Sir the singles only seating is right that way!

>sir the singles only seating is right that way!

>yfw no metal detector

>tfw keep staring at this guys hot gf during the movie
>he tells me to stop
>i tell him not to talk during the movie

Better include a lifeboat.

is that a liquid or a shiny floor?

>yfw thats marble

what the fuck is that?

>wade into the singles only seating area
>after sitting down only my head is not submerged
>slowly the room fills up with other singles
>the film starts
>unknown to us all, the noise awakens something
>throughout the film people are snatched under the water to never return
>their gurgles of terror don't last long
>dont want to leave because the film is alright

>it's actually built into the wall

Looks like a sewage pipe burst

>the T-1000 realises the air conditioning is too hot

That took me so long to figure out the perspective on that shit. I finally realized the silver stuff is reflective and it started to make sense, but it was fucking my mind HARD before that.

>$250,000 worth of movie soda syrup

>tfw you step onto the inky blackness of the living flesh and become subsumed into the c̬͇͉̬̹ǫ̗͖̬̱̺l̶d͇̭͟ ͉b̺̩̝͝l̦͍͇̘͡a̶͉̱̥̱͙ͅͅc͓͙̝̜̪̯̕k̴͚͍ ̴̜͈d͖͜a͚͍̦̻̪r̵̦̬̹̰̩̺k͇̟n͉͖̜̥͎ḙs̸s͓ ̠̰̮o͙̙̟̭ͅf͔̦̩̟̩ ͙͠t͔̺h̹͓̦ḙ͝ l̶i҉͙̭v̜̗̖̼̜͇ͅi̬̩̩̫͇͇ͅn̥̺ͅg̪̮̙͎̘̩ ̥̠̻̝͉f̪̙̪̞̲̙͢l̞̭̲̝̘e͠ş͙h̲̀ ̟̳̙͠a̩̩̣̕s̫̗̗ͅ ͎̝̰t̳̮͇̙͍h̵̯ḛ̱ ͕̘͡t̗o͇̻͕̱͔ͅr̤͔͍m̙͞e̻̰̜̼̭̼n̛͈̗̞t̙͈̩̩̬͕e͞d̸̼̺ ͔́t̛h̼͈̀o̬͚ug̺̺͉͕̀ͅh̼t̡̠̰s ͏̺o̞̯̯̖f̹͍̰ ̧t͇̬h̹̲e ̷͙̙̝o̦̠͢t͇̫̬h͇̝̻͇͕͞ͅe̜̯̜̭̘̥̼͠r͎s͓̲̣̹̜̰ ̮͍̺̠c̣l̵̺̮͝a̵͕̝̞̻̟̩̯̮͞ͅw̹̬͖̗̦͙ ̨̨̤̟̬͔̜̠̕ͅa̯̝̥̭͎̺͢t͚̜̪̞͕ ̡̥͚̟͈y̢͍͖͝o̳̗͔̙̜͡u̢̪̙̞̰̤̣͈̜̹͢͝r͉̗͖̀ ͟͏̹̱̬̩̰͖m̝̫͚̬͓̙̺í͍̤̱̲̙n̛̻̞͈̲̹̜d͚͖̣͈̺̀͠,̟͉͚̰ ̷̢̟̺̜͕̳̱̟̦̖s̡̯c̷̡̜̝͎͕͇̗r͏̫̮͉̝̩̩͍̠̣a̲͓͈̳͡p̸̭i͖͕̤̥̦͜ǹ̢̬͙̫̯̩͕̖ģ̵͉̖̩ ̰̣̗̪̦̜͠a̰͙w̷̧̢̳̹̟a̴͓̗͢͝y̴̤̯̹̝͍͉͘ ̗̝̣̖̰͍͔͢t̴̩͔̥̝̤̞͉́͝h̙̘̮͕̥̮e͙̫͉̦͇͖͘ ̛̫̹̫͓̦͙͟l̶̴̳͎̱̪̫̻̼̬a͍̮̤̰̠͈͖̕ș̷̙̭͚̙̯̞ţ̮̟̝͚̫ ̷̯̭͈͎͖͓̱v̶͓̜͇̤̠͡i҉͙̳̼̻s̭͇̼͔͚͎͕̤̻à̪̦̯̗̥͓̱͟g̡̡̟̜̝̫̘e̙͇̹s͙̠̺̞͙̳ ̦͉͢ò̢͖̹̘̻̦͇̙͓f̬̞̰̣͖͞ ̩s҉̡͚a̸̩̘n̷̺̤̪̲̼̼͟͡i̛͉̕͠t̴̵̝̹̻͓̳͚̬̟y̷̛͚̩̪͚̫͉̣͚͠ á̦̳͍̘͓͘͢ş̝̱̙̬͘ͅ ̸̶̡̯͚̪͔̭͚̲̣́͢ͅy̴̰̬̹͕̲̙̣̯͕̩̯̙̪̳̫̪̘̕͝ͅo̶̡͙̳͔̼͔͟͝ų̵̦̟̳͙͔̣̝̰̠̝͍̞͈͔͟͢͠ ͇̼͙̯̱͔̝̺́͞ͅş̸̵̘̪͕͉̗̲͎̻͉͔̝͉l͏͏̷̛̹̦͇̗̗̗͖͖̗̠̞̱̭͍̜̬̞̺i͎̗̗̣͘̕͠͞p̶̡̡̭͕̟̙̠̲̼̝͕̝̤̬̳̻͜͜ͅ ̶̼̬̗̱͚̮͔̣̟͘͟͝ͅa̸̧̤̩͍̠͚͔͕̠͇̗̺͈͓͎̮̕͜w҉̷̱̩̬̲͉͜͠à̠͇͈͈̻̝̮̥͡͝ỳ͏̠͖͖̯̺̝ ̴̢̛̟̫̖̦̝̰̙͓̯̙͉i̧̪̖̩̬̟͈͓͖̖̮̝͕͉͟n͇͎͎̲̩̹͖̝̥̫̠̻̯̕͞͝͝ͅͅt̛̙͍̹̘͓̦̲̞͉̳̻͠ó͏̵̧͙̱͚̥̤̤̳̺̙̭̲ ̴̜̻̝̮̞͈̘̜̩̺̺̦͔͚̖̮ͅͅa̪̣͎̬̣̰̼̟̞͘͢ͅ ̕͏͈͎̻̬̣̮͎ŕ̖͎̘͈̩e̘̖̳͚̦̞̭͙̻̖͎̹̬͕̪̼̕͜͟͜ͅà̷̮͎̤̩͝l̳̹̠̳̠̝̗̺̠̞͜͡ͅm̡̭̲̠͕̳̲̟̬̘̰͉̟͎̦̲̤̀͝͞ ̘̙̗̯͙͖̝̥̩̞͓͍͕̠͜ͅơ̴̸̻͉̞f̵̢̢̜̖̣͍̣̞̘̼͓̬͙̱͓̹̮́ͅͅͅ ̷̡̙̖̩̙̬̩̘̘ͅḙ̢̤̜̝̝͜͠͠t̕҉͍͚̖̯̞̕e̴̛̳̘̺͉͖̘̘̣͙̠̕͢r̸̛̬̙̞̦͜͝n̷̸̴̘̳̟̤̪͙̰̺̭̖̤̱͙ͅͅa̛͜҉̩̠̰̙͕͕̭͈ļ̛̤̩̰̼̳͍̩̠̠̭̮̞̥̯̯̪͕͖ͅ ̴͢҉̹̞̝̱̥̯̤͎͇̫̮̟̖͝ṣ̵̸̮̫̭͔̘͈̗̦̭̺͕͖̳u̧̨̟̦͇̭̥̦f̷͔̪͉̣̟̖̲͉͔̜̠̦̩͘͜͠f̴̲̻͎̩͜͟e͏̵̡͔̞̟̻̯͉̜̬̰̣̱̠̬͕̀r̵҉̶̵̴̝̖͇̩̹̪̥̦i͏̸̵̡͍͉͙̯̪̹̮̹̮͚̤̼͓̤͍̥͖ͅn̶̴̡̬̻̭͔̰̭̟̙̠̬͉̬̱̥̖͉̠̗̬g͏҉̴̧͉̰͕̻̘͕ ̴̬͕̮͔̹̩̠͍̳̙͟͝à̶̖̰̼̱̼͔̩̰̫̦̱͕̣͘͟͡ͅņ̧̩͔̬̀͝d̙͎̱̜̤̟̯͜͞͠ ̶̯̤͉͈̝̺̳͓̳̝͔͖͚̭͉͞p҉͎͖̙͈́̕ơ̴̢͖̞̖͖͚̫̝͙̤̻̗̬͝͞p̡͞͏̛̰̲̲̭͕c̨̢͟҉̶̟͍̺͎͈̟͇ͅó҉̸̧͉̲̘̰͎͍̲̮͚͓̦͕̜͙̹̦̹͟ͅṛ̴̛̪̤̬̥͎̕̕͞ǹ̶̶̢̨̩̱̜̞͎̖̤̬̲̤̳̱ͅͅ

>tfw when you fall into your cinemas floor trap and land on the punji sticks

>what was that black goo?

how fucking dumb are you lol it's clearly marked

>that's blood
>the singles line leads to a giant meat grinder

under the skin is showing in those theaters

I like it

...

>me flooding the bathroom after a dookie of a movie

>tfw you accidentally got your electric can opener wet in the cinema showers so you have to pay for the in-house can opening service (plus tip) just to enjoy a measly can of pickled herring

i don't get it

is it mercury?

shinings only?

underrated post

underrated post

Top kek, I wasn't expecting that. Noice, lad.

>tfw you forget to take your cinema shoes off before leaving the theatre

That was awkward explaining to the authorities.

overrated post

Is this one of the 7 movie theater mysteries like the piss bag?

If there are really 7 pictures of this caliber I would be quite excited to gaze upon them.

fairly assessed post

>The T-X realizes she is sexually aroused by a theater full of singles

post your face when this would never happen in India because >plumbing

Pissbag really brings me back to 2012 era Sup Forums

better days

>Tfw work as a Cinema Assistant
>Have to reset the air conditioning gas systems every day
>Have to deal with revolutions in the arcade
>Have to use the wall flamethrowers sometimes
>Sometimes have to disarm the improvised firebombs in the bathroom stalls
>Have to constantly feed the dogs unruly customers

>the singles only seating
You must be confused, sir. I've got dubs right here.

>go to the cinema on a trip to India
>accidentally sit in one of the designated shitting seats

*sluuurp*
*rustle* *rustle*
*munch* *crunch*
*sluuuuurp*
*rustle*
*crunch*
*spills popcorn*

...

This will never be not funny.

>you will never get the feel the satisfaction of popping that bag open and running away while giggling like a 12 year old japanese school girl

What's the point of being?

>what the fuck is that?
Some corridor at the Overlook Hotel.

>kino oil rig explodes and have to delay new releases due to crab leg supply being perished
I remember when the kino oil rigs would run smoothly, what happened?

drains in the cinema showers probably got blocked by some fuckwad jizzing everywhere. that's why they don't want to let singles in.

>tip the cinema assistant as i leave
>he gives me a dirty look

whats an acceptable tip nowadays ?

Twice of what your state sales tax is.

exposing the tip of your penis through your fly is acceptable as long as you wink

found out my local cinema has a gloryhole. My wife's son showed me it.

This pic hurts my brain.

holy shit it took me a long time to realize it was reflective
i was freaking out

kek

>2005
>fucking hyped to see the new batman movie
>borrowed my moms car, stuffed my cargo shorts with snacks, ready to roll
>at the last minute she tells me I have to bring my autistic cousin to see the film
>things go awry almost instantly
>buying tickets, my cousin starts sputtering and stamping his feet because I didn't hand the cashier the bills in ascending order of value
>get to the ticket taker, we both attempt the non virgin handshake and fail abysmally
>fail the penis inspection by proxy after they discover beeswax and sawdust all over my cousin's dick
>we're herded to a stone chamber at the back of the cinema with the other virgins, singles, and convicted felons
>escorted by hooded guards down a spiraling corridor, can barely see shit because the torches are burning low
>my cousin is getting nervous as we cross a narrow causeway over what looks like an endless black abyss
>a ponytailed man in front of us trips over his combat boots and plunges over the edge to the depths below
>nearing the end of the tunnel, I can see the light of the projector in the distance
>my cousin walks straight into a spiderweb and fucking panics, spins around and crashes into me
>fall over, my snacks go flying everywhere
>feel the crushing blow of the guard's mace connect with the back of my head
>wake up in the cinema dungeon, charged with smuggling contraband and flagrant virginity
>impressed into the cinematic armed forces as punishment
>my cousin dies during a grueling march through the snow in the first winter of the Kino Campaign
>lose my eye to an insurgent putting down a revolt in a rival cinema that was annexed by my own
>finally discharged after the better part of a decade
>finally sit down at my home cinema to watch the newest batman movie
>see an Irishman standing at an airfield with his hands on his pants like a cowboy
>mfw

>Sit in my designated single only seat
>Cinema security straps me in too hard, my wrist hurts
>Designated Sniper has shaky hands so his laser pointer gets into my eyes at random times breaking my immersion

I don't think that is how the usher who had to clean up felt about it.

You ok, mister?

I snorted.

How is that kid drinking popcorn?

For people actually wondering what that black shit is, it's water from the overhead sprinkler system that had been sitting in the pipe for 50 years.

fuck man, this are getting pretty good

>Kino Campaign
Bravo

>go to see Independence Day 2
>realize halfway through the movie that I forgot my cinema shower pass
>realize what that means
>as most moviegoers exit during the credits, I remain in my seat like the other people without passes
>once they all exit I strip naked in the theater with the other peasants
>line up with the other pass-less theater patrons in front of the screen
>woman loudly crying holding her infant child tightly, she knows what is about to go down
>the spotlights from the cinema watchtowers shines upon us
>the cinema warden enters and orders the guards to hose us down
>brace myself as i am hosed down by the powerful hose the guards use to hose down the screen after each screening
>several of us go toppling down, our naked bodies sliding about the floor from the pressure of the hose
>as the screams grow louder the hoses pressure only increases
>after 15 minutes things finally end
>we struggle to our feet, bruised and bloody
>getting dressed afterwards
>find my shower pass in my jacket pocket I was wearing all along

HAAAHAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!! POOPOO PEEPEE!!!!!!!!!!

>Going to watch Batman v. Superman
>Go to my assigned seat
>Find a nest with eggs on my seat
>Theater security guard informs me that I am not allowed to disrupt the Falcon nest
>Ask if they can move the nest somewhere else
>Get a theater citation for 'intent to disrupt falconry'
>Citation is $200 plus tip
>Have to watch the entire movie standing
>First 5 minutes are alright
>Guy behind me starts complaining that im standing and tells me to sit
>Turn around and say "sorry, I can't" and point to the falcon eggs
>Guy behind me calls Theater security
>Theater security guard appears and asks why I'm standing
>Inform him about the falcon nest
>Get kicked out of theater for causing disruptions in the theater and slapped with another $200 citation plus tip

This is why I torrent movies

I'm glad I wasn't the only one.

Rare pepe. Saved.

Lol nice bullshit story.

It's clearly a red vine you philistine

Alright sir. That'll be $1,023.18 for the medium popcorn and $781.97 for one ticket to the new Blair Witch. Is there anything else you require?

Do you really mean to insinuate that he wasn't given citations at the movie theater and that there weren't falcons at his showing of BvS? Those are heavy accusations, where do you get off?

I just tried googling "movie theater no singles policy" - every link is some web-forum for gamers or self-identified foreveralones. Looks like they're trolling you guys & you're buying it.

You'd think there'd be at least one news story or theater website saying that such a policy exists.

get murked on normies

Trying to hard. Doesn't feel like a cineplex anymore.

what happen

Its a meme bro its not real.

It's real lad

>he can't into surrealism
They throw you to the salt mines for this at my local arthouse.

hey robert, nice to see you again

>Not helping the mother nurse the falcons and keep them warm

$400 wasn't enough tBh

u-um you y-you for-g-got my um my s-sour um sour skittittles

what's even the solution to this?

Nice photoshop. Almost had me for a second there.

> singles
> directed toward black ooze

Oh shit! Get out of there!

please fuck my girlfriend bro i love marvel and dc movies oh and star wars please fuck my gf

Whats the original falcon copypasta

I've seen this picture a thousand times and I still don't know what's going on in it.

I dunno does piss evaporate?

It's real

It's not a theater though. It's a train or something in Japan.

Urinal overflowing. Puts trash bag around it.

my only guess it is a prank...some water and dye. That is easily a couple hundred peoples worth of piss there

I need some chow for my pet Falcon can you hook me up man?

While your personal experience may vary, the FACT here is the overwhelming majority of chains REGULATE the no singles policy. I've been to a few shitty independent theaters in low class towns and they let me slip in a few times. They didn't have showers so I left anyway but it did work. But what you really have to be worried about is the attendants laughing at you when you inevitably purchase one ticket, thats why you always get two but make sure they over hear you talking with someone on the phone and she happens to not be able to make it.

>Go to theatre for Captain America movie
>24.99 for Apple Juice and 4 Popcorn bags
>Get insulted on my way to the movie by Chad standing near the bathroom
>He doesn't like my Initial D shirt
>Pour my apple juice all over his "Special Seat"
>That'll teach him!
>Movie starts
>Three falconry experts are sitting in my Cineplex Deluxe movie lovers seats™
>Assert my rage into my throbbing penis
>start moving down the seats
>Trip and fall on Chads leg
>He swipes the carpet off the floor and rolls all 425 pounds of me into a roll
>Picks me up and starts pretending i'm his penis in the shadows
>The women are laughing
>The "Theatre Asians™ are laughing
>The Falconry experts are laughing
>The Lizards in the Lizard pit aren't laughing but eating my popcorn
>Jokes on them i'm the master driver
>Stumble back to my car
>Fined 25$ for leaving before the movie is over.
Would still rate movie a strong 6/10.

Ever see blood in the pale moonlight?

what's the logic behind the singles phooey? Do they not rule out the possibility of 2 people just happen to want to go on a killing spree?

>mfw after failing penis inspection 4 times in a row I got quite the reputation at my local cinema
>won't even let me rent falcons
>no borrowing soap in the showers
>go one day to the head ticket master Dave.
>he was just promoted from penis inspector
>absolutely hates me
>ask for 1 for suicide squad and pay.
>scurity is called to all theater entrences now that a single has arrived
>he gives me petes dragon
>Know armed cinema guards won't let me in suicide squad theater.
>Take my extra large bucket of crab legs and throw it into the hatchery
>Falcons everywhere
>sneak into suicide squad while guards try to calm falcons

Dave can go fuck himself

...

>tfw my local AMC serves crab arms instead of crab legs

It's blood