I think of suicide as a peaceful/happy thought whenever I'm alone or going to sleep...

I think of suicide as a peaceful/happy thought whenever I'm alone or going to sleep. I'm not actually suicidal but I fantasize about it on a regular basis. Is this normal or am I inevitably going to an hero at some point?

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I sometimes did that years ago, although it was usually at times of being depressed or something crappy going on. It would be oddly relaxing to go through the steps I my head without any real intention.

Now, I find planning out the different ways that would be the most effective in committing multiple homicides of those who have wronged me over time to be quite comforting, how to go about getting the highest kill ratio before being caught... although this time with the intention of carrying them out if shit don't get better.

I do that shit too.

So you're saying that you used to be me but are now escalating to seriously thinking about it? Am I fucked to become that too?

I've thought about it often, it somehow makes me want to die less and less because it would be so terrifying even though I tell myself I really want to do it.

Sometimes I feel fucked up for thinking that way but I can't help but do it.

You are fucked to be grammar that's for sure.
You're only as fucked as you want to be really. That's how you should look at it.

Confused

What's your story?

We all die in a few decades, so death isn't such a big deal *really*. There is no harm done if it happens prematurely for some reason, especially if painlessly, after all you'd avoid old age which sucks universally. I tend to think that death is completely natural and so is melancholy. The afterlife must be peaceful.

Are you a religious man?

Nah. I figure this is a computer simulation and when you die you open your eyes. It all points to a simulation and since we have only ever experienced consciousness I bet it continues. I have no need for religion. I do 'believe' in universal moral, though.

Not the suicide OP, I would never do that, it's wasteful. The idea is If it's that shitty, a person could do some good on their way out, and take some assholes with them. Just my opinion though.

Don't buy into that crap the elitists want you to believe, what they spew to make people think their lives are not worth crap, and try to manipulate away what little is left of individual self-worth.

What is universal moral?

Go postal?

Lives can be worth something: maybe living this one life on earth is an obligation that can't be dodged. So, even if it ends sooner than another life, the suicide's life was worth exactly as much as another person's. Of course most people are too pussy to off themselves. But people aren't cut from the same cloth, and there is no avoiding suicides because some are simply melancholic like that and see life and old age exactly as what they are. I'm not saying that you should kill yourself (and I'm sure you wouldn't no matter what I write), but neither do I believe that some people go to "hell." If there's hell then it must be this.

Moral universalism, uh, something like don't hurt others.

You should read Emil Cioran, OP.

He said that contemplating his own suicide helped him enjoy life. Of course, he never acted on it and died of old age. Only disappointed optimists kill themselves.

Damn dude, OP here and this kinda hit some feels

Kind of, but not in the active shooter sense, which tends to be arbitrary. More like hunting people.

The problem is that I really don't have alot of hate for anyone. I just imagine never having to feel pain again.

I said I'm not religious, but interestingly it says in the Bible, that "Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows." This quote implies that our lives are both predestined and of value. Of course, in a computer program everything is calculated. I'd guess that the value is the individual awareness, or point of view into the multidimensional existence.

What I was getting at was seeing this "it's all a computer simulation" crap allot lately. It is actually really unoriginal, since it just sounds like the same multi-plane existence skew of religions.

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No one knows the metaphysical nature of the universe. Wouldn't surprise me if it's a simulation. We are likely living in one, because soon even we can create similar simulations. This wouldn't be the original universe prolly.

Isn't that one of the fundamental debates around religion? Omnipotence versus Omniscience.

Could be man.