts herself on a kitchen knife I left out
>She's bleeding and covered in vomit and poo while screaming how I'm a bad boy
>Quickly put on my shoes and stuff my pockets with frozen tendies
>Run to my car crying because now I'm late for class at community college

Seriously, Mr. President - should you be wasting all this time posting this stuff?

Bloody kek right here, mate. I can picture Two Scoops posting these.

>>Doctor calls me in, immediately call him a kike
ded

>it is 11pm, can hear mummys slippers timidly shuffling up the stairs to tell me its time for beddy-bie
>i am dressed in mummys bra and panties that I stole from her drawer while she was out getting tendies for din din
>am peacefully writing love letter to my imaginary waifu
>hear timid knock on my door
>"h-honey, its lights out time. open your door so i can give you your night-light"
>dumb fucking bitch doesn't understand that i go to bed whenever i want. i dont need whores like mummy telling me what to do
>yell from other side of door, "TENDIES FIRST"
>"n-no baby boy, you don't want to upset your stomach and make poo-poo again do you?"
>feel rage seething throughout my plump, pink body
>roll out of bed and start pounding floor
>TENDIES TENDIES TENDIES
>o-okay honey, but then you have to g-go night night. your mummy has to be up bright and early tomorrow for work
>i win, she goes back down to heat up my leftover tendies. listen to her cry while starting microwave
>pee-pee starts to get stiff
>she comes back upstairs and i open door, she has FUCKING 3 tendies on a plate and FORGOT MY FUCKING SIPPY CUP WITH APPLE JUICE
>"h-honey, why are you in mummys undies? i t-told you not to go in my room while i'm gone"
>i began to shake violently
>hit plate of tendies out of her hand
>she begins sobbing
>pick tendie up off the floor
>point it at her, tell her to lay down and open her mouth, and teary eyed, she obeys
>violently face fuck her with tendie, jamming it down her throat until spit bubbles out of her mouth and she begins vomiting
>stomp on her meany face
>"next time, you make me 50 fresh tendies when i ask, bitch"
>she gets up, picks up tendies, and goes downstairs to cry
>that'll teach her
>i continue to write my letter.

You fucking meme stealer

>Be Mummy's 24 year old bouncy happy healthy 350lb baby boy
>In the middle of my 5pm post-breakfast MLPforums and /trash/ browsing session on my 2009 Lenovo Thinkpad T420 running FreeBSD (fuck those Linux plebs)
>hear a knock on my door
>it's Mummy
>"God fucking damn me and slutty Princess Luna don't have time for your normie shenanigans you ungrateful sow!!!"
>She interrupts me mid-REEEE! and says my normie sister has come home from college for Christmas and she brought me a present
>"Fine! I shall take her gift as compensation for your heinous act of interrupting my browsing session!"
>Pull my healthy, 350 pound /fit/ as fuck body out of my racecar bed and waddle down the stairs
>Fucking normalshit basic bitch roastie sister is in the living room holding a wrapped present with my name on it
>"Hey user! I can't believe it's been 3 years since..."
>"MY NAME IS SHADOWCLOUD! My ponysona is me and I am my pony OC!!"
>"S-sorry, Shadowcloud. I thought you might like this. I earned a little extra cash from my job at Starbucks and I thought I's use it to help you out a little bit"
>typicalroastie.jpeg
>Snatch the present out of her probably cum-drenched whore hands
>Tear into it with the force of a thousand Narutos
>areyoukiddingme.webm
>It's a MacBook
>A FUCKING MACBOOK
>"W-well I thought you could use a new laptop s-since yours is kinda old..."
>THIS. BITCH. HAS. CROSSED. THE. LINE.
>"How dare you insult Shadowcloud's presence by offering him this pleb-tier technological trash!"
>Mummy tries in vain to contain my unstoppable rage
>"user! How dare you treat your sister like this! She cares about you and this is how you repay her!?"
>Bitch, you just poured gasoline on a raging, eternal fire
>REEEEEEEEEEEEEEE with the force of a thousand Thuu'ms (not that I'd ever play a normieshit game like Skyrim)
>Throw the MacBook onto the floor and bodyslam it with 100% pure muscled buttocks
>"APPLE IS SHIT SO THIS IS A FITTING PUNISHMENT FOR YOUR GRAVE MISDEEDS, ROASTIE!"
End pt 1

>Clench my gut and let out a triumphant fart followed by a stream of poopoo so hard it rips through the buttflap on my Barney onesie
>Continue REEEEEEEing the entire time while I'm emptying my cavernous bowels
>Mummy tries to pull me off the box
>Throw a fistful of poopoo at her
>Sister screams and runs to her car
>fuckingnormiesandtheircarfaggotry.webm
>Fling poo at her but miss and hit the Christmas tree instead
>Get up and let out a triumphant roar as I jump one the PlebBook with all my might one last time to finish off the Apple-made abomination.
>Retreat back to my lair and drink a 2 liter of Mr.Pibb in a victory toast with my beloved equine waifu Luna
>Mummy comes up sobbing 2 hours later and changes me out of my poopy clothes and serves me a megatray of Tyson tendies (5lbs worth) and another 2 liter of Pibb to wash it down

And to think that fucking bitch had the gall to say that I was the one who ruined Christmas.

At least I'm never going to see my roastie whore of a sister again because Mummy told me she got something called a restraining order. Fuck that bitch. I hope she dies choking on Chad's cock while my peepee remains purely for Ponies.

Include me in the screencap

Include me in screencap rc230

...

Why is everyone saying "include me in the screencap"? These threads arent new or surprising

>alarm goes off
>"REEEE REEE REEE, oh, it's just my alarm"
>bitch mom forces me to have one so i don't sleep past 1
>remember it's tendie tuesday
>a smug grin cracks into my face
>heave 460lb body out of bed and zoom down stairs
>catch mummy just as she's about to leave
>"MUMMY IT'S TENDIE TUESDAY GET ME TENDIES OR YOU HAVE TO FIGHT ME AGAIN"
>she winces and sheds a tear knowing how close she was
>"a-user, i'm already late i have to go or mr. sheckleburg wil-"
>she already sees me nervously whining
>"sorry user i have to go"
>charge her but the bitch dodges and flees to her room and locks the door
>i run up to it and pound on it
>YOU'RE GOING TO JAIL, BITCH YOU'RE GOING TO JAIL FOR ABUSING YOUR LITTLE BOY REEEEEEE WHEN I GET IN THERE YOU ARE FUCKING DEAD, DO YOU HEAR ME, BITCH!? DEAD!
>pass out from too much exercise
>wake up, she's gone
>groan, scream and tear the carpet out as i lay on the floor in despair
>plan to get back at her with what little sense i have in my primal rage
>throw that idea out, decide if i play nice good boy she'll reward me with tendies
>put blanket over torn carpet outside her room
>throw piss bottles out
>here the door jiggling
>put on my best good boy smile and wait for her to open it
>two cops walk in with her
>"that him?"
>"yes, take him away please for god's sake"
>teehee! who are these men, mommy?
>trying to contain the rage in me
>"yer gonna come with us son?"
>cry and kick but they muscle me to the car anyway
>a week passes and i stay in an institute
>have to go to a trail, they make me dress funny
>court ruled that i was innocent and had me plea insanity
>get to go home with mommy and she gets a fee for owning degenerate weed
>give her the papowee of a life time when we get home
>her head cracked on the tile floor and she wouldn't get up
>eventually the landlord came and found her
>authority's find me hiding behind couch, crying
>get sent to a home with other special people
>THERE ARE NO TENDIES HERE
>mfw

Another one

I Reeeeeeeally like these stories

>be 35 year-old virgin NEET
>wake up at 6pm
>glance at my GBP board
>*gasp*
>momsey raized my Tendies by 5GBP EACH!
>Fucking makin me a bitch boy
>Go online lookin for advice
>I heard Reddit is helpfull
>Crawl through forest of NeckBeards
>Fined haven of the Gods!
>/r/Redpill
>Turns out momsey is just a whore needing an Alpha
>Must sell Beta Bux for RedPills
>Check Momsey's drawers, normie bitch has packets of Control pillz !!!
>Controll pillz will suffice
>Tear open packs swallow every last fucking Control pill
>I AM ALPHA
>I AM THE BRINGER OF DEATH
>I AM REDPILL
>Momsey walks in screaming at me, give her knowing smile, punch that bitch in her baby maker
>I AM ALPHA! I continue to shout while beating my chest like a Silverback Gorilla
>Pull out my peepee n slap momsey as she cries salty tears
>Belly is all Rumbly Tumbly, Control pills must be workin
>Start slapping Momsey showing my true dominance, I don't need no GBP I scream in her fucking normie face!!!!
>Black the Fuck out


>Wake up in hospital, stomach freshly pumped now Im hungry as fuck!
>Momsey crying in corner
>MFW nurse gives me pile of chicken tendies...
ALPHA AS FUCK!

MFW this entire thread

>11pm, i'm in bed
>wake up with a hankering for tendies
>sneak downstairs even though it's past my bedtime
>see mummy and new daddy watching something on Cinemax
>be extra sneaky as i go past to the kitchen
>pull big box of tendies from freezer
>ham-handedly drop it and it makes a loud *THUNK*
>mummy hears it and thinks I'm a burglar
>new daddy rushes out of the room to investigate
>he runs into the kitchen and i shit and piss everywhere in fear
>he gets angry and starts yelling at mummy
>'why the fuck do we have to live with this fucking autistic creep! he's an adult for fuck's sake!'
>things get heated and he hits mummy
>big mistake
>pick up a fistfull of the shit and throw it in new daddy's face
>quickly jump on him, throw him to the ground, then sit on his face with my ample 340lb frame
>sit there for a while, new daddy stops moving
>command mummy to make me tendies
>she does
>now new daddy needs a special chair he controls with his mouth to get around
>he grimaces every time i walk past
>mummy makes me tendies every day, no quibbles

>in my room browsing /e/ and deviantart
>mom comes in
>"user, we're having company round later, could you please shower"
>remind her to call me shadow killer and tell her that water burns my skin (the only liquid I can touch is mountain dew)
>"o..okay shadow killer"
>throw a piss bottle at her to frighten her into never forgetting again
>5pm now
>ask my whore mom where my chicky tendies are
>there are people here
>"everyone this is user" says my stupid dad
>scream at him that my name is fucking shadow killer
>everyone looks tense
>"hey user, what are you into?"
>tell them that I like hentai, mlp and Sup Forums
>"what's Sup Forums user?"
>that's it
>attack him with my blazing shadow technique while shouting that my name's shadow killer
>he dodges and I fall into the wall,smashing through because of my weight
>use my spell attack "mortem omnibus normies"
>"what's a normie?"
>grab the shitjug I was concealing under my trench coat
>smash it over the stupid cunts head
>shit's everywhere
>remember about my chicky tendies
>hurl myself at my bitch mom
>screaming CHICKY TENDIES!!!
>she's crying
>grab her by the hair and drag her into the kitchen
>say get to work bitch
>"user, you're 28, can't you make your own chicken tenders?"
>smash her head against the oven while screaming DARKNESS PILEDRIVE
>there's a loud snap
>go back upstairs
>check deviantart messages
>can hear ambulance sirens outside

Fucking normies.