Ok Sup Forums what's the dumbest shit you ever did in your teens?
I'll start
>be me, 16, straight guy, surprisingly ok sex life
>start getting a little bored with girls so I decide to explore a little
>start watching non-straight porn
>just vanilla bisexual shit at first, sometimes just dudes jacking off
>start mildly getting into traps, checking thumbnails but never watching videos
>one day, browsing some porn on my phone and stumble upon a GORGEOUS trap
>10/10 absolute fucking dream, ass like an Olympic volley ball player, fucking amazing face with these super feminine beautiful features
>instaboner.jpg
>start watching a video of hers
>it starts with her wearing some weird lingerie and teasing
>get bored of teasing, skip to her shoving a dildo up her ass and jerking
>ohfuckyeah
>she looks euphoric
>iwannadothat.png
>decide I'm gonna get something to shove up my ass
>never gone near my ass with anything before, so naturally I decide look for the thickest, longest thing I can find
>remember mom is home today so I have to stay within my room which means no cucumber like I had hoped
>look through my stuff, decide on using a squeeze and fly fist toy I won at the arcade a couple days ago
>(pic related, it's the toy)
Ok Sup Forums what's the dumbest shit you ever did in your teens?
>(bc im retarded, I don't think to tape both pieces together)
>lube the fucker up, lie on my back, put my phone on my stomach and resume video
>stick the handle end up my butt, thinking I would keep the fist end out to make sure it didn't get sucked into me
>get it almost all the way up, it's a miracle
>last about 2 minutes before I feel a storm coming
>start cumming buckets, all over my stomach, my chest, my phone
>anal orgasm
>holy shit violent contractions
>So violent that I squeezed the handle so hard with my ass that the fist went flying across my room
>3 hours of crying and sitting on the toilet to get it out
>mfw
Sorry for shitty writing, I had to write quick
What the fuck?
You start with toothbrushes, Faggot.
>she
>her
He has a dick.
Robbed a post office , 12 yrs in nick
He has an asshole the size of a tunnel
I support this message
Got a blowjob from a girl who squeezed my balls the entire time.
At that point I sorta did have a pretty fucked up asshole. I was on medication that fucked with my bowels really bad, so bad I was taking like 90 minute shits and had no feeling there. Less of a tunnel though, more like one of those old keyholes where you can stick the key all the way through.
I'm just now realizing I pulled an Espy's 2015, sorry for being a faggot user. I meant his
OP here, since i don't want my thread to 404 im gonna tell you Sup Forumsros about the time I accidentally let a tranny blow me
It's short but good
Go on
Dumbest shit?
>be me 13-15 idk
>jumping on neighbors trampoline
>neighbour 16-17 idk
>"hey user get ready for this double bounce!"
>nani.jpeg
>get doublebounced into the stratosphere and have no control of where i land
>start somersaulting to my demise
>land on my neck
>right on a cinderblock
>mfw i get up and laugh at the broken in half cinderblock
>parents beat me with a belt for breaking their shit
Thats how i broke a brick with my fucking head.
Happened about a year before I popped a fist out of my butt, right about when I started discovering the whacky cabbage and getting a social life which got me invited to parties. So
>get invited to party on Halloween
>dress code: "costumes but don't dress like a faggot"
>mfw when every girl there is in black fishnets or yoga pants and cat ears
>not complaining, super skimpy
>make out one girl among them with a nice face, decent ass, no tits
>she sees me too
>nice.jpg
>start smoking with some friends, we keep looking at each other though
>get fairly high, she excuses herself from her friends, walks into a secluded area
>keeps glancing back at me while she walks
>decide to follow, getting some serious hints so why not
>downhillfromthere.gif
>super naked at this point
>tingles everywhere, eyes are heavy, not thinking straight
>she speaks... "hey"
>she sounds like a gay guy
>"you sound like a gay guy"
>she laughs
>starts getting down on her knees
>straddling me
>unbuttons pants
>starts licking up and down shaft
>feelsgood.jpg
>takes it in her mouth
>cum in probably a minute. fucking weed tingles.
>forget to tell her I'm gonna cum
>cum while she's still sucking, she wasn't expecting it and starts gagging cuz it went down her throat
>my bad
>she's pissed
>gets up
>"well now you fucking owe me asshole" still coughing
>there's that fucking gay voice again
>starts pushing down on my shoulders, trying to get me on me knees
>I oblige
>eyes ahead
>
>
>
>why is this girl pitching a tent
>
>
>
>ohfuckohshitohmeohmy.nig
>that's not a girl
>high out of my mind
>don't know what to do
>just start uncontrollably laughing, so hard I'm tearing up
>'It' just sorta stands there for a sec all confused
>gets visibly annoyed
>just walks the fuck away
>still laughing
>mfw when It broke the one rule of the party
>"don't dress like a faggot"
Whoops I meant baked not naked, my bad
Are you "naked" right now?
I wish man. Maybe I'll get baked and start a drugs thread.
Kek
>12 years old
>playing halo 3 with friends late at night
>decide to go over to elementary school we went to
>decide to break into portable
>flip desks
>toss chairs and papers everywhere
>completely trash the place
>piss on everything
>smash tv
>wipe our asses with random kids schoolwork papers
>draw dicks and curse words on everything with black permanent marker
>friend takes a shit in some poor kids backpack we found there
>leave and smash a few windows on the schools main building
>go back to friends house and continue playing halo like nothing even happened
No idea why we did that.
Moar
Spell it the good way and maybe you'll get what you ask for
Not him but post more faggot.
>be me, 12, retarded
>first time hear about blowjobs
>get a dirty glass syringe
>put it on the opening of my penis
>start pumping air through my urethra
>it bubbles in my bladder
>get a cystitis for two weeks
>worst pain everytime i pee
>me
14
Gets blown at church
Who does that LOL ur a special kind of stupid. How meth'd up were you user
I shoved a glass test tube up my butt.
Only later did I find out how fucking easy they break.
Luckily, nothing happened.
Still cringe today at the thought of having to go to the hospital with glass shards in my rectum.
Kek
The devil's trips
What's the Traps name?
>Be me, 15 or so
>My friend, we'll call him Dave, invited me to smoke with him and a few other guys.
>Never tried drugs before.
>whynot.jpg
>I put in some money and he buys the weed.
>Fast forward to when we're going.
>After school, we're meeting up by the school.
>Mfw we have to walk past one of the security guards holding a duffel bag filled with weed.
>Obviously he has no idea and we make it past no problem.
>We never chose a spot to smoke though.
>Que a half hour of walking around in 95 degree heat looking for a place.
>We end up going in this apt complex with mutiple mini apt buildings.
>This random guy standing around starts staring at us.
>Running Excuseme?.exe
>We Fast walk around a corner behind one of the buildings and past him.
>Me and dave go to the corner to peek.
>He freezes and then zips back towards the group.
>I peek a round because I'm curious.
>Dudes fucking walking towards me talking into a radio.
>Mfw#2
>Bolt towards the group.
>Hear him start running too.
>The group notices and we bolt around the other corner.
>We jump the wall of the complex that leads to a completely walled off area by a Wal-Mart or some shit.
>Peek over and see him going opposite direction.
>collectivesigh.wav
>We smoke and then go to a gas station to buy snacks.
>See him.
>Mfw#3
>We hide behind an aisle
>He pays for his shit and leaves
Almost over, pt2 coming soon
Sadly I can't remember.
Blonde, light eyes, tiny dick, only did solo stuff if I remember correctly. Tiny tits but this fucking amazing ass. Very feminine face. To this day can't find her and wish to God I could
*him
hurry up
FUCK I'm transforming into a complete faggot
I know traps are gay, trust me I do, but this trap was seriously so hot that to this day I get hard thinking about him/her. If he had a vagina she would be my dream
>Mfw he walks right past our aisle.
>We drench ourselves in cologne.
>Call mom.
>Basically ask for uber in between giggles and talking to friends.
>Calls us uber at school.
>We walk back to school and get into uber.
>Uber reeks of weed.
>Can't tell if its coming through our cologne or its the driver
>We all live in the same. neighborhood so we all just get dropped off by my house since my mom's paying.
>Go into house through garage
>Mom is in backyard
>Stutter while telling her I dont feel good so I'm just gonna shower and sleep
>Doesn't smell weed
>Mfw
>Eat half of the fridge, take 2 showers, and sleep
>Next day at school
>Announcement about making sure to not do drugs and give into peer pressure, etc
>They say cops have been patrolling around the school and almost caught some kids for smoking the other day
>Realise it's red ribbon week.
>Mfw
Happy ending but that's how I almost got arrested while 15.
Sorry didn't pre type and I'm a little baked tbh lmao
have a good night imma play civ v
Hi it's op
What strain?
I don't know if weed horny is a thing but I'm weed horny every time weed comes up in this thread I feel jealous
I wish I could get high right now
Lmao night, civ v is lit
Lmao nice. Sounds dumb but I don't know Tbh. My friend gets a discount from her plug cause they know each other well so I just gave her like 50 bucks and asked her to get me whatever I could get
The dick makes it better. Don't pretend it doesn't exist.
Well I'm on mobile so I'm not gonna green text but I'll tell my story.
I'll start from the beginning, I had this ex. 8/10 pretty hot, never got a chance to do anything. One night she invited me to go get high with her and her friend, we'll call this friend A. Now A was your typical special snowflake, acts female but claims they're trans and have all the mental illnesses that make them different, anyways, we go out, get high and just chill, then A suggests we go back to my ex's house, I'm down. It's late, I'm high and I just wanna be indoors. So we're inside her house in her room and both (I'm gonna refer to both as girls) girls start undressing into their sleeping attire. Which is basically bra and panties. Oh yeah. They both lay down on either side of me and all my horny teenage brain can think if is a threesome. They're both really close and wearing very little, dick is diamonds. One of them points it out, giggles and asks if they can help. I reply "uhhh I dunno" and go on my phone. What the fuck am I doing. My ex climbs on top of me and A takes her bra off, she had perfects tits. My ex starts straddling me and then A complains that she dosent get a turn. Meanwhile I'm bright red awkwardly looking at memes. What the fuck is wrong with me. They both gradually begin to rub my cock and I don't resist. Eventually my dick comes out and they're both sucking on it. This was my first sexual expirience and I was very concerned about cumming right away. Instead it took me about 40 minutes to cum and that was worse. But we were all high as fuck so nobody really noticed until we sobered up. Once I came i got A's Instagram and left to sneak back home.
Little did i know at the time, A was gonna fuck my life up.
Cont
No big stories but I'll drop a few
#1 arrest.
>in store with friend about to steal shit.
>see some shifty guy looking in my direction
>think to myself 'he looks like he's about to steal too.. Maybe I should let him know how easy it is from this store
>two minutes later my friend and I dragged In to the back of the store back that guy.
>STORE SECURITY. Makes us empty pockets, calls the cops and we both get arrested for theft.
>MFW I HADN'T EVEN STOLE YET AND STILL GOT LOCKED UP.
>MFW I WAS ABOUT TO OFFER THEFT ADVICE TO A UNDERCOVER STORE SECURITY.
user: the shit fist
user are you secretly wolverine
Cont
I begin texting A more often and she starts talking about taking my virginity, so I'm down. I mean I am a horny teenager, so we arrange a time to hang out and she comes over. Both my parents are home but we think we can work around that, so whenever parents aren't I the room we're just sticking hands down pants and stuff. Nothing too serious. Then we head up to my room while my parents make dinner. This is where everything goes to shit. She pulls a condom out and I put it on, we begin to fuck and after about 5 minutes I hear the door open behind me and my mother's voice say "what the fuck". Ohfuck.jpg
My dad comes rushing up and tells me to get the fuck up and go downstairs. fuckfuckfuck. They close the door and we get decent, I go downstairs and my parents chew me out and then send me upstairs to see if A is okay, shes not. I'm not gonna go into too much detail but basically she freaked out and tried to kill herself and we had to call Ems. So now I've got cops paramedics fire fighters all around my house, and I'm trapped in a room trying to prevent someone from killing themselves, I try to remove myself but of course I can't so I end up hyperventilating and freaking out, eventually she got sent home and I got in a ridiculous amount of shit. This was a few months ago and I'm legitimately traumatized, I can't talk to her or really even have her around me without freaking out and breaking down. But hey, at least I'm not a virgin
#2 arrest.
First arrest I was 13, second arrest was about 8 months later.
> it was the year or Tony hawk's and limp biscuit.
>Me and my friend love skating.
>find barge pole like pic related on a beach, carry it home to cut down to grinding pole.
>police stop us about 50meters from home and arrest us for theft of government property.
> said we couldn't of found it on a beach and it cost $400.
>6 hours in a cell until my mother picked me up.
Even she called the police ridiculous for that.
>be me
>sniff ket
>try to ride pedal bike to the store for alcohol.
>fall down at first curb.. carry on
>ride in to a wall.. doesn't stop me
>wrap pedals in to shins.. worst bruise of my life.
>ride past my friends and didn't recognize them, shouted shit at them before riding in to a wall.
I got no further then 150 metres before giving up.