Stupidest shit youve done while horny

Stupidest shit youve done while horny

Posted my ex gfs nudes all over Sup Forums only to have her recognised.
Stupid dick

asked my underage sister for oral sex

that did not go according to plan

in my defense, I was horribly drunk at the time

>at work
>trimming grass with weadeater
>start to feel horny
>notice handle of weadeater is vibrating
>press against my pants where the head of my dick was
>continue working, do this nearly to the point of cumming
And that was the time I used landscaping equipment as a vibrator.

Payed for porn.

...

Sauce pls

Around the time I first discovered what masturbation was, I had this giant stuffed monkey that I cut a "vagina" hole into.

Only did it a few times but whatever, pertains to the thread subject.

When I was 17 I thought it would be a good idea to shit myself whilst fapping. The orgasm was kinda average, but then I was left with a load of poopy clothes.

The 17 year old me then thought it would be a good idea to try soaking them in the sink. Which would have been OK had I not forgot about them until my mom came into the bathroom and found them.

Was difficult to explain away

I put up my current gfs nudes at the time and some one recognized her. She called me within ten mins of posting them asking why I put her nudes on the internet

Was pretty lulzy and terrifying at the same time

You fool, thats why you jerk of on the toilet.

this

tried to use one of those hypno hands free orgasm audio things

dad found me asleep naked on my bed holding my dick

...

you do realize he took pics of you and masturbated to them don't you?

There's not enough L's in the universe to account for you.

Used to cum buckets in hotel hot tubs doing this shit with the jets

>One time I was drunk and horny and raped my gf. Like she was crying and everything when I was done she was all "s-so I have to do what you say?" Bawling her eyes out.

>One time I fucked a foam mattress

>This other time I tried to fuck sisters friends dog (great dane in heat)

>Jacked off or had sex in countless public places and classrooms and stores and shit

>One time I fucked myself with one of the barrels for my paintball guns complete with marker oil as lube

>Instant shame and regret the second I came after banging various land whales and dudes

>Fucked a high school girl on a park bench during Mardi gras (I'm 30)

>Jacked off next to little sister until she caught me then we fooled around

>Received and given Blowjobs in gay bar bathrooms
Idk man ive done a lot of stupid shit when horny or intoxicated.... Way more than I can list

Used my cat as a cum sock once it was fucking disgusting

Two Words: Icy Hot

I don't know why I thought this was a good idea.

The fuck were you thinking?! A cat isn't some kind of boner zamboni

I dont even fucking know since then I treat my cat like a queen as an apology for what I did, felt good though

Asked bestfriends girl to send me nudes.

I dont think i would ranna rub anything with pointy fucking hook socks all up on my donger regardless of how fluffy it was...

>Live in an apartment complex
>You can see neighborg window from my bedroom window
>Its the baby room
>Most of the time i throw my roaches into the baby room

did the same thing with a big pikachu pillow i had

got my stepbrother to jack me off and suck me

>hands free
>hand on dick

I might be wrong because I don't play that much paintball but I have not yet found a paintball gun with a barrel wide enough for my cock, and I am not large, how small is your dick?

She didn even use her claw either which was good since i didnt want my dick too get fucking cut up

I once masturbated to my neighbors. They werent doing anything, just walking around their kitchen cooking stuff and i was in the dark part of the yard feeding the chooks.

Many whales and dudes for me, also.
I dont have much problems getting laid but i also have zero standards and will fuck fried eggs if they're warm. I get tired of partners really super fast too, so ive been around.

used a jumbo pack of sanitary pads as a fleshlight thing and filled it with cum only to realise my mum and sister might just notice them drenched in spunk and it took me hours to sort it

nice one, imbecile

ised the head of a hammer to stimulate my prostate.
You should try it user.

i died of laughter

Why though, surly there were better things to fuck.

not really felt amazing plus i have a pad fetish anyway and before i knew it spuunk everywhere well im glad you enjoyed

You understand I put the barrel in my ass you massive waterhead.....paintballs are .68 calibre I dont think anyone's dick is fitting in that its like a half inch...

>fucked myself with

Not

>I fucked

Pretty much everything else in this thread involved the dick so I just read that wrong, either way that seems like a poor choice. How was it?

>Wanted to go nude beach and finally got the balls to go
>got undressed in my car once I got there
>got really fucking horny and jerk off steathly while still in a car and came in 10 seconds
>felt disgusted with myself and my awful skinny body and got dressed again and went home immediately
Didn't even get to see any old saggy tits like I wanted.

I fucked my leather couch

One time I shit in my hand while I had a huge hard on and rubbed the soft, mushy, hot shit all over my cock while a midget choked me as my mom gave birth right before my eyes. You know normie shit.

You sound like you have a fun life

>L's

The guy fucked a dog

Pamperchu, is that you?

Nope, I'm the sum of all sexual deviants. I'll shit in your mouth while I get Alaskan pipelined. Let me put it this way; I am such a fervent lover that state regulatory authorities actually suspended me from using ribbed condoms during the act of copulation. They've filed my ribbed love thrusts as a health hazard due to their propensity to cause long-term vaginal wall scarring. Supposedly it obstructs the birth deliveries of pregnant women, as the post-coital scarring leaves thin rings of scar tissue lining the birth canal. Because of this the infant can now cling to the grooves like the rungs of a ladder and squirm it's way back into the uterus. Causing delayed deliveries and veritable discomfort.

As i read this i san an "uncensored hentai" ad on the bottom of the page simulating exactly that.

Hive-mind?

Made my 5 year old sister suck my cock. Every morning it became routine, she was a fucking champ. It was so cute seeing her little cheeks puff up, full of my cum.

Shit hit the fan. My mom walked in right as I was cumming in her mouth. I'm standing there, naked, with a little girls mouth wrapped around my cock. She beat the ever living shit out of me and put me into therapy for years. When I turned 18, she kicked me out. One night, I snuck in through the back door, my sister was 8 by this time. She was asleep, I pulled off her clothes and savagely raped her ass. Best orgasm of my life, but I tore the fuck out of her asshole, blood and cum all over the place. I had to bury her head in the pillow to muffle her screams of agony. I've been in the run from the police ever since.

Hot