Nastiest thing you've heard in bed thread

Nastiest thing you've heard in bed thread.

>Don't tell mom about this

>Fuck me like robbie does!
Robert is her brother.

>"Let's make a baby"

>Check my dubs

Your dingleberries aren't that bad.

>I want to stick my entire body up your asshole and lick it from the inside out with mustard

Is that shit?

REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Did you cum?

Kek

Okay so mine is this guy that had been instituitionalized quite a few times told me he wanted to be my tampon. And he wanted to fuck me and his dick come out of my mouth like turning me into a skewer. Like a shish kabob.

I thought all the romantics were dead.

I don't bathe but 2 times a week

Mom is that you?

Hitler did nothing wrong.

"I want you to piss inside me"

"Quauauuaaark" (pussy/mystery fart)

Nice.

Lets have sex in the missionary position for the sole purpose of procreation.

Ever stick a soup ladle yup your ass?

I love you

If the starburst is still in my pussy, what're you chewing on?

There's hope for this world still

Jesus Christ man, that's too far.

tits or gtfo

Holy fuck, I've heard some fucked up shit but this is too much.

...

what about a dildo covered in soup?

did you call the police? Fucking hell thats beyond scary

Me: Oh fuck you're so wet i'm sliding in out so nice and easy. Gawd this feelz soooo goooood.

Her: Oh yeah... I took a load from my husband earlier this morning. I've been dripping wet all day.

Me: Oh shit I'm gonna cum

You look like a young version of my grandma.

Jet fuel melts steel beams.

...

Girlfriend, cuddling right after sex: "I sure can pick guys who can fuck!!"

Me: o.O

kek

>The soul crushing silence every single night brings as I look over to the other side of the bed's untouched pillow and sheets still tucked in and know nobody will rest there with me.

"Ow, It burns, and I can smell the poop."

its just pieces of dead uterus

...

Sick. Mother. Fucker.
Hope someone went to prison

Gf whispered in my year "fuck her" and "cum in her" on different occasions

Feels goodman

REEEEEEEEEEEE

''Just put the tip in''

Lift your head up, I got to fart.

I haven't had a ton of experiences, particularly ones with girls who are familiar enough with me to say something that is a potential turnoff so

After about an hour worth of foreplay, a brief respite, and then some good old fashion normal sex
>"Rape me"
and about a minute or so after that she came

Your pussy smells like piss and vinegar.

"I wanna lick your asshole while the turd crowns and pops out, bro"

Her: My god your penis is like a rock and I am like a fire...fuck you me!

She is Chinese and didn't speak much English

That's fucking hot.

...

>At in-laws lake house many years ago. Big ass compound...main house, boat house, huge multiuse garage, etc.
>Was dating my wife back then.
>She felt funny about us sleeping in same room so we arranged for me to sleep in the boat house and she'd come out and we'd fuck without anyone in th main house knowing.

>It's late and I'm up in the loft where there is a bedroom/kitchenette area.
>I'm laying in bed and hear door open.
>mfw Time to party!
>Hear my father-in-law's voice.
>oh yeah suck it
>suck it
>gonna cum!
>swallow that load bitch!
>door creaks
>wife says "oh, hi uncle bob! When did you get here? I thought you were coming tomorrow
>mfw I heard my future father-in-law get head from uncle bob

Oh God it's everywhere it's seeping into the fucking walls get a towel all the towels fuck fuck fuck the bed is ruined

The fiancee and i playing out a brother and sister fucking followes immediately by mom/son