Hi Sup Forums,
My mum has cancer and she's going to die within the next week or two. She's only 48. She's leaving me, my sister and a shitty dad who'll probably go even further into his alcoholism. I'm scared for the future and sad I'm losing the person I care about most in the world. I'll never get to hug her or tell her I love her, she'll never see me get married or have kids.
Life's a cunt.
I'm sorry user.
How old are you? Still dependent on dad?
I wish you some peace of mind in the end. I know how it feels. My mom was 52. I was 18. I'm 28 now. It doesn't get better, but it gets less worse. In the end the memory of your mom will become comforting instead of painful, and the sorrow will change into longing. Try to form a close bond with your sister and never let her go. My sister is all I have left of my youth. Get through this together.
It's mainly my sister I'm worried about. She's only 15, so she's got a minimum of 3 years living in the house being reminded of my mum every day, having to deal with my dad. I don't want to leave her but I have to go back to uni
Also, if your mother agrees, try to get her on tape, asks if she would like to say some things about you and your sister, perhaps sweet memories, or asks if she would record it. Do this before it's too late. Because my mom didnt accept her illness and death and left us with nothing, not even written word. I forgot her voice user... That's the worst.
Thanks for the advice. Hearing about other people who've got through it is so helpful. I'll definitely take your advice and try and get closer to my sister. Me and her aren't the closest right now, but I'll try and become a brother she can talk to about her emotions. As you might have read, I have to go to uni so she'll be left alone for a long time with my dad - that's what I'm most worried about
>>being reminded of my mum every day
Honestly, that's not a bad thing. Trust me.
I'm sorry user, I couldn't imagine forgetting her voice. That's awful. I'll ask her first thing tomorrow morning
Doesn't uni have a summer vacation? Is there any way for you to skip a few months because of your mother? I quit uni for a year when my mother died. But I live in The Netherlands it's easier here perhaps.
Become an alcoholic with your father and grow a bond.
Don't worry about me. As I said, I have my sister to talk with about our mother and that's very comforting. She was also 15 when our mom died... How old are you?
I'm not so sure. Of course we'll think about her every day and look back fondly, but I'm not so sure the constant reminder of things she used to do will be helpful - I can just imagine it upsetting my sister over and over, remembering that her mum will never be there again.
That's only the first months. At least in our case after those first months me and my sister were happy to be at home, to still have that connection with our mother. But it is different for everyone of course.
I'll be able to come home for breaks and maybe a weekend here and there, but I'll still be leaving my sister to deal with the day to day stuff all on her own. I'm doing medicine, taking a break isn't an option, and I don't particularly want to either.
I'm 18
Ok, I guess I'll just see how it goes on that front. All I know is that it's gonna be a big empty house once she's gone.
You alone decide your fate.
What will you do?
surrender to the vices that cover this world? or
perhaps make a change for you and your sister?
Shame you haven't decided to go outside with your friends, instead you decided to shitpost your shitty cliched advice all day long on this obsolete porn dump board
I appreciate the sentiment, even if you said it in a very gay way. I like to think I'm a strong guy emotionally, but even then it's still hard to go through. I'm certainly not going to give up, and I'll try my best to look after my sister through this
XD
/thread
Maybe you could work out a Skype or phone routine, if she would like that of course. To support her. And before I head to bed, do not forget to support your father too. I get that he's an alcoholic- my father's has some anti social issues and should never have become a father, but he still is my father and we let him down during that first time. Your father deserves you and your sister's support and helping hands too... Just remember to never 'close up' and retreat from your family. Stick together, speak your emotions to each other and listen. Don't carry on as usual. Try to not grow apart. I will think of you and I hope your mother will stick around some longer.
then make sure you show her how much you love her when you still have the chance...!
Also do any anons have some advice on therapy? I have the opportunity to go to see a therapist if I feel I need to. Is it worth it, does it work? Will it help me come to terms with my mum's death, or maybe help me look after my sister?
- Take in your sister, if you have the money for it after her death.
- Plan a nice funeral WITH her while she still is alive to get everything right just as she would want it.
- If there ever is a time to look into religion/ what she believes in, it is now.
Thank you so much. I truly mean it. I know it's just a dumb messageboard but you've really helped me
I'm the user who wrote that long replies, still awake.
You should look for a 'normal' grief counsellor/psychologist, don't start practical therapy (like EMDR or something) just yet. You just want to have someone to talk to, and also someone who is qualified to prescribe anti depressants IF you need them. But therapy is always more important than meds. Never just meds. I did that, it doesn't work without therapy.
I am! I'm so thankful that I got the chance to say a proper goodbye, some people don't even get that. I couldn't imagine how much worse that would be
No problem, your topic just caught my eye and it makes me sad to read you and your sister are of the same age as we were back then. So of course I want to help. Also if you ever feel the need to talk to me again or ask anything at all, I would be happy to give you some info to contact me by, but I don't know a safe way on Sup Forums.
Again, thanks for the informative and thoughtful replies. I've saved all your messages, I can't thank you enough.You can sleep now, your posts have been all I needed to hear. I'm not gay but I'll heart you again
You're most definitely not gay, I'm a girl lol
That would be nice actually, stay on this thread for a second I'll make an email
Sure
Be grateful, my parents were Asian immigrants and verbally abused me 24/7 growing up, it didn't help that I got picked on for my race 24/7 attending public school too. After my parents separated, my mom and I were left to fend for ourselves and we were a bald hair away from homelessness on a few occasions. Be grateful that you have a parent you love.
Ok, so shoot me an email at [email protected] and then I can give you my real email? idk how I'll know it's you, just do it fast I guess, this thread is pretty much empty
I lost my mom to cancer when I was 9, she was 40, lost my dad before that to a heartattack at 7, life's a cunt, you're not wrong.
Some good honest talk so far OP and good advice,
For another perspective try a quick look at this thread, Remembering those you love is important but life can be crueler than death
I'm sorry to hear that. I am grateful for my mum, and that I get to say goodbye. I know others have it worse, but it doesn't mean that her dying doesn't suck :/
Can you get doxxed through email? I only have outlook aliases.
I'm so sorry, it must be awful losing them that young.
If you email me I'm the only one who'll see it and I guess just trust that I'm not a bad guy lol? I was just being cautious making a new email, yours won't be published on Sup Forums
Harder in a way growing up without them, but at the same time it's easier having never really known them well nor known what was going on at the time, dodged some pain in a way
Did it. It's a shitty username because hazelworm was already taken lol. Good night and take care and just mail me if you ever need some advice or need someone to talk to.
Yeah I guess there's less to miss if you don't remember much. But I'm glad I got the chance to know my mum, even if it means more pain when she's gone
Indeed, just my way of coping with it I guess, don't know if it's really true. At least you'll have the memories to hold onto, as bittersweet as that may be
Make a throwaway email.