Cut my thumb to the bone washing dishes. Whats the dumbest way you've ever hurt yourself?

Cut my thumb to the bone washing dishes. Whats the dumbest way you've ever hurt yourself?

>be me
>be like 11yo
>be staying in hospital for observations
>use hospital hydrotherapy pool to learn to swim
>get out
>walk down wet steps
>slip, fall, break arm

I broke my fucking arm in a hospital, fml

making my index finger into a banana split with a grinder.. tried to read text messege while cutting pibes with a grinder, i feel a hot sensation in my hand i can smell burned flesh and fresh blood. next i look and see my index finger is in 2 parts. i faint wake up on hospital with my finger stitched together.

Drone prop at full throttle

Kek

Oh man, let's see. I headbutted a bookshelf once. Four stitches, luckily it was above the hairline - so my scar isn't too visible.

Then I tried to commit suicide, so I have a nasty ass scar on my wrist. By far the stupidest time - wouldn't have happened if I hadn't been drunk.

Somehow broke my toe stumbling out of bed and tripping once.

Yeah, just all stupid drinking shit. Glad I stopped.

>be me
>16 years
> was like 22:30
>parents gone to bed
> using a cutter tu cut a wooden tennis racket
> stab my self in the stomach , it get in lice 2 cm
> bandage my self and all that shit in the bath room
>nobody knows what happend

I knew.

> Chopping wood with an axe
> When rising it for a swing, the axe get caught by dryer wire
> Slipped out of my hand
> Swung from the wire
> Hit the back of my head
> Lots of blood everywhere
> Medic came, called police
> Hard time persuading them it was not a murder attempt by a relative

I pierced my hand with a knife trying to remove the bone of an avocado

I broke my thumb by punching someone in the face.

Don't feel too bad OP, I did the same thing but not nearly as bad on my index finger. I was washing the inside of a high ball glass and it shattered. It was a between needing stitches and not needing stitches and I was in college so I put a Band-Aid on it and went about life.

>be me idk age
>think it would be fun to fuck up a bananna with a fillet knife
>be retarded stab bananna and bone in thumb
>

gave my heart to a woman.

>be me
>18 y/o betacuck
>ask meth head girl out
>girl says sure
>we go on date
>we go back to my place
>she pulls out the condoms
>we start fucking
>suddenly, i feel a really sharp pain on my dick
>pull out
>bleeding like a mofucka
>she had a razor blade in her vag for some reason
never trust meth heads kids

> be me
> take out pair of scissors at work to cut some tape
> snip the scissors cuz i like the noise
> not paying attention really, walking over to the table
> snip off a guitar pic sized portion of my thumb
> stare at it as the blood starts to pool
> dumbfounded by my own stupidity
> pain.jpg

got a week of off work though with workers comp.

Same. Glass broke with my hand inside and slit right where my pinky meets the palm/side. Nerve damage and shit.

fell in love

I was about to say that

>be me as yute
>cracked fingers mucho
>would pull them to crack them after the conventional crack
>dislocated middle finger
>get cool flip everyone off splint
Never did that again

>>Whats the dumbest way you've ever hurt yourself?

>got home from 3000 mile cross country motorcycle trip
>unpack my back-back
>hose bike off [Honda 750 Nighthawk]
>go inside to do a load of laundry
>trip over helmet and fall down stairs
>break leg in two places
>still have limp

>be me
>Short and fat child
>Sees lava lamp
>Want to see pretty light
>Lamp is on shelf two times taller them me
>Attempt to turn on lamp
>Ends up falling on my slitting my wrist
>I am bleeding and have a broken lava lamp
>Got three stitches in wrist

Yeah i was scrubbing dried foid on a plate when it snapped in half and shot into my thumb. Its mostly healed now but im still doing physical therapy and i have nerve and joint damage that cant be corrected. Still better than losing my thumb altogether though

you're both too late

This takes the cake, would be great suicide attempt.

Fell in love

Dried food****

Ya I just got a bit of a slice that healed into a noticeable scar.

My biggest idiot fuck up was when I was helping my cousin clear cut a hillside and he didn't cut the whole way through a log. I picked it up and was throwing it down over another log where the chainsaw had cut to try and break it in half. The last time I did it I moved it too far forward on the fulcrum point and it kicked up and hit me under the chin. Saw stars and busted my chin right open. I didn't think it was that bad because it was bitter cold that day but when we got in the truck after we finished and kicked the heater on the blood began to thaw and run down onto my sweater. I looked like I'd been stabbed and freaked my aunt out. I was just happy I didn't bite my tongue off or chip a tooth.

>"Bone"

you guys dont know a shit about hurting yourself in a dumb way

>be me doing a thread in /r9k/ where i print all images and put them on my wall
>out of paper wattodo.jpg
>try to use pokemon card chuz im retard like that
>card jams printer so i try to take it out
>turn of printer first so i wont ink my hads
>almost get card out but hit print button
>machine pulls my hand in
>ohfuck.png
>turn it off fast
>i survived whith not even a scrach
>realise that my hand is stuck now
>try to rip it out but instead got my index finger cut to the bone
>call 911
>they come and see bloody printer, pokemon card and wall with porn ect.
>got hurn emotionaly and physically
worst day of my life

>be me watching pron
>timetobeatmeat.exe
>beating meat furiously
>hand slips
>ohdeargodno.jpg
>punch myself in said meat
>afraid to beat meat for several months

>be me again 5 years ago
>at work as framer after coffee break
>bend over to pick up nail gun
>herniated disc
>hardcore narcotics then surgery
>heal up doing good playing hockey and doing normal stuff
>fast forward to 3 months ago
>backs feeling stiff at work
>finish my shift go home lay and lay in bed
>herniated the same disc
So twice I fucked the same disc doing nothing. The second time literally by laying on my side in bed.

It's not hurting myself being retarded, but I still feel stupid the way it happened each time.

>be me
>young little shit
>had to be around 3rd grade
>every wednesday our school would do a wellness walk
>basically go to the gym/track and walk
>fun because you could BS with friends and shit
>this day we went to the gym
>brought all our shit down with us (backpacks and shit)
>well my dumbass decides to run
>run down the first flight
>slip or something on second flight
>literally bounce down the stairs on my ass
about 20 steps and they're made of concrete and tile
>fucking ass was sore for awhile and hurt like a motherfucker
>went to office and stayed there
>went back to gym
>all is good

one time when around that age I was trying to blow up an apple with firecrackers and put one under the apple and lit but instead of lighting that fuse I lit the fuse to the 10 or so firecrackers in my hand and it burned and also mythbusted to the "firecrackers will blow your fingers off"

I was pretending to mimick a melee from an online flash game and i stabbed a small knife about half an inch deep into my thigh. Didnt hurt as much as i expected.

This is like /r9k/ in a nutshell holy fuck

Had a gf who was trying to pry some brownies out of a pan with a metal bladed spatula (seriously what's the point of these)

Spatula slipped and she sliced her had something fierce. Has this awesome scar that looks like she took on a bear but nope just a spatula accident. I gave her shit about it constantly

wash knives separately and always put your knives in the sink the same way, handles forward.

I once tried to flip my pocket knife closed while being drunk (you know, pushing the blade back into the handle) and did it from the wrong side in the wrong direction. Basically shoved my thumb into a sharp blade

>be me
>5 years old
>mom and dad are checking out at target
>Thirsty.jpg
>Tell mom I'm going to the water fountain
>Runs over
>Slides on a wet floor spot that doesn't have a sign
>Slides full force into the sharp corner of the water fountain
>Gushing Blood from for head
>HolyFuck.webm
>We're poor
>Mom goes and gets those shitty brown paper towels
>Can't Afford Ambulance
>Walks to the car
>Forehead still gushing blood
>Me, sobbing my eyes out
>Goes to the hospital
>Gets head glued
>All fixed

in retrospect I have no clue why my dad didn't sue, there was a puddle on the floor without a sign, and I had to go to the hospital. we could gotten some good money.

fell in love

That's a cool duck bro

Kek level extreme

...

I let myself love her..

ran into a doorknob, ~ 11 stitches

>try faggotry for first time
>get rectum split open
>gets infected
>have to go to ER
>every fucking medical person has to come by to see me swollen and ravaged angus
>get stitches, could barely move for a week

and i didn't even enjoy it and have been straight ever since

Hit in the face and chest with flares while kicking half detonated fireworks away.
2 yrs ago now and I almost look normal again and will be seeing soon with an artificial cornea.
Lesson I learned - don't never do nothin for nobody no how no way sonny.

thanks bro

have i red this before i am feeling huge deja vu

I'm glad this happened to you.

shut up you emo cucks

>4 AM
>Hungry
>Wanna make a snack
>POPPIIICCCOOORRRN (popcorn)
>Prepare it in a pot- with oil and salt and shieet.
>READY!!!
>The pot was missing a handle, so I tried (stupidly) to lift it with just one handle, despite the fact it was fucking heavy.
>OHNO.jpg
>Pot falls from my hand
>In the millisecond it happens I think to myself "Do I want everybody in the house to wake up at 4AM because I dropped a fucking pot?"
>"No"
>I CAUGHT THE FUCKING BOILING POT MID-AIR WITH MY FUCKING FOREARMS BECAUSE THERE WERE NO HANDLES FOR MY PALMS
>I didn't even flinch from the insane amount of pain
>I calmly put the pot on the table
>looked at my forearms
>2nd degree burns
>"...Oh well."
>Continue with what you were doing
>Eat the fucking popcorn while watching a movie without even taking care of the burns or even caring

Did the exact same thing washing dishes. Lost strength in my thumb because I sliced a tendon. Has never been the same. Fucking dishes.

Same. Now I can waste peoples time for shock value like a norm- oh wait I'm just an edgy cunt like you.

>be me
>be like 12yo
>just learned to masturbate
>look up different types of lube ideas, porn to watch, etc.
>realize that warm items feel good on cock
>try to hold my cock over my lizard's heat lamp light bulb
>full force radiant heat
>drop my dick onto bulb
>instant regret
>burns like hell for like 2 weeks
>still have slight burn mark to this day
>never tell anyone

This story is kind of stupid
>Be 5 or 6
>Hanging out with friends near house
>Best friend has a big wheel bike
>Go to get it because I was bored
>Start running towards it
>Look down to not trip on a rock or something
>Fuck up and hit my head on a fence
>Go to the hospital because my head was bleeding
>According to friend, she could see my brain a bit
I now have a mark on my head where I hit my head.

How the fuck do you not notice a razor blade slicing up your insides as well we one of the most sensitive parts of a body

>me in second grade
>riding my bike with no hands
>just learned and felt so cool
>go up into driveway
>front wheel hits the curb
>bike stops
>fly over handlebars
>land on face
>busted a tooth and had a big scab that looked like a Hitler mustache

Shit hurt really bad man.

>Be Me
>Become Bored and Hungry
>No Food
>Fuck it, ill make spaghetti
>Waiting for spaghetti to boil
>Texting friend
>Decides to make meme
>Records Video of me talking to Spaghetti
>Decides to rapidly smack HOT BOILING water with wooden spoon
Water splashes on my hand
>Drops Phone
>Whole thing was recorded on phone
>Phone is now semi-broken

Lol right? My thumb is half as strong as it used to be. On the bright side my gf did my dishes for 3 weeks and i figured out that i could play persona 5 with only one hand, gotta love turn based video games lmao

yeah I call bullshit

I walked outside to my porch where I tripped over nothing and fell on the brick steps, cracking my head open

>be me
>on family vacation in Destin
>in cottage style lodging on beach
>nice rooms, lots of sand, etc.
>retaining wall for parking lot is made of railroad ties
>you know, those old wooden beams that lizards go and live in?
>go trying to catch lizards by hand
>one of my childhood favorite things
>see big green anole
>try to snatch it up
>hit hand against old wooden beam
>get a TWO INCH SPLINTER in the WEBBING between my thumb and index finger
>UNBELIEVABLY PAINFUL
>mfw start screaming
>dad has to come and carry me to room
>get splinter out
>banages.jpg
>puss filled wound for days

Don't go getting massive splinters

>be on knee
>cutting logs
>take axe up fast
>ax blade says takes a fly
>smashes to tin roof
>comes back and whisper to my ear "hello"
>axe to the knee
>knee is ok
>start searching for ax blade
>feels funny
>check knee again
>"where did this blood come from
>knee not ok

>Be me 25
>out drinking with friends from uni
>time to go home cause drunk as fuck and want to get home and fuck gf
>bike home with female friend who lives close to me
>on the way home I see the gas station across the street from where we're riding our bites
>a sixpack of beer will be nice after finished fucking gf
>instantly start crossing the street
>friend shouts that she's gonna continue riding bike home
>should give her a hug and say goodbye like a decent person
>turn 180 with handlebars
>fly over said handlebars
>luckily my face acts an airbag to spare the rest of my body
>eyebrow Cut wide open, blood flowing down over my face and body
>super drunk so feel no pain
>pick up bike and walk back to friend
>she's crying and asking uf I'm ok
>yeah np, almost forgot to give you a hug and say goodbye
>user I don't want a hug, I'm gonna call an ambulance!!
>ofc I should give you a hug
>hug her, lots of blood on her
>she convinces me to sit down and wait for ambulance
>moments later ambulance arrives
>cunt driver says to female friend "you shouldn't go home with this guy he's a bad guy
>wtf.jpg??
>female medic patches me up
>say thanks and goodbye and get on my bike and go to gas station
>this sixpack and a pack of marlborough plz
>"umm ok, are you allright?
>"no I'm all left"
>lol and leave with my cigs and beers leaving a trail of blood drops behind me
>get inside front dosor, lock it, sit down and learn against dosor, crack a beer and drink then fall asleep right there in the hallway
>gf wakes me up like 6am
>my face looks like Quasimodo's

Cut my index finger get trimming a steak. I now have a legitimate pointer.

Me af

>be me like 17 yo
>making sausage in the basement w/ my dad
>after we finished it's time to clean everything up
>cut myself in the finger with a butcher knife while cleaning it
>blood flows all over my hand
>go to my 8 yo brother and smear it on his face
>he hates blood
>he blacks out
>kek
pic related, those are sharp af

Fuck you OP

It that you avocado hand??!?

another one
>still 17
>getting ready to go out with friend of mine
>wanted to get some weed
>was hungry tho
>decided that bread was enough
>get the bread cutting machine
>get my finger in there
same finger that i cut with the knife
>cut of half of my fingertip
>friend is watching
>hes laughing his fucking as off
>i am too
>quickly bandage it
>smoke the whole night

>last year, 28 yo
>got frusrtated and punched a wall
>broke my hand at metacarpal

Stabbed myself in the leg because someone said "you wont" when we were drunk. Only self aided and eventually got infected. Lost leg and now life is shitty.

slashed my wrist open when I was straightening out a bent golf club and it snapped.

broke my toe by shooting it with a pellet gun.

...

Triple oughts

Massive respect

(curtsey)

When I was about 12 or so I decided to savagely murder one of those little furry summer caterpillars, you know the kind where a million of them are falling from the trees, by putting it in the roadway at the bottom of a huge steep hill, and pedaling my bmx bike as fast as possible down the hill, crushing it to fuck. So as I'm barreling down the hill and get to it, I'm a little off track. Swerve, front peg catches the beginnings of a pothole in the pavement taking the bike from what was probably 20mph to 0 instantly. I fly about 20 feet over the handlebars, land left knee first straight into the pavement, followed by a few foot skid. I get up after a minute or so and hobble back home. Can't move left knee or elbow hardly. Parents take me to urgent care for x-rays. Everything is fine but that shit fucked my knee for life. I'm 30 now and it still pops every time I bend it. Gets swollen feeling and achy if I'm standing still too long.

I hope they were able to save it.

Avocados are expensive.

My dad managed a splinter 3 inches long straight in to his finger while working construction. Not three inches through, I mean entered finger tip and went all the way down to knuckle. The bizarre thing is that he wasn't aware it was a splinter or that anything had penetrated at all for several days. He thought he had just banged his hand somehow and that was why there was pain and limited mobility. He went in to hospital eventually and they had to do surgery to remove it.

well youre a fucking retard lol

got married

>be me
>13 years old
>at scout camp for a week
>i fucking love camping
>chopping wood for our troop's campfire later
>gay kid (who openly thought i was hot) comes up behind me and pinches my ass
>get distracted and start yelling at the gay kid
>i was in the middle of swinging the axe
>axe swings out of my hand and hits my leg
>blade lodged in my leg
>blood everywhere

It wasn't that deep of a cut and I still have my leg. But I had to leave camp on the first day, and that's why I hate gay people.

Anal fissures and a penile abscess. I dont want to explain...

>Be 6
>Have old wooden bunk bed
>Puts blanket in between beds
>Will be fun to jump through blanket into lower bed
>Full body forward jump
>Miss
>Bash forehead on bed
>Lay there crying with egg sized bump

>be 13
>never went to a sex ed class because I moved from one district where I'd do it next year, to another where they did it last year
>parents breed dogs
>gay af
>decide to let dog fuck me
>dog gets stuck
>panic and rip him out
>anus bleeds
>never tell anyone and just live with the fact I thought I was going to die from blood loss at 13.
>can't sit for months

Opening sequence from the TV show 'Kung Fu' starring David Carridine.

...

Pretty good reason

>Be me 14
>Cutting front brakes off mountain bike bc they didn't work anymore
>Made sharp point on bike while doing this
>Not paying attention and slide top of hand down it
>Slice open top of hand and it isn't bleeding
>Can see inside of hand and I almost faint
>Starts to bleed so I put toilet paper and antibiotic stuff on it

It's all healed up now

>Be me
>17
>Home alone and taking a dump
>Notice there's no toilet paper next to me
>Don't feel like standing up from seat with a shitty ass
>Bend and twist my upper body to reach toilet paper rolls in a cabinet under the sink adjacent to me
>Inches away from touching a roll
>Suddenly fall to the floor into my back
>Don't know what the fuck just happened
>Look up at my left knee, completely sticking out to the left
>Start freaking the fuck out and shouting at it
>Manage to drag my way to a phone i dropped in the bathroom
>All of this while my fully exposed ass is caked with shit
>Call 911, crying hysterically that i dislocated my knee while taking a shit
>Operator is confused as fuck and i don't blame him
>Wait 10 minutes for 4 cops to show up
> I'm in fetal position
>All standing behind me staring at my shitty ass
>Wait 1 hour on cold ground for paramedics to show up
>This whole time the cops flushed for me and helped pull up my pants, ass is still unwiped
>Hear them snickering outside the bathroom
>Paramedics show up, brought me to hospital in knee splint.
>Made friendly talk on the ride there with paramedic in the back of ambulance.
>Hours later my parents show up.
>"What happened user!?"
>"I-I dislocated my knee while taking a shit."
>They break down into tears, laughing for a good solid 5 minutes
>Spend next 2 weeks in knee cast with crutch during first days of college
>Use this experience as a good ice breaker.

Lesson today, toilets are dangerous.

Pic similar, but mine stuck out more towards the left side.

>Medic came
But did he drop a med pack?

About 7 years ago i tripped while holding plates in both my hands. Somehow managed to get a 2 inch cut. Was able to see bone. My father for some reason decides against calling ambulance. Drive to hospital and had to wait for 6 hours before getting around 9 stitches. I still have no idea how i managed to do that.

>mopping floor at fast food place.
>paying no attention
>hit finger on metal fry carton holder
>sit in hospital like 3 hours
>get 2 stitches

I'll make it short
>be me
>14
>smoke weed
>drink beer
>hedgehopping elitist
>choose a new run
>fucking perfect
>last hedge and fence
>fucking privet can't hold me back
>dive through
>fell a good 7ft onto the concrete (Ashfield wmc).
>split head
>eye half hanging out on left side
>see a girl I know, nikola,
>give me cigarette
>light up filter side
>she calls ambulance
By this time I'm bleeding down my face smoking a cigarette backwards.
But my friends are running behind me I know they will meet the same fate I did.
>nooooooo you guys stop!
If enough interest I'll tell you story of paul.

I fell in love with a marten.
He cheated on me with a bunny.
Every now and then I can't help but cry because I gave him my virginity.

This is great!

>be me 1992
>painter's helper
>prepping a house
>gas powered power washer
reach to adjust an adjustment while running
>PSSSSSSSTTTT!!! goes the skin on my forearm
>FUKKING XHAUST MUFFLER BE HOT!!
>Sported a burn "tattoo" for a couple years that read "CAUTION HOT" in reverse letters.

Use a spoon and scoop it out next time

Fell in love once.