Stupidest shit youve done while horny

Stupidest shit youve done while horny

my ex wife.
do not recommend.
crazy/10.

Vegetable dildo, couldn't afford a real one at the time.

Worked okay, tho.

This guys ex wife
Twat like a canyon
Do not recommend

A canyon
Turns out it was some dudes ex wife
Would not recommend

that's how you get yeast infections if you're a Sup Forumsitch
> dudes, just don't rip your colons

OT: Anal without prepooping. Made a big mess.

>jerk off with my friends moms baithing suit in their bathroom
>Masturbate while driveing down the highway going 100mph
>have sex while barely hidden behind a dumpster in the parking lot of my friends apartment complex
>try to finger myself up the ass in a school bathroom
>shoot loads into public toilets
>pay for porn because i was edgeing and didnt have time to find it free
No regreats

A reccomend
Do not wife
Would not canyon

Big anal toy without stretching first.
Also, as a teen, homemade masturbator, the sponges in a pringles can one, I heard it feels better if you have the sponges wet with hot water. Didn't burn anything, since I wasn't stupid, but did leave a mess "handling" two soaking wet sponges

>At a cute girls house
>Her parents just left
>It's now only us two
>Her normal bathroom was being renovated
>Only other bathroom in the house was her parents
>She went into her parents room
>I followed in after she got out
>Figured she must of had to use the bathroom
>Big fucking shit in the toilet
>surprise.jpeg
>I mean this thing is fucking huge
>I grab it
>Star to contemplate my options
>goforit.wav
>I smear it on my dick
>I'm using her shit as lube
>Feels fucking great
>Man this is dirty
>Knock on the door
>Ohfuck.gif
>It's her dad
>I quickly clean myself off as best i can
>Washing my hands with speed never again reached
>open the door
>Her dad says "Sorry user, forgot my keys and I'm in a bit of a hurry"
>Walk out of bathroom
>Start to come to realization
>Ask the cute girl what she needed out of her parents room
>She says I was looking for a cell phone charger
>I masturbated with her dads shit
>Mfw

This was a stupid plan with a deserved end.

I mean...shouldn't that of still been your face if you were masturbating with her shit?

masturbated at the front desk of an H&R Block

Some women's ex husband, small dick tho

Did you ask if that could be written off as a charitable donation?

Posted on this thread ayyy

A+ user

>late night
>in Seattle a week for business
>bored as fuck, can't go out and get hammered due to long schedule tmw
>lightdrinkinginhotelroom.webm
>get curious about hiring an escort
>smoked some weed
>backpage.com
>found a hot tranny
>fucked said tranny
>coworker in the same hall sees her leaving my room
>he tells me once, we never talk about it again
>terrified he'll bring it up some day

>Be 12
>Discovered porn
>Horny, need to rub my dick
>Didnt know how 2 masturbate
>Rub against one of mother's bras while shes not there
>Feel like shit
>Stop before anything further happens

Been blowjob deprived for years now. Horny beyond belief and gf mom's dog starts licking my lower legs. No one is around and I try to lure the licks upward. Dog licks the head of my prick once. Tease! Returns to licking my legs and I just shoot my wad!

>Be me, 19 in Germany
>Get fucking hammered
>Meet a friend I hadn't seen since back in the US
>Tells me about a poof house
>whorehouse.jpeg
>Pick my whore
>Get naked and work up drunken chub
>She calls me to the sink, puts my dick under the warm water
>feelsgoodman
>Start to fuck her doggy style
>Couldn't believe I was actually living in another country balls deep in a bookers asshole
>The race begins
>Swallow back vomit, pump harder
>So close, yet so far
>Feel the tingle in the tip of my dick
>My thigh starts to quiver
>I pick up my pace
>Vomit all over the back and ass of this hooked
>She screams and runs, I continue to vomit everywhere, I mean everywhere
>MFW
I finish vomiting and realize that her being surprised from the vomit made her shit all over my dick and balls
>Bouncer comes in and throws me out naked
>Wake up in the front bushes the next morning, covered in hooked and shit and my own vomit

Similar story
>Business trip
>Talking with the execs at a corporate dinner
>they are feeding us wine
>see other people getting stronger shit
>2 gin and tonics later
>dinner ends
>go to hotel bar
>random woman is chatting with me
>convo keeps going and i keep getting drunker
>blackout
>get out of black out and im fucking the bar chick
>Its been 2 hours of fucking
>i cant cum
>Go to the business meeting the next day hungover as fuck

>she also was pretty decent looking. shame.

masturbating with shit..... bruh

You mad man

>>Masturbate while driveing down the highway going 100mph
Fucking KEK

Raped a bitch, spent 5 years in prison.

not good

Every story on Sup Forums relating to shit is fake.

got drunk some of me pee masterbated in my xs moms bed n spilt her lube in her bed

got drunk some of me pee masterbated in my xs moms bed n spilt her lube in her bed

10/10 ashamed

>be horny 19 y/o
>find 3/10 on pof
>message her on wednesday
>arrange to meet on thursday
>turns out she has a daddy fetish
>imokwiththis.jpg
>wanted to come home and fuck even tho parents in
>say no but arrange to meet again on saturday as no parents in
>she comes over and stays the night
>mediocre sex
>drop her home, dont text her
>text from her "dont think we should see each other again"
>text back "me too"
>arrested 5am monday morning for suspicion of rape
>spend 8 hours in a cell
>interviewed
>having to explain a daddy fetish to popo and female lawyer
>bailed
>have to explain to parents
>mfw i tell my dad about this girl's fetish
>2 months later case is NFA'd

never met up with a pof girl since then

wait what do you mean suspicion of rape? like she called the cops afterwards and said you raped her?

yeah man, the uk law system is fucked.

nice repost dick muncher

It's like that in US too luckily you had texts showing that she agreed to meet up and stuff

masturbated, I'm already suffering from sexual exhaustion. I know it will stress me out but I've still been doing it. I promised myself today that I wont be doing it for more than 4 times a week starting tomorrow.

without going in to too much detail her mum basically text me from her home (with me thinking it was her) saying she could stay over but not to expect sex but if it happens it happens, was a pretty fucked time for me and i contemplated suicide

Jacked off in an office with the door open.

>Senier year close to the end
>Schools decides to throw a fuck it all day after finals
>no ones working, everyone basically just being babysat until the final bell rings
>hanging out at the gym were they are setting up a movie
>the first texas heat wave of the year is hitting up
>most girls are in wearing yoga pants and small shirts
>penis becomes the big penis
run over to the gym bathroom because its a single toilet where you can lock the door
>trying jacking off but my hand is doing it for me
>idea,jpg
>take off shoe
>take off blazer
>bundle blazer and put the shoe top to make it easier to strattle
>get on all fours and fuck my shoe
>cum in 2 minutes
> mfw its the biggest load ive shot all year
>try to clean up but no toilet paper
>use my tie to wipe dick and floor of cummies
>mfw when cummies just spread all over floor
>try to wash tie but people keep knocking on the fucking door
>put in pocket, socks pants
>walk of shame to bleachers
>mfw janitor gets called about 5 minutes after
Fortunatly who ever was knocking on the door gave up and went away, so know one saw me leaving the bathroom. Also shook hands with principle while i still had some dried cum on my hand/
>this was the first time i masturbated at school
>not the last time i fucked my shoe
>pic unrelated

Him while he was doing the other guys ex

Same. Kek.

>Be me, 11
>House-sitting with grandma since cousin(female) was away
>taking care of grams in morning, fap session at night
>3rd night, decided to use cousins clean lingerie
>mid-way thru sesh, hears "user?!" thru the window
>bitch promised to be home 4TH DAY
>turns off monitor, ejects dvd and stuff panties in my shorts the quickest way possible
>cousin comes in with a questionable look on face
>with dvd turned over, gesture a wiping motion with my shirt to hide/imitate that i wasnt fapping
>metagross.jpg
>mumbles "was cleaning your cds"
>not talked to for 18 years

I loved your conclusion user. God speed with wherever your going in life you magnificent bastard

gave away nuclear launch codes to a beautiful spy. i know that sounds bad but you should have seen the dress she was wearing.

...

just for some clarifications because i noticed some stupid fucking typos
>when I put my tie in my pocket it soaked my pants because I tried to wash it in the sink and just made it worse
>its also a uniform school which is why I had a tie in the first place
I used my balled up blazer to get better leverage as trying to fuck my with my shoe directly on the floor felt very akward.

cummed into some 14 y old (legal) who had a boyfriend (lmao what a cuck), without asking if she takes the pill or anything. I just dont care. it was the best thing too. she was just ugly and fat as fuck, but good slut pussy.

how is that legal?

hes probably underage ban

not everyone lives in US, faggots. age of consent here in my country is 14

what 3rd world country is that faggot

Germany - "3rd world country" u americans are old fashioned. you have 18+ because of times of religion

enjoy getting culturally enriched faggot

i came into a burrito

i let a girl peg me, i got my dick wet first. she told me to bend over ok. i felt a pinch in my butt.

cant deny that. I hate my country and this situation we have

at least I can fuck my 14- 17 y old, mostly without condom haha. so much fun I can tell.

paid for porn

was drunk as well

Fucked a lemon...

Best way to kill a boner let me tell ya

(OP)
Fucked my cousin

The GrAnd CAnyAn?

Male or female user? What did you use?

Did you use Tabasco as lube? Because you should have.

I once was in the shower and just thought "why don't I try douching?"
Terrible idea, ended up having water in my colon for hours and having a diarrhoea for the rest of the day, so not really ideal for anal play

Anal is dangerous if you're really horny and just end up forcing it, or wanting to stretch yourself farther than you currently can

Impregnated cray-cray.
Was fun for the first couple of hours. Then it sucked for the next five weeks.
Then it got better.

"That is gangster"

I had to do this once because my stomach couldn't hold water for two whole days. Saved my life.

>penis becomes the big penis
triple kek

nice job, dickwad

I started masturbating around age 10, mostly to hentai on Newgrounds and shit off Limewire.
Around age 12, stumbled upon pics and videos of guys fucking plushies. Figured it must feel pretty good, so I cut a hole in a beanie baby.
>close enough

Stay up late until parents are asleep. Look up porn and fuck the beanie baby.
While it wasn't bad, it wasn't any good. Ended up just jacking it with my hand to finish.

Beads. Beads everywhere. I swept up what I could see in the dark. Parents saw some beads lying around the computer desk. Made up some lie about trying to find out how much they were worth, and one of them had a tear.

Not sure if they bought the lie, but I don't think they would conclude me fucking a beanie baby. That's just retarded.

...

I'm gonna say that if fucking children is modern-aged, then I'd rather not be here

What was it, cholera or something??

Ate my own cum. Immediately regretted it after and felt like an addict when they realize they have a problem. My problem is im always horny and do stupid stuff. Also fapped to traps even tho i fucking hate trannies. Funny thing is i only jerk off to weird shit when i go on binges

...

>be me, 12
>learned about sex in school, never masturbated
>get horny late at night
>typically just look at porn to quell sexual hunger (grew up w/ christian parents who always said jerking it is evil)
>remember giant Pikachu plush in closet
>sextime.jpg
>start humping pikachu plush, with dick rubbing on the plush fabric
>goes on for a few minutes, when suddenly nuts for the first time
>awwyiss.gif
>remember this years later
>mfw i lost my virginity to a Pokemon

...

>On MeowChat (seemed to be a craze in my old boarding house at one point) - always trying to get nudes of course - most people were impossible to get them out of, but I can remember I was so desperate that at one point, I agreed to be someone's gf for nudes bc she said she was lonely - never progressed - did no boyfriend shit, got no nudes
>another time I was horny on it and some fat chick suggested we meet up - would have been a 3 hour trip - start considering logistics together - thank fuck it never happened, that would have been a sorry first time
>once got bought a gorilla teddy bear by a girl who fancied me for some reason, but she was butters and weird, so had no interest (checked it for cams, don't worry) - one night, horny, wanted to feel how it was to fuck - looked to the gorilla - rip open a hole in it's ass, squash down the stuffing, shove in a finished toilet roll and shove some toilet paper down to the end of it - fuck the gorilla doggy style till I cum - had to hide it in my draw so my parents didn't see it. No clue what happened to him

...

Severe alcohol withdrawals. I went to the hospital but they didn't help me there.

Hard to tell if she was watching because she was enjoying or scared shitless. Also, why do that, cleaning yourself up would be impossible

jesus

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